


Growing With You

by moonqueerdom



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andreil, Children, Cute Kids, Dad Andrew Minyard, Dad Neil Josten, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, Flirting, Healing, Kid Fic, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild Hurt/Comfort, No Plot/Plotless, Parenthood, Soft Andrew Minyard, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trans Neil Josten, it's basically all happiness, kerejean, the kids are obviously the stars of the show
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:01:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 105,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26350816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonqueerdom/pseuds/moonqueerdom
Summary: Andrew Minyard and Neil Josten are both single parents and complete strangers. But, after a misunderstanding involving their kids at school, they get to know each other in more ways than just one.
Relationships: Allison Reynolds/Renee Walker (All For The Game), Kevin Day/Jeremy Knox/Jean Moreau, Matt Boyd/Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Nicky Hemmick/Erik Klose
Comments: 262
Kudos: 458





	1. I should've stayed at home

**Author's Note:**

> where do I start with these notes?
> 
> this fanfic was the first one that I started to write, it was the first idea that I showed for my [beta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabtoledo/profile) and I've been working on it for months (along with many other one-shots, as I've been posting here).  
> I have a great affection for this particular story, but it doesn't have a lot of plot, it's basically a big well of cuteness and fluff, so I was insecure as fuck as to post, and originally I would only post when I finished writing the whole story, but here I am (basically thanks to my beta, who is the person who encourages and cares for me the most in this world).  
> writing this fanfic makes me happy (even if it also stresses me a lot), and this is because I ended up seeing myself very fond of the characters and situations I wrote, so, yeah, I decided to continue that mainly because of that. if these characters can make you all happy at least 10% of how happy they make me, I will consider it a mission accomplished.
> 
> I hope from the bottom of my heart that you like this fanfic. (also, let me know if there is any error, so I can correct it.)

Incredibly, the day had not been as tiring as Neil imagined it would be. Yes, his head was still an insane mess of English and Spanish after the meeting just an hour earlier, but it's not like he's not used to it. He also believed that another reason for his tiredness to be moderate was that he had managed to negotiate with Hayley to choose another day to stroll through her favorite stores. That girl is tireless, and he would have been destroyed if he had given himself up to keep up with her while she checked every part of each store until she decided that nothing pleased her.

Neil was lying on the couch with a bowl of cereal resting on his stomach when Hayley arrived and pressed a paper to his chest. He cracked his eyes open and stared at it until the girl took her hand off and allowed him to take it to analyze.

"Is there an event at school in an hour?" Neil asked. “And you let me know _now?_ Did you want me to miss it?”

"Yes," she replied, smiling.

It was a rhetorical question, he didn't really expect that answer.

"What a shame. It mentions a buffet here so I already have both feet inside,” Neil replied and stuck his tongue out to Hayley. "But what is it, anyway?"

“The teachers said something about connecting the school to the family, but other than that, I don't know anything. Do we really need to go?”

"Food," was all Neil said, and it still didn't seem to quite convince her. "I’ll let you wear that outfit you like."

This time Hayley's eyes sparkled with excitement, and she ran to the bedroom. Neil got up at once to run after her but almost dropped the bowl of cereal and had to use all his reflexes to hold it. He patiently walked to the kitchen and left the bowl over the sink, before going to his daughter's room and watching her pull the hangers enthusiastically. Neil waited on the door frame until she went to the bathroom, and helped her take a quick shower — where she didn't stop talking about some cartoon they watched together. His clothes were soaked when he wrapped Hayley in a towel and carried her in his arms to the bedroom, with the girl laughing loudly when he put her over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes.

"Will you be okay to dress by yourself?" he asked.

Hayley nodded frantically and Neil winked at her before leaving and walking to the bathroom in his suite. It was pleasant to feel the warm drops running down the tense skin and to experience each muscle relaxing while being wrapped in a pleasant temperature. But he didn't have the luxury of staying there too long, because there was a child alone outside that bathroom, and if there's one thing Neil learned during his six years as a single parent, it's that Hayley can never be entirely alone for more than ten minutes at the latest.

He washed up quickly and wrapped himself in the towel as he left for the adjoining room. Neil wore a navy blue hoodie with black pants and his same-colored leather jacket (Hayley's favorite) before leaving and walking to his daughter's room. When she saw him, she greeted Neil with some hair items thrown at his face.

"Will you do my hair?" she asked, using too much of her big and very blue eyes, the only physical resemblance between the two of them.

Neil sighed and sat at the end of the bed, waiting for her to position herself in front of him. When Hayley's hair started to grow and spread out in a jumble of bulky and thick curls, he may have despaired a bit because he didn't know how to deal with his own daughter's natural hair (to the point of maybe — just maybe — crying a few times and repeat to himself that he was failing on his mission of being a father), but Matt was incredibly helpful and taught him as much as he could about the existence of a fork comb, which shape would be the best for Hayley's hair type and other stuff. After that, Neil learned more about curls' definition, volume and hairstyles on his own. It wasn't easy, but he thought he was doing a good job so far, and he was proud whenever he saw the satisfied look on his daughter's face when she saw the latest hairstyle in the mirror.

The outfit Hayley was wearing was definitely her favorite, and it made Neil happy that she was already able to choose her own clothes, because Neil didn't consider himself fit enough to choose what he himself would wear, so it seemed too much responsibility to also have to think about how to dress his daughter. When he had finished her hairstyle, Neil put down the fork comb and watched as Hayley ran to the mirror.

"Are you going to wear _those_ sneakers?" he asked.

"You know I will, _Eil._ "

Neil laughed at the sound of his nickname. When Hayley first started to learn how to speak properly, she had a hard time pronouncing the “ _N_ ” in her father's name, so she always called him _Eil_. Now she no longer has the same difficulty as before, but they kept the nickname out of sheer emotional attachment.

"So let's go with it," Neil said and left the room, winking at her.

A few weeks earlier, Hayley asked Neil for a cobalt blue All Star, claiming that that color reminded her of his eyes, and obviously, like the emotionally unstable he is, Neil was unable to say no, and, moreover, bought an equal pair for himself. He took their sneakers off the shelf and gave the girl her pair to put them on, and she did so in silence.

"When you're ready, can you try not to tear the house down while I'm done getting ready myself?"

"Maybe," Hayley replied, without even looking up from what she was doing.

"Okay. I will trust this to be a yes.”

He left the room to also put on his shoes and leave some things on the counter near the front door; keys, wallet, phone... Neil pulled Hayley into the bathroom in the suite and she followed him as they both brushed their teeth.

"Am I forgetting something?" he asked himself, as they walked to the car. When he was sure that they didn't, they moved on. Neil put Hayley on her seat and buckled up. As always, they played rock-paper-scissors to decide which playlist to play. Hayley won, so it would be her playlist once again. Neil pretended to be annoyed as he went to the driver's seat, but he didn't really care.

Hayley's playlist was a mess of bands. She was still starting to get a taste for songs that weren't childish, so anything that looked remotely pleasant, she asked Neil to put on the playlist. Despite this, he had to admit that there was some musical pattern there because the list was populated mostly by _Fall Out Boy_ and _My Chemical Romance._ (Neil constantly asked who was introducing those bands to her, but she always replied that she found it by herself while using YouTube on his cell phone.)

"Hey, why didn't you want me to go to this school thing?" Neil asked as Hayley muttered meaningless words in the rhythm of the song, trying to sound the same.

"It's boring," was what she replied, although the statement contrasted with the big smile on her face. “We should have stayed watching Ladybug at home."

“ _I know, right?_ Ladybug is incredible,” he put more enthusiasm into his voice than the intended and cleared his throat when he realized it. Hayley laughed softly. "We can watch later since you don't have classes tomorrow, but if I keep missing your school's events, they'll think I do it on purpose."

"But you do, _Eil_."

“ _I know_ , but they don't need to know either. Don't tell anyone.”

She smiled and promised not to say anything. It's not that Neil was irresponsible, but he preferred to spend the night with his daughter in their house instead of going to some random school event, so he attended only those that were really necessary. (And the ones with food)

The school parking lot was already relatively full when they arrived, and Neil thanked himself for not being late any longer, or he would have to park farther away. Hayley jumped out of the car as soon as the engine was turned off and Neil thought that, to someone who wanted to skip the event, she seemed too excited. He got out of the car and took Hayley’s hand, immediately noticing that she was frowning.

"What?" Neil asked.

"Something is missing..."

He waited while he was being studied carefully by her. In a moment, Hayley's face lit up and she ran to the back door of the car, bringing back a lip gloss.

“This one is my favorite, _Eil_. It is very shiny and makes the mouth go pink,” she said, already opening the lid and extending the tip to Neil’s lips.

"It is? Okay then."

He bent down and matched their heights, while Hayley gently brushed the gloss brush over Neil's lips, and then told him to press both in a line to spread it better. In the end, she gave a cheerful wave and returned to put the gloss in the car. Neil waited and took her hand when they headed for the school entrance. The larger court, where the event was taking place, was nicely decorated, and several tables were set up around the space. Neil noticed, at first sight, the excited group sitting at a table away from the center. He smiled and walked over there, seeing the two empty chairs they needed.

Matt smiled broadly as soon as he saw him walking towards them, and waved to Neil. Soon the entire table was following the gesture — though he didn't really know _everyone_ in there.

"Hey, man," Matt greeted. "I thought you weren't coming today."

"Yeah, I didn't know about this until an hour ago."

A wave of low laughter spread across the table. They went back to talking and Neil caught Hayley looking intently in all directions.

"Do you want to go and play with the children?" he offered.

"I'm not seeing my friends, so I'm staying here for now."

Neil knew better that he shouldn't pressure her to make new friends, so he just put his arm around his daughter's shoulders and bent down to whisper in her ear.

"We are the coolest people at this place," he said and winked at her. "But don't tell anyone I said that."

"Our secret?"

"Our secret."

" _Ms._ Fardh is looking at us, do you think she will come over?”

The Josten family’s neighbor, Cordelia, works in a tattoo studio not far from their house, and sometimes when they chat over the garden fence, she likes to tell Hayley her favorites stories about her clients. On Hayley's 6th birthday, Cordelia offered to take her to some clothes store to look for something that would satisfy the girl. From that day on, Hayley's wardrobe started following a very strict color palette that is summarized in black, gray and any other color dark enough. Neil had never seen her as confident of her style (as much as a six-year-old child can be) as from that day on, so he followed her change. The thing is that _Ms._ Fardh — who is a school teacher — for some reason thought she had any right to say something, and, just over a week later, called Neil at school to talk about "Hayley's inadvisable behavior". Naturally, she has been successfully ignored, and since then she has not missed the opportunity to look at them with disgust whenever it was possible.

"I hope she doesn’t, I really don't want to have to go through this now."

Hayley smiled and Neil sighed.

"I think she likes you," the girl said.

"Hmm?"

“I mean, she _likes-likes_ you. The way uncle Matt likes Dan,” she said, signaling to the couple in front of them. Matt and Dan suddenly paid attention to the mention of their names.

"And why on earth would you think that?"

“She keeps teasing us, always calls you to talk alone with her and doesn't stop looking. It looks like what uncle Matt and Dan always do.”

Neil caught, out of the corner of his eye, the couple trying to keep from laughing.

"Well, bad luck for her, because you're the only woman in my life," he said and winked at Hayley, who smiled wide and hugged him.

~

"Nicky, really, _why_ do you always take so long?" Kevin asked, thrown on the couch as he had been for the past thirty minutes.

"You know, perfection takes time and effort," Nicky replied without even opening the bathroom door.

Kevin gave Andrew an annoyed look, but the blond one didn't bother to look back at him.

"You and your son are going to be late, don't you care?" Kevin asked.

Andrew shrugged and continued to watch the TV. Kevin snorted and stamped to the bathroom.

"I don't give a fuck if you haven't finished fixing that fucking hair for the eighth time in the last hour, you're going to come out of this bathroom now because I _work_ at that school and that means _I_ _can't_ _be late._ "

Nicky appeared a few seconds later with a sulky Kevin in tow. Andrew did nothing more than point at the jar of swear words on the television set, and Kevin rolled his eyes before walking over and putting two coins in it.

"I should stress him out more often, so maybe I can buy a beach house by the end of the year," Nicky said enthusiastically. "Everyone ready?"

" _Aidan,_ " Andrew called.

The boy left his room, looking down and with his body tense.

"Do we really need to go?" He asked.

Andrew turned off the TV, got up from the couch and walked patiently to the little boy, kneeling in front of him and wearing the soft expression that was meant only for his son, and no one else.

"We promised Kevin that we would be accompanying him, remember?" Andrew said, in a gentle tone, holding Aidan's hand between both of his.

"Yes, because uncle Jean and uncle Jeremy are not going to be able to go, right?"

Kevin would never be able not to smile every time he heard Aidan pronounce those two names, which always sounded like _Jay-an_ and _Jerr-ey-may._

"Yes, that is the reason," Andrew said.

"Okay, daddy," Aidan smiled, although he still didn't look entirely satisfied.

"Don't tell anyone, but after a while, we'll pretend you're sick and then we'll get out and have ice cream instead," Andrew whispered, extremely quietly, and he knew that only the boy was listening. Aidan smiled and nodded.

"Is this outfit good enough?"

"You look beautiful, Aidan."

Andrew got to his feet and held out his hand to his son. As quickly as it disappeared while talking to the kid, Andrew's expressionless face returned. They walked ahead to the car.

"Holy child..." Nicky murmured.

Kevin got into the passenger seat and Nicky helped Aidan to adjust his seat belt. From the driver's seat, Andrew reached over to the glove compartment to get the silicone toy he kept there. He passed it on to Aidan, who smiled and then busied himself with twisting the piece several times. It calmed him down, so Andrew always tried to keep one around.

"Why can't Jean and Jeremy go, by the way?" Nicky asked.

"Jean is not in town and Jeremy had a job to finish," Kevin explained. “But, anyway, we don't like to go to school events together. Except for one or other exceptions, at some really important events.”

"Right. And why is that?”

"It's annoying to deal with the looks of some people, so we just avoid it."

Nicky nodded, surprisingly without saying anything else.

"When can I see Erik again?" Aidan asked, without looking up from his toy.

Andrew sighed, knowing that this was the only cue Nicky needed to start talking.

“Actually, I really wanted to talk to you about it. I'm taking a flight to Germany on Monday, and I'm going to be there for two weeks. When I get back, Erik comes with me. We'll be here in time for my birthday,” Nicky said, euphorically.

"Okay," Andrew and Kevin said in unison, in the same listless tone.

"I know you're going to miss me, but I'll be back before you know it," Nicky continued to talk, although everyone else in the car remained silent. "So, do you miss Erik, Aidan?"

"I think so. He's funny, plays with me and gives me candy. It’s kinda like daddy, but tall.”

Kevin turned his head to hide his laughter, while Nicky startled in his seat and tried hard not to laugh out loud. Andrew looked at him crookedly in the rearview mirror, wondering if it would really be so terrible to murder his cousin. He turned up the radio to drown out any attempt of conversation that Nicky presented. Unfortunately, a few seconds later Kevin's cell phone rang and he had to turn it down again.

"Hello," Kevin answered, and from the sudden affection in his voice, Andrew knew it could only be Jean or Jeremy. At some point in the conversation, he called Jean's name, and Aidan smiled in the back seat.

"Is it uncle Jean?" he asked. Kevin looked at him and nodded. "Can I speak to him?"

Andrew knew only from hearing the tone of his voice that Aidan was abusing his big eyes, and Kevin would obviously give in because he is a sensitive asshole. Not that when it comes to Aidan, Andrew isn't either.

“Jean, Aidan wants to talk to you, do you still have time? Okay. Bye, see you tomorrow,” Kevin took the phone out of his ear and handed it to the boy. "Be fast, okay? He needs to hang up in a bit.”

The lively conversation revolved around very trivial matters until Aidan said he missed Jean and Nicky sighed.

"This child has feelings for both himself and Andrew, who has none," he said, to no one in particular. Andrew scoffed. "Really... He _misses_ everyone, _loves_ everyone..."

Nicky kept talking, and Kevin answered him sometimes, but Andrew did himself a favor and silenced them in his mind. They used the employees' parking lot (probably one of the only privileges to give Kevin a ride at these events) and got off the Maserati toward the employee entrance. Before they got to the table, Andrew lost count of how many times he heard someone saying "Good night, _Mr._ Day" as they passed. They sat at an empty table and Nicky looked around.

"Oh, look, Matt and Dan are over there," he pointed out. "I haven't spoken to them in a while."

"Did they play on dad's team too?" Aidan asked.

“It wasn't Andrew's team, okay? It belonged to all of us as a group of people,” Kevin murmured.

"Watch out, Aidan, Kevin could have a heart attack if you imply that someone other than him was the team star," Andrew said, totally unimpressed. Kevin frowned and crossed his arms.

“Anyway, yes, little boy, they used to play with us. Now, who's that redhead over there?” Nicky asked, narrowing his eyes to get a better look at someone at the distant table.

“If I'm not wrong, he's called Neil Josten or something like that. He doesn’t attend school events very much and Adelaide Fardh is always saying that his daughter has a pact with the devil,” Kevin explained.

“Assuming the girl next to him is his daughter, she doesn't seem to be older than Aidan. What does this woman think she’s winning by saying this about a child?” Nicky was really astonished. "What do you think is the minimum age to summon a demon and sell your soul to them?"

Andrew grimaced and looked in the direction of that Neil guy. He didn't think he'd ever seen him in his life, but he definitely knew the girl sitting next to him.

"Aidan," he called, and the boy looked at him. “Is that girl Hayley? You talked about her once.”

The boy looked at where everyone else was looking and hesitated before saying something, which, in itself, sort of answered the question.

"Looks like it's her," Aidan said.

"Yeah, that's her name," Kevin confirmed.

Andrew looked at the guy and the girl next to him again with a cold look and a dangerous heat in his chest. Nicky shifted his gaze between his cousin and the people he was looking at.

"Am I missing something?" he asked. "Do you know the girl?"

"Aidan talked about her once." was all Andrew answered.

Nicky wrinkled his face for a few seconds, trying to remember any mention of a girl named Hayley. His eyes suddenly widened.

"Oh, _shi_ — sorry," he showed his hands open in surrender when he saw Kevin's gaze scolding him for almost swearing. "That isn't that girl who hit Aidan the other day, is she?"

"Wait, what?" Kevin frowned hard.

Andrew said nothing. Nicky had already clarified the situation, anyway. Conveniently, Neil got up from where he was sitting and walked over to the buffet table at the back of the room.

"Andrew, don't do anything stupid," Kevin asked. In vain, because the next second Andrew was rising from his seat and walking over to the buffet table either.

He didn't look back as he followed, but he could hear Nicky's stunning curses and Kevin's complaints — already customary at this point. However, they knew him better and did not try to follow. Upon reaching the destination, Andrew casually picked up a glass and poured juice — unfortunately without alcohol — while watching Neil, beside him, putting some stuff on a plate. His stupid, auburn hair was splayed and falling straight into his eyes, and Andrew almost shook it off to fix that shit. Neil's leather jacket rustled slightly with his movements and that was the only sound between them, other than the hushed conversations along with the tables. Neil wasn't much taller than Andrew (although the few inches were enough to annoy Andrew), and he had considerably long arms and legs. Actually, his entire body looked stretched (as far as it was possible within his size) and lean. Andrew was silent for a moment, just watching until he raised the glass to his lips and took a sip.

"Neil Josten, right?" he said, as inertly as he could.

Neil froze and frowned before looking back at Andrew. When he got a good look at the person who called him — which made Andrew accentuate his blasé face — some of the tension drained from him and he started to raise an eyebrow with some interest.

"Uh, yes, that's my name," a spark of fear flashed in his voice. "Sorry, have we talked to each other before?"

"Unlikely."

"Ah," Neil stood there, plate in hand, and turned fully to Andrew now. "May I help you?"

"Well, since you insist, I'll gladly give you my opinion," he replied and took another sip of juice. "Teach your daughter how to keep her hands to herself."

His voice came out in a low growl, and Neil's expression went from curiosity to anger in less than a second.

"Excuse me, what the fuck?"

"You are stupid if you’re teaching her to go around hitting other people, and incredibly even more stupid if she is having to learn this on her own at such a young age."

“Did I miss something? What _the fuck_ are you talking about?” Neil was outraged, holding the plate tightly in his hands. Andrew continued to wear his indifferent pose and looked bored at the man. “By the way, what's your name? I don’t accept that any random person I don’t even know comes to me talking shit like this.”

"It looks like that’s a problem from yours."

Neil sighed heavily and shivered a little. He ground his teeth and pointed a finger at Andrew.

"Listen, you shorty little sh—"

Andrew didn't let him finish, looking tightly at Neil's raised wrist.

“Stop cursing me or pointing fingers at me. You cannot treat me as you wish,” he interrupted the blond.

"You are a bastard."

Andrew noticed that some people around the buffet table were looking at them with curiosity, but he was unable to capture much more than that from his peripheral vision.

"Better than teaching my kid how to be a fucking bully," Andrew murmured, through his teeth.

"What the fuck— _what's wrong with you?_ "

"I have no doubt where your daughter got her violent spirit..."

Neil raised his hand to point at Andrew again, only to catch the blond's hard look again. Neil was burning with rage. There were long minutes of silence and sharp looks at each other. Even though Andrew kept his gaze bored, he had a lot of practice in making his presence noticed, so he had no trouble cutting Neil with his eyes. But that does not mean that Neil wasn’t trying to do just the same.

"Um, excuse me, I think maybe we should calm down a little," Andrew snorted when he heard Nicky's voice beside him, but he didn't look away from Neil. "Some people are looking, and we are at a school event, don't forget."

"I don't know who you are, but don't expect me to remain silent while this stranger with deviated senses insults me and my daughter for no reason," Neil complained, his voice heavy with brutality.

Nicky felt like an intruder because even though he was addressing them both and they both noticed him there (Neil even spoke to him), neither of them bothered to look away from each other to look at Nicky. He was stuttering when he sensed someone behind him, and turned to see Kevin there with Aidan in tow. Nicky whispered _'help'_ to him and Kevin rolled his eyes.

"I'm not going to stop you two from fighting, but if you want to do that let me take you guys outside," Kevin announced. "Instead of standing here just looking at each other like two idiots."

Andrew missed his armbands so much, where he used to keep knives hidden. He had put it away in the back of the closet a few months after he adopted Aidan, to avoid accidents.

"What's happening?" Matt asked, joining the group. He wasn't alone, Dan accompanied him with a frown.

"Can you please not fight in here?" she asked.

Andrew rolled his eyes. It's not like he hates the couple, but he doesn't miss them either.

"You are no longer our captain, Wilds," Andrew reminded her.

She stepped back with a scowl and crossed her arms.

"Is anyone going to explain what's going on or should we deduct anything we want?" Dan asked, in the same sermon tone that she used to use back in the days as the Foxes captain.

The tension that hung in the air during the nearly five minutes of silence was strange and unsettling. People were looking more shamelessly at Neil, Andrew and the circle of people trying to separate them, and they were already beginning to whisper among themselves.

"He came to me talking a lot of s—" Neil stopped when he saw the kids around.

"Do you want to explain to us, Andrew?" Dan asked.

"No."

 _“Andrew, it might be better if you explain soon and we work it out by talking. The guy is already in front of you, what does it cost?”_ Nicky asked, in German. The other ex-Foxes present rolled their eyes with the old habit that was still going on among the cousins.

“Your daughter hit my son. Why?" Andrew snarled at Neil.

"She— What?" finally one of them looked away. Neil looked at his daughter, hidden behind Matt. "I really don't know what you're talking about."

Andrew rolled his eyes and took a sip of juice again, which had been forgotten for a while. A small commotion was heard beside Kevin, and Aidan walked over to his father, his face and part of his neck burning red. He bowed his head and pulled the edge of Andrew's shirt to get his attention.

"Daddy, never mind," he asked. "Hayley... Um... She only hit me because I asked."

He spoke so softly, but it still felt like a meaningless shout in everyone's head.

"You what?" Andrew asked.

“You know I want to play Exy, but I'm afraid of getting hurt. Hayley plays Exy, and she’s not afraid. I asked her to hit me because maybe that would help,” Aidan looked like he was about to shove his entire body on the floor. "And she didn't even want to do that, I was the one who stressed her until she gave in, and Hayley regretted it the next moment."

Neil gaped at his daughter, who just fully hid behind Matt. Andrew remained unmoved for long seconds, processing what he had just heard. Suddenly, he turned to Kevin.

"This is your fault," was all he snarled, before taking his son by the hand — carefully, despite the bad mood — and leaving. Kevin sighed heavily and did not follow.

"I really wanted some alcohol now," he said, rubbing his fingers between his eyebrows.

Slowly, they dispersed. Neil was the last, staying behind with Hayley, who was looking at him nervously. Neil still watched for a long time as Andrew walked away, and followed him with his eyes until he disappeared from view.

"Sorry, _Eil_ ," Hayley caught his eye. Neil blinked at her and tilted his head.

"What? No, honey, it's okay,” he assured, running a hand over her cheek. "Let's go back to the table, shall we?"

He took his daughter's hand and pulled her back to Matt and Dan's table. Neil observed that the couple acted as if nothing had happened, forgetting the strange moment just some minutes before. With a quick look, he saw that Kevin and Nicky seemed to be talking quietly, and they didn't really care that Andrew and Aidan were no longer with them. In fact, after thinking about it, Neil didn't understand why _he_ cared. He shook his head and tried to infiltrate the conversation Matt was having with someone else at the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it for now and see you again in the next chapter. thank you very much for reading.
> 
> don't forget that authors like kudos and comments. let me know what you think of everything so far?
> 
> (and you can always find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/) and you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/moon020310) if you want and help support me)


	2. To prove to you I won't lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew and Neil have time to talk and kinda start over + a little bit of routine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! first, thank you very much to everyone who gave me some feedback on the story, you have no idea how immensely it helps me to keep going, so I am completely grateful.
> 
> second, it is with great pleasure that I say that a drawing of Hayley was made by Ingrid (find the art on [twitter](https://twitter.com/seikosayurii/status/1305590311637446657?s=20), [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/CFKp8qiHHbW/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link) and [tumblr](https://vitoria-id.tumblr.com/post/629262122732388353/growing-with-you-moonqueerdom-all-for-the-game))! I was completely out of my mind when she came to talk to me because this is very exciting, okay? it shows that there are people really interested in the story, so I was completely happy when she spoke to me for the first time, when she finished drawing and even today. best of all, it looks exactly the way I picture Hayley. thank you very much, Ingrid! go give her some love and see her other arts too, she’s amazing, I promise.
> 
> now, I hope you all like today's chapter.

Andrew woke up before Aidan, which was _not_ that common, but when he remembered how much candy the boy had consumed the night before and how it made him sleep a little later than usual, he thought it might make sense that he wasn't awake yet. They went to the ice cream shop when they left the event at school, as Andrew had promised (even though the situation that made them leave earlier wasn't the same as he had planned), and talked while sinking into ice cream. Aidan was deeply excited as he spoke about a friend from school who had praised his favorite shoe or a classmate who let him do her hairdo or how he was getting better at writing the alphabet, and would soon be able to write a full letter to his father. Andrew smiled at the latter. That was how their night followed until Kevin and Nicky asked Andrew to pick them up. As with all other times, Kevin complained the whole way to his house about how much he detested most people related to that school.

Still lying in bed now, Andrew needed a minute to remember that it was Sunday and he didn't need to get up to get Aidan ready for school, so he turned on his side and stayed on the bed. Although he was unable to go back to sleep, it was pleasant to be quiet for a while. Andrew's mind was empty, to his relief, and he just stared at the medium-sized teddy bear left in the corner of the room. Aidan had given it to his father as a birthday present, saying that as soon as he saw the toy in the store, he immediately remembered Andrew. On the rare occasions when he traveled alone, Andrew knew that the boy stole the bear from his father's room and slept with it.

"Daddy?" a cautious voice came from the door.

Andrew lifted his head to find his son standing in the middle of the small gap in the door, then motioned for Aidan to approach. He went in and turned to close the door behind him before walking over to the bed and crawling through it until he was lying in front of Andrew.

"I didn't know you were already awake."

"It's past ten-thirty in the morning," Aidan informed. Andrew frowned; apparently he had been lying there longer than it seemed. "But I just woke up a few minutes ago."

Andrew nodded and pulled the bangs out of Aidan's eyes, while the boy was sly with the touch.

"Are you hungry?"

"Not much. I think I want to wait until uncle Kevin arrives with lunch.”

They were already familiar with every Sunday routine, where Kevin just showed up with some bags of food and they ate in the living room while the two watched some Exy game and Andrew stood in the corner complaining about the two addicts. Most of the time Nicky also showed up, but he just used to stay on the phone with Erik.

"Okay, but you're going to have at least a juice or smoothie, okay?"

Aidan nodded but didn't move to get up.

"Are you okay, daddy?"

He was a very perceptive child, Andrew always admired that. Maybe Aidan didn't understand, but he knew what it meant when, sometimes, Andrew didn't get out of bed at the same time as always, and Kevin showed up at his apartment with Jeremy and Jean and told Aidan that his father was too tired, and then they spent the afternoon there keeping company for the little boy and walking a few times to Andrew's room to check him up. Sometimes it lasted for more than just a day, and it made Andrew feel awful, but soon he recovered and his son was there, ready to talk for hours and not press Andrew with questions he didn't want to answer. It was not a frequent situation, but it was still there. And Aidan was always too good a child.

“I am, little boy. I thought you were sleeping and didn't want to wake you up after you went to sleep so late, that’s why I'm still lying here,” Andrew explained, to which Aidan just nodded. "Now we should go down, let's go."

He moved to remove the sheets and took his son up without any warning. Squeezed by his father's arms, Aidan screeched with surprise and started laughing. Andrew shook him from side to side as he laughed and asked to go down to the floor.

In the kitchen, Andrew poured his son a large glass of juice and poured milk and cereal for himself in an empty bowl. They went to the living room and sat down to watch whatever movie was playing on the children's channel. After about 10 minutes, Aidan couldn't stand being so quiet anymore and got up to jump from side to side of the room to the music that played in the movie. In Andrew's opinion, the plot turned out to be quite engaging, so he had no problem watching it too.

The front door made a noise as it opened and Nicky appeared in the room. He watched the scene — Aidan dancing on the rug and Andrew upside down on the couch — and bit into a smile.

“ _Barbie & The Diamond Castle _? Good choice,” he showed his thumbs up. "Andrew if you keep like this you could end up falling off the couch or feeling sick."

"Why did you arrive earlier today?" Andrew asked, ignoring his warning and remaining in the same position.

Nicky sighed heavily and sat in an empty armchair in the room.

"It was boring at home, so I thought I'd come and check out what great activity you were doing here," he crossed his hands on his lap and closed his eyes, leaning back in the seat. "Besides, it's not like Kevin is going to take too long, anyway."

Andrew shrugged and finally got up to take Aidan into the bathroom, where he brushed the boy's teeth and then his own. Aidan voraciously insisted on changing clothes — which, frankly, Andrew didn't quite understand; they wouldn't leave the house, so why drop the comfortable clothes? That way, when they returned to the living room, Aidan was dressed in a green flowered blouse and pink shorts, both in pastel colors, while Andrew remained in his black hoodie and sweatpants. Nicky took a good look at the kid and hissed through his teeth in approval.

“You really inherited all my sense of style. Kiddo, we should go out more often, destroying everyone’s hearts out there, what do you think?”

Aidan's eyes widened and his face was converted into a mixture of sadness and terror. “ _Why_ would I destroy people's hearts? This sounds terrible."

Andrew scoffed at Nicky, who tried to smile in return.

"Wanna know what? Forget what I said. Come here and tell me what magic you did for your father to give you these beautiful clothes. I thought he was physically unable to buy anything other than black or dark gray.”

Andrew rolled his eyes and Aidan smiled as he approached Nicky. They chatted wildly about the best places to shop and clothing in general — it was surprising, to say the least, that Aidan knew so much about it, but no one commented. Andrew fetched his laptop from the office and came back to stretch out on the couch with it. Nicky startled, 15 minutes later, when the door was opened at once and the room was filled with some low voices. By now Andrew and Aidan were used to this dramatic entrance, so they kept calm.

"Hi, Jean. I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow morning,” was the first thing Nicky said when he recovered from the scare.

"I wasn’t, but, as you can see, I was able to do it back earlier."

“It's a good thing that happened because today it was Jean who made lunch. You can all thank him,” Kevin said, showing the big thermal bag in his hands.

"I love eating Jean!" Aidan cheered. The entire room fell dead silent and Andrew looked up from the laptop very quickly.

Aidan used to be _great_ with words, really. Andrew had lost count of how many times he has been stopped by teachers to hear that his son was too smart for his age. But in the end, he was still a six-year-old boy, and he often expressed badly what he wanted to say.

Nicky bit his lip to keep from laughing, while, of course, Kevin was _not_ _so restrained._

“Me too, Aidan. It's really good,” he said, with a damn smirk on his face.

Jeremy gave a small slap on Kevin’s arm while Andrew shot him a cold look.

" _Jesus Christ,_ " was the only thing Jean said before taking the thermal bag from his boyfriend and running off to the kitchen.

Jeremy — with his infinite calm and patience — walked over to Aidan and knelt in front of him.

"Aidy, I think you meant that you love to eat _Jean's food_ , not _Jean_ ," he explained.

"Is there a difference?"

"Yes," Jeremy replied. Aidan shrugged at the same time that Kevin smiled and also went into the kitchen. "By the way, I loved your outfit, dear."

“Uncle Nicky liked it too! He said he was going to take me out to buy more clothes,” Aidan jumped up, hugging Jeremy, who melted into the hug. "You should come with us."

The man smiled, unable to reject the boy's invitation, and nodded.

“I'm going with you and maybe I'll give you something that you like as a gift. Sounds good?"

"Good luck," Andrew snorted and spoke without looking up from his laptop.

Jean returned to the living room with a can of some juice and sat on the sofa, far from Andrew. Jeremy came over and settled on the couch’s arm, next to his boyfriend, leaving the middle space of the upholstery free for Kevin. It sent involuntary memories to Andrew's mind, from some time ago when the place next to him was always reserved for Kevin only and how the Foxes found the whole thing strange at first, but it ended up becoming a habit before anyone realized it.

Andrew closed the laptop and stood up to put it back at the office when Kevin came back with two bears, one for Andrew — which he left on top of the coffee table — and one for Jeremy. The usual noise of Sundays had already dominated the place when Andrew returned back to the room. Nicky, who was already naturally noisy, was gesturing excitedly to something on TV (which, by the way, was still playing the Barbie movie), but Andrew could only focus on his son's broad smile while he heard whatever he was saying. Kevin, Jeremy and Jean also talked openly about something, but it had been a while since everyone had learned that trying to keep up with the throuple conversations was useless. It was like trying to keep up with a chaos of words being thrown at once in the wind. Only they understood each other, so no one else tried to interfere.

Andrew threw himself into the last empty chair and rested his feet on the coffee table. (It wasn't that he was running from the couch, Kevin or anything, he just liked to put his feet on that table, and he couldn't reach it from the only available spot on the couch — no caption needed.) He drank the beer Kevin brought for him slowly, watching all interactions unfold in the place, uninterested in anything other than Aidan, sitting on the floor, and scrawling fiercely on paper. Andrew went on to keep blank papers and some pencils and crayons in a compartment on the TV cabinet, since Aidan started to develop a serious taste for drawing and coloring things. It was only better to keep the papers close to avoid the wall.

 _Trivial, like every other Sunday_ , Andrew thought, as he continued to taste the bitter taste of his beer. He never felt he had anything to add to the conversations, so he just sat there, silently or responding in a too simple way when someone directly asked him something. It was not uncomfortable; it was routine, and he wouldn't know what to do if it was different.

Aidan dropped the pencil in his hand and pouted.

"Daddy, I'm hungry," he said.

All the conversation in the room stopped at once, and Andrew rolled his eyes already knowing what would happen.

"Oh, baby, come here, let's take you to eat," Jeremy suggested, tilting his head and imitating the boy's pout.

"I can't believe we let you be hungry, baby," Jean also answered.

"What kind of horrible human being makes such a cute little thing hungry?" Nicky joined the choir.

Before Kevin could open his mouth to make an equally stupid comment, Andrew got to his feet and walked over to his son.

"If this child grows up to be spoiled I will blame each one of you in this room," he said. Then, softer, "Let's wash our hands to eat, little boy."

Aidan held out his hand to Andrew, who took it and guided him to the bathroom. When they went back to the dining room — they always eat there when Jeremy shows up; he complains enough about eating in inappropriate places —, the table was already filled with all the other visitors. Everyone moved at the same time, passing plates, silverware and bowls of food everywhere. Andrew took Aidan's plate — an incredibly colorful piece of some ponies cartoon that Aidan likes watching — and set up the meal before cutting everything into small pieces, passing it to his son, who was already in his chair waiting anxiously. Andrew then took his own plate and sat down beside him.

Jean carefully analyzed all reactions while tasting his food; he could be very thorough with the things he did by himself. When he seemed satisfied with everyone's opinion, Jean smiled and started eating. Jeremy, beside him, smiled and looked at Andrew.

"Hey, are you taking Aidan to exy's practice today?" he asked.

Andrew frowned at Kevin.

"Why the hell did you schedule an Exy practice with _kids_ on _Sunday_?"

“Childhood is the best time to start learning how to play, so from adolescence onwards the focus is on _improvement_ , not _learning_. Sunday is as worthy a day as any other, so I have no reason to be justified,” Kevin explained. “You really should take Aidan, as he has never been to practice before and intends to play the sport. Better get started soon.”

Andrew didn't do much more than roll his eyes and go back to eating.

~

Hayley looked like a hurricane as she walked between the rooms gathering her equipment. Neil made a mental note to tidy up the house when they got back from practice. He took the keys and wallet from the table by the door and turned to call for his daughter.

"Hayley, shall we?"

The little girl emerged from the hall, drowned in the equipment that filled her arms. Neil bit back a smile and walked over to her, pulling the backpack from her back and helping her put everything she could in, stroking Hayley lightly on the head when she was done.

"Did you take everything?" he asked.

"Yes. And yes, I'm sure I _really_ took it all. Let's go."

Neil smiled when she grabbed him by the hand and pulled him out of the house. Hayley hated being late, which could be quite funny sometimes, since Neil, unintentionally, was always making them be much later than he would have liked.

It was not exy's first practice that Hayley would attend, but she was too shaken for this one in particular, and Neil didn't let it go unnoticed.

"Why are you so restless, Lee?" he didn't take his eyes off the road while asking.

Judging by the silence, she probably answered with some gesture, but then realized that Neil couldn't see her — since he was driving — and sighed heavily.

"Coach Day said I would try to play in another position today because I’m young and I’m at the right age to find out where I‘m better, but he did not say what position I would be in."

"And?"

"What if I can't play?"

They stopped at the traffic lights, and Neil took the opportunity to look in the rearview mirror.

"You are six years old, Lee. No one is charging you to be awesome for now," he said. “Your coach has a point, wouldn't it be nice if you tried to play in every position until you found your favorite? What’s your position now?”

"Backliner."

"Nice. And you like it?"

"Yes, a lot. More than Striker” she grimaced, and Neil laughed just as the traffic light turned green. "Thank you, _Eil_."

"You're welcome, kid."

"I think my friend is going to practice today for the first time."

"Oh really? Which one of them?"

Neil noticed her hesitation before speaking and raised an eyebrow at that.

"Aidan."

"I don't think I know this one yet."

"You met him last night."

Neil had to think for two seconds, before remembering the short blond insulting him and his extremely shy son.

"Ah," was his only reaction before going dead silent.

They parked in front of the public gymnasium where the practice would happen — since it was Sunday and the school was closed. Hayley went straight to the back of the place, where the locker room was attached to the Exy's court. She was a little late, despite Neil's efforts to avoid this, so he said nothing about running. Neil walked to the stands outside the court and was happy to see that, at least, she would not be _so_ late, since there was no one there yet.

Except, in fact, there was a single person sitting in the bleachers completely empty otherwise, staring at the plexiglass.

Neil approached before he could stop himself, but he regretted the moment he recognized who that was. However, it was too late to leave, because that person had already caught him. Neil hissed and sat next to him, but keeping enough distance. The blond looked at him with the same indifferent expression as last night and didn't seem to care so much about his presence there. They were both silent long enough to look uncomfortable, and Neil had to swallow a few times to have enough time to think about whether or not to say something.

He witnessed the same thing he did the night before, before the argument, while that person just asked for his name. It was disconcerting to be in his presence, with all the cold, unpredictable and defensive pose, Neil really felt ashamed to just exist beside him, daring to cohabit the same space as someone like that. That was the presence he emanated, with his hair shining so light and his eyes so dark and silent. Looking at him was at least stunning. Even with his short stature, his shoulders, arms and chest were broad enough to make him look fearful. Although somehow he didn't scare Neil at all.

Neil cleared his throat. "Your name is Andrew, right?" he asked, remembering hearing this the night before. The blond said nothing, which made Neil frown. _What, should I guess his name, then?_ _It wasn't like a miracle was going to happen and the guy's right name would shine in the sky._ Neil stayed with ‘Andrew’ and decided not to discuss it mentally. “Hayley mentioned that today is your son's first practice, right? What's his name, by the way? ”

He didn’t know if ‘Andrew’ would answer this time, but he doubted it. When the silence prevailed for some time, Neil sighed, giving up.

"Aidan," the blond replied, suddenly.

Neil abruptly turned his head and looked at him, realizing that he had not taken his eyes off a fixed spot on the court while he uttered that one name. 'Andrew' had a firm, low, thick and slightly hoarse voice, and Neil was a bit lost when the sound rumbled in his head for long moments. It was only surprising because it sounded different when he was stressed.

“Um, you don't say your name but you say your son's? What? Are you wanted by the FBI or something? ”

Andrew kept his face blank as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, keeping his wrists relaxed in front of him and his torso tilted. Neil definitely didn't notice the way the long sleeves of Andrew's shirt clung to the full length of his strong arms.

"Of course. Turns out I made stabbing adults in schools my hobby, now I am living in this city as a refuge.”

Something about Andrew's bored tone made Neil think, for two seconds, that it was as likely to be a lie as it had to be true. Totally intriguing.

"Good. I'll just keep calling you Andrew. I'm sure I heard that name yesterday and it fits,” Neil continued to talk. He didn't know what impulse made him want to speak to that person when they were about to get into a fight in the middle of an event less than twenty-four hours ago — aside from the important factor that Andrew was vigorously avoiding answering him —, but Neil didn't care enough. He probably just didn't want to be completely silent for the entire practice time. “So, Andrew, I think we started off on the wrong foot—”

He didn't get a chance to finish the sentence, being cut off by a snort.

“There were no feet involved. Unless your daughter used hers to hit Aidan.”

Neil stood still in place for a few seconds, his eyes a little wide.

" _Ouch?_ " he looked at Andrew, who shrugged. "See? That's what I'm talking about. And there were no feet involved. I think."

" _You think?_ "

Neil sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Andrew hadn't moved his eyes from the court for a moment, and it would irritate Neil if it didn't provide the perfect opportunity for him to face that short blond without being noticed.

"At least it seems better that you keep cursing me instead of leaving me talking to myself."

Andrew shrugged again and ignored him. Neil scoffed and opened his mouth to complain, but from the peripheral vision, he noticed movement on the court. Children ran uncoordinated as they left the locker room for the wide exy’s court. He watched with a soft smile as his daughter walked by calmly and talking to another boy, who paid way much attention to what she was saying. Neil thought that if he was not mistaken, that was Andrew's son. His confirmation came the next moment when the boy raised his head to say something and unintentionally spotted Andrew on the other side of the plexiglass. He raised a hand and waved happily to his father, who returned both gestures. Neil raised both eyebrows, curious about the scene. Hayley didn't do the same as Aidan, since she was focused enough on what she was saying to not pay attention to what the other boy was doing and, consequently, not seeing Neil in the stands. But she knew he was there; he was always there.

As quickly as Aidan turned to pay attention to Hayley again, the soft expression on Andrew's face was gone, and he steadily avoided Neil again. That's okay because Neil was busy enough watching Andrew all over to care whether or not he was ignoring him. That person was, to say the least, interesting. Andrew didn't express any hint of anything, so it was being impossible to do a body reading on him, and that was frustrating.

“Staring,” Andrew's low voice brought Neil out of the trance.

"I'm just... thinking a bit."

"Then don’t."

Neil gaped, but he scolded himself for it as soon as possible and went back to carry a neutral expression. He shifted his focus onto the court, not wanting to make Andrew uncomfortable by continuing to stare at him.

“Okay, so, apparently I'm going to have to try to guess your answers. If you look at me with disgust or something like that means a negative answer, and if you don't even bother to look at me then it's a positive answer,” Neil declared. At the same time, Andrew frowned hard directly at him and the other man smirked. "You just proved that I’m correct, and it encouraged me to talk further."

A whistle distracted them both in the direction of the sound, where they saw several children warming up and stretching all around Kevin. Neil noticed how Aidan always seemed to be so physically close to the coach while he waited to receive his instructions or for the man's reaction to everything Aidan did. This reminded Neil that, last night, Kevin arrived to part the discussion, during the school event, with the boy accompanying him. Perhaps they were closer than they appeared.

"So, do you already know the coach, Kevin?"

Andrew didn't bother to answer it, and Neil took it as a yes. Um, ok, but how far was the act of knowing, in this situation?

“Um, so it makes sense that Aidan is already familiar with him. Speaking of which, your son seems to be a lovely boy. Why did it take you so long to bring him to exy's practice?”

"You heard him yesterday, he was afraid,"

Neil wrote this down mentally. Andrew does not talk about himself, but seems to answer less rudely to questions about his son.

“Well, again, I’m sorry for what happened between him and my daughter. Really sorry.”

Andrew waved a hand between them, signaling something that could be "whatever", "stop talking" or a threat to Neil's life, he couldn't be sure.

"Did you ever play exy?" he asked. Once again, Andrew remained quiet. "Good to know. Being close to Kevin Day and not a complete piece of garbage means that you played with the Foxes instead of Ravens, am I right? I suppose I should have known, after all. Your toned body had to come from somewhere.”

Neil didn't notice what he was saying until the words left his mouth completely. From the peripheral vision, he saw when Andrew slowly turned his face and clenched his eyes in his direction, but Neil didn’t move a muscle and kept his eyes fixed on the center of the court. At least he thinks he did it, he couldn't be sure with the loud noise of an alarm going off in his head and disturbing his thoughts. _What. The. Fuck. Why the hell did you do that?_

"I mean, n-not that I noticed," Neil quickly turned to look at Andrew and immediately regretted it, so he deflected his gaze to some point behind the blond's shoulder. "I’m just not blind."

His face was burning furiously, and he hated himself for it. Andrew was still staring at him, and Neil swallowed a few times before he mustered up enough courage to look back. It was surprising when he realized that Andrew was not looking at him with a furious or homicidal look, but as if he were analyzing Neil minimally as if he were a puzzle that Andrew needed to solve. This was disconcerting. Neil bit his bottom lip and looked down.

“You’re a complete mess,” Andrew stated, before looking away again.

"Tell me something I don’t already know."

Kevin whistled on the court and Neil looked just in time to see Hayley walking towards the goal. This should be the new position where Kevin said he would put her during practice today. It made sense, after all. Maybe she was good as a Backliner and he decided to try his luck and find out if she would be as good on goal. (Well, as much as a child of almost seven years old can be)

Neil noticed how his daughter opened and closed her hands over and over, the same habit he had when he was nervous or stressed. He couldn't help but get up and walk until he was close enough to the plexiglass to almost press his nose against it.

“Shit, she’s so nervous,” he put both hands in his jacket pockets and started to bite his lip, another nervous habit that he couldn't stop. Then, switching to another language, he tried to comfort her as he could being far away. _"It's fine, sweetie, you gonna nail it."_

Andrew looked Neil up and down, dazzled to hear the foreign words leave his mouth. Meanwhile, Neil was too focused on his daughter to notice anything else.

“What was that?” Andrew asked with nothing showing in his empty tone.

Neil wasn't paying attention, so he didn't understand _at first_ what he was talking about.

“Oh, yeah, sorry. Hayley says that when I speak Norwegian it calms her, so I kinda do this a little often.”

“Norwegian? Are you fluent?”

“Yes, I am,” Neil’s mouth twitched a bit. “Hey, are we having a full conversation right now? We should play a game in which I tell you something about me and you tell me something about you, sounds cool?”

“Sounds shitty.”

Neil grinned and covered his mouth with one hand.

“You didn’t actually give me an answer,” he said.

Both of them kept silent while waiting for Andrew to say something, and Neil felt almost victorious for not receiving an immediate no.

“Don’t seem like I have anything to win with this bullshit game.”

“Nor either do I.”

“We both know that you’re doing this to indulge your big ass curiosity, so I would say that you _do_ have something to take advantage of.”

“Fine. Then you can have your chance to decide whether I am a very cool or pretty shitty and fucked up person.”

Andrew rolled his eyes and folded his hands in front of his body, casting a penetrating look at Neil. Neil's cheeks burned.

“I could figure it out by myself.”

“I don’t think so, Andrew,” Neil got a little close as he said this, leaning over to look at Andrew more closely.

“Is this a challenge I'm seeing right here, Noah?”

“Uh, my name is Neil.”

“Yeah, sure, Nestor,” Andrew rolled his eyes again and waved his hand like this was nothing.

“Is this a yes or a no, honey? Stop averting and answer.”

“Make me.”

Neil’s eyes widened. Suddenly he was too self-conscious of the very little space between him and Andrew. None of them really noticed the approximation, but also none of them did nothing to change it. They stayed in place.

Neil started, “How the fuck am I suppose—”

The door that separated the court from the stands was opened, and they both looked in its direction. Kevin stopped at the door, staring.

“Are you two fighting again?” he first asked.

When no one answered, Kevin lifted up an eyebrow.

“We're not. I’m just talking to my little friend Noel right here,” Andrew offered.

“Neil,” he corrected.

Kevin looked unconvinced, crossing his arms in front of his chest and alternating his gaze between the two of them.

“Anyways,” Kevin shook his head and focused on Andrew only. “Perhaps you would like to speak with Aidan? He is too nervous.”

Both Neil and Andrew turned to look at the little boy watching everyone and everything with a scared gaze. Andrew didn't take long to get on his feet and walk to the court.

“Don't worry, I won't dare move until I have my answer,” Neil winked at Andrew, who frowned back. Kevin was a bit confused with the scene in front of him but didn’t care enough to ask anything. He and Andrew had something in common, after all.

Through the plexiglass, Neil watched as Andrew walked over to his son and crouched down next to him, looking deep into the boy's eyes. Aidan had those begging puppy eyes, but Andrew seemed to be well used to dealing with it by now, so he just talked down to the boy and got back some unsure answers. Whatever he was saying, it was working, and that put a smile on Neil's face.

He sat back on the bleacher and used the upward step behind him to support himself in his elbows. Gradually, Aidan's scared face eased, and when he already looked ready to get back to practice, Andrew petted his hair and turned around to leave, waving at his son before actually going away.

As Neil was watching him, he didn't miss it when, as he passed by the goal box, Andrew turned to Hayley and said something. Neil narrowed his eyes to get a better look, but he could only see his daughter with wide eyes and then nodding firmly. Andrew kept walking until he reached the door and back to find Neil waiting for him.

“What did you say to Hayley?” he asked immediately.

Andrew holds a look at Neil, sitting again beside him.

“Is that your first question?”

Neil’s head tilted, not quite sure if he understood it.

“My first question… What—,” he pauses. “Wait. _Is that a yes?_ ”

“Maybe not.”

“Well, then thank you for trusting me,” Neil was grinning, and Andrew looked at him like he wanted to wipe the smile off his face. “I really do wanna know what you said to my daughter, so, yeah, that is my first question.”

Andrew looked towards the goal, where Hayley seemed to be doing a great job by keeping most of the shots away.

“I used to be a goalkeeper. Just gave her some fast tips,” Neil nodded at his answer, face burning again without really knowing why. “Why are you fluent in Norwegian?”

 _Not surprised that that was his question_ , Neil thought. _I would probably ask the same thing, by the way._

“I graduated in international relations, so I know stuff.”

“You _‘know stuff’_?”

“Is that your next question? Because I think it's my turn now.”

“Whatever,” Andrew put a frown on his face.

“What?” Neil was laughing. “I’ve only made a genuine question, okay?”

“No, you didn’t. Shut up.”

It just made Neil laugh even more. He had no doubt that Andrew was very close to killing him with his bare hands.

“Okay, fine then, let me think...” Neil now had a thoughtful expression. “What would you rather be doing right now?”

“I’m fine about watching my son's practice. Sure, except for the dumbass who doesn't shut up for a second,” Neil grinned when Andrew gave him an accusing gaze and looked away. “But I guess I wouldn't complain if I could go out for a smoke.”

That was enough incentive for Neil to jump on his feet, dust off the pants he was wearing and start walking. Andrew looked at the whole scene with a big question on his face. Neil stopped when he was almost at the door that led to the open space outside the court and looked back at Andrew.

“You coming?” he simply asked.

With a frown face, Andrew followed him. They just walked silently through the door and searched for some empty bench to sit down (which could be literally any bench, since they were the only ones in there besides the kids practicing inside the court and Kevin). Neil pulled a packet of cigarettes from his pocket — he always had one there, because you never know what can happen at any time — and handed one to Andrew, who kept it between his fingers while the other man lit it. He tried to give it back to Neil when it was already burning, but he refused, signaling that Andrew could have that cigarette. Silently, Andrew raised it to his lips and took a long drag before any of them said anything.

“My turn,” he remembered. Neil signaled him to continue. “How long have you been Hayley's father?”

“Oh, then you remember her name but not mine? I must say that I am hurt, _Drew,_ ” Neil put his hand on his own chest, to emphasize what he had said. Andrew just raised the cigarette to his lips and waited for an answer. “She was just over two weeks old when I adopted her, almost seven years ago. But I think you know what the legal process is like, so, legally, it only happened when she was six months old.”

The smoke spread over them as it left Andrew's mouth, and Neil kept his eyes on the burning flame of the cigarette. He was thinking about what he could ask. Obviously, there was an extensive list of things he would like to know, but even with the truth-for-truth game, he didn’t think he should abuse the intimacy that they didn’t have, and also because he hadn’t been able to accurately understand Andrew's mind.

“Do you avoid everyone or it is just me?” Neil asked sincerely. It was an unforeseen question, but he didn't regret it (even though he was at risk of probably being beaten by Andrew).

“Everyone, Nelson.”

By now, Neil already knew that it would be useless to correct him, so he just absorbed the answer and smiled.

“Guess I'm lucky, then, since I managed to make you speak more than two words and three gestures.”

“No, you're not. You're just incredibly stupid and annoying, I had more to gain by answering you than not.”

Neil’s smile only increased.

“Thank you.”

Andrew was about to say something else, but the door they used to get there opened and the sound distracted them.

“Just in case you want to know, the practice is over,” Kevin’s voice came over the silence.

He didn't turn to leave then, instead waited there. Neil stood up and waved his head in Andrew's direction.

“See you, then. We really should hang out sometime,” his smile was totally mischievous as he spoke

“We really _shouldn’t_ ,” Andrew stubbed out his cigarette on the wall and threw it in a trash. “Goodbye, Nehemiah.”

“ _Ouch_ , that one was awful. Get better next time.”

Neil walked away and nodded for Kevin before going to the court to pick up his daughter.

“Ready to go, Lee?” he asked.

She was again talking to Aidan, who turned red very quickly when Neil came close to them.

“Yes, _Eil_ , we can go home. I wanna sleep.”

“I'm afraid you’ll have to wait a while for that. I don't know if you remember, but your room is looking like a tornado victim, and we have to clean it before anything else.”

Hayley groaned in frustration and covered her face with her hands, wailing. Neil smiled and ruffled her hair. Aidan approached him and looked at him with big eyes, seeming to struggle desperately to say something.

“Hey Aidan,” Neil encouraged him. The boy tried very very hard to smile.

“ _HeyNeilIamsorrymydaddyarguedwithyouyesterday_ ,” he said, all at once. When Neil's face rolled in confusion, Aidan took a deep breath. “I said that I’m sorry my daddy argued with you yesterday.”

Neil grinned and bowed his head.

“That’s fine, sweetie. Besides, your father and I have already solved our differences. You should ask him for you two to come to visit Hayley any day, we would be happy to have you with us.”

Aidan finally smiled and no longer seemed to want to be physically able to disappear into thin air.

“Thank you,” he said.

Hayley said goodbye to Aidan and the other teammates before taking Neil's hand and following him off the court. As they made their way to the car, Neil saw — afar — Kevin warmly talking to Andrew (as much as possible for them), who just kept his arms crossed and returned a cold look to the man in front of him. A thought crossed Neil's mind, and he was aware that it was not the first time. _What if Kevin and Andrew were something else?_ He didn't want to assume anything, so he would have to try his luck and ask Andrew any time later. Not that it was exactly relevant, though.

Neil helped Hayley into the car and adjusted her in the seat. On the way home, she kept talking about how much she enjoyed playing as a goalkeeper, and Neil could only laugh at her enthusiasm.

~

“So you two settled down, after all?” Kevin asked, watching as Neil got into the car and drove away. Andrew shrugged, stuffing both hands in his pockets “I’m proud of you. You were capable of stopping hating him all by yourself, that’s a huge advance.”

“Yeah, fuck you. And I still hate him, he’s a pain in the ass.”

“Sure,” he analyzed Andrew very intensely. “So, about Nicky’s birthday...”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “What about that?”

“Where’s Aidan staying? We're going to organize some surprise party or whatever at Eden's, so...”

“ _We_?”

“The ex-Foxes. Nicky would like to have everyone there, it's the only thing he asks for every year.”

“I know.”

“Well, then?”

Andrew wished he still had the cigarette.

“I’ll talk to Bee.”

Kevin nodded and walked back to the court, without another word. Andrew didn't follow him inside, just stayed at the doorframe and waved to Aidan, who came running with a wide smile on his face.

“Daddy!” he called, all energetic and cheered up.

“Yes, Aidan?”

“Thanks for becoming friends with Hayley's dad! He said I was welcome in their house at any moment, and that’s cool because I like to play with Hayley.”

 _“Fucking bastard,”_ Andrew murmured in German, then switched again to English and turned back to Aidan. “Are you good friends with this Hayley girl?”

“I don’t feel shy when I’m with her. What did you say I had to feel around people?”

“Comfortable?”

“Yes, right. I feel comfortable.”

That caught Andrew’s attention for a bit. Aidan wasn’t a big fan of being around other people, and there were few exceptions to that rule, all of which were part of their small dysfunctional family. It was _something_ that Hayley was able to make her way into the box of exceptions.

“That’s great, Aidan. Hayley seems to be an excellent girl. Not like her father, though. I know a hopeless fool when I see one, and he’s definitely that.”

Whenever Andrew called someone anything at least remotely negative, Aidan threw a frown at him. This time, however, he gave Andrew a knowing smile, although Andrew had no idea what he meant.

“Are you ready to go home?” he asked, tilting his head to the boy.

“In a minute.”

Aidan ran to Kevin, who was watching some parents come to pick up their children, and hugged the man's leg tightly. Naturally, Kevin was startled, but the moment he realized who it was, he returned the affection, gently ruffling Aidan's hair. They said goodbye and the little boy came back grinning

“I’m ready now.”

Andrew had learned some time ago not to hide his feelings from his son, so he didn't try to avoid it when a genuine smile spread across his face. Aidan trusted him, so it seemed fair that he trusted Aidan back. They crossed over to the car and Aidan said he was able to handle the seat belt when Andrew was already on his way to put it on.

“You are too little to be this smart about everything,” he complained.

“Kevin once said that he thinks I will be taller than you when I am ten years old,” Aidan replied, not realizing the joke in the statement

Andrew rolled his eyes while jumping on the driver seat and cursed Kevin mentally as much as he could remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can only hope that you all are enjoying it. thank you so much for reading this far and see you on the next chapter.
> 
> (you can always find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/))


	3. Does your smile hide lies?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew and Neil happen to meet at Allison and Renee's baby shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when I was reading this chapter, it occurred to me several times how much my writing style changed in such a few months (because, as I said, this fanfic was the first one I wrote, and it has been written for a long time) I really don't have time to rewrite everything, so all I can do is make small changes and hope that you all are not totally disappointed with it for now. I promise it will improve throughout the chapters.
> 
> (small trigger warning for this chapter: mentions of both Andrew and Neil's past — although the mentions are superficial, they are still there)

The way Kevin, Jean and Jeremy organized themselves in their cars was funny, by Andrew's eyes. When all three were together, the passenger seat was always vacant, leaving the driver in front and the other two together behind. Nicky asked about it once, and Kevin replied that they didn’t like to leave one of them alone in the back seat, so they preferred to leave only who was needed in the front seat, although that was only because it was _highly necessary_ for the driver to be in the driver seat to, you know, drive. Andrew promptly suggested that they buy cars with three seats in the front, but Kevin vehemently denied before saying that these car models did _not_ appeal to him aesthetically, which, consequently, didn't lead him to research on cost-benefit either.

Despite that, Andrew thought it was at least interesting how they adapted every little thing to their throuple lifestyle. Not that he was going to admit it to anyone, especially not to them.

Jeremy was holding Aidan with the boy's head against his chest, while Kevin hugged his boyfriend from behind and Jean stroked Aidan's hair with his body very close to Jeremy's front. They had been in this position for almost ten minutes. Andrew thought they needed their own child — or dog, cat, snake, whatever — to stop spoiling his son. What would he do if Aidan got used to it? Andrew was only one, it wasn't like he could give out three hugs at once. (Besides the fact that sometimes even a single hug was difficult enough for him.)

“Make your own child, if you want one,” he said, taking his kid from Jeremy’s embrace. The other man returned to occupy his arms by hugging Jean, who was still in front of him.

“I don't have time, these two already give me enough work to do.”

Both Kevin and Jean leaned in to place a kiss on each of Jeremy's cheeks, who smiled warmly.

“Okay, enough is enough, we gotta go,” Andrew complained. “You all are too mushy.”

“Watch out, Andrew, your envy is running a little down the corners of your mouth,” Jean rolled his eyes at him.

“Yes, of course,” Andrew's tone was filled with sarcasm. He looked at Aidan's face, leaning against his shoulder, and ran his finger over the boy's cheeks. “Aidan, baby, don't sleep now, we're going over to Renee's”

“By the way, Nicky was really upset that Allison and Renee didn't reschedule this,” Jeremy said, laughing.

“I can imagine. Everyone will be there, right? Even Aaron,” Kevin said, and Andrew didn't miss it when the man's gaze stopped on him for a few seconds. Andrew didn't mind, busy locking the door with just one hand, keeping Aidan's weight on his free arm.

Jean, Jeremy and Kevin headed for the stairs, and Andrew didn’t give a shit; he would be taking the elevator. _Fuck this fucking addicted athletes who always use the stairs_.

They were waiting in front of the metal doors when the elevator stopped on the ground floor, and they all kept walking together until Andrew had to swerve to fetch his car from the building's parking lot, while the other three headed out of the edifice to the visitor’s parking.

Andrew knew it was useless to wake Aidan when he would just fall asleep again, so he adjusted the boy on the seat and was careful not to wake him. It would be a quiet trip without Aidan's sweet voice happily commenting on all the details of the city that passed through the car window. Andrew found out he was no longer used to silence.

Renee and Allison's house had been the same for years since they graduated from Palmetto State University and moved in together. They weren't romantically involved at the time, but Andrew knew — and maybe Renee too — that it was just a matter of time. They never _dated_ , though. Allison just proposed to Renee on some random day, and they have been engaged ever since. Now they are expecting their first child, after two other attempts and the discovery that Renee is sterile.

Judging by the cars parked in front of the house, Andrew deduced that at least most of the other guests had already arrived. He jumped out of the driver's seat and opened Aidan's door.

“Hey, Aidan?” no answer. “Son, we arrived at Renee's, you’ll have to wake up now.”

Upon hearing these words, Aidan jumped up at once and looked at Andrew with wide eyes. Faster than anything, he was already taking off his seat belt and running to the front door, ringing the doorbell twice.

 _I will never understand this kid_ , Andrew thought to himself. By the time he, Kevin, Jeremy and Jean reached the door, Renee was already opening it to receive them.

“Oh, hey guys. Hello, Aidan, sweetie, I’ve missed you,” she said, with a smile so wide it should be painful.

“Hi, Nee! I’ve missed you too. Also Alli and the little bean,” everyone smiled at the comment. _'_ _Little bean'_ was the nickname Aidan had given Allison and Renee's child since they had not yet chosen a name.

“Good thing it’s reciprocal, then. Come inside,” she opened the door a little more and Aidan ran through the gap.

“Don’t run,” Andrew warned, in vain, as Aidan was already almost through the door to the backyard. They all came in next, and Renee and Andrew stayed behind. “I’m betting you and Allison are very anxious?”

“Well, that’s obvious... How could we not be?”

“Any name ideas?”

“We choose not to know the gender, so we pick up some neutral names. Allison wants Ariel and I want Conan.”

“Conan is my favorite. No second thought.”

“I'm optimistic that Alli will end up giving in and choosing Conan too,” Renee’s smile widened.

They stopped at the door frame, between the living room and the backyard — which was even bigger than the front one. Aidan was involved in a warm hug with Allison, pressing his cheek firmly against the woman's belly.

“Hey, Minyard Senior,” she greeted. “I think your little boy wants a sibling.”

Andrew ignored her and turned to look around. He saw the very soft decor in different shades of pastel colors and filled with glitter everywhere possible. Some of the original garden decors had been moved to fit, like the padded sofas and some flower arrangements. A table in the only covered corner of the area exposed an entirely white cake and trays full of sorted candies. Andrew suddenly thought that maybe he wasn’t so averse to baby showers.

While Andrew was watching all of it, Jeremy, Jean and Kevin moved to sit at the table with Matt and Dan, who were watching the newcomers. The presence of three other glasses at their table indicated the presence of another person there besides the couple; probably Allison who had just stood up to greet the guests. Organized at the other tables, there were also some friends of Allison's work and colleagues from when Renee was part of the peace corps. Aaron was there too, talking to Katelyn on a bench under a tall tree, looking steadily back at Andrew. He nodded to him, but Andrew did nothing but look back.

And then, totally in the background, there was a group of children dancing and laughing loudly, and an adult accompanied them in both things. It was a very lively group of people, so it was very difficult to miss them there. And then Andrew realized that he knew that man.

But he should be wrong, right? It was no fucking possible that that guy was who Andrew thought he was… Right?

And that was when Aidan asked:

“Alli, Hayley is already here?”

Andrew froze, narrowing his eyes as he studied all the kids one by one. He recognized the girl as soon as he landed his eyes on her, and was sure that, against all his best wishes, that man _was_ Neil Josten.

“Yeah, she is at the back of the garden,” Allison answered, pointing right to the number of kids and Neil.

As Aidan ran towards them, Andrew approached Renee and whispered so that only she could hear.

“How in the actual hell did Neil end up here?”

Renee smiled like she was apologizing for something.

“I heard about your chaotic meeting in the middle of the school event,” she tried to hide a laugh. Andrew rolled his eyes. “Neil is Allison's ex-boyfriend.”

“Wait, what?”

This time Renee really laughed at the expression on Andrew's face.

“They dated for, what, six months? Apparently, they met a little before Allison graduated from PSU, and started dating when we moved here.”

“This is… surprising, I guess?”

“The thing is, they never really liked each other. Not that way, anyway. So the relationship didn't work. Lucky me, huh?”

“And they’re still friends?” Andrew was really curious.

“Really good friends. The break up was very smooth precisely because it was mutual. They were both very mature and moved on very well. I think they both realized that what they thought was passion was just a strong bond of friendship, and they maintained that,” she explained. “Their friendship is really interesting to get lost for something like that, so I’m glad this didn’t happen.”

It was just then that Neil finally spotted Aidan among the children. He quickly raised his head and swept his eyes all over the place, settling down only when he found Andrew beside Renee. Neil grinned, completely turning to wave at Andrew, who just rolled his eyes and sighed.

“So you don't completely hate each other?” Renee legitly asked.

Andrew didn't look at her as he answered. “Oh no, I totally hate him.”

Renee alternated her gaze between the two men, raising an eyebrow.

“Interesting,” she murmured. “Well, feel free. We are not serving any alcoholic drinks, but you know where we keep the bottles reserved for your visits. Just don't let Kevin find out.”

She blinked and left, leaving Andrew alone. Before he could help himself, he was walking to the back of the garden, with a pair of blue eyes still fixed on him. Before he got there, however, Neil signaled him to go to the table where the others were. Andrew stopped and changed the course of his walk, pulling out the free chair next to Kevin. He has to admit that he was a little surprised when Neil arrived, asked Matt and Dan — who were on the other side of Andrew — to jump to the next chair and sat down next to him, but obviously showed nothing. A quick look around the table indicated that he was not the only one surprised.

“Hey. I’ve missed our enthusiastic conversations,” Neil had enough guts to say.

“Hey, Neville. I can’t say the same.”

“Uh, his name actually is—,” Dan tried to say, but Neil stopped her with a wave of his hand.

“He knows, Dan.”

“Do I?” Andrew made an affected expression back to Neil, who just smirked.

“Hey, Kevin.” he greeted. “And the other two gentlemen are…?”

“I’m Jeremy and this is Jean, we’re his boyfriends,” Jeremy answered, with a bright smile.

Andrew could see the apprehension on Kevin's face. After years he was still nervous about people's reactions to their relationship. Andrew himself had already heard people saying shitty things before. Neil didn't seem to mind, though.

“I’m Neil. Also known as our lovely Andrew's best friend.”

 _Fuckery little fucking fucker_ , Andrew thought. Every single soul at the table turned to look at the auburn-haired man, except for Andrew. He was busy cursing Neil mentally for calling him _lovely_ and everything else.

“Neil, dude, are you ok?” Matt did everyone a favor and asked.

“Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?”

“I’m pretty sure you two were about to take each other's skin off with your bare hands, like, just over a week ago,” Dan said.

Yes, it did happen. But during the time since that day (especially after their kids' practice on the day after), Neil and Andrew _happened to meet_ a few other times. Like when Neil was waiting for Hayley outside the school and he spotted Andrew across the street, leaning against a low wall and looking like he was also waiting for something. _Probably Aidan_ , Neil thought. If, after that, Neil arrived earlier on every other day and waited on that same low wall to have a chance to talk to Andrew for 10 minutes until their children were free to go home, no one would need to know.

Or when Andrew started attending all Aidan's practices, even though the boy insisted he didn't have to go, since he wasn't a fan of the sport. Incredibly, Andrew hadn't been bored once, because he was always too busy reminding Neil how much he hates him.

“Oh, Dan, times change and so do people. Isn't it, _sweetie_?” Neil said. It took Andrew some time to realize that the question was directed to him.

He turned his head, slowly, to Neil, who was already looking at him. Andrew took in Neil's full view and looked him in the eye.

“I hate you so much,” he said.

And the son of a bitch smiled. As simple as that, he had the audacity to fucking smile on Andrew's face.

“So sweet. I hate you too.”

Everyone was looking at them with different expressions, but luckily they were distracted when Aaron and Katelyn joined them at the table. Andrew turned his gaze away and looked straight ahead. Neil continued to smile like a damn puppy.

“Oh, I must say I was quite surprised when I found out that you have a twin,” he whispers only to Andrew.

Andrew shrugged. “I forget about that sometimes.”

Neil laughed audibly and frowned playfully. He was leaning over Andrew to keep the conversation from escaping to the other people at the table, so Andrew felt the warm breeze of Neil's breath on his shoulder as he laughed.

“Katelyn, sis, are you and Aaron living in a hole? We haven't seen each other in, like, months?” Dan noticed.

As always, Katelyn smiled pleasantly before speaking. “We moved to Albany, which is perhaps why you haven't seen us.”

“Albany is about a six-hour drive from here, right?” Matt tilted his head as he asked the question.

“Yes, around that.”

“Wait, was Katelyn a member of the Foxes with you?” Neil was curious.

“Oh, no. I used to be a Vixen,” she smiled again.

“Which is…?”

“The PSU cheerleading team. I was the captain for a while”

Andrew rolled his eyes because she _always_ says that.

“Oh, this is so cool,” Neil got excited. “People say that I am a great dancer. How interesting would it have been if I had been on my university's cheerleading team?”

This drew laughter from Dan and Matt, while Katelyn just nodded at him playfully.

“You look like you have the spirit, maybe you really would have done great.”

“Perhaps if I had more time available during my time at university,” Neil sighed. “What do you think, Andrew?”

“Awful, to be honest.”

Aaron looked between them and raised an eyebrow at Andrew, which reminded him why he hadn't missed his brother since Aaron moved out. Andrew didn't ask anything, anyway. He remained quiet and let the conversation dominate his senses, only responding a few times when Neil directly asked him something. He was starting to get annoyed by Aaron's look, but he did well to hide the fact so far.

 _“Did you get stupid or something during the time I was away?”_ Aaron finally spoke, in German, when he couldn't take it anymore.

The conversation around did not cease, because everyone was used to it by now. However, Andrew noticed how Neil stood motionless beside him when he heard the foreign words leaving Aaron's mouth. As nobody said anything, that seemed to be enough incentive for his twin to proceed.

_“Are you really going to just let this guy flirt with you all the time and do nothing about it? Because it's obvious that this is what he is doing if it’s not clear enough to you.”_

Andrew was still silent, and Aaron's cheeks turned red as the anger boiled inside him for being ignored.

_“Or maybe you don't mind because you're flirting back? In that case, this is a bit disgusting, Andrew.”_

_“Just shut up,”_ Andrew finally said something, also in German.

 _“I can't believe I left you alone with Nicky and the three musketeers right here to come back and find out that you're hitting on any guy who gets in your way,”_ Aaron seemed really upset by that, which didn't make any sense to Andrew, because — if by any chance what he was saying was really true —, it was as he had said, _Aaron had left Andrew._

But things turned in a very interesting direction, because in the next moment, Neil, who was silent and attentive to everything, turned to Andrew and smiled widely.

 _“Are you flirting with me and didn't even think about telling me?”_ The question was for Andrew, but his voice was full of sarcasm directed at Aaron. And, to everyone's surprise at the table — more for the twins than for everyone else — he was also speaking in German.

 _“Do you speak German?”_ Aaron's face was completely furrowed now.

 _“I literally just spoke it in front of you,”_ Neil rolled his eyes. Andrew was slightly amazed by the detail that Neil showed no accent in his pronunciation. _“Look, you're talking some real shit and I feel like I should stop you already because if Andrew doesn't do anything, I will. Then listen to your brother and shut up.”_

Everyone at the table was silent for a few minutes, even though they hadn't understood a word and didn't really know what was happening. Fortunately, Aaron took Neil's hint — not willingly but still — and said nothing more.

“So, Neil, how did you meet Allison and Renee?” Jeremy asked, being the super kind guy he always is and also the best at keeping the uncomfortable moments away.

“Allison and I used to date, a few years ago,” Neil turned back to English, easily acting like nothing had happened.

Matt and Dan moved identically as they turned to him abruptly.

“What? I didn't know that,” Matt said.

“I hadn't met you yet at the time. It was really long ago, I had just adopted Hayley.”

“And you're still in good terms with her? Allison, I mean,” Kevin asked.

“Yes, obviously. Why?”

“Allison never maintains contact with the people she has dated.”

 _“‘Never maintain contact’_ it’s a gentle way of saying it. Once we asked her to pick Mikael up in dance class and we were notified that she almost started a huge ass fight in the middle of the dance studio. We found out later that she had gone out with one of the assistant dancers once. _Once_ ,” Matt said, trying to hold a laugh.

Neil was smiling broadly. “Guess I'm very special, then.”

Everyone smiled, except both twins.

“Your son is taking a dance class?” Aaron asked Matt and Dan.

“Two classes. Classical ballet and contemporary dance. I think he inherited his mother's talent,” Matt's voice was overflowing with pride, and Dan smiled warmly.

Aaron remained silent, but Andrew knew the judgmental expression on his face, and he was already done with all of this. Andrew got up from the table and walked into the house. He knew before he really saw that someone was behind him, from the sound of another pair of feet on the wooden floor. A quick look over his shoulder made Andrew sigh.

“What do I have to do to get rid of you?” He asked.

Neil laughed from where he was.

“Only over my dead body.”

“Okay, we can solve that really fast.”

The kitchen was empty and Andrew went straight to the pantry and looked for the bottle of vodka that Renee kept there. When he returned, Neil had his arms crossed in front of him and his hips were resting on the counter.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

Andrew placed the vodka on the opposite counter and opened the refrigerator to pick up the remaining items.

“Strawberryoska,” Andrew answered.

Neil's grimace while trying to repeat the word would’ve been funny if Andrew hadn't been suspicious of him.

“That’s a hard name and I have no idea what that is, but do you want help?”

No one said anything while Andrew exposed everything he got on the counter and reached over to try to get the blender from the hanging cabinet.

“Fucking Reynolds,” he hissed when he couldn't reach.

Neil bit his bottom lip and took a chair, placing it in front of the cabinet and climbing on top to reach the blender. When he handed it to Andrew, the dark look he received in return almost made his entire body tremble and recoil.

“Hum, you're welcome.”

He got out of the chair and put it back in place. Neil walked over to Andrew's side and watched him in silence.

“Staring.”

“What did I do?” Neil seemed almost worried when he asked.

“I believe it is _my turn_ in our game,” Andrew turned completely to Neil, looking at him sharply. 

“Go on then.”

Neil swallowed as Andrew looked him up and down before turning back to his eyes.

“Why the hell are you still unbearably nice and all that shit?”

“Oh, well, don't you want me to be nice? I believe I can be a douchebag if you rather.”

“Answer my question.”

This actually took Neil by surprise, so he had to think about it for a while. He couldn't keep Andrew's gaze on during that time, though. It was very intense and deep, Neil felt too much exposed.

“I don't think I'm able to answer that, to be honest. Maybe I'm just fond to people who hide behind a thick shell because it kinda reminds me of myself… Or maybe seeing your affection towards your son made me trust that you are at least a bit nice,” Neil said, still unable to stare back.

After a few moments of silence, Andrew was the first one to say something.

“Look at me.”

Neil couldn’t help but obey. He caught Andrew's eyes and, probably for the first time, he noticed — as they were in the room filled with natural light coming in through the windows — that they weren’t _so dark_ , after all. Andrew's hazel eyes seemed to be looking for something, although Neil wasn't sure what it was. For the first time among many other mutual walls of silence, the moment seemed to get too heavy between them, and Neil really had to fight to keep his eyes on Andrew's.

“Take the lemons and make juice. Wash the blender if you use it,” the latter said.

For some reason, Andrew seemed more relaxed now — as much as possible to him — than when he asked the question. Neil had no idea what the reason might be or what he must’ve found in his eyes, but the fact pleased him.

As he was told, Neil picked up the lemons on the counter and looked for a knife to cut them. Andrew looked for two long drink glasses in the meantime.

“I thought they weren't serving alcohol,” Neil said, as he put some lemon pieces in the blender container.

Andrew stopped with the glasses in hand, leaned on the counter behind him and looked directly at Neil.

“They aren’t. Renee always keeps some alcohol in case I come to visit.”

“That’s cool. So you’re making a drink?”

“Figured it out by yourself?”

Neil rolled his eyes with a smile on his face and stuck his tongue out to Andrew, then turned to focus entirely on the lemons he was cutting.

“It looks like you're following a specific drink recipe, where did you learn it?” Neil asked, almost finishing putting everything in the blender.

No answer for some time. In the space between the two, just a rustle of thick fabric was audible, and Neil thought it was probably the jacket Andrew was wearing. Both remained focused on their activities and didn't care so much about the silence in the end. After putting all the cut pieces of lemon inside the blender, Neil washed his hands and caught some water to add.

He had learned very quickly that Andrew was explicit in answering direct questions — when he answers them, that is. If he wanted to say no, you would hear the 'no' from his mouth, and if he wanted to say yes, you would hear as well. But sometimes he prolongs the silence before his answers. Neil didn't know why, and it took him a little longer to understand that Andrew's silence is not a denial or whatever, it just means that he is cataloging every word and alternative answer before expressing something.

So Neil never rushed him to answer anything.

“Is that your question? A waste of chance, don't you think?” Andrew suddenly asked.

“No, that’s not _a waste_. Don't be so b—”

He stopped the sentence in half. The new view in front of his face was definitely a considerable impact. Neil was right, after all, when he guessed that the fabric noise was from Andrew's jacket because he had taken it off.

Suddenly, all the time stopped around them. Andrew was not looking directly at him, although Neil was completely sure that he was still able to see him anyway. Andrew always sees him.

And it's not that he was looking at how Andrew's muscles contracted and stretched as he cut and macerated each of the strawberries in both glasses, the thing is that, now that his large arms were almost bare for the first time since they met, Neil finally saw his _tattoos_ , and he was mesmerized.

There were branches with thorns, objects, various weapons, fine lines, geometric designs and other things. The arms weren't completely filled with designs, but there were a considerable number of drawings. There was a specific one that completely caught Neil's attention as he watched shamelessly. A mirrored tattoo unfolded over Andrew's wrists. It was a complex pattern of vines and thorns wrapped perfectly in his smooth skin, not completely covering the pale skin of the area, but filling it enough. In addition, there were a couple of small snakes camouflaged in the drawing, and Neil probably wouldn't have seen it through a quick glance, but he was staring openly, so he saw it easily.

Neil's fingers tingled to trace the length of the lines, but he didn't know how Andrew would feel about it, so he made a mental note to use his question to find out, and by now he kept his hands still at his sides.

He focused on the black lines of the design, how the tattoo went only up to a point on the wrist where any shirt with long sleeves could cover — and maybe that's why Neil didn't notice it before — and how all Andrew's other visible tattoos were also completely black. Neil didn't see a single trace of color.

“Josten, stop staring before I find something to stick in your two eyes,” Andrew said, without moving his eyes from his task.

“Oh, y-yes, I’m sorry,” Neil fought himself mentally for stuttering and went back to making the lemon juice. He turned on the blender and tried to focus only on the liquid inside it, but his eyes inevitably shifted discreetly to Andrew's arms a few times. “Should I put sugar?”

“Yes.”

Neil looked for the sugar in the cupboards and turned off the blender to add it, then turned on again. When he had finished, he took a sieve and a bottle from one of the high cabinets in the left corner, quickly sifting the juice to remove the pieces of peel or anything else that could have remained.

When Neil turned to hand Andrew the jar of juice, he was already looking at him, two glasses in hand partially filled with a liquid that was probably vodka, brutally mashed strawberries and ice. Neil didn't look for long enough to watch what Andrew would do now, going to fulfill his promise to wash the blender after using it instead.

“I worked as a bartender a long time ago,” Andrew said.

Neil was taken by surprise, so he raised both eyebrows.

“Um, what?”

“You asked where I learned this. That’s my answer.”

“That’s pretty cool. I would love to have a secret cool skill.”

“You do have a skill,” Andrew pointed, shaking his head.

“Do I? And what is it?”

“Besides the fact that you can speak many other languages, you can also can speak enough to annoy me for three centuries.”

Neil laughed hard. “I should've expected something like that, honestly

He put the blender back in place and turned in time to pick up the now full glass Andrew was offering

“I wasn't sure you were doing this for me either,” Neil smiled as he held the glass and walked over to the nearest chair. Andrew remained where he was.

“Right. Don't let Kevin know.”

They took the first sip at the same time. Neil's eyes widened a little and he had to drink again to make sure. It was sweet and sour and hot, all at the same time.

“This is really good,” he said while licking his lips to taste every drop of the drink.

“Could be better.”

“Oh, shut up. It’s amazing and I mean it.”

Andrew shrugged and continued drinking. The sunlight coming in through the big kitchen windows left the whole room gilded, and Neil tried — _he really tried_ — not to notice how it created an exaggerated contrast to Andrew's whole presence. The tattoos sounded like a scream so dark it was against the pale skin. His blond hair shone brightly in gold just as his eyes did, and Neil thought he had never seen Andrew's eyes so clear that way before. The more he looked, the more a certain word and its synonyms pulsed in his head: _beautiful; handsome; pure; angelic_.

What Neil _didn’t_ know was that his eyes also shone in a precise shade of blue that was impossible to miss under Andrew's constant analysis. He couldn't look away. Not even to admire the coppery shine of Neil's curls or the insistence of his red lips to remain half-open. The only thing he thought he could see for the rest of his life was the scary honesty in that pair of eyes.

And there was something in common between the two that neither was able to see. Whoever said that someone's eyes are the window to their soul could easily have been inspired by Andrew and Neil standing under the dust that slowly fell in the air between them and was reflected in every single ray of light that was possible, because never before two such divergent looks had been as similar in their admiration as they were now, and it had to be something, whatever it was.

They spent some time in silence until the silence was as heavy as if the ceiling itself fell on their heads, and never before has the expression 'deafening silence' made so much sense.

“My turn in the game, right?” Neil asked. Andrew just nodded. “How do you feel about being touched by anyone other than yourself?”

Neil immediately regretted the question. The way Andrew's chest went up and down and then stopped was worrying, to say the least.

“You don’t need to answer this at all, Andrew. I'm sorry, it was stupid,” Neil put the glass on the counter and raised his hands in front of the body, a sign of regret, surrender, or whatever Andrew wanted to think it was.

“Half the time I already think you're an idiot.”

“Only half? What about the rest of the time?”

“The other times I'm _sure_ you're an idiot.”

Neil bit his lip in a failed attempt to contain a smile. “ _Ouch_. But I'll take it because I really shouldn't go where I don't have space.”

“Good boy,” Andrew replied, wearing his blasé expression and looking so indifferent to everything that Neil could almost think the question didn't affect him. _Almost_. “I hate being touched without my permission, and I never give anyone permission, so you can assume that I just hate being touched.”

Neil's chest tightened. He doesn't know if it was the fact itself, the way Andrew said it, or the fact that he actually said it, but something about it all made an uncomfortable feeling go round his stomach.

“Thank you for trusting me,” Neil made a point of exposing his hands on the bench in front of him, making them visible to the other man in an attempt to show that he would remember never touching him in a way that was beyond Andrew's control.

“Right, you owe me a tough question for that.”

“Fair enough. Are you going to ask it now?”

“Your scars. I saw it once when you pulled your coat up to your elbow, your arm was full of them. Where did they come from?”

Neil sighed. He drank all of the remaining drink at once and sighed again before putting the glass aside and looking at Andrew.

“Long story short, my biological father was a real fucking idiot. Aggressive, unapologetic, irrational, unstable, and many other less pleasant words... When I was younger he used to beat me for every single thing that seemed reason enough for him. It was really traumatic, I mean, I barely remember anything about my father other than very vivid scenes of his heavy hand or various objects that he found convenient to beat the shit out of me. Most marks remained, even over the years, and even after the wound was recovered. Others were added when my mother and I ran away when I was 10 years old.”

Andrew whistled in something like support. “Pretty fucked up, huh?”

“That's literally my family's definition,” Neil's laugh was humorless, and he didn't like hearing it the moment it rang in his ear.

“Guess I can say the same for any of my twelve foster families and my biological family either,” Andrew finally took the last sip of his drink and raised the empty glass to Neil, as if proposing a toast. “Family sucks.”

Neil smiled. “I’ll drink for that.”

After a few seconds, they put the glasses in the sink, but none moved to leave the kitchen.

“So... how did Aidan end up becoming your son?” Neil asked, stuffing both hands in his pockets. “That’s my question.”

“I have this cousin who is a complete pain in the ass, and he is engaged to another guy who lives in Germany. About four years ago I was forced to accompany the two jerks in voluntary work at a local orphanage. Aidan was in that orphanage. He was one year old and he trusted me, even though I didn't think I deserved it. Then I kept coming back, and when he was two years old I finally managed to officially adopt him.”

“That’s cute,” Neil’s smile was wide. “And, wait, I may have heard you wrong. Did they _force_ _you_ to participate in this volunteer work? I thought no one could force you into anything.”

“Yeah, douchebag? Then try saying no to a bunch of children,” Andrew rolled his eyes.

“Okay, I admit you have a solid point,” Neil was laughing. “And what about this cousin you mentioned?”

“You are very curious, Josten.”

“I just want to know if I should prepare for an updated version of your twin.”

“To be honest you shouldn't expect anything, since you have nothing to do with it.”

Neil nodded. “Okay, fine. One more question—”

“It's not your turn.”

“Shit, I think we should change the game dynamic.”

“No fucking way or you would never stop asking,” Andrew shook his head in denial almost as if he had heard the biggest bullshit in the world. “There are nicer ways to die than listening to Neil Josten talking and asking questions all the time.”

“You're mean, you know?” Neil said although he was chuckling.

“It’s just the truth, though. We're not going to change any dynamics, just wait for me to ask my question and you'll be fine.”

“There are nicer ways to die than expecting Andrew Minyard to finally ask any question,” Neil tried to imitate Andrew's tone and received a frown in return.

“Tell me about your parents, then. Where are they now?”

“Low blow,” Neil hissed and raised an eyebrow at Andrew, who shrugged and muttered _‘you asked for it’_. “Well, my dad is dead and my mom has been missing since she found out that we didn't need to run away from him anymore. Kinda ironic, if you think about it. The first thing she did when she found out that we didn't have to run anymore was running away.”

Suddenly Andrew seemed interested, studying Neil with narrowed and restless eyes.

“And have you been alone ever since?”

“It's not your turn.”

“Stop quoting my sentences,” Andrew's grimace only increased.

“Yeah, fine. Is Kevin your boyfriend?” The question was so abrupt that Andrew had to think for long minutes to make sure it was, in fact, truly being asked.

“No, he isn’t, what the fuck.”

“I just thought, judging by the intimacy Aidan has with him. And you two would kind of be a very, _um_... interesting couple.”

Andrew's face was contorted in an expression of disgust, and Neil laughed.

“Just to be clear, I think you just wasted a precious question, Josten.”

“I didn't _waste_ anything. Knowing you also means knowing the little things.”

“Yeah, well, that question had nothing to do with knowing me. It was just a meaningless invention of your weird head.”

And again, probably for the umpteenth time in the day, Neil smiled. It was almost becoming overkill the way he just couldn't stop it because nothing seemed to be enough reason to stop smiling. Andrew, on the other hand, looked almost annoyed. Not for the apparent reasons, whatever they were, he just didn't like _enjoying it_.

A noise at the door caught their attention. When they turned around, Hayley was intently looking for someone, without yet seeing the men standing in the kitchen.

“Hey, sweetie,” Neil called.

The girl turned around abruptly when she finally spotted her father. He winked at her, who ran up to him and looked at him with eyes full of amusement and anticipation.

“Hey Andrew,” she greeted the other man, to which Andrew waved back. “I didn't know you had tattoos, this is so cool!”

Hayley hopped up to him with eyes shining with satisfaction and looking no further than the drawings in Andrew's arms. However, she stopped before getting too much closer. Her eyes deliberately roamed the visible range of tattoos as her smile grew.

“May I touch?” Hayley held out her hand as if to demonstrate, but not enough to actually touch Andrew's skin.

Surprisingly, after a few seconds of thinking, Andrew nodded.

“Gently, okay, Lee?” Neil said. Andrew looked up at him, but Neil was too busy watching his daughter as a precaution to notice it.

The contrast of Andrew's huge arms against Hayley's small hands was ridiculous. She must have sensed the man's apprehension, because she did nothing more than hold him gently and, eventually, leave a ghostly touch on some specific drawing.

“Our neighbor works at a tattoo shop,” Hayley said.

“It's not a tattoo _shop_ , it's a tattoo _studio_ ,” Neil corrected.

“Okay, fine... The point is that she is very nice and always talks to us and tells the coolest stories about her work,” she kept talking while she was mesmerized by Andrew's arm, who was also lost in intense attention over the girl. “I always wished that if I had a mommy it would be her, but daddy keeps saying that I'm the only woman in his life and, well, it's not like I'm going to argue with that, right?”

The smile she shot at Neil was returned back, and Andrew looked almost amused as he watched them both. Silence covered them again, and Neil took the opportunity to watch the scene in front of him with all his attention. He saw how Andrew didn't seem totally averse to that touch and he also saw how surprised he was, probably because he noticed that, even though he allowed Hayley to do that, the girl struggled not to move in the wrong way for even a second that could cause any discomfort. Neil felt bad about all the possibilities that crossed his mind.

He also saw how Hayley admired that detail in the blonde man so hard, and he didn't remember ever seeing her watch someone's tattoos with _that_ intensity. And Neil thought he couldn't judge her, because he himself had wanted to do that in the very first moment he saw the black lines on the pale skin.

“Oh, by the way, our neighbor's name is Delia. Well, it's actually _Cordelia_ , but we call her Delia. She would like your tattoos, they are pretty cool,” Hayley spoke again, then let Andrew's arm go, turning her attention to Neil. " _Eil_ , Allison asked you to help her and Renee take more pictures while she is still beautiful and not destroyed by motherhood."

Neil smiled and rolled his eyes playfully.

“Allison is so dramatic,” he said, to no one in particular. “Apparently you'll have your long-awaited rest from me, Andrew.”

He didn’t answer. Neil bit his lip and got up from the chair. Hayley tilted her head and pulled the hem of her father's shirt.

“You need to stop biting your lip, dad. It always spoils your makeup,” she said.

“ _Oops_ , I’m sorry.”

“That’s fine. Get down.”

Neil did as he was asked, matching his height to Hayley's. He watched as she unzipped her coat pocket and pulled out a gloss pack. Advancing what was to come, Neil parted his lips and waited while the girl opened the lid, which came out with a wet noise.

He remained still while she spread the cold lip gloss all over his mouth, too focused on what she was doing for Neil to even dare disturb. Standing where he was, in the middle of the kitchen, Andrew watched them very closely, keeping his arms crossed over his chest. Hayley finished and Neil rubbed his lips together as he was used to, to spread it better.

“So? Do I look totally cool now?” He asked.

“Obviously. Isn't he great, Andrew?” Hayley looked to the other man as she directed the question at him.

Neil couldn't help but smile at the situation and turned to Andrew to give him a better view of the final artwork. For a few seconds, Andrew's hazel eyes didn't dare deviate from the glow covering Neil's lips.

“You did an incredible job, Hayley. Even managed to make your father look slightly good.”

“Yea, it's a little difficult, isn't it? He has no vanity at all.”

Andrew nodded and looked smugly at Neil, who rolled his eyes and stood up.

“Okay, keep talking about me like I'm not even here. I'll even go out to give you more privacy, okay? Enjoy it,” As he said, Neil turned on his heel and walked out of the kitchen. Before he could take two steps, he heard when Hayley whispered a 'drama queen' to Andrew, who let out a snort that might have been a hint of a smile. “I’ve heard it.”

She hurried to accompany him, and they stumbled over each other when Neil suddenly stopped and turned around. Andrew was in the same place.

“I, uh… I don’t have your number yet.”

The room fell silent as the two men just stared at each other. Hayley was unable to wait any longer, so she ran outside and disappeared through the door. Andrew actually seemed to consider him for a few seconds, before giving up and putting a hand in his pocket. And then Andrew was holding out a cell phone with the screen on for Neil.

“I'm not going to give you my number for you to fill me with messages or anything the moment we cross that door, so put yours in there and I’ll think if it's worth it or not,” he said.

Neil's smile took over his face and when he next saw himself he was already typing on the phone. He put his number and saved the contact as 'The hottest guy in town'. Andrew rolled his eyes and sighed irritably when he saw it.

“Quoting the great lyric philosopher, Carly Rae Jepsen, _‘_ _And all the other boys try to chase me, but here's my number, so call me maybe_ _’_. See ya,” Neil said, with a smirk all over his face.

He walked away without looking back. Locating Allison easily among the people, Neil walked over to her and accepted his cruel fate of being dragged around with a camera until late afternoon.

Andrew took a few minutes before moving to return to the table. He studied the bright screen of his phone, considering the new contact on his agenda. In the end, he just shrugged and put the device back in his pocket.

When he sat back down at the table, everyone looked at him in the most discreet way they could — which, of course, didn't mean much —, and Andrew realized that perhaps he had stayed in the kitchen longer than he planned. At least no one was bold enough to say anything.

~

“You don't have to wash these too, dear. In fact, you've helped enough, you don't need to stay here anymore,” Renee said peacefully, taking the stack of dishes from Neil's hand.

“Even though I appreciate your affection by wanting to send me away as soon as possible from this house, I will not die for helping to clean up this mess and neither will you, so, if you don’t bother,” Neil took the dishes back and went to the sink before anyone could argue.

Hayley was in the living room playing while waiting for Neil for them to leave. He whispered to her that they wouldn't be long and the girl nodded back.

It was when he was rinsing the last glasses that Allison approached and watched him in silence.

“May I help you?” Neil asked.

“Don’t think so. Just wondering when you started performing miracles and why I didn’t know about that,” she replied.

Neil looked at her with a confused smile on his face.

“I have no idea what you're talking about.”

“I'm talking about Andrew. We played on the same team for years and it was almost impossible to be in the same space with him without being threatened with death at least two times.”

“Don't overdo it, babe,” Renee joined the conversation, placing a kiss on her fiancee's cheek before leaving again.

“I’m serious. Renee has no voice in this matter because she was always his best friend, so it doesn't count,” Allison spoke again, gesturing expansively. “Anyway. What I mean is that you not only managed to talk to him, like, a real conversation, but you also managed to keep him at the party until the end. This is more than any of us can say.”

“Um, I'm pretty sure he didn't stay until the end because of me.”

“Judging by the way he followed you with his eyes the whole time while you were taking our pictures I wouldn't doubt if I were you, okay? The only question here is _how you did it_.”

“I have no idea.”

“Did you threaten the life of any of his protégés? I mean, besides the little misunderstanding involving Hayley and Aidan? Because if it were for that, you would certainly be a dead man on my house’s floor.”

Neil finally finished the dishes and turned to Allison completely.

“I don't know what I may have done and I don't care because, honestly, I don't believe what you're saying,” he clarified.

Allison shot the accusing look that Neil was already used to, so he stayed in place and raised a defiant eyebrow at her.

“Okay, you little shit. Now you really should listen to my lovely woman and go home. Get some cake before you leave because not even the pregnancy hormones are going to make me eat all that cake.”

Neil smiled and nodded, hugging Allison tightly before leaving to pick up his cake and finally go home. Renee met him at the door and said goodbye to the man and Hayley, saying she would wait until the next time they would show up there.

When they were in the car, Hayley fell asleep almost immediately, and Neil almost wished he could do the same instead of being stuck in his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it for now and see you again in the next chapter. thank you very much for reading.
> 
> don't forget that authors like kudos and comments. let me know what you think of everything so far?
> 
> (and you can always find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/) and you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/moon020310) if you want and help support me)


	4. And we wind up in the same place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil finally gets Andrew's number and they go out together for a little interaction between two bros, you know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like this chapter but no more than my beta reader does. Nobody likes this chapter more than they do, period. I hope y'all can like it too.
> 
> (small trigger warning: mention of Drake)

Neil didn't have to be in that meeting. What recipes the restaurant accepted or not was none of his business. He was only there because the company he worked for was one of those responsible for importing most of the products into that restaurant. All those hours talking about  _ Königsberger Klopse _ and  _ Wurstsalat _ got Neil thinking he wouldn't be eating German food for the next few weeks and turned out to be a little more than just annoying.

Despite that, Neil had to admit that as tiring as these meetings could be, they were easier than the ones he used to have in his early years, while in his previous job. Looking at it this way, getting words like  _ Originalrezepte _ ,  _ Finanzen _ and  _ zufriedene Kunden _ stuck in your head couldn't be that bad — when compared to meetings that would certainly end violently.

Neil had opened the button on the top of his shirt, just enough to get a better breath. He knew he was close to pulling his own hair out because for  _ weeks _ he had been dealing with the negotiation of products for that chain of restaurants focused on foreign countries. The German restaurant, in particular, had been doing a bit of work in the last few days, as Neil needed to get in with the new products as soon as possible but all of his strategies and buying offers were vetoed by his boss out of sheer stubbornness.  _ Yes, prices will not always be what we expect, but it is worth it for the best of business qualities _ , that is what Neil would like to say. But he doesn't.

So he just sits at his desk and tries to make another plan good enough.

After hours sitting in the same chair staring at the same piece of paper and not being able to think of anything but the same ideas, Neil decides that enough is enough and uses the company's internal phone to let his boss know that he is transferring work to the home office.

That’s how, twenty minutes later, he is sitting in the armchair of his home office while Hayley makes soap bubbles near the door and calls him to see the biggest ones she can make. Cordelia was there too, but despite Neil's best insistence for the woman to stay, she said she needed to work and left to leave them alone. It only took ten minutes for Neil to give up on the project entirely and run after Hayley around the house.

Part of his brain was sounding an alarm that said he was still wearing his work clothes, which would be soaked with sweat if he didn't change it soon. But his daughter's loud laugh as she ran from him and shouted that she was the Bubble Queen and would banish him from her kingdom was louder than the alarm, so he ignored it.

“Okay but like, if you're the _queen_ of this said kingdom, wouldn't it be a  _ queendom _ ?” Neil asked.

“Dad. I'm six years old. I don’t know.”

“Yea, good point.”

Hayley smiled and ran again before Neil realized. He sighed and thought that maybe it was okay to miss his workout jog today, after all. They went around the house to the back, and Hayley stopped running when they reached the big empty space under a tall tree.

“I still think it would be a good idea to make a pool here,” she said, signaling for the entire free area.

“Nah, very difficult,” Neil answered.

“I didn't say  _ you _ had to do it, daddy, just...  _ someone _ .”

“Well, I think what we really should do is buy one of those backyard pools that is just to set up and fill, you know?”

“The plastic ones?” Hayley looked almost offended.

“I think they are canvas, actually,” Neil looked down at her and frowned. “And what do you have against canvas pools, by the way?”

“I don't know, but built pools are cooler.”

“I'm sorry but I'm not going to dig the entire backyard when I can choose the most affordable one and buy a canvas pool. I think I'll give you one as a birthday present.”

“Don’t you dare,” despite the challenge in her voice, Hayley was smiling. “So, dad, are you brave enough to accept a dance duel with Bubble Queen? Or maybe you're too old for that?”

Hayley raised both eyebrows, but judging by the effort in her expression, Neil knew that she was trying to raise only one and just didn't know how to do that.

“I’m not  _ old _ ,” he protested. “And I cannot duel against a queen using a name as common as  _ ‘Dad’ _ .”

“Fine, you're right. You can be Eil from the Distant Lands.”

“But why are the lands distant?”

Hayley shrugged. “Because they aren’t close.”

The impassive look Neil gave her for the obvious answer made Hayley smile. She stole the cell phone from his pocket and swung it back to her dad to put on some music. Neil didn’t hesitate to put it on some popular music playlist, and shortly afterward he was holding his daughter's hand and pulling her all over the place as they rocked to the hectic pace of the song.

A few moments later, Neil's phone buzzed with a message notification, and he reached over to pick it up. When he saw the unknown number, he raised an eyebrow, but as soon as Neil saw the message flashing on the screen, he knew at once who it was.

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ Your profile picture looks ridiculous, Nicolas. _

Neil's smile grew and spread across his face. He couldn't help but open his own profile and look at the photo there. It seemed good to him. Hayley liked it too, she even said he looked like a serious man. It was just a simple photo of Neil, taken by Allison at one of her art events, where he was wearing a navy blue suit that she unkindly forced him to wear.

One thing led to another and the next thing he found himself doing was trying to look at Andrew's profile picture — who, by the way, was the one texting him, he was very sure. It was disappointing not to find anything there, but not surprising. It’s a bit obvious that Andrew doesn't use a profile photo, and Neil furthermore bets that he must consider ridiculous everyone who does. It’s part of his aesthetic.

**_You:_ ** _ You think? Well, then thank you very much _

**_Unknown number:_ ** _ It's always a pleasure to insult you _

With that, Neil's smile returned and he pressed the dial button without thinking twice. It rang three times before Andrew answered.

“What was that? Are you trying to dirty talk to me? Like an insulting kink or something?” Was the first thing Neil said.

_ “Okay. I already regretted everything in less than five seconds, I'm hanging up.” _

“No, pudding, wait.”

_ “Pudding?” _ The indignation in Andrew's voice made Neil laugh audibly.  _ “This is not how you are going to convince me not to hang up on you, Neandro.” _

“Okay, my coconut candy, I got it.”

_ “I don’t think you do,” _ Andrew sighed.  _ “Don't you have a daughter to look after or something?” _

“Maybe you forgot, but you were the one who texted me.”

_ “There are such difficult and wrong choices that we make in our lives, and then all we can do is regret it until our last breath. This is one of those cases.” _

“Yea, I know,” Neil had no doubt that Andrew was rolling his eyes. “And Hayley is right here in front of me. Hayley, dear, do you want to say hi to Andrew?”

Hayley nodded and Neil put the call on speaker.

“Hey Andrew, can you convince daddy to build a pool at our house?”

Neil frowned at her and shook his head, whispering that it wasn't going to happen and that's it.

_“Oh,”_ Andrew's answer came. _“Why won't you make a pool at your house,_ _daddy_ _?”_

It took Neil exactly four seconds to recognize the implication in that tone of voice plus the use of the word, five seconds to widen his eyes and exactly ten seconds to recover from the continuous cough when he choked on his own breath.

“I'm not going to make such a mess in my backyard. If you want a pool, accept the canvas one and move on.”

_ “I think Aidan has been wanting a canvas one too,” _ Andrew said.  _ “But he wants to fill it up with jelly and dip in it, or something.” _

Neil cocked his head and considered the idea for some time.

“If anything, I'm a little concerned that I really found it interesting.”

_ “You really should be.” _

“Where’s Aidan?” Hayley asked.

_ “Jeremy promised to take him to buy some clothes, so there they went. With Kevin and Renee.” _

“I can't imagine a universe where Kevin Day would leave his house to buy something besides Exy's equipment... It seems unreal,” Neil can't help commenting.

To his surprise, a snort was audible from the other end of the call, but he was not entirely able to identify what its intention was.

_ “I don't trust Aidan alone with Jeremy. I also don’t trust Aidan alone with Kevin.” _

“And then you came up with the incredible idea of leaving him alone with both of them?”

_ “Exactly,” _ Andrew said as if it were the most brilliant idea of his entire life.  _ “Kevin will not allow my son to die from hugging, Jeremy will not allow him to buy any Exy items and Renee will take care of everyone.” _

“ _ Eil _ keeps saying he will take me to buy clothes, but he never really does,” Hayley protests.

“Excuse me, lady, but I don't think you know how much energy fits in your little body, and I'm not able to keep up when you decide you want to go around the world seven times until you find something you like.”

“And then you argue with me when I say that old people are boring...”

“Well, yea, this is because I'm  _ not _ an  _ old person. _ ”

“Okay, keep telling yourself that,” Hayley's face was covered with smugness.

_ “I like her,” _ Andrew said.

“Of course you do,” Neil rolled his eyes. “So, Andrew, busy?”

_ “Not at the moment.” _

“Wanna hang out?”

The truth is, Neil had no idea what was going on and he asked that totally on impulse, even though he didn't know  _ what impulse _ .

_ “I don't know you, Josten, so why should I?” _

“Yes, you don't know me, and how can we change that?” Neil asked, raising his eyebrows. Andrew remained silent. “Exactly. Hanging out.”

_ “I'm taking Aidan to that small park near a seafood restaurant and a pet store, do whatever you want.” _

“Can you give me the name of any of these places?”

_ “Sorry, I can't remember,” _ and the sudden silence on the line indicated that Andrew had hung up.

Neil stared at the screen for a few minutes, incredulous. At the slightest hint that they might be going out, Hayley had run inside the house and would probably return dressed and ready for the world. Neil added the new contact as 'Cutie Pie' and hurried to browse the city map while looking for said park.

After ten minutes he had reduced his options for two, although only one of them fully met Andrew's description.

He sent a message to Andrew and left to patiently get ready.

~

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ I'll be there in forty minutes _

The words were flashing in his message box. And Andrew had only one question in mind:  _ Why did I do that? _

He could already hear Neil's soft voice and incessant curiosity following him for hours in a public space, where he couldn’t even threaten the man's life. It would be a difficult situation to endure, honestly. It was ridiculous how already easy it was for Neil to persuade Andrew into such dire situations.

Anyway, he would never admit that it took him twenty minutes and his son's help to choose an outfit.

“But doesn't it all look the same?” Andrew asked.

“ _ No _ ,” Aidan answered as if it were obvious. “You always wear pretty clothes daddy, and you know it. I learned that from you.”

Andrew looked at the dark blue overalls and the pastel pink and blue striped shirt Aidan was wearing, and then at his own turtleneck and black jeans. He frowned.

“Learning must have strayed somewhere between Nicky and Renee.”

Aidan gave a short laugh and looked at his father playfully. “I meant that you taught me to wear what I want, even if the boys in school are mean to me.”

Andrew sighed. He hates that subject because he knows that wanting to threaten children is not exactly appropriate, but there is nothing else he wants to do every time his son talks about some other boy who offended him at school.

“But what does this have to do with the current situation?” The older asked.

“Because you must wear whatever you want, and this is how you will look beautiful. Satisfied, not trying to delight.”

With that Andrew had to look his son up and down. “The last time I checked you were six years old, not a wise mountain monk.”

“I'm parroting what you said to me once, of course I'm still six years old. Just as I still want to go to the park, so hurry up.”

Aidan gave an innocent smile and left the room. Sometimes Andrew could be quite surprised by his son, to be honest.

He looked at himself in the mirror one last time and hurried to follow Aidan. Soon they were in the car and leaving the building's garage.

“Jeremy gave me this outfit today. He said it's called a  _ roverhall _ .”

Andrew let out a weak affectionate laugh before he managed to scold it.

“It’s  _ overall _ , baby.”

Aidan repeated the word to himself a few times, to make sure he understood. But the third time, he simply interrupted the word in half and proceeded to fiddle with the fabric instead.

“Did you like it?” The boy asked.

Andrew didn't have to look to know his answer. Of course he liked it.

“Yes, I did. You look cute,” he answered then, and just got a quick glimpse of Aidan's smile — through the rearview mirror — before turning his attention completely to the traffic.

“I’ve never heard you calling anything cute before.”

“Yeah, it probably didn't happen. But you’re always cute.”

“Thank you, dad.”

Andrew nodded and smiled back, even though his son couldn't see him.

“You haven't finished telling me about your time out with Jeremy, Renee and Kevin.”

“Oh, right. Renee was mostly excited about every other thing she saw that she could buy for the little bean,” Aidan started speaking, “I think we should give them a gift too, you know? Maybe she and Allison would be happy.”

“You're probably right.”

“She also said that she knows you have no religion, but she would be happy if you were the little bean's godfather,” Aidan frowned and bowed his head. “What is a  _ religion _ ?”

Andrew had to consider his words for long minutes because he didn't know how to explain this to Aidan without leading to an argument where the boy wouldn't even understand more than three words.

“It's the belief in the existence of a superior, supernatural power or principle, on which the destiny of the human being depends and on which respect and obedience are due. And a system of doctrines and ritual practices based on this belief. You can say that they use it to try to find meaning in life when the things they have are not enough.”

Aidan was quiet for long minutes, and Andrew knew he was processing everything slowly so he didn't interrupt, instead tapping the steering wheel with his fingers to keep the car from falling into gross silence.

“Like fairies?” Aidan first asked. “They are powerful, and people depend on them to survive because fairy dust is magical. And we do rituals for fairies, don't we? Like leaving the tooth under the pillow for the tooth fairy. This is a ritual, isn't it?”

“I guess...” Andrew was static.“I guess it is.”

“So our religion is fairies?”

“Well,  _ I _ don't have one, but you can believe in fairies if that’s what you want.”

“But I don't want to do this without you, pop.” Aidan was pouting and big-eyed, and Andrew's biggest mistake was seeing it in the rearview mirror. He sighed and shrugged.

“Okay, right. Our religion is fairies.”

His son threw his arms up and made a commemorative noise.

“And what is a godfather? Will you be the little bean’s father too?”

“It depends on whether I accept or not,” Andrew explained. “And a godfather is like a person that will be there if the parents are not.”

“Um, I think I got it,” he was nodding. “Anyway. Also, Jeremy took me to this cute shop, which Kevin kept saying that looked like a creature that was too sweet and colorful had thrown up all over the place. It was there that we bought this  _ overall. _ ”

“Did you really like everything there?”

“Yes, I did.”

“I'll think about whether we should go there together sometime.”

“I would really enjoy it if we did, then we could also play together in the mall's game room.”

“Sounds good to me,” Andrew was nodding.

“Thank you, I will remind you about this  _ forever _ until it happens.”

“Unfortunately, I know you will.”

Aidan smiled and unconsciously started to twist the straps on his seat belt. Andrew was quick to pick up the silicone toy and toss it to his son, who changed his focus entirely to the toy in his hands. They talked less for the rest of the way, which didn't take long because luckily the traffic was on their side.

Aidan handed Andrew the toy to keep back as soon as they got out of the car. Andrew just tossed it into the car and locked the vehicle as he walked away with his son.

As always, Aidan was extremely attentive to everything. This made them walk slowly because the boy was all focused on the surroundings and nothing on the walk itself, but trying to get him through places without analyzing and absorbing every single thing would make him uncomfortable, so Andrew just kept his pace slow beside him and let him do his job.

Aidan talked about a tree that he noticed was exactly like another, a butterfly flying low, a child that fell to the ground and all the other things he managed to see until he considered it safe enough.

They went for the usual bench, in the right position for Andrew to be able to keep his son in sight and away from the noisy children running around the playground in the center of the park.

Aidan did nothing but wave and shout incomprehensible words as he ran to meet a friend or colleague who was calling for him at the playground. Andrew leaned fully on the bench and pulled his phone out of his pocket. The screen unlocked to show the last messages received, half an hour since the last one. The one from Neil. Andrew sighed and tried to imagine if he would really come. And then hoped he wouldn't.

Everything was fine as with every passing minute he became more convinced that he could be at peace as he wanted. But the problem arose when, approximately six minutes later, a light laugh reached Andrew's ear and he looked up to see the bastard walking delicately as a feather as he held Hayley's hand and spoke something apparently very funny to her.

They had seen Andrew, for sure. If he ran now it would be impolite and unpleasant. If Neil were the only one there then he wouldn't mind, but Hayley is too sweet, so.

Neil was well dressed, which usually means that he didn't do it alone — which Andrew would have guessed even without knowing this detail, because his set of clothes was just like Hayley's, from head to toe; both wearing a black shirt with branded high collar passed through the black fabric trousers with fine lines forming a pattern of white squares, leather belt and the same pair of blue All Star.

Neil grinned when he caught his look, and Andrew rolled his eyes.

“You said forty minutes, Josten. It’s still very early, I should have a few more minutes of peace.”

“Did  _ Eil _ arrive  _ early _ ? This is a miracle then, he  _ never _ does that,” Hayley said as if that was a detail that annoyed her a lot.

She didn't stay to hear anything else, though, running after where the other children were. Neil blinked as he observed the fact that his daughter had almost simply disappeared into thin air. He blinked again and looked at Andrew.

“May I sit?” Neil pointed to the empty seat beside Andrew on the bench.

“No.”

“Okay, fine.”

He walked over to the opposite bench and sat there. Considering that each one was on one side of the track that surrounded the park, a short but considerable distance was placed between them.

Andrew remained silent, waiting for Neil to do the same. But of course, he doesn't because he is a son of a bitch. And what the son of a bitch does is pull out the lollipop that he had in his mouth, producing a wet  _ pop _ sound. Then his lips were moving, but Andrew didn't register it enough to understand that he was  _ talking _ . He was just watching his lips move. His wet, slightly swollen and apparently soft lips.

“Well, Andrew?”

_ Fuck, he was asking a question _ . Andrew tried to remember the movement that Neil's mouth made while he spoke, and managed to decipher — unfortunately not 100% sure — what the question was.

“It's my turn. In our game,” he answered what he thought the question had been. Neil smiled, so he should be right. “Not going to ask anything now, though.”

Neil gave him a sympathetic nod back and leaned in his seat, remaining silent. Andrew didn't expect that, to be honest. He didn't expect him to just shut up and not press. However, as surprised as he was, he didn’t move a muscle or make any effort to add anything to the conversation.

And it was curious how comfortable silence between two people could feel. Andrew didn’t remember the last time he hadn’t felt overwhelmed by the pressure to say something as if it were his duty.

Neil also didn't spend the whole time watching him as if he expected something from him. In fact, he didn't even look at him at all. He must have combined Andrew's 'no' with his refusal to talk and came to some conclusion that, frankly, didn't interest Andrew, but he nevertheless drew his attention to it.

Neil was watching some children in an informal and improvised Exy competition, his eyes carefully following each movement and narrowing a few times to better see specific moves. It might even be funny the attention he paid to such small children running around and around.

“I’ve never asked back if  _ you _ ’ve ever played Exy,” Andrew says.

“No, I didn't. Not beyond the few years of my childhood, but that is an extremely distant memory now.”

“And why’s that?”

“I guess I didn’t have enough time?” That wasn't supposed to be a question but sounded like it. Andrew hummed. “Oh, by the way, it was very easy to find this park. You should try to challenge me a little more next time.”

“Bold of you to assume that there’ll be a next time. I don't usually meet with people who annoy me.”

“I'm sorry if I have a hard time believing that I annoy you when you clearly accept my invitations and things like that.”

“Who said I accept it?”

“Well because, if you didn't, then I wouldn't be here.”

Andrew snorted and looked away. The bastard grinned with the lollipop still in his mouth and Andrew wanted nothing more than to pull out that stick very hard.

“Do you want one?” Neil asked as he raised his eyebrows.

“One what?”

“A lollipop,” he took his own out of his mouth to exemplify. 

_ Bastard and totally oblivious _ , Andrew thought.

“No,” was Andrew's entire response, to which Neil shrugged.

And then they are back in silence. Andrew's fingers were itching for a cigarette, but he wouldn't do that here, with any child being able to approach at any moment, so he just crossed his arms over his chest. Unfortunately, Neil's gaze was drawn to the gesture.

“It's kinda hard to look at your arms and imagine that under those layers of fabric you hide some really cool sets of tattoos,” he says.

“Don't look, then. Or imagine. Or do anything. Just  _ don’t _ .”

Neil's laugh was calm and almost silent. He ran a hand through his auburn hair and clung to the strands.

“Why do you hide them? I think they are so incredible,” he asks with a slight tilt of his head.

“Good thing I don't care what you think.”

“Ouch.  _ Uforskammet _ . ”

Andrew raised an eyebrow and shot Neil an unpleasant look.

“That means ‘rude’, doesn’t it?”

Neil would be lying if he said he didn't startle a bit when he heard Andrew's words. He did _not_ expect this.

“How do you know? I thought you didn't speak Norwegian.”

“I don’t. But I've been learning a thing or two lately,” he shrugs.

“Why doesn't the fact that you started with offensive words surprise me?” Neil rolled his eyes, but his tone was pure amusement. “But, so, what encouraged you to start learning?”

Something about the way he was grinning told Andrew that Neil had already picked a perfect reason that was increasing his ego.

“I don't like not understanding what is being said in front of me,” Andrew's scowl only increased as he said that.

Neil really laughed at that. The kind of laugh that makes your shoulders shake and your head fall back. Andrew is sure that something inside him swirled with that, but he was too stubborn to pay attention.

“Do you know that there are over six thousand languages used to communicate? Good luck with that goal of yours.”

Andrew rolled his eyes so much that Neil feared they were going to pop out of his head, but soon the hazel irises were staring back at him with the most bored look.

“ _ Drittsekk _ , ” he whispered, and Neil smiled even more.

“If you think I'm an idiot, what can I do?”

Having all the space of the bench to himself, Neil crossed one of his legs over his knee, spread his arms and rested them on the back of the bench, emphasizing his relaxed posture to match the sly smile he gave Andrew.

Soon Neil's attention was drawn to a food cart — with the name  _ Indian Spices _ painted on the side — that was almost passing by them. He waited for the seller to approach before stopping him.

“Tell me you have some samosa for this amazing dude right here,” Neil's voice was almost desperate while he was pointing at himself.

“Um, where is he? I don't think I can see?” Andrew narrowed his eyes as he pretended he was looking for something or someone.

Neil stuck out his tongue while making a childish face at Andrew. The seller smiled and moved to pick up Neil's samosa. “You two would make a beautiful couple,” he said while putting some of the food in a package and passing them on to Neil, who paid with a tip.

The grimace that both Andrew and Neil made towards each other reacting to the statement was terrible as if that were the most disgusting thing they had ever heard. Even so, none spoke out to really deny it.

“Oh, no, you don't have to give me back the difference,” Neil said when the seller moved to get his change of money. The man winced. “Please, I insist.”

It was impossible not to notice the way Andrew's body went still at that phrase. The seller thanked Neil a few times before following his way. When he was out of earshot, Neil leaned forward and faced Andrew with raised eyebrows.

“What's with the sudden standstill?”

“If I'm not wrong, it's  _ my _ turn in the game.”

“Okay then. I’ll be eagerly waiting for you to ask your question,” Neil crossed his legs again and leaned back on the bench.

Andrew scoffed and rolled his eyes away.

“You’re lucky because I already have some questions in mind.”

“Go on then.”

“If you could just shut up so I can do this, Nemo,” Andrew said, and Neil opened his mouth to protest, but then the words hit him and he remained silent. “I asked you the other day, at Renee's baby shower, but you didn't answer me, are you alone since your mom left?”

Neil was waiting for something like that. Really, it would be strange if Andrew  _ hadn't _ asked that, to be honest. Because it was predicted to happen, all Neil did was sigh. He didn't want to lie, though. Not this time.

“Hayley is right there at the playground,” he started with the easy part. “Honestly, she's my only family. I also have an uncle who is very nice, but he leads a high business in England so we never got to see each other very much. That's it. This is my family.”

“Shit,” Andrew doesn't even have the decency to look something other than deadpanned, and it made Neil laugh. “This is very depressing.”

“Now you understand why I don’t hang around talking about my life?” He was grinning despite the conversation. “What about my question?”

Andrew shrugged.

“I had this foster brother when I was around twelve years old. He said he would stop if I begged.”

It took Neil long seconds before realization hit him, since Andrew didn't act like he was going to say anything more than that. But once he did, he felt a definitely bad shiver from head to toe. Something inside Neil broke, he was sure, at the same time that something fell into place.  _ He doesn't like to be touched _ , it was the first thing that occurred to him once he realized what it was about.

“And you believed him,” Neil said. It was not a question. Still...

“Of course I believed. I was a child,” Andrew was visibly tense. “So, yeah, I believed him. And, yeah, I hate that word.”

Neil wanted to say 'I'm sorry'. He wanted to speak Norwegian and see whether it would make Andrew relax too — just as it did with Hayley. He wanted to do or say something that would prove that he wasn’t alone now. But he could only think of how Andrew would hate him if he saw the slightest hint of pity or something like that on his face. So, all Neil did was nod and make sure he was listening.

They didn't have to say anything else for the next minutes. And, anyway, Aidan and Hayley came running towards them a while later. They were very proudly singing a chorus of 'we're hungry'. Neil passed his samosas on to the children and told them to share. He was suddenly too distracted to think about eating something now. So distracted that it took him a while to realize that his lollipop was gone and now he was just biting the stick incessantly.

Neil allowed himself to divert his attention when Hayley opened the package and her eyes lit up when she saw what was inside, while Aidan frowned a lot and said he had never eaten triangles. Hayley went into a deep speech about what a samosa was and how she and Neil always ate different recipes from different countries whenever they could because repeating food forever is boring. Aidan nodded the whole time and said he likes Mexican food because 'uncle Nicky' always does some for them.

“Mexican food is cool, but we rarely eat it because Neil always misses the spices, then it ends up going to the trash and we order a pizza,” Hayley said, shrugging.

Aidan almost seemed insulted by that statement, so he grabbed Hayley's hands and looked at her with wide eyes.

“Let's go to the restaurant that Nicky always says is the best! I can show you my favorite foods, I know you'll like it.”

They slowly turned and started walking while still holding hands, without saying another word. The children stopped a little ahead, but kept talking with the same enthusiasm, which meant that they were just waiting for their parents to follow them.

Andrew got up from his bench first and Neil sighed as he thought about what excuse he would give Hayley to avoid saying something like 'um, so, Aidan's father kind of tolerates me a lot less than he lets on and I'm sure he would rather kill me than letting me follow him for another minute today '. Maybe he could say that he wasn't feeling well? It was a worn but unerring excuse.

“Are you coming or not?” Andrew asked, still standing in front of him. Neil blinked a few times in awe. “Not sure if I’m going to return Hayley to you if you leave her alone with me. She's a really nice girl that doesn’t deserve to live with someone like you.”

Neil bit his lip so hard he knew it would leave a mark, but that was not enough to stop the involuntary grin that spread across his face. He was standing by his feet in a jump and passing Andrew to go to the children.

“Every time you say something like that I believe it a little less,” Neil had a huge smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it for now and see you again in the next chapter. thank you very much for reading.
> 
> don't forget that authors like kudos and comments. let me know what you think of everything so far?
> 
> (and you can always find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/) and you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/moon020310) if you want and help support me)


	5. Oh baby, come on, let me get to know you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil and Andrew go to a restaurant with the kids and make small talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I particularly like this chapter a lot, but it took a bit of work to write it ngl. Second, I'm horrible, terrible, bad, worthless, unusable and unproductive at slow burn. bye
> 
> (tw: mention of children's difficult past and problems carried on to the present, Moriyama family, mafia, child trafficking, Neil's past and insecurity. let me know if there's anything else)

“There was that other time when Kevin got so stressed with dad that he put both hands over his ears and went out shouting to avoid talking to someone else,” Aidan said with some difficulty because he couldn't stop laughing.

“Kevin is such a brat,” Hayley agreed.

“Since when do children sit at a table to gossip?” Neil was really amused, but he tried to pretend he wasn't.

Once inside the restaurant, they had easily managed to get a table with enough space for four, upstairs. Some waiters passed them but it took a little longer than expected to finally decide what to order and now that they did, there was no one in sight.

While waiting, Neil got distracted by the ease and relaxation on Andrew's face. He had noticed it, and, more importantly, why.

Since they arrived at the table, Aidan hadn’t stopped smiling and talking. He was talking about everything he thought was important and being heard and answered, and that was encouraging him to keep the dialogue going. Now, Neil hardly knew that child, but he had already seen with his own eyes how shy and somewhat anxious Aidan was in face of new situations and people, so probably Andrew was feeling sick with pride for the umpteenth time that day about that. Because his son was rambling, rambling and rambling and not even looking twice at it.

Neil definitely understands that.

“But why did Kevin get so stressed, anyway?” He asked, encouraging the little boy to keep talking.

“Because daddy is the best goalkeeper in the world! No shots ever pass through him!” Aidan was all cheers and excitement.

“Not _the_ _best_ , though,” Andrew protested.

“I doubt it,” Neil waved his hand. “I saw little or almost no material from the Foxes while Kevin was there, and consequently you, but I can always search for games on the internet and watch them like there's no tomorrow. Then I will prove that you're wrong.”

“Geez. Junkie,” Andrew seemed really horrified.

The children chuckled and Neil did the same, winking at them.

“Neil isn’t wrong. You know, I started playing Exy because of dad,” Aidan looked really astute about his statement.

“That’s _very_ sad. There are, like, a bunch of things that it would be acceptable for you to do because of me, and start playing Exy is _not_ one of them.”

The waiter came over while they laughed. He was a tall man, with long hair past his shoulders and a wry smile on his face. He looked directly at Neil as he asked, “ _Buenas noches, señores._ Have you chosen what to order?”

Neil looked at Andrew, arching an eyebrow in question. “Did you choose?”

“Nachos for Hayley and Aidan and you can choose something else.”

The waiter kept staring at Neil as he nodded and began to mentally list what to order.

“Alright then, _nachos_ for the kids, without spicy condiments, a small portion of _tostadas de tinga de pollo_ and an equally small portion of _chili con carne_. Keep the latters spicy but not too much.”

“Okay, got it. Your pronunciation sounds good, by the way,” the waiter said back. He used a lower tone and winked, but not that Neil noticed. He also tucked his hair behind his ear a few times and smirked widely.

“Yeah, it’s probably because I’m fluent and try to practice whenever I can. But thank you anyway.”

The man stood for a few seconds — blinking, processing that conversation —, then he gave up, shrugged and left, taking their orders to the kitchen window. Hayley hummed.

“Um, _Eil_ , I think that man _likes-likes_ you,” she said.

Neil frowned sharply.

“Oh, sweetie, I think that’s not possible.”

“Why not?” Aidan asked, genuinely curious.

“I don't know him and he doesn't know me, I don't think he can feel that way.”

“He _was_ flirting with you, though,” Andrew said, and Neil was about to complain that he should support him on this when he saw the shadow of a grin on Andrew's face, and then that was no longer what he wanted to ask.

“And _how_ do you know that?”

“Because I'm not an oblivious idiot, unlike you.”

“ _Dad_ ,” Aidan startled, his eyes widening. “We shouldn't say that to people.”

“Oh, Aidan, it's okay, I don't care. Your father is just a stubborn man who wants to pretend he hates me,” and Neil reached out to cover his mouth so that only Aidan could see before he said the next thing, but he made no attempt to tone down his voice. “But between us, he is a terrible liar.”

Aidan giggled. Andrew rolled his eyes and switched to German.

 _“I hate you,”_ he said.

“Always a sweet reminder,” Neil put as much sweetness into his voice as he could.

“I agree with Andrew. The man was blinking like a princess, and princesses always do that to princes. Do you know what that means...” Hayley shrugged.

“Princesses... Yeah, it's true,” Aidan nodded.

Neil was surprised. He really was. Three people at the table, besides him, and not a single one supported him.

“I propose a change of subject,” he said.

Andrew smiled and held out both closed fists to the children, who gave him two little punches back. “Are you listening to this, kids? It's the sound of our victory.”

Unfortunately, the same waiter — who’s apparently called Angel — returned to the table with two drawings and some colored pencils for the kids. Neil _felt_ the danger when Hayley's eyes shone with the opportunity she saw in front of her. He wasn’t fast enough to do something, though.

“Hi, sir, this is my dad,” she grabbed Neil's arm beside her. Andrew, who was facing Neil, bit back a smile — or whatever he called that — when the realization hit him. “Could you tell us if you _like-like_ him? Because he doesn't believe what we're saying.”

Neil's blood pressure dropped, he's sure. It was the only possible explanation for the sudden fall of his organs inside his body.

“Shit,” he cursed in a hiss.

Angel's cheeks turned pink as he was taken by surprise. Neil wanted to dig a hole in the ground and go as deep as possible.

“Um... I mean, your dad _is_ a handsome guy...” Angel said, shifting his weight from one leg to the other.

Neil's eyes widened and Andrew was no longer _kinda-smiling_. Aidan and Hayley were, though. Neil swallowed and tried to look at the waiter without collapsing.

“I'm sorry, you certainly are a very good-looking guy, but I will have to politely decline. Whatever I’m declining,” he said.

Angel's smile was sweet as he shook his head. “It's all right. You can still look for me if you change your mind.”

“Sure, yeah, of course, sure,” Neil was shaking. He doesn't know how to deal with embarrassment, he really doesn't.

The waiter smiled one last time and walked away from their table.

“Why did you do that? I want a real explanation,” Hayley snapped.

“Don't get me wrong, but you are six years old, I won't be getting relationship advice from you,” Neil raised an eyebrow at his daughter, who scoffed and shook her head.

“That’s fine. But don't come to me crying when I get a Valentine's Day flower and you don't.”

Neil was gaping. For many reasons, he was gaping.

“I'm _certainly_ not going to do that.”

But Hayley was no longer paying attention to him. She and Aidan had isolated themselves in a deep conversation about what colors best matched the red flowers Aidan had painted in the meanwhile.

“I can see the similarities between you two perfectly,” Andrew said, stretching his body and putting his arms behind his head, propping his body back on the chair. His biceps flexed with the gesture and Neil was momentarily distracted by that.

“And what would it be?”

“You two are irreparably stubborn and daring. Among many other things, clearly.”

Neil bit back his smile and rolled his eyes. “Andrew said, as if he isn't the most stubborn among everyone at the table.”

“I'm not,” he said. “I believe it’s my turn to ask something?”

Neil nodded. “Sure, you can go.”

“What's with your obsession with Kevin?”

Neil's reaction took some time to happen, because he was taken aback by the question. This was definitely sudden.

“Uh, Kevin?” He asked. “My obsession with _Kevin_ _?”_

“Yes. You talked about him a few times and you certainly mentioned that you followed his Exy playing career.”

“ _Everyone_ followed his career.”

“Still, I don't trust you.”

Neil let out a breath and covered his face with his hands.

“I shouldn't talk about it, I really shouldn't,” he sighed again. “Remember that I said I played Exy for a few years of my childhood? I played in the little league. I met Kevin through it. But we didn't see each other for more than a few days before my mom caught me and we ran away.”

Andrew was processing the new information he had received.

“That still doesn't explain anything,” he said

Neil bit his lower lip nervously.

“I was sold to the Moriyama family, my place was with the Ravens. I was supposed to be like Kevin, to be in the place that once belonged to Jean. But for that, I would need to pass the test, and if I failed I would be killed,” Neil's throat scratched at the words not often said. “I didn't even attend the second test day.”

“Your mom took you away,” Andrew guessed.

“Yes. And she only told me all of that when my father was finally killed until then I thought we were running from him.”

“And you weren't?”

“Yeah, kinda,” Neil shrugged. “My dad wanted to honor his sale agreement, so he couldn't let me get away.”

“Neil Josten against the mafia,” Andrew said, and Neil laughed. “How did you get rid of that? I know your father died but the Moriyama family is still there, as far as I know.”

Neil took another deep breath. “I work for them.”

Andrew startled in place, suddenly too attentive. “You what?”

“It's like they say: if you can't go against them, then join them… My uncle killed my father to save me and that brought me face to face with Ichirou, who offered me the chance to pay my debts with work. Turns out that knowing more than two languages and many secrets of an important mafia family in addition to being my father's son offered me the opportunity for false freedom.”

“So you work for the mafia?”

“I currently work with foreign commerce, but if Ichirou needs me then, yes, I do. But that hasn't happened once in the past years.”

Andrew studied him for long moments, with that upset and appraising look that Neil couldn't handle now, so he lowered his head.

“Tell me why I shouldn't get up from this table, leave right now and get as far away from all this as possible?”

Neil's head was up in a second — and his neck complained about it.

“I’m not going to do that, Andrew. You can do whatever you want. But I spent most of my life running away, and I'm not going to be fooled into thinking that Ichirou's proposal is freedom anyway, but it was that or running away from people much more powerful than me, it didn't seem like a difficult choice,” Neil's eyes were narrowed. He knew the look that Andrew was giving him. _“And I never killed anyone, if that's what you're asking. Not beyond self-defense.”_

He added the last part in German. Andrew nodded in understanding. _He hasn't left_ , Neil thought, _it must be a good sign_.

“It still hasn't answered my question, though. What does all of this have to do with your obsession with Kevin?” Andrew asked.

“I’m _not_ obsessed with him. For a long time, I just admired him for getting rid of the Ravens, for getting rid of something that clearly would have killed me.”

“It looks like you're pretty tough if your scars say anything. Besides, your stubbornness probably would have annoyed even the last hair on that family’s head, and they would have thrown you into the first gutter that emerged.”

Neil smiled and lowered his head. “Thank you.”

Andrew shrugged. “You have two extra questions.”

“I do? Why?”

“I asked more than I should.”

Neil studied the proposal for some time before reaching a conclusion.

“I don't want to play this game anymore,” he said.

Andrew did nothing more than frown. “Why?”

“I don't want to have to ask every single thing that I want to know about you. Just tell me what you want, just like I will say what I want and we'll go on from there.”

“If we go on like this, you won't hear anything from me, Josten.”

“Okay, if that's how you want it, I don't care. It's better this way than looking like I'm forcing information out of you.”

Andrew blinked and fell silent, staring at Neil and studying his face closely.

“75%”

“What’s it?”

“76%”

“Okay,” Neil said, although he still doesn't understand. “So, Andrew Minyard, I need to build a personality for you, tell me what is your favorite color?”

“I thought we weren't going to ask questions anymore?” Andrew raised an eyebrow.

“These are light questions, you're a strong man, you can take it.”

He scoffed, “I don't know, I don't have a favorite color. I don't think about it.”

“Um, so you're a tricky guy…”

“Do you say that based on my answer to a futile question? What's _your_ favorite color, Josten?”

“Golden?” Neil didn't really know, but he was too proud to admit it.

“And what the hell am I going to deduce from that? That you are a fairy?”

Aidan lifted his head and looked at the two men with wide eyes. _“Neil is a fairy?”_

Neil smiled and Hayley gave him a critical look.

“No, he isn't,” Andrew replied. “Fairies are nicer than that, Aidan, believe me.”

Aidan nodded and went back to painting.

“Do you believe in multiverses?” Neil asked.

“How is it possible that this question adds anything to my character?”

“How is it possible that it _doesn’t_?”

“This is not about _character_ , this is about _knowledge_.”

“So, do you believe it or not?” Neil asked again.

“The Multiverse Theory, paying special attention to the word _theory_ , was created from unscientific extrapolations from modern cosmology and quantum theory. This concept makes use of _interpretations_ of quantum mechanics that _haven’t_ been scientifically proven, which is _quite different_ from real quantum mechanics. As if the lack of _scientific basis_ was not enough, this ideology also runs away from scientific theories that _have been proven_ ,” Andrew gestured widely as he spoke. “In conclusion, I am _not_ going to cling to this unreal conception for the sake of convenience.”

Neil had watched the entire speech almost without blinking.

“Damn that was hot,” he said without thinking. Only when Andrew's head snapped up at him did Neil realize his mistake. “I mean, you’re smart. Intelligence is a really cool thing that I really respect… and also that _was_ really fucking hot.”

Neil couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Andrew getting slightly embarrassed and flustered. He could say he was just kidding, and try to ease the moment, but... was he?

“Don't be too smug, though. We already have Kevin for this,” he said instead. “So fascinated by the truth in all its forms and unable to receive a compliment that is nothing more than the clear and obvious truth... You are a mystery, Andrew Minyard.”

“77%”

Neil smiled and winked at him before speaking again. “So, do you work in the scientific field or are you just a big enthusiast?”

“I work _and_ am a great enthusiast.”

“This is cool. What do you work with?”

“I have a degree in mechatronics engineering and work as a software engineer for a gaming company.”

“Do you like it?”

“Yeah, I mean, the company is considerably large, which generates a stable monthly income. Plus I get enough money without actually killing myself from work.”

“This is really very good,” Neil agreed. “I graduated in international relations because it seemed easier, given my experience of working with the Moriyamas, which consisted of sporadic meetings with international partners and stuff. Obviously, I misjudged. And then I had to juggle between studying, working and eventually becoming a father.”

“How did you two end up together?” Andrew nodded in Hayley's direction, indicating who he was referring to.

 _“Her birth mother was trying to sell her to the Moriyama family while she was only a few weeks old. I'm lucky that I managed to get to the woman before she found someone else,”_ Neil switched to German. He didn't want the kids to listen, they didn't deserve it.

“That's disgusting.”

“I know, right? I loved her since the first time I held her in my arms. For the first three months, I cried almost every night thinking that I couldn't fail, that I had to stand for myself and for her. And I was dealing with other personal stuff at the time, which only made the situation worse. For the whole first year, I had nightmares. It was an actual hell, but I would do it all over again,” Neil didn’t notice his eyes were watering until he tried to lift his head and noticed that his vision was blurred. Surprisingly, Andrew raised one of his hands and pinched the back of Neil's hand on the table, an implicit attempt to bring him back to the present.

“You didn’t fail,” he said. “It was difficult for me at first too. It took me some time to get used to the idea that I wanted _this_ child, that I wouldn't be like _them_. It’s difficult sometimes nowadays too. How many nights of sleep did I lose each time he said that some other child was mean to him? Or when he started to develop more and more defense mechanisms? He's only six and it kills me that I can't be enough all the time.”

Neil was too surprised by the amount of feeling that, for the first time, Andrew was letting out. He didn't react to that, though. Andrew would kill him.

“Shit, this is getting depressing real fast,” he said, instead.

Andrew let out a short amused huff before biting his lip to suppress.

The waiter — Angel again — arrived with the orders and smiled widely as he placed all of it on the table. Andrew just looked at him disinterestedly and Neil thanked him with a smile (and an attempt not to blush). Aidan and Hayley pulled the drawings and colored pencils out of the way and placed them on the corner of the table.

Andrew distributed the nachos between the children's plates while Neil let them taste the cheddar, sour cream and guacamole to choose their favorite. Both Hayley and Aidan opted for guacamole. Andrew wrinkled his nose at that.

The two men were silent as they listened attentively to the children's endless chatter, smiling sometimes and adding a few comments.

Andrew was distracted by Hayley's interrogation of how the process of getting so many tattoos had gone, so he didn't notice when Aidan got distracted by his own thoughts and stopped eating, staring at nothing with lost eyes. Neil, however, noticed and swallowed the food he was chewing before turning slightly towards the boy.

“Hey, Aidan, did you ever tell me what your favorite cartoon is?” He asked, using the softest voice he could muster and smiling.

Aidan blinked a few times before looking at Neil.

“I don't know which one it is. Actually, I don't know how to choose just one,” the boy replied.

“Yeah? Me neither, you know? But tell me about something you like to watch a lot, maybe I'll end up enjoying it too, right?”

Aidan nodded and smiled. Neil took advantage while he started talking about when he watched Mulan's movie and grabbed a nacho, ran it through the guacamole and brought it to Aidan's mouth, which he ate without realizing it. Neil smiled and encouraged him to continue talking while continuing to feed him. When the plate was empty, Neil smiled in satisfaction and went back to eating his own food. Andrew was looking at him.

“I'm sorry, I should’ve asked you if you wanted to do this,” Neil snapped, alarmed.

Andrew shook his head and raised his hands before Neil continued.

“It's alright. Just… that was cool.”

Neil's smile expanded so much that he was afraid his cheeks would hurt.

“It's nothing,” he was sure he was blushing. And Andrew, _fuck—_ Andrew was feeling something new in his chest.

They ate almost in silence after that. It was comfortable and warm and everyone was satisfied. When Hayley and Aidan finished eating their food, they ran to the bathroom to wash their hands, despite all protests from Neil and Andrew to not run on the restaurant. Alone at the table, they just continued chewing without looking at each other. That is until Andrew cleared his throat and caught Neil's attention.

“Remember the cousin I told you about?” He asked. Neil frowned as he thought for a while until his face lit up and he nodded. “We’re throwing a surprise party for him if you wanna show up…”

Neil smiled warmly and felt something melt in his chest, but he didn't know exactly what it was.

“The only problem is that I don't know him,” he said.

“The club where we’re throwing it is cool, though. And you didn't seem to have a problem getting along with new people before.”

Neil smiled even more. “He’s not going to be mad?”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Nicky wouldn't miss the chance to have another handsome man to look at on his birthday night.”

It took a few seconds for the full sentence to hit him, but then Neil was smiling wickedly.

“Do you think I'm a handsome man?”

And Andrew _couldn't_ . He just _couldn't_ stand that smile.

“Just shut up, Josten.”

It only made his smile widen. Andrew rolled his eyes.

“Text me the date and time,” Neil said.

Not long after, the children came back smiling and insisted on showing the drawings they had colored. Obviously and naturally, no one has been able to deny it. Hayley showed hers first because Aidan was a little sheepish and she wanted to show him that it was okay.

“This is me,” she showed with pride filling her voice.

Neil looked at the drawing of a woman on the paper, colored the same dark shade as Hayley's skin and the blue of her eyes, those being the only similarities. The hair was completely colored green, several black lines ran across the skin in what Neil _assumed_ would be tattoos and a completely black makeup covered her face.

“Um, help me to see the resemblance?” He asked.

“Well, that's because that's me in the future after I dye my hair and get all my tattoos.”

“Okay. I liked the use of the expression _‘in the future’_. Why don't we leave this conversation for the occasion, yes? Your coloring is beautiful, my girl.”

She smiled and sat back.

Andrew covered his mouth with a hand and pretended he was whispering only to Hayley, “Don't tell your father, but look for me again when you're eighteen and I'll give you my tattooist's number.”

Hayley chuckled and nodded vehemently at Andrew before he winked at her.

“Now show yours, _Aidanny_ _!”_ She cheered.

“Aidanny?” Both Neil and Andrew asked at the same time.

“Aylee gave me that nickname,” Aidan shrugged.

“And I suppose Aylee is Hayley?” Neil raised an eyebrow.

“Indeed,” the little boy agreed. “Anyway. I painted flowers.”

He turned the paper over for everyone to see and showed the mixture of colors running all over it. There were lots of flowers and a perfectly planned color palette that made Neil jealous that _he_ couldn't do that.

“I truly liked that. Take it home and hang it together with your other drawings, how does it sound?” Andrew seemed highly impressed.

“Okay, dad,” Aidan smiled so much that his eyes were hidden behind his cheeks. “I like flowers, I wish you could tattoo one in one of your arms. Or both.”

Andrew pressed the softest touch to his son's chin and looked him in the eye. “Maybe someday, who knows? I would make a calendula just for you.”

Aidan's smile was almost escaping his face now. Neil felt like an intruder as if this moment wasn't for him.

“Why a calendula?” The little boy asked.

“Many reasons. First of all, it is the flower of your birthday month. Plus, the yellowish tones of this flower help keep the summer light even in the fall. Also, it represents warm, friendly and relaxed people. It reminds me of you, baby.”

Aidan's eyes widened and he looked like he was about to cry.

“May I hug you, daddy?”

Andrew nodded slowly and wrapped an arm around Aidan when he clung to his waist.

“What’s the flower of my birthday month?” Hayley's voice came on suddenly.

Neil startled and looked at his daughter.

“Hey, sweetie, we can see about that later, okay? Aidan and his father are having a little moment right now,” he whispered.

Andrew snorted and, without leaving his son, looked from Neil to Hayley.

“What month is your birthday?” He asked.

Hayley looked at her father with a questioning look.

“August,” Neil said.

“It's gladiolus. It was a flower used by Greek warriors as protection or prizes, so they are associated with strength, integrity and victory. They say that it represents people with intellectual personality with a great propensity to assume leadership roles at work and et cetera. Does it suits you?”

Hayley's smile was wild and she nodded fiercely.

“Gladiolus. I like it,” she said.

And then Neil was smiling too. And it was all _too pleasant_.

~

It had been about fifteen minutes since he'd been sitting on the couch waiting for Allison to finish making tea for them. Neil didn't want tea, to be honest, but he couldn't say no to a pregnant woman who came up to him and said she wanted badly to drink lavender tea.

Allison didn't know how to make tea, Neil much less and Renee wasn't at home, so they had a problem at first and struggled to get something done.

When the woman finally came into the room with two cups, Neil was relieved.

They were totally alone in the house. After leaving the restaurant, Neil called Matt and asked if Hayley could stay with him for a while, to which he agreed, so Neil stopped by his house to drop off his daughter and went straight to Allison's.

“You don't come here so suddenly if you don't want to talk about something specific. So what is it?” She asked.

Allison knows him too well, Neil constantly forgets about it.

“I would like to ask a question if it's not uncomfortable.”

“You know it's not, don't come up with that. Ask your question.”

Neil hesitated and swallowed before going on, taking a few sips from his teacup to ease the dry feeling in his throat.

“You can't make fun of me or anything.”

Allison laughed. “No promises.”

And Neil knew that she was being honest, unfortunately.

“How do you... Ah... How do you know when you are developing feelings for someone?”

He spoke at once and too quickly, but he knew Allison had understood. She smiled over the rim of her cup and Neil probably should have worried about the malice in that smile. He couldn't go back now, though.

“What an interesting new—”

“There's nothing _new_ being said here, I just asked a question that, by the way, I expect an answer to.”

Allison gave Neil a knowing look and nodded.

“I like the way you’re always so straight to the point, sweetie,” she shook her head. “I don't think I could tell you that kind of thing, though.”

Neil frowned and tilted his head curiously.

“Why not?”

Allison sighed heavily and took another long sip of tea.

“Because this is personal and individual. I can't imagine how each person reacts when they are catching feelings for someone, I think that everyone can experience it in different ways, you know?” She said, and Neil just nodded in silence, frustrated. “However, there _are_ some common ‘symptoms’ that can indicate this type of thing. I don't know about the truth of that and stuff, but I can talk about it if you want to hear. ”

Neil wondered for a few seconds whether listening to Allison's speech was really the best option. Not the best, but probably the only one, so he didn't have much of a choice.

“I want to.”

Allison nodded. “Maybe I've fallen in love two or three times in my life, like, _truly_. This is a feeling that is hard to forget, either now or in the future,” she wore a silly smile on her face. “You start by looking at the person, staring at them like they’re the fucking stars in the middle of the room, and every little detail looks attractive, especially their eyes. There is this great feeling when you look at this someone straight in the eye and it feels like there's a whole world inside them, your kind of world. There is also a sense of well-being every time you are together, regardless of how things are going on, everything just feels... well. And then, when you realize, you are involuntarily trying to get closer. I mean, physically. Leaning close to them, wanting to touch innocently... ”

Neil could see the gleaming look on Allison's face and it was literally impossible not to smile.

“Are you thinking about Renee?” He asked.

Allison's smile got impossibly bigger and she put a hand on her belly without thinking. She did it often now, whenever she felt at peace.

“I am. Did you manage to find the answer to your _real_ question?”

Her look was mischievous. Neil sighed and drank the tea at once.

“Yeah, I did.”

Allison smiled playfully and waved a hand at him.

“When will I meet them?”

Neil's eyes widened, he laughed and shook his head. _How funny that they already know each other, right?_ He didn't answer _that,_ however.

“Dunno yet.”

She shrugged and snorted. “Fine, I'll wait for the right moment then.”

“Motherhood is really working miracles with you, getting all-wise and good with words,” Neil joked.

“Fuck you, Neil,” she was laughing, and soon he did the same.

But, inside, Neil was feeling _totally screwed_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it for now and see you again in the next chapter. thank you very much for reading.
> 
> don't forget that authors like kudos and comments. let me know what you think of everything so far?
> 
> (and you can always find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/) and you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/moon020310) if you want and help support me)


	6. How do you like your coffee?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew is not ok (he promises). And, well, Neil is very careful with the people he decides to keep around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (trigger warnings for this chapter: unstable mental health, nightmares, mention of Andrew's past, sad child, bad state of mind and mention of a long time without eating (not purposeful, however). let me know if there's more)

Neil finally gave in to Hayley's orders and took her to buy clothes. Matt went with them, of course, because he had a much better taste on this than Neil. Unfortunately, Matt and Hayley were a much more dynamic pair than Neil could handle, that’s why with each new store they entered, the first thing he would do was look for somewhere he could sit and wait until they dislike everything and went to the next store. They walked so much that Neil was starting to wonder how Hayley would do to endure her Exy's practice in a few hours, but not even a huge miracle would be able to get her out of there.

When they finally sat down in the food court, Neil gave what was probably the most relieved sigh of his life. Matt laughed at that and shook his head.

“There is no stamina in your little body, Neil,” he said.

Neil rolled his eyes. “There is no _lack of stamina_ , the thing is that you two are merciless machines. Plus, shopping is too boring.”

Hayley gave a dramatic sigh and looked at Matt conspiratorially.

“It's because he's old,” she smiled.

“You are a little pest, you know?” Neil tried to defend himself, while the other two laughed. “Matt is older than me!”

“But he is not _old_.”

“Yeah, Neil, I'm not _old._ ”

Neil pouted angrily and deliberately ignored them both. Not for too long, though.

“Hey, are you going to Nicky's whatever birthday thing tomorrow?” He asked.

Matt frowned hard. “How do you know about that?”

“Andrew invited me?” Neil's face started burning. _Fuck, not this._

“Oh? That’s— that’s a bit shocking,” Matt raised his eyebrows until they almost reached his hairline. “Yes, I’ll be there. Do you already have something to wear?”

“I have a good amount of clothes at home, I guess I can come up with something.”

“Yeah but... I think you should buy something new to better suit the dress code of the club we are going to.”

Neil narrowed his eyes. “What kind of club is this?”

“A little tip: not a friendly-family one.”

“That doesn't exactly say much, at least ninety-nine percent of the clubs I’ve been to are _not family-friendly_.”

“The point’s that we have to get you some new clothes. Do you agree, Hayley?”

“Yes!” Hayley responded excitedly.

Neil rolled his eyes and sighed in frustration. “I don't have much of a choice, do I?”

“Nope,” Matt and Hayley said at the same time, highlighting the _p._

And that was it. They bought burgers to go and went back to walking the stores until Matt found a set of clothes that he considered good enough for Neil and the occasion. Neil immediately disagreed when he saw the chosen outfit, but he had absolutely zero chances to oppose Matt and Hayley when they pushed him to the cashier and Matt paid for everything.

They left the store with a sullen Neil trying to pay back for the clothes and being vehemently denied. They found an empty bench in front of the entrance to the mall and sat down to eat the packaged hamburgers while disastrously talking with their mouths full. When Hayley was busy dipping the chips in the ice cream, Matt cleared his throat and turned to Neil.

“When did Minyard call you for 'Nicky's birthday thing'?” He asked, making air quotes with his fingers.

“A few days ago. We took the kids to a restaurant and he invited me while we were there.”

“Damn. Blessed be Neil Josten...”

“What?”

“It's just that, I speak from experience when I say that Andrew is very complicated in terms of social interactions. Sometimes I think he would rather shoot himself in the leg than having to meet new people. Or chat normally with those he already knows,” he paused to take some air, and Neil's brows were all furrowed. “Then you fight with him until there’s almost fire in your eyes and come up with your smart mouth all over him and he does nothing about it, while any one of us would already have a knife stuck in the middle of our belly. I knew you were an angel, but not that much.”

Neil's expression was incomprehensible. “He's not all of that you insist on. It's just that you got off to a bad start and now you don't know how to get along with him. Andrew, like anyone else, has problems in life, and he, like anyone else, shouldn't have to shut himself up completely just because no one ever fits his way. Everyone expects him to stop doing what he does but no one thinks that if he does that there must be some reason, and, I guarantee, it would be all easier if you just understood it. People deal with life and stuff differently and, I don't know, maybe that's just his way. Andrew doesn't have to be re-educated, and he certainly owes nothing to anyone. Keep that in mind and it's almost certain that he will not hate you.”

Matt was silent, blinking a few times to recover. He saw something on Neil's face, one could tell by his look, and it was bothering Neil because he didn't know what it was.

“It... I guess it actually makes sense, thanks.”

“Alright, I need to take Hayley to practice now, are you going to hitch a ride?”

“Yeah, sure.”

They walked over to Neil's car and Matt went in the back with Hayley to talk about everything they had bought and how she could best wear each outfit. At some point, they lowered their voices and started talking out of Neil's hearing range, and he was sure they were talking about him. To cut their mood, Neil turned on the radio and started singing any pop song that started playing. Matt would complain, if it wasn't a song he immediately felt compelled to sing along.

Two songs later, they were in front of Matt's house saying goodbye animatedly.

“Be careful,” Matt said last, too affectionately, which made Neil suspect that there was more to those words than it seemed.

Neil nodded and smiled before driving the car back to the track and driving to school. This time Hayley didn't run the moment she stepped out of the car, instead, she stopped to wait for Neil for them to go together.

He held out his hand to her and they walked hand in hand to the inside of the court. When they stepped inside, Hayley's neck turned in all directions as she searched for something.

“Your team is right there, Lee,” Neil pointed to a corner of the court where some children were in a circle.

He raised an eyebrow when he saw that Aidan wasn't in this said circle, but clinging to Kevin while they sat on one of the benches. Hayley hadn't seen it yet, so Neil didn't mention it either so she wouldn't worry.

“It’s not that,” she pouted. “I’m looking for Andrew.”

Neil's heart exploded and rebuilt only to explode back into his chest.

“Oh?” Was all he managed to say.

Hayley giggled. “He made me promise that I would make you buy a new and beautiful outfit, so I wanted to tell him that I did it.”

Neil tried to look serious, he really did, but his mouth was trying to open in a smile that he couldn't control.

“Are you two plotting behind my back now?”

“Yes.”

The unexpected sincerity made him laugh.

“Yeah, fine. But now go to the locker room and put on your gear to get the practice started, will you?”

Hayley did as she was told, and _now_ she ran. The moment she turned away, Neil stepped onto the court and walked over to Kevin, Aidan still clinging to him.

“Where's Andrew?” He asked, in a whisper, because he wasn't sure if the child was asleep or something.

 _“You spoke German that day, on Allison and Renee's baby shower, is there any possibility that you speak French too?”_ Kevin replied, already in French.

 _“Good thing that I do because otherwise, you would have made a fool of yourself now,”_ Neil also switched to the same language.

Kevin nodded. _“Andrew stayed at home.”_

_“Is he alright? He never misses Aidan’s practice.”_

_“He… isn’t,”_ Kevin sighs and strokes the boy's hair in his grip. _“Sometimes this happens to Andrew, it's part of the routine by now. This doesn’t mean that it’s less worrying each time. Or that Aidan will be less hurt.”_

Neil's gaze darted to Aidan and he felt his heart break when he noticed how the boy really was curled up in a different way than asleep.

 _“Give me his address,”_ it wasn't even a question.

Kevin bit his lip hesitantly. _“Usually when he's like this we just give him space.”_

_“Ok, alright. But that’s on you. Give me his address.”_

He hesitated again before giving up and pulling his phone out of his pocket. Neil's own phone vibrated when Kevin sent a message — because he already had Neil's number thanks to the group chat of the parents and guardians of the children of the exy team —, and he hoped it really was the address, not some bad joke.

Before leaving, Neil walked over to Aidan and placed a soft hand on his back, lowering himself until he was level with the boy's body. A sob left Aidan when he felt the light touch of a hand.

“Hey, baby... Let me cuddle you a little, will you?” Neil whispered in the sweetest voice he could manage. Aidan nodded and loosened his grip on Kevin's neck. A few seconds later he was burying his face in the curve of Neil's neck and Neil felt his shirt and skin getting wet with tears. Kevin was staring at them and moved only when Hayley came over and saw the scene, almost opening her mouth to say something before Kevin put a finger over his own mouth in a silence sign and pulled her to sit by his side. “Are you worried about your father?”

Neil wouldn't have heard the little 'yes' that came out of Aidan's mouth if he hadn't been so close.

“Do you trust me?” He asked again, and heard another positive answer — that made his heart skip _a lot,_ but that was something for another time. “Okay. So believe me when I say your dad will be better, ok? He's strong and brave, just like you,” he placed a kiss on Aidan's head. “Are you okay with me going to your house to take care of him? Or would you rather me to stay with you?”

For the first time Aidan's head came up and he looked Neil in the eye. And, oh, Neil could die at that moment. He wished Aidan hadn't looked at him, because then he wouldn't see the tears or the worry pain in the little boy's broken eyes. He wouldn't see the silent, painful request hidden behind those reddened eyes.

Neil felt terrible. He had to swallow a few times before his tears were brought to the back of his throat. He wasn't fully sure what was going on, and he was afraid of the ideas that crossed his mind.

“I always want someone to take care of dad, but they never do that or let me. I know he always recovers in the end, but it’s sadder when you are alone. Just stay with him, no matter if he gets mad, promise?”

 _Damn, that kid._ Neil would be crying his soul out the moment he was alone in the car.

“I promise.”

Aidan nodded and rubbed Neil's scarred cheek with his little fingers. It was a touch full of kindness and confidence. Neil accepted it with his eyes closed.

“There's a teddy bear that I filled with love in dad’s room. He likes to look at it, could you try that? And tell him that I asked the fairies to take care of him too.”

At that point all Neil could do was nod, because he suspected a tear would come out if he tried to open his mouth. Aidan hugged him tight one last time and ran into Hayley's arms this time.

Neil took a deep breath and looked up at Kevin.

“Where are you going to drop him off after practice?” He asked.

“He’s staying with me, Jeremy and Jean tonight.”

“Good,” Neil turned to Hayley. “Sweetie, is it okay if I have to go out for a little long time and you sleep with Aidan at Kevin's house?”

“That’s fine, I have to take care of Aidan,” she replied, tightening her arms protectively around the boy.

Neil smiled, proud. “Good. Take her with you, Kevin. I'm going now. See you later, babies.”

Kevin nodded shortly and Neil turned to go. He was restless while driving all the way to the address Kevin had messaged him, then as he crossed the entire ground floor of the building, and then as he took up the elevator. Kevin said where the spare key was, so as soon as he found it he opened the door quietly.

Everything was silent and empty, and if Neil didn't know better he would say that there was no one there. But he knew, so he closed the door and went further into the apartment. All the doors were closed, except for one that let only a gap escape. Neil walked over to that one and stopped in front of it, taking a deep breath. He knocked slowly three times and waited for an answer. Nothing.

“Andrew?”

He waited. Nothing again.

“I just need to know if you're in there, Andrew.”

Silence. And then the sound of something not too heavy falling on the floor.

“Good. You don't want to talk, right? Let's do it like this, then, like the day we met for the second time, at Aidan's first practice... I'm going to ask if I can get in and you keep silent if the answer is _yes_ . If it’s _no_ , just make any noise. Literally any noise,” Neil hoped Andrew understood. “If you say _no_ then I’ll just turn around and leave you alone, but I’m not leaving the apartment.”

No sound came from the room, and Neil took it as a signal to continue.

Clearing his throat, he said, “Andrew, can I come in?”

He was answered only with complete silence, and that was a bit of a relief. Neil slowly pushed the door open and entered the room, closing it again behind him. He didn't have time to absorb the dark room, because the first thing he did was scan the place looking for a teddy bear somewhere, finding the toy in a corner of the room. Neil walked over there, picked it up, and only then turned around to absorb the rest of the scene.

Andrew was huddled under the dark sheets of the bed, covered up to his chin so that only his eyes and hair were visible. He had his back to where Neil was, so he couldn't see that he was being watched. Neil was grateful for that because he couldn't stop looking at him thinking about all the possibilities of what he could do from now on.

He walked over to the other side of the bed and sat on the floor, some distance away, and leaned back in an armchair behind him. Neil could sit in the chair, yes, it would probably be the logical solution, but he wanted to keep his eyes level with Andrew's, and that would only be possible that way, sitting on the floor.

They did nothing for a long time, both taking their time to absorb each other's presence. When Neil moved, he placed the bear next to him, turning it over to maybe seem like the toy was looking at Andrew too.

“Aidan asked me to try to make this bear calm you down. He also asked me to look after you and said something about having asked the fairies to do that too,” Neil shrugged, looking away to the floor. “Such audacity can cost me my life when you're better enough to stab someone, but, hell, there was no way I could say no to that little boy. Nor did I want to, either.”

Neil was speaking slowly and in a low voice, and Andrew wasn't responding, but he didn't expect him to, after all.

“I'm not doing anything for now but giving you time to get used to my presence here, but know that afterward, we will be leaving this room. You need to eat, bathe and move your body,” and that's how he got Andrew's first reaction; a hard frown. “It's not cool, I know, but it’s necessary.”

They went back to silence again. Andrew was motionless in the same huddled position, pressing his face further against the pillow so that only one of his eyes was visible now. Neil pulled his legs against his chest and rested his chin on his knee, keeping a watchful eye on Andrew. No one said anything, and the sounds of breathing together and outside noise from the city were the only things that filled the room.

~

Neil was listening to something, like a heavy rustle and muffled but consistent growls. Only when his brain took a long time to process this information did he realize that he had fallen asleep, and immediately slapped himself mentally for it. He opened his eyes slowly and blinked a few times, trying to find the source of the noise.

Andrew was writhing on the bed, rolling up the sheets and moving spasmodically over them. Neil had seen and had too many nightmares not to recognize those signs. For a moment he was completely panicked, not knowing what to do. He couldn't touch Andrew to wake him up because he wasn't allowed, so he just stood there watching while he waited for Andrew to wake up by himself. Neil's throat closed more the longer the man took to open his eyes.

When Andrew finally did, he startled on the bed and began to pant heavily, staring at the ceiling.

“ _Andrew._ Hey, it's me. Neil Josten. Doubtfully stupid half the time and certainly stupid the other half, remember me? You're here,” Neil whispered, doing his best to put as much strength into his voice as possible since he couldn't touch Andrew and that was the only way to ensure what he was saying. “Whatever it was, it’s not real. At least not anymore. You are _here_ now, with _me_ . _That's_ the real thing.”

Andrew was still panting, lying with his back flat against the mattress, and clutching the sheets under him. Neil needed to do something, but he wasn't good with words.

“Want to know what else is real?” He asked, and Andrew remained silent. Neil continued to whisper. “Today when we arrived for practice, the first thing Hayley did was look for you, she said that you two little pests were plotting something behind my back. _That_ was real. And then Aidan looked at me and asked me not to leave his dad alone. _That_ was also real,” Neil swallowed. “Of course there are also real things that are less substantial, like when I tried to grow my hair in the first period of the university, which, honestly, is a little ironic but _that_ is not the point now… It probably grew to the shoulder, but I was a disaster with a comb and hair products, so in the third period of course I was already bald.”

Andrew finally moved his head to look at Neil, but the blank and disturbed expression didn't leave his face.

“There was also this time when I tried to get a tattoo while I was super drunk. I left the studio totally happy with the plastic wrapped around my wrist only to discover the next day that there was no tattoo underneath. Only my bare skin.”

Andrew's eyes narrowed. “I hate you,” he said.

Neil was surprised. Not because _that_ was the first thing Andrew actually said — it was even predictable, to be honest —, he was surprised at how worn, husky, scratched and dry his voice sounded, as if he hadn't used it in a while. And Neil didn’t doubt that this was the case.

“Yeah, yeah, I hear that often,” he waved a hand in Andrew's direction. The clock on the bedside table indicated that it had just been dark outside. “Are you okay with taking a shower?”

Andrew picked up a pillow and dropped it on the floor, producing a light _‘tump’_. Neil understood the answer.

“Okay, maybe not a shower, but let's get up and walk to, I don't know, the kitchen? You can have a glass of water and maybe eat something,” he said, and Andrew responded with a grimace and dropped another pillow. “I'm not asking you to get up and be fine like a miracle, Drew, take your time on this. But until then, you are still a human being with basic needs. It's ok to let me help,” Neil bit his lip. “You know I'm not going to _make_ you do anything, so I need your help here. I promise we will come back to your room as soon as you eat if that's what you want. Or you come back alone, that's fine too.”

Andrew was silent for long minutes, looking at Neil with a frown and a hard look. Neil let out a breath of relief when Andrew finally gave in and buried his head further in the pillow.

“Shower,” he said.

Neil nodded frantically and got to his feet, walking to the bathroom in the suite and ignoring the pain in his body from spending so much time in that same shrunken position. He turned on the light and scanned the place, making sure everything they needed was there.

“Drew, do you prefer the shower or the bathtub?”

Andrew murmured a hoarse _‘shower’_. Neil nodded again before putting the hair stuff and soap in an easily accessible place on the shower shelf. He walked back to the bedroom and stopped by the bed, with Andrew lying on his side, his back to him.

“Can you do this by yourself?” He asked. “I could… I don't know, put something on to cover my eyes? But if you prefer to do this by yourself I will just leave.”

Neil was really nervous, he knew his hands were shaking and that it was all probably a concern. His fickle heartbeat only got worse when Andrew threw another pillow on the floor. Neil's breath caught in his throat.

“Okay. Where is there a shirt I can use to cover my eyes?”

Andrew didn't respond, so Neil took the liberty of walking over to the wardrobe and looking for something there. He took a plain black T-shirt and folded it until it was the right size to leave no gap in his vision. When he was about to tie it behind his head, a hoarse voice hit his ears again.

“I may need help getting up, so if you put it on now we're going to fall on the way to the bathroom, idiot.”

Neil stopped in place and turned to see Andrew watching him. He wore a totally impassive expression.

“If cursing me is the only way to get some words out of you, feel free.”

Andrew rolled his eyes hard, and that was the biggest emotion he had shown since Neil arrived at the apartment. Neil approached the bed again, with the shirt over his shoulder, and took a breath before moving closer.

“Can I touch you? I would like a verbal response this time if it’s possible—”

“Yes. But not below my hips.”

Neil nodded and pulled the sheet off Andrew's body, helping him up. He was completely sweaty, and his blond hair was all stuck to his forehead, almost hiding his heavy eyes. By now Neil had already accepted that his heart would need a rest after all this because he was sure it was at least the fourth time in the day that he felt that tightness in his chest.

He followed Andrew into the bathroom, not exactly touching him, but staying close enough to hold on if his legs gave out. He supposed Andrew should have been without food for some time now, and probably without water too, so it was understandable that his body was weakened.

The moment they walked through the bathroom door, Neil closed it behind them and left Andrew standing in the middle of the room while he tied the shirt over his eyes, completely obscuring his vision.

“I'll be here. I am not leaving,” he assured. “Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

Neil took a few steps back, leaned fully against the wall and put his hands in his pockets, trying to stay as far away from Andrew as possible. When he stood still, however, his brain caught Andrew's scent embedded in the fabric of the shirt tied directly over Neil's nose. _Fucking hell_. The smell was very characteristic and evident, a mixture of sandalwood and amber with a bitter end of cigarette smoke. Neil was completely overwhelmed by this.

He should have guessed that Andrew was so fragrant, because he had already smelled the light scent a few times when around Andrew, but he was never close enough to smell completely to the point of getting drunk on it.

He came to himself when he heard the sound of the glass shower door being opened and then closed. Neil realized that at some point, in the back of his mind, he had also heard the soft noise of clothing being tossed away.

He would have slid down the wall to sit on the floor, but his legs were really sore after some time with them squeezed against his chest, so he remained standing.

It was kinda awkward to imagine that he was standing and arranged in a way that Andrew could just watch him openly and he would never know because of his covered eyes. Neil thought that maybe he could say something. Andrew wouldn't respond, of course, but he was fine with talking without being answered. The only problem was that he dug his whole mind and couldn't think of anything that was adequate enough considering the moment.

Once again they were silent until the noise of the shower spray stopped and Neil was enveloped even more by Andrew’s scent in addition to the heat left by the steam of hot water throughout the bathroom.

“Finished? Need help?” Neil hurried to ask.

“No.”

A small commotion of movement was made before, suddenly, the shirt was pulled out of Neil's eyes and he had to blink hard to shake the sensitivity caused by the explosion of light. He hissed a little curse before rubbing the back of his hand over his eyelids and only then opening his eyes.

Andrew was already dressed in baggy clothes that he probably kept in the bathroom, because they were different from the ones he had been wearing before, and they hadn't picked up anything before entering there. His blond hair was wet, this time from water instead of sweat and he was looking closely at Neil.

“Never cover your eyes again,” he said.

Still a low voice, sounding tired, worn and heavy. Neil tilted his head in curiosity.

“Why?”

“I don’t like not being able to see them.”

Neil's mouth was open. He was _quite sure_ that his lips were _wide apart_ with shock. Still, he couldn't breathe. Neil stammered a few times before smiling weakly, having no idea what to do.

“Ok. Ok. Let’s… um. Let’s go to the kitchen, right? I’m going to cook something and you’ll eat without complaining _too much,_ ” he finally stated. Andrew answered nothing, just turned around and dropped some things off the bathroom sink. Neil sighed. “Oh, come on. You were just talking right now.”

He bent down and picked up what was on the floor, taking advantage of the distraction to try to completely erase the agitation in his mind. At least for now, he knew that as soon as he had time he would digress about it again.

“Sometimes I want to talk, sometimes not. I’m trying,” Andrew shrugs.

It took Neil by surprise, and he nodded in response, trying to show understanding. Something unlocked inside him when he realized how Andrew really _was_ trying. Something like satisfaction, admiration or inspiration. And he hated himself for not realizing it before because, after all, Neil knew how this shit could be really fucked up. Andrew deserved all the credit for trying and that alone was enough.

The kitchen was spacious and well-stocked with food including vegetables, which made Neil think that it probably wasn't Andrew who bought food. At least not alone. Neil was quick to find what he needed and start preparing a quick meal.

Andrew was playing something on his phone in the meantime, focusing entirely on that one task. Or so Neil thought until Andrew put it down on the counter and rolled up the sleeves of the sweatshirt he was wearing.

“I had a nightmare.”

Neil didn't look back at him, he wanted to give Andrew enough privacy to talk as much as he wanted without the weight of his gaze.

“I know, I saw it when you woke up.”

“I'm not talking about _that_ one.” Andrew sighed. “I have these nightmares sometimes, and they scare the shit out of me—”

“Drew, you don't need to talk about this, I don't need an explanation. I'm here simply because I want to, and because you allowed it. Nothing more and nothing less.”

“Yeah, I know. But you said that we should say what we wanted when we wanted instead of asking those questions. I'm talking now, so shut up.”

Neil smiled at that, still with his back to Andrew so he couldn't see.

“Go on then.”

“It's not something that happens that often, really, but sometimes I will have these nightmares, more like distorted memories... And when that happens I just need some time to compose myself, and then we can get on with our lives.”

“It doesn't seem that simple, judging by everything, but I won't interfere.”

“You’re already interfering.”

“...More than that.”

Andrew scoffed. He was still disturbed by all that, Neil could tell, but he had gotten out of bed and was willing to eat without so many complaints, and that was a big step.

“Anything else?” Neil had to ask.

“The dreams are usually about my time in foster homes. Or about my _stepbrother_ , the one I told you about. That's it, I won't say anything else.”

Neil swallowed. _Oh, right, the foster brother._

He wasn't going to ask or say anything else except for one thing, "Thank you for trusting me," and then he tightened his grip on the handle of the pot he was holding, to keep himself from saying any more.

“Where did you leave Hayley?” Andrew asked, notoriously changing the subject. He had crossed his arms so that the outline of his biceps was visible even with the wide fabric of his clothing.

“I left her in practice, and Kevin must have taken her to his house later. She said she needed to take care of Aidan.”

Andrew hesitated before continuing. “How was he?”

“You know, worried,” Neil shrugged. “Aidan is quite an interesting boy. He is _so_ sweet, pure and innocent that it’s impossible to imagine that there is a boy with such great maturity at such a young age under all those layers.”

“Yeah…”

“I know you’re a good father when I look at him. Maybe that's why I didn't give up on you after your extremely kind and friendly approach that night at the school event.”

“You should have, though. Given up, I mean.”

“No, I shouldn't.”

“Yes, you should.”

“Stop this.”

“No.”

“You are a bitch,” Neil was smiling.

“But a bitch that is right.”

“ _Jesus_.”

“Nobody ever called me that, but I think it's okay if you want to.”

Neil smiled and turned off the stove when he finished what he was doing. He mounted everything on a plate and handed it to Andrew, who frowned and pouted exactly as Neil imagined he would.

“I'm not going to eat this,” he said simply.

“Yes, you will. You don't even know what it is, why are you complaining already?”

“Okay, so, what is it?”

“Pancake with banana and oats stuffed with peanut butter.”

“I'm not going to eat this.”

“You must. There are nutrients there, you need them.”

“How could you possibly know?” Andrew asked, making a face.

“Tryptophan from the banana, B vitamins and vitamin E from oats, and peanut butter because you don't know how to eat anything entirely healthy. Theoretically, peanut butter should be nutritious because it has high-density lipoprotein, but this is so industrialized that I'm not sure about it.”

Andrew was looking at him with even more disgust when he finished speaking.

“82%”

“I still don't know what’s that and I'm pretty sure you skipped some numbers,” Neil raised his eyebrows. “Do you want me to keep talking? Tryptophan is an amino acid that helps in the production of serotonin, oats are rich in protein, prevent constipation and are ea—”

“Ok, shut up, I'm eating,” Andrew said as he raised a mouthful to his mouth.

Neil smiled with satisfaction and took the one he had made for himself. They ate slowly while talking — or, rather, Neil spoke alone and Andrew responded occasionally. Tiredness was visible in Andrew's eyes, and Neil thought that the nightmare had probably given him a poor sleep quality, and so he hadn't slept since.

When they were back in the room, Andrew went straight to bed, but Neil stopped him before he climbed into it.

“I need to change the sheets.”

“You’re not a fucking maid, Josten,” Andrew's face showed that he was starting to get annoyed.

“I know. Now give me another sheet, will you? And some pillowcases.”

After a long and dramatic sigh, the blond left and returned with what was asked. Neil did a quick job of changing everything and tossing the dirty cloths to the corner of the room.

“Let me just dry your hair before you go to sleep, that's ok?”

Neil knew, when Andrew rolled his eyes, that he would die a slow and painful death, but it was simply inevitable. He picked up a towel and, with Andrew sitting on the end of the mattress, smoothed it over his blond locks, drying it carefully. After that, he tried his fingers. He put the towel aside and slid his fingers through the blond hair, aligning the soft strands. He finished by pulling a hairband out of his pocket — he always had one, in case Hayley needed — and tying the front of Andrew's hair with it, so it wouldn't fall into his eyes anymore.

“This is awful, Josten. I hate you.”

“Of course. Good night, sweet pie.”

Andrew rolled his eyes again and crawled across the bed until he was under the covers. Neil left the room and closed the door behind him.

~

Andrew just left the bedroom to get a glass of water, he was not expecting to come across that.

 _Fucking Neil_ was still there.

He was lying softly on Andrew's couch, still dozing with the same clothes on. _He really meant it when he said he wasn't leaving_ , Andrew thought.

Sighing heavily, he went again to his bedroom and returned later with some items in his hands. First he deposited a set of old clothes so that Neil would occasionally want to change. Then a blanket. He should just have left it and gone, but he was stupid. Incredibly stupid.

So Andrew unfolded the soft fabric and spread it all over Neil's body. Neil immediately grabbed the blanket and hummed in satisfaction, still asleep.

 _Idiot_ , Andrew thought.

He walked into the kitchen, drank his glass of water and locked himself in the bedroom again.

~

Neil woke up very slowly, feeling too comfortable to want to get up. He stretched out and groaned with laziness as he began to gain consciousness. His senses gradually returned along with the awareness that he _wasn't_ at his home, and his body immediately jerked with two realizations; 1) When had Neil taken that blanket that was now over him? and 2) What was that smell coming from the kitchen?

He moved around a bit to make sure he was really awake, and then he saw some more cloths by his side. _Clothes_ , he realized. His brain panicked trying to figure out what was going on, and now he was on his feet in less than ten seconds. Neil picked up the folded clothes on the sofa and walked slowly to the kitchen, still trying to put everything together.

He was even more surprised when he entered the room and saw Andrew standing there, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

“What is it?” Neil asked, lifting the fabrics in his hands and indicating them.

Andrew raised an eyebrow. “I thought you weren't _so_ stupid. People call it _clothes_ , and they usually use it to cover their bodies and not walk around showing too much. Just like the ones you're using, actually. Or for aesthetics, which is not your case, clearly.”

Neil directed an incredulous expression at him. “Yeah, but why?”

“You also need a shower, and unless you are magic and can make clothes come out of nowhere, there’s nothing for you around here.”

“Oh, that makes sense.”

“Of course it does.”

Before anything, Neil pulled his phone out of his pocket as he received a message from Kevin. He had answered the questions Neil had asked the night before.

 **_Kevin Day:_ ** _Yes, Hayley is fine. Yes, Aidan is fine too. My boyfriend, Jeremy, is very much in love with both of them._

 **_Kevin Day:_ ** _Now, tell me, how did you manage to make Andrew allow you to stay?_

Neil texted a quick answer.

 **_You:_ ** _I asked._

 **_You:_ ** _Good thing they are both fine. Coming for Hayley soon._

He put the phone away again and smiled at Andrew.

“Is there enough food for two?”

Andrew didn’t answer. Instead, he asked, “How do you like your coffee?”

Neil's smile widened even more and he answered as he walked to the bathroom. Andrew cursed him before saying he would put two more loaves of bread in the toaster, and Neil was overjoyed when he got under the shower spray.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it for now and see you again in the next chapter. thank you very much for reading.
> 
> don't forget that authors like kudos and comments. let me know what you think of everything so far?
> 
> (and you can always find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/) and you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/moon020310) if you want and help support me)


	7. Not shy of a spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day of Nicky's surprise party at Eden's and both Neil and Andrew attend the event.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't particularly like this chapter but some things that are here needed to be said/happen, so it is important regardless of how much I hate it. anyway, I hope you guys can like it though.
> 
> (tw: very little mention of Neil's scars, a bit of nsfw stuff (as in conversations, items and thoughts) and alcohol consumption)

Neil took a cold shower in Andrew's guest bathroom. He may have probably taken longer than necessary, and that was because, when he entered, he saw a product shelf filled with so many options of hair products, soaps, moisturizers, and et cetera, all with the most different kinds of smells. He couldn’t help stopping to analyze and smell every single one of them. That was interesting, although not surprising at all. Andrew’s scent _was_ stunning , and it had to come from somewhere.

After that, they did a quick job of eating breakfast, and Neil realized that Andrew was considerably better than the day before for he had a calm expression on his face — if the fact that he got out of bed by himself and made coffee wasn't already an indicator of the huge improvement. Seeing this put a warm feeling on Neil’s chest and an easy smile on his face.

“Can you send me Kevin's address? I need to go get Hayley,” Neil asked as he tried to hide his smile behind the rim of his coffee mug.

Andrew hummed and took the phone out of his pocket. While he was typing, Neil, clearly without thinking very much, spoke  _ his _ own home address, explaining it in detail.

“What is it?” Andrew asked with mild confusion on his face when he looked up at Neil.

“I have your address, I think it's only fair that you have mine,” Neil answered easily. The decision might not have been thoroughly considered but it made sense, after all. Making things even was something he intended to cherish whenever it came to Andrew.

“Are you blatantly inviting me to your house, Josten?” Andrew raised an eyebrow with something akin to amusement in his eyes.

Neil smirked. “The spare key is stuck between the doorframe and the wall.”

His phone vibrated when Kevin's address arrived by text, and, too soon, he was already standing up to leave. 

From Andrew’s apartment door, he texted:

**_You:_ ** _ I'm leaving now to pick up Hayley, Day. _

“Thanks for the breakfast. You are surprisingly a good cook,” Neil turned with a grin to see Andrew still sat on the stool in the kitchen, slowly drinking his extreme sugary coconut coffee with a blank expression.

“Sure as hell better than you and your disgusting pancake.”

“Hey,” Neil held up a finger. “The pancake is  _ not _ disgusting”

“I completely disagree,” Andrew shrugged. “Anyway, will you want a ride for the club later?”

To be honest, Neil took a few seconds to reason what was being said and understand what it was about. When he remembered Nicky's birthday at the club, he cocked his head and frowned.

“I didn't think you were still going,” Neil said.

“I am.”

“And I don't need a ride, so I'll meet you there at the appointed time.”

“Sure,” Andrew shrugged, looking down at this coffee. “Call me if you change your mind.”

Neil was a little dejected for that, if only because he didn't expect Andrew to be this friendly to him, really. His heart skipped a few beats.

“Okay. Thanks again,” he said.

The other man nodded and Neil opened the door, closed it slowly, and walked to the elevator. 

As soon as he got in the car, he threw the clothes he had been wearing the night before on the back seat and fished his phone out of his pocket, dialed a number, and put it on speaker while maneuvering the car out.

_ “Hey, lovey,” _ the voice came from the other end of the line.

“Hi, Matt, I have a question.”

He heard a rustling noise and soon Matt's voice became concerned,  _ “What happened?” _

“Don't worry, it's nothing serious. Just wondering if it's okay that I go to your place before we go to the club? For Nicky’s birthday?”

_ “Oh,” _ Neil could almost see Matt's face becoming calm.  _ “You know you can. Any specific reasons for that?” _

“Um, no... I just don't want to arrive alone because I don't know the place,” he shrugged, even though the other man couldn't see it. “And, um… it wouldn't be all bad if you helped me a little, you know? Getting ready and et cetera.”

A few seconds of silence later, Neil looked at the phone screen to see if the call had been off. It didn’t.

_ “Neil Josten? Am I talking to Neil Josten? Really?” _

“I'm hanging up,” he rolled his eyes.

_ “Don't get me wrong, but you never make a point of getting ready for anything. Seriously, you literally let your six year old daughter dress you up. Not my fault that I'm surprised.” _

“Right. I’ll show up at your house.”

_ “Okay. Bye, boo.” _

Neil hung up and waited until he stopped at a traffic light to set a route to the address Andrew had sent him, before dropping his phone on the passenger seat with the loud sound of the GPS instructions.

It wasn't hard to get to Kevin's house, which, by the way, was the only Mediterranean-style house in the middle of all the others in the street. Walls divided between a shade of beige and stone cladding, two floors, a nice garden... It was a really good house if he was being honest.

Neil turned off the car, got out, and walked to the front door, ringing the doorbell when he approached it. He heard some noises inside and, soon, the sound of feet approaching.

“Oh, hey,” Jean was on the other side, holding the door open. “Come on in, I'm gonna call Hayley.”

The interior of the house was as pleasant as the exterior, well decorated, warm and cozy, really felt like home. Neil waited in the middle of the room while Jean went somewhere in the back. Kevin appeared before everyone else, casting a flat look at Neil.

“Is he ok?”

“Yes. He even made breakfast by himself and everything,” Neil nodded.

Kevin raised his eyebrows with warmth starting to flood his expression. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t do anything. I never planned to do anything, if I’m being honest. Andrew needed to clear his thoughts, and he did just that by himself. I was there only to remind him that he has basic needs, in case he got too lost in his own mind.”

Kevin nodded in silent comprehension and said nothing more. Jeremy came through the back door, smiling and followed by two children.

“Hi, Neil,” he showed his usual bright smile.

Neil would have answered, if he hadn’t been hit by a child running like a missile. He looked down and Aidan was pulling on the hem of his shirt — which was actually Andrew's — and staring at him with big eyes. Neil looked at Hayley — he knew she wasn't exactly the most cuddling child in the world and, much less, jealous, but the last thing he wanted was for her to feel bad in any way — and she smiled and nodded.

Neil reached out and lifted Aidan, putting him at his face level while supporting him on his hip.

“Hey, sweet pea,” he said.

“ _ ‘ndrew _ called me,” Aidan whispered, chuckling at his own difficulty in pronouncing the name. He wasn't looking into Neil's eyes, focused on the collar of the man's shirt instead, which was between his little fingers. “He said he is fine and thanked me for helping him, even though I didn't do anything.”

“Of course you did, baby,” Neil frowned and also lowered his tone. “What would your father have done without the loving teddy bear, the fairies and all your affectionate concern?”

Aidan blushed and buried his face in Neil’s neck joint.

“Thank you, Neil.”

Neil smiled and placed a kiss on the boy's left temple before placing him back on the floor.

“Um, thanks for staying with Hayley,” he said, to the other three men standing in the room.

Jeremy, of course, smiled. “Oh, honey, it was nothing. She is sweet. And I must apologize if Hayley brings back any… um… unusual ideas.”

Neil raised an eyebrow and looked from him to his daughter.

“Jeremy showed me pictures of his hair when he was a teenager. It was dyed with several different colors,” she explained.

“I already said and I repeat, we're going to wait a while before we have  _ this _ conversation,” Neil shook his head. “Now let's go home, okay?”

Hayley smiled and walked over to take his father's hand as they left.

“Bye, guys, it was fun,” she waved.

“Bye, Aylee,” Aidan returned vigorously with a big smile.

They left the house arguing about whether Hayley should or shouldn't wear a colorful lace wig.

~

Andrew hadn’t worn clothes in that style for quite some time. Mostly because that was a type of garment reserved exclusively for Eden’s nights, and he didn’t go to the club very often anymore, so the clothes just stayed hidden in his wardrobe. For a moment, he was grateful that Bee had already picked up Aidan and taken him to her house, because now Andrew was distracted admiring himself in the mirror and,  _ god _ , how he missed feeling hot in his leather clothes. He was so distracted by his own hotness, that if Aidan was still here, he would probably be able to tear the apartment down without Andrew moving a finger to interfere.

He had put on his favorite leather pants and a black button shirt, of which Andrew left three top buttons open and pulled the sleeves up to his elbows, thus leaving a small part of his arms’ tattoos and his chest exposed. He analyzed the complete set before choosing to put on some rings and titanium pressure piercings — which were pressure ones only because he liked to change the positions of the earrings constantly (when he wore them) and pierce his ears was less practical for that, so he didn’t pierce any other part of his body but his left nipple.

_ Well, I think this is fine _ , he thought.  _ Um, maybe if I add my glasses _ ... Andrew put the glasses on and took one last look.  _ Fucking hot, that’s it. _

Before leaving he put on perfume and texted Kevin, saying he was leaving. Andrew hadn't  _ really _ and  _ properly _ dressed up for some time, and he was almost satisfied that he was feeling so confident at the moment.

A few years ago, before Aidan, _Eden’s Twilight_ was a sure thing in Andrew’s life. He, Kevin, Nicky and Aaron barely spent a weekend without going to the club, and as much as he hated to admit it, he missed those nights. When Andrew adopted Aidan, however, he had less and less time, and at some point, he just stopped caring, since spending the nights at home with his son was more fun and enticing to him.

_ Eden’s _ really was a place he missed, but it had been so long since he visited that it was a little surprising how driving there still felt like a muscular memory of his body. But then, he had an eidetic memory, so it wasn't really that surprising when he considered  _ that _ .

What wasn’t a surprise at all, though, was when he got there and found the long table reserved for Nicky's guests. It wasn’t difficult to find, because there were not many tables with  _ dick themed decor _ . Actually, it had none.

And dick literally means that, _penis._ Reusable straws that literally had cocks on the tip, colored paper dicks hanging from a string across the table, plush tiaras with two dicks attached to springs that kept dangling constantly... And that was not even half of what he saw.

“Who the hell organized this shit?” Andrew asked with a frown when he approached the table.

“Me and the golden boy over there,” Allison replied, pointing at Jeremy. “That's why it looks so incredible.”

“Kevin and Jean helped me a little too,” Jeremy said proudly, sucking on a drink with a dick straw.

“You don't have to give me the credit, honey,” Kevin said, between his gritted teeth and blushing.

Jean laughed at his reaction and rolled his eyes. “How funny that you're ashamed of _this_ when you have a collection of—”

He didn't finish speaking because soon his mouth was covered by Kevin's hand. Allison looked between them with a raised eyebrow from her seat at the sofa, a hand resting on her huge baby bump.

“Yeah, whatever. It's ridiculous but it looks like something Nicky would like, so...” Andrew shrugged at the end.

“This is the closest to a compliment we're going to get from you, so thanks,” Jeremy thanked with a heartfelt hand on his chest.

They were packing up a few last things, so Andrew just stood there waiting until there was some free space where he could sit.

“Um, I think I may be hallucinating,” a voice came from his side, filled with false surprise. “Do I know you?”

Andrew rolled his eyes and, without turning, said, “Hi, Roland.”

“Wow, shocking that you still remember my name. How long has it been since I last saw you here?”

“Can’t say I missed this, though.”

“Aw,  _ that’s _ something I didn't forget... Your affection is always so intense...”

Andrew was about to complain again, but Allison screeched and that made him turn his head quickly to her. The woman's mouth was open and her eyes were wide.

“You fucking slut! You're _so fucking hot, oh my god,_ we should try to date again right now. Josten, I would literally fall onto my knees for you, if I hadn't this huge ass belly on my way,” she exclaimed.

Renee laughed from her place on the sofa next to Allison, but soon hissed as she looked at, the one and only, Neil Josten. “I would let her,  _ damn _ .”

Andrew realized then, that he had forgotten the invitation he made to Neil — _who did he want to deceive? It was obvious he_ _ hadn’t  _ —, and immediately he wished he would stay that way, because, the moment he turned to find the auburn-haired man standing there,  _ oh, how he wanted so many things _ .

Neil was wearing a black tight shirt and leather pants even tighter than Andrew's. As if that weren't enough, he also had a fucking wine red harness, made of leather as well, consisting of six straps that wrapped around his waist and two slightly wider straps that attached to another one with a buckle connected to the collar he was wearing. It was actually indescribable, just wonderful, incomparable, and hot.

Andrew was fucked, because he felt his insides twitch slightly at the vision, and that was a bad sign in so many ways that he would later have to sit down and make a list if he might.

_ Later, _ because now he was standing still like an idiot and needed to do something about it.

“Who's the new face? He's pretty attractive,” Roland smirked.

To everyone's surprise, Neil smirked back. “I'm Neil, it's a pleasure to meet you.”

Roland's smile grew sharper as he said his name in return. Andrew rolled his eyes and turned to keep his back to them, walking until he was close to Renee. He started talking to her about anything, trying to pretend he wasn't paying attention to all-things-Neil-Josten around him.

Neil laughed. “I loved the birthday decor, I need to be honest.”

Andrew rolled his eyes — again — at that and it earned him a raised eyebrow from Renee.

“Thank you, you nasty bitch,” Allison replied, smiling. “Roland, I think you can start preparing the shot tray. Nicky can arrive at any time.”

“Okay. Who will come to get it when it's ready?”

“Neil, can you go?” She raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

“Sure,” Neil replied.

“Um, I like that,” Roland curved the corners of his lips. “But I don't think he can bring it all alone.”

Kevin cleared his throat and looked at Andrew. There was something in his eyes, but it wasn't exactly understandable.

"Can you go with him, Andrew?" Kevin asked, then.

"No, I'm busy," he deadpanned.

"With what, exactly?"

"I'm busy."

“It's okay, I think I can find someone around the bar to help me,” Neil shrugged.

“Okay, sweetie, come on,” Roland turned on his heel and walked back to the bar.

Andrew watched as Neil followed the bartender, parading in those tight leather pants that showed off his muscular legs and fleshy ass. It was ridiculous. And the harness straps around his waist, which gave another hint of Neil's curves under his clothes.  _ Completely ridiculous _ .

Andrew felt another slight twitch in his insides, rolled his eyes and, sighing, followed after Neil. If he was listening well, Kevin made a nasal noise — something like snorting but not quite —, as if he had just realized something, but then Kevin was always weird and random anyway, so he didn't care.

When they arrived at the bar, Roland went straight to the other side, to get two trays and start filling them with shots. The other two men stood side by side at the counter.

"I didn't know you wear glasses," Neil said over the loud music.

"Yeah, I wear contact lenses for at least ninety percent of the time."

Neil pouted with mischief in his eyes. "This is sad because the glasses really look good on you."

Andrew swallowed and nodded. That was one of the problems on Andrew's list, he didn't know how to react to Neil, because he didn't know how Neil would react to him. A little complex, but it was like… Andrew can tell when people are flirting with him and when they aren't, so he knew how to react based on that. But with Neil, no. He just didn't know any of the above.

And, yeah, it sucked that he was at least considering that idea because it meant admitting that he wanted something from Neil — since he was kinda trying something before he even knew anything —, and he never _wanted_ anything from anyone.

He decided to take a chance though.

“The same for your clothes. Maybe you should go around using sets like this more often.”

Neil laughed. "I almost didn't leave the house because I was wearing this."

"Why?"

“Matt bought it for me, right? When I looked in the mirror, after putting it all on, I felt completely awkward, and it wasn't easy to change my mind. Matt had to say a lot of things before I finally was in peace with the outfit and wanted to go out.”

"You didn't have to do that," Andrew shrugged and let a corner of his mouth go up. "But I'm glad you did."

Neil laughed again. “They talked about the dress code so many times that I got tired of listening. I'm glad to know that they weren't lying.”

“Yeah, there's a BDSM dungeon underground. Most people up here come from there or will go there afterward.”

"Dan said I would do well here because I'm looking like a submissive," he said, wrinkling his nose.

"What is it about that statement that you don't like?"

“I don't know if I agree with what she said. At least not one hundred percent.”

“So what would you be? A Dominant?” Andrew was clearly mocking.

"Try me and find out," Neil smirked.

Andrew raised an eyebrow, doing his best not to let his inner screams get out of hand. He was looking at Neil, who was now biting his lower lip, and thinking about how terribly sorry he felt for having ever invited him to that club.

They were both surprised when a man, next to Neil at the bar, approached and cleared his throat.

"If he doesn't, I'm sure I'm available," the man said, initially without looking at Neil.

Andrew looked him up and down. He was a tall man, fit without being too defined, light brown skin, medium dark hair, and wearing a leather jacket with no shirt underneath. Andrew snorted.

Neil, on the other hand, smiled sharply and his eyes flashed mischievously.

"Um, really?" He asked, turning to the man. "And how do you plan to do that?"

Andrew visibly rolled his eyes.

"My name is Theoden," the man replied. Andrew may or may not have wrinkled his nose mockingly. "Can I buy you a drink?"

Neil smiled with false innocence. "You can if you want, but I'm not promising anything."

Theoden waved to a bartender, who approached them. "Can you bring an  _ apple daiquiri  _ to the boy next to me?"

The bartender nodded, but Neil held out a hand before the man could turn around.

"Actually," he started, giving Andrew a meaningful look before talking to the bartender again, "do you think you can get me a  _ strawberryoska _ ?"

Andrew's heart took a leap inside his chest that could be considered olympic, and he hated it. It was such a big mess, he couldn't let himself surrender that way. Instead of expressing any reaction, Andrew began to curse Neil mentally.

"Did you see that on the menu?" Theoden asked, as the bartender walked away to prepare the drink.

“No, actually. A lovely guy prepared one of these for me, once. I liked it, although other things made me pay less attention to the taste than I would like.”

This time, nothing Andrew did could prevent the grin that made a corner of his mouth curl.

"You remembered the name, I see," he said quietly, only for Neil.

"It's more like  _ I couldn't forget, _ " Neil replied, also smiling at Andrew.

Theoden raised a curious eyebrow in their direction, but said nothing. He tried to talk a few more times, only receiving short answers from Neil, which were disguised with any charming smile that seemed to be enough.

The bartender returned with Neil's drink shortly after Roland left the two full trays in front of them.

"I'll be thinking about your offer, Theoden," Neil said, in a soft voice and ending with a wink at the man.

He held the glass in one hand and the tray in the other, carefully, as they walked away and went back to the table.

"You won't even think about him for the rest of the night, will you?" Andrew asked Neil above the music.

"Exactly," he grinned back. “I miss that, from the time when I still went to nightclubs. There's always someone stupid enough to buy you a drink.”

Andrew laughed — more like just an ironic scoff, but it was still what it was.

"You are a nightmare, Josten."

" _ You tell me _ , with all that fucking aesthetic," Neil took a sip of the drink, careful not to drop the tray. "Seriously. I would easily make a striptease for you, and I'm not even drunk yet.”

"If you can get worse than that, I won't be letting you get close to another drink for the rest of the night."

The auburn-haired one laughed. "We'll see."

Andrew rolled his eyes as they reached the table and left the trays there carefully.

"Erik texted that they are almost here, so no one leaves," Allison said, plummeting into a chair and sighing.

"Yes, ma'am," Neil smiled.

He walked over to where Andrew had chosen to sit and smiled at the other man.

"So, is there really a dungeon downstairs here?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Pretty cool," Neil nodded, as he hovered the glass — almost empty now — close to his lips without ever really taking a sip. "And is it good? Have you ever been there?”

Andrew sighed. He decided that he would start keeping track of how many times, throughout the night, he would regret inviting Neil. 

So far the count was on four.

"Yes, I did."

“Do you still go, currently? I mean, you don't have to answer if you don't want to.”

"You don't have to say this every time, you're gonna know if I don't want to do or say something," Andrew snorted. "I stopped attending the dungeon some time ago."

"Oh really? Why?"

“No time for that. Besides, I've always been more inclined to only light BDSM, so it wasn't like I came often before, either.”

Neil nodded, interested. “This is a really cool thing. The only thing I did on my club nights was to get strange men to buy me drinks," he lifted his glass, "It always worked."

"Gonna try and see if it's worth it."

"I would definitely buy you a drink," he shrugged with an easy smile.

_ Five. _

He was saved by a small commotion that indicated the arrival of Nicky and his boyfriend, Erik. Even if the other people hadn’t indicated, Andrew would have been aware of his cousin's approach, because the scream followed by his laughter must’ve been audible on the other side of the club.

Nicky was standing a little in front of the table, his bright eyes wandering all over the decor and laughing more and more. Erik, beside him, had already received a tiara with two dicks from someone else and was putting it on his head.

"This shit looks amazing," Nicky yelled, above the song.

"Thank you," Allison bowed while seated, in thanks. "I will end up getting too convinced if everyone keeps praising me so much."

A perfect balance of rolling eyes and chuckles spread among everyone at the long table.

Nicky practically jumped to the center of the mess and grabbed all the themed accessories he could, taking up every possible area of his body with them. He then began the ritual of greeting each person cheerfully, always with an overly friendly smile and a thank you on the tip of his lips.

Andrew rolled his eyes at that and concentrated on straightening his shirt sleeves, keeping them up to his elbows. As he did so, he noticed from the peripheral vision that Neil's gaze was fixed on the movement of his hand and the black lines of Andrew's tattoos, and it was somewhat satisfying.

The blond man made a point of slowing his movements, purposely holding Neil's attention for as long as he could.

"Oh, hey, look if it's not the beautiful redhead," an over-excited voice broke through their space.

They both looked up to find Nicky, standing in front of them with a giant smile that took up a lot of his face.

"Um, hi," Neil bit his lip, a clearly nervous gesture. “Sorry to be here without an official invitation. I'm Neil, by the way.”

Nicky raised his eyebrows and laughed. “Oh, dear, don't worry about that. Since you're here, I hope you have a good night,” he winked and moved his eyes to his cousin. “Hi, Andrew. You're _very_ elegant and handsome, and with that, we conclude that we are definitely cousins.”

Andrew rolled his eyes and almost lost all his shit when Neil whispered  _ 'handsome is to say little' _ . Fortunately, Nicky didn't listen, or things could get pretty annoying. But obviously, his cousin couldn't leave without making one last stupid comment.

“Enjoy being back here, Andrew. It's been a while since the last time. I'm sure I've seen some men watching over you.”

The blond kept an annoyed look as he said, “Really? Show me who they are so I can tell them to fuck off.”

Nicky merely snorted and left. Neil let out a small amusing noise before biting the inside of his mouth to scold it.

"I certainly miss my clubbing time," the auburn-haired one said, with a sly smile. "I think we should play a game."

"This is most definitely not gonna end up good," Andrew countered.

Without taking the smile off his face, Neil shrugged and walked over to Matt, asking him to bend over and listen to him. He whispered and gestured for a few seconds before Matt smiled and caught the attention of the others at the table.

"My little guy here has a proposal for everyone," he said. Neil rolled his eyes at the nickname, and then took a step forward.

"It's not a big deal, actually, and you only have to participate if you want to," he explained, first, when everyone was staring at him. “We should make a game. With drinks. The game I'm thinking of works as follows: I have an app on my phone that draws cards from the deck with some challenges for each specific card, then we can meet here in the center of the table every fifteen minutes and each person draws one card at a time. The loser will be the one who gets drunk and does some awful shit first,” the devious smile didn't leave Neil's lips not even for a second.

Obviously, everyone got excited and immediately agreed.

"I hate you for doing this only when I'm pregnant," Allison grumbled sipping on her glass of water.

"I won't be drinking alcohol either. You know, since I'm sober," Kevin shrugged.

"Yeah, of course. Because they can't drink, Allison and Kevin can choose what to do with their challenges," Neil suggested.

They both nodded and mirrored Neil's smile. Allison was the one to say, "Good luck to those of you who are going to experience Neil for the first time being the sassy little devil he is when he's drunk."

A wave of laughter spread across the table and Andrew all but rolled his eyes.

“Shall we begin? Those who are going to participate, come here,” Neil called.

Everyone approached, of course, except Andrew. But it took him exactly four seconds to make up his mind. _That was, most definitely, an incredibly terrible idea,_ he thought. He was judging himself mentally on many levels because he was  _ really following _ _ Neil  _ on this _stupid_ idea .

Grumbling and with a grimace, Andrew approached the center of the table and Neil directed him a grin.

"I'll start since it's my birthday," Nicky almost shouted and jumped to hit the draw button on the phone Neil was holding out. "Queen. All women drink,”

"That's not fair, I'm the only woman here who drinks," Dan protested.

"Hurry up, Wilds, you're tough," Allison said.

Muttering some offenses, Dan took a shot of vodka and drank it all up. She raised her eyebrows and hissed, then smiled. "Done," she said.

"Alright then, back to normal activities, see you again in fifteen minutes," Neil grinned.

Andrew snorted, because that was bullshit, and moved away to another corner of the table. He just watched while everyone was talking very loudly or dancing slowly to the loud music of the club.

At some point, Roland appeared with more drinks. Long drinks this time. He needed the help of two people to be able to transport everything and left some large jars of margarita, sangria, and some other things that Andrew didn't exactly know. There was also a smaller jug of non-alcoholic juice for Renee, Allison and Kevin.

While everyone moved on to alcoholic cocktails, Andrew was content to steal some of the juice and just stick to it.

That is, until Neil approached him, smiling and having a glass of sangria, and he just  _ saw it. _

Thanks to the shitty themed decor, practically all of the items had the shape or images of dick stamped on them. This was no different for the straw that Neil was currently sucking without any fear.

The same straw that Andrew had seen earlier in a container with a few others, sprouting now from the glass that the auburn-haired man was using and the other end was lost in his mouth. The thing was, that item — such as the rest of the party — was designed to look like a dick. So what Neil was sucking on right now was a representation of the  _ tip of a cock _ . Simple as that.

Crossing the center of his reddened lips, being licked a few times to collect the remnants of drink, being trapped between Neil's teeth... All this was being done on an object representing a _fucking dick._

Andrew was going mental. Especially since he couldn't take his eyes off that scene and it was just too much. He knew he was staring but he couldn't do anything about it. Worse, his mind was showing signs of appreciation — which he immediately tried to stop.

"I didn't think you were the type to choose non-alcoholic drinks," Neil said.

Frowning, Andrew asked, "And what kind of type would that be?"

"I don't know, but I didn't think it was you."

"You are a very strange guy, honestly."

Neil smiled and wrapped his lips around the straw again. Andrew watched.

"Thank you very much, I appreciate your affection," the auburn-haired man said, licking the drops from his lips. "Do you ever dance? Or do you just spend the night sulking in a corner?”

Andrew didn’t give him much more than a bored snort, a roll of his eyes, and a simple answer. "I don’t dance."

"So if I get bored, it's your fault."

"I'm not stopping you from going to dance."

"I know, but I can't keep you company and dance at the same time if you're not coming to dance as well."

"I'm not asking for your company either."

"I disagree."

“Yeah? And why is that? ”

"You asked me to come, didn't you?" He smirked. After blinking a few times, Andrew was silent, so Neil just moved on really fast and kept talking about anything, "I think I'm getting old."

“This is obvious, it happens to all of us. It's literally the only thing we are sure of in life.”

"Geez. I only said that because I just realized that I would be very happy at home watching TV with Hayley. As much as I missed it, I don't think clubs cheer me up as much as before," he shrugged, "And it's not like it's boring here or anything, it's actually far from that. I just think that coming here would not be my priority choice.”

"Still, here you are."

"Yeah… What a thing, right?" Neil raised an eyebrow and smiled. He lifted the straw to his lips and took a long suck, again following the ritual of licking the tip right after finishing. Andrew sighed and thanked the half-light of the place for hiding his shiver. "But I had an extra incentive to come this time."

"Of course. And would that be...?”

"Make you suffer from my presence, of course."

"Naturally..." Andrew rolled his eyes and Neil laughed. "If you want to dance, there are many people at this table who would love to accompany you."

Looking at him up and down before raising an eyebrow, Neil shrugged. “Yeah, I probably will. See you again in a little while. ”

Andrew nodded and the auburn-haired man turned his back, walking over to a group of people where Matt and Dan were. He said something and instantly Jeremy's face, who was also there, lit up in a smile and he grabbed Neil's hands, pulling him away. They got in the middle of people dancing, but not enough to get out of sight.

The music in the place was loud and lively — the way Andrew had always remembered it to be — and a lot of people were moving energetically around, but Neil, smiling and spinning his hips in time with the song as more people at their table moved to join him and Jeremy, was quite a highlight. He was dancing carefully because the glass of sangria was still in his hand, and the harnesses wrapped around his waist also moved as he did.

Neil was a little clumsy but not too much, not as much as Andrew thought he would be, and, somewhere deep in his mind, Andrew vaguely remembered Neil talking about how interesting it would have been if he had happened to be a part of his university's cheering team. The moment his mind started to take a worrying detour this way, Andrew snorted, poured himself a glass of margarita, and walked to the other corner, where Renee was watching Allison with a smile on her face. She saw him immediately and nodded a greeting.

“I thought you weren't drinking? Alcohol, I mean.”

"I realized I could use some alcohol," Andrew replied, taking a long sip.

Renee gave him a knowing look and played with her juice.

"He's a nice guy," she said.

“ _ Um _ . Aidan likes and trusts him. Kevin said that yesterday he let Josten pick him up and then he cried on his shoulder. As much endearing and lovable as Aidan is, he still doesn't trust people that easily,” Andrew took another thoughtfully sip of margarita.

A smile grew from end to end on Renee's face. “I didn't say anyone's name, Andrew.”

He froze in place, blinked a few times, and then sighed. "You are a devil, Walker."

"I'm just saying," she shrugged. "But, you know, you should listen to me for once."

“Listen to what? You didn't say anything.”

“Let me say now, then,” Renee turned completely to face him and cleared her throat as if preparing for a seminar, “It won't be the end of the world if you surrender to what you want at least once. I know that, deep down, you've been analyzing Neil from the moment you first laid eyes on him, so I'm sure you already know enough about him, don't you? If don't, I also know that Neil would be more than willing to provide this information for you.”

"You know too much, in my opinion."

She giggled. “Yes, I am very perceptive. And am I wrong?”

Andrew's reply was just a grunt, "I wish you were."

“You haven't been a teenager in a long time, Andrew. We are adults, and that gives us the right to be much more objective in pursuing what attracts us.”

She stared at him to make sure he understood, and then they fell into the same comfortable silence as always.

Andrew had understood everything, he really had. But now he was pushing it to the back of his mind, putting it off.

He tried to occupy himself by paying attention to everything around, but not that it was much better. As Allison had said, Neil really did become a 'sassy little devil' as the night went on. He smiled maliciously at everyone, returned flirtations only to run away later, and danced more and more boldly.

Impressive enough, the alcohol in the drinks didn't even seem to affect him. He was more inhibited and content, yes, but that was not thanks to alcohol but rather the ambient and the people around him. He also didn't become one of those unbearable and disrespectful people when he was drunk, which was also great. Andrew was kinda mesmerized.

Conveniently, a few minutes later people started to gather again around the center of the table for another round of Neil's stupid game. The whole night came down to that, actually. They made several rounds over the next few hours, and Andrew discovered that the game had a number of wicked rules — like, for example, the number five cards mean you can't go to the bathroom until someone else takes another five, and those who weren't able to do it must take a double dose when they come back.

At the end of the night, the drunkest was, naturally, Nicky. Simply because he was stupid enough to keep drinking heavily even outside the game dares. He drank enough to climb the stage and almost kneel for the DJ to let him put his playlist to play.

When they finally organized to leave, it was pleasant to realize that everyone who was driving was responsible enough not to drink too much. Andrew went through the club door last and almost bumped into Neil, who was standing in front of him, muttering something while pointing at everyone else. He turned to see who had crashed into him.

“Oh, hey, Drew. I knew someone was missing,” Neil said, smiling sloppily and dragging the words just a little in a heavy British accent.

"Yeah..." Andrew shrugged and started walking, pretending that accent hadn't destroyed him. Neil accompanied him. "Are you going back alone?"

“Nah. I'm going with Matt and Dan.”

"Okay."

They walked in silence until they approached the others. Suddenly Neil clicked his tongue and pouted.

"What?" Andrew asked.

“I was thinking about how cool it would be to get a nipple pierced. It's super sexy.”

Andrew hummed in appreciation and then shrugged. "If you want to, just do it."

"I'm afraid of the pain."

"It's totally bearable."

Neil frowned. "You can't know about that... Needles are unpredictable, they get into your skin and then you have all the pain... And I know I have a lot of scars, okay? This does _not_ mean that I am immune to pain or—”

"Actually,  _ I know _ ," Andrew interrupted him.

"What?" Neil said, lifting his eyebrows and turning his head to him very quickly. "How could you— Do you… have a nipple piercing?"

"Perhaps."

The auburn-haired man opened his mouth a few times but failed to actually say anything, until he said, "My God, take off your shirt," and that, of course, resulted in a curious look from Andrew at him. Neil stammered a little out of nervousness. “I mean, really cool.  _ Super cool _ . That's what I said.”

And then they were silent again, but this time it was a little embarrassing. When Neil said goodbye, it was too fast, he was blushing fiercely and almost ran to Matt's car, but Andrew chose to ignore it.

He entered his own Maserati and closed the door behind him. When he was alone in the silence, however, Renee's words echoed in his mind and didn't leave for a very long period of time.

_ You haven't been a teenager in a long time, Andrew. We are adults, and this gives us the right to be much more objective in pursuing what attracts us. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it for now and see you again in the next chapter. thank you very much for reading.
> 
> don't forget that authors like kudos and comments. let me know what you think of everything so far?
> 
> (and you can always find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/) and you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/moon020310) if you want and help support me)


	8. Can I jump in and close my eyes?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew and Neil chat frequently and get to learn new little things about each other

The day after Nicky's birthday, Neil woke up with a fucking headache. Good for him though was the fact that he had dealt with it many times before, so at least it wasn't enough to kill him from sheer despair and annoyance.

After he ate something — just enough to be able to take aspirin or some other medicine so he could survive the rest of the day —, made tea for himself and had a shower, Neil was quick to go to Cordelia's house, next to his, to pick up Hayley. She was still asleep, but the moment she heard her father's voice, it was only a matter of seconds before she was fully awake.

They spent a little time talking to Cordelia and ended up agreeing to have dinner there that night, before returning home for a lively breakfast — entitled to fruit cut into animal shapes, after Hayley asked lovingly for it — and a lazy morning of varied films.

That whole day was calm and all but pleasant. That is, except at night, when Neil was about to go to bed and his phone beeped with a message that he decided to check before going to sleep. Pretty much a huge mistake.

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ Awake, Nolan? _

Just one word and his name misspelled, he had a total capacity to ignore it and answer the other day. But of course, his capacity to be an idiot was even greater.

**_You:_ ** _ Yes, I am. What’s up? _

He sat on the mattress and tapped his fingers on the sheets while waiting for an answer. Honestly, Neil couldn't think of any reason why Andrew would actually send a message to him. No, he couldn't.

His phone beeped again. After calming his frantic heartbeat — why the fuck was his heart beating so fast anyway? — Neil took a breath and looked at the message. He smiled and, as he answered, they kept up a conversation.

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ Um, I just put Aidan to sleep. _

**_You:_ ** _ Hayley was a beast today, so fucking energized. I almost couldn't get her to sleep. _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ I don't know how she can really keep her energies up. Living in a house with you should waste every drop available because it must be something quite difficult. _

**_You:_ ** _ Haha so funny _

**_You:_ ** _ Don't overdo it _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ I am not. _

**_You:_ ** _ You’re a drama queen, Andrew Minyard. That's what you are. _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ Say what you want, I'm not wrong. _

**_You:_ ** _ Did you text me to insult me? _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ Basically. Did you like it? _

**_You:_ ** _ You know I did, gorgeous. _

**_You:_ ** _ Always feel free to invade me with as many insults as you can in the wee hours of the night. _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ I appreciate the consent, I intend to use it. _

**_You:_ ** _ Good news for me, then, huh? _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ You have quite a peculiar mind, don't you, Josten? _

Unexpectedly, Neil found himself with a wide smile on his face while lying on the mattress again, with the covers pulled up to half his cheeks and his cell phone close to his face.

He felt his stomach burning and it was almost as if that was the cause of his big smile, that too strong of a sensation. But what was the cause of the  _ burning in his stomach? _ He was kinda unable to guess. That is... He had an idea, but admitting it required a little thought, and Neil wasn't exactly in the mood to think at the moment.

So basically, for the rest of the week that had just started, Andrew and Neil would exchange messages every day. Literally every day. They never met in person at all during that week — due to lack of time —, but Andrew's phone was almost always beeping with notifications of any random messages that Neil decided to send this time, and the same happened for the latter, who always received Andrew's too objective responses, regardless of how many messages he sent or what he talked about.

One day Neil sent a photo of Hayley's mirror, where she had painted a good part of the surface with some red marker. 

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ What kind of rebellious act was that? _

**_You:_ ** _ She said it’s to better visualize how she will look when she dyes her hair _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ Your daughter is a genius. _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ Which makes me wonder if she is really your daughter. _

**_You:_ ** _ Haha, funny. Your son is an extremely sweet human being, and you don't see me wondering if he's your son, do you? _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ You don't do that because it wouldn't go with your joke about Aidan really being my son because we're both short. _

**_You:_ ** _ I will not confirm or deny _

**_You:_ ** _ The point is, I'm starting to worry that Hayley will try to dye her hair with bleach or god knows what. But I also can't allow her to dye her hair now, not until she learns to take care of her curls before throwing chemicals at them. _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ It looks like you have a big battle ahead. I hope Hayley wins. _

It was the only thing he answered, and Neil had to laugh because he probably should have expected something like that.

A few hours later, when Neil had just come home from work and Hayley was safe in the living room playing any racing game she discovered now, Andrew sent a photo. Neil managed to hold on for exactly four seconds — the time it took for the photo to download — before he burst out laughing. He pressed the button to dial the number before he even realized what he was doing.

"What the fuck is that?" Neil said, as soon as Andrew answered on the third ring. He was still laughing.

_ "The only real evidence that remained from the time I accidentally dyed my hair." _

"My God, Andrew."

_ "Unfortunately many people still remember it, but only I have this photo so no one can really prove it happened." _

"Well, except that now I have the photo too."

_ "True, but you won't send it to anyone," _ wasn’t a question.

"I think you're going to have to wait to find out,"  _ lie. Neil would never— _ “Anyway, do you mind telling me how it happened?”

Andrew sighed.  _ “Aidan had just turned five and asked to dye his hair purple, to match his favorite outfit. He didn't ask me, though, he asked Nicky. To summarize the story: that day I got home and went to take a shower, but Nicky had left the mixture of some cream and hair dye in a jar of hair cream in my bathroom, and I didn't pay close enough attention when I put that product in my hair." _

"You actually dyed your hair purple by accident."

_ "I mean, it's not like I'm going to imagine that someone has left a jar of hair dye in my bathroom?" _

Neil laughed. "What about Aidan?"

_ “It didn’t work on him, because at least Nicky had the good sense not to bleach his hair, and the hair dye didn't stick to the natural strands. As much as he has light brown hair, it's still not light enough.” _

"What a pity."

_ "I disagree." _

They kept talking for hours, all kinds of trivial topics they could think of. Neil was  again feeling warm in his chest for that, he really was. He felt that somehow they both were getting to know some tiny, little details about each other, and that was definitely a good thing, even though he didn’t understand exactly why.

Just two days after that, they were exchanging messages again all afternoon. Neil went out for some time to have dinner with Hayley, and when he returned, Andrew called him instead of texting back to the message he had sent.  _ A video call. _

Neil's heart _definitely_ didn't jump in his chest  _ several _ times.

He answered quickly, leaning against the kitchen counter.

_ "Hi, Neil!" _ He was greeted by a warm, caring voice.

A bright smile grew on Neil's face when he saw who was on the other side of the screen.

"Oh, hi Aidan."

_ "Neil, I called you because I have a very serious question to ask," _ Aidan said, looking as austere as a six-year-old could look.

"How did you manage to call me, by the way?"

_ "Ah, I hit the button to call Nicky." _

"What?" Neil smiled.

_ "I turned daddy's phone on, but it only had colored balloons and letters and I can't read it, so I saw your photo and hit the button to call Nicky." _

Neil didn't really understand, so he just nodded and smiled more. "What do you want to ask?"

_ "Nee taught me how to do makeup and she gave me some really cool toys to do so, but I need someone to play with me, do you want to?" _ Aidan asked, looking very intently at him as soon as he finished speaking.

It was kinda funny, because he had short arms so he was holding the phone very close to his face, and all Neil could see was the little boy's cheeks and big brown eyes.

“Of course, sweetie. I would love that."

_ "Good. It's nice to play with dad but I would prefer someone who doesn't sleep when I'm doing their makeup.” _

"Did you put makeup on Andrew?" Neil raised an eyebrow.

_ "Yes." _

"Where is him now?"

_ "Still sleeping on the sofa," _ Aidan seemed to be frowning.  _ "I didn't want to wake him up." _

Neil smiled mischievously. “Can I see the makeup you did? I bet it looks great.”

_ "Sure, Neil!" _

A few seconds later, Neil heard the sound of little feet walking around the place and watched as Aidan's camera shook as he walked with the phone in hand.

And then he saw it. He just jumped over his screen as soon as Aidan turned the phone to aim the camera at his father.

Andrew was lying on the couch, stretched out like a cat, and sleeping peacefully — which, honestly, was quite an achievement, since Neil knew how Andrew's nightmares could be turbulent and more often than not his sleep quality could be affected by it. His eyes were completely covered with black eyeshadow, his cheeks were red as if he had a sunburn and his mouth was shiny because of the glittery gloss.

Neil took a screenshot.

Also, he couldn't stop smiling and chuckling a bit and his cheeks were already starting to hurt from that.

Aidan turned the camera back to him and left the room again.

"The makeup was wonderful, baby, you really have talent," Neil said.

_ "Thank you. When we get to play I'll do a good job for you too.” _

They kept talking for way too many minutes, and eventually, Hayley joined the conversation, too. Neil didn’t participate much from there on, he could only watch with affection as the children talked and laughed at things he didn’t understand, and it was then that he allowed Hayley to hold his phone while he laid next to her, hugging her tightly.

Until at some point, they started talking about the TV show  _ She-ra and the Princesses of Power _ , and it was then that Neil joined the conversation again.

"Well, I think Andrew looks a lot like Catra," Neil said, shrugging.

Aidan laughed and had fun contemplating all the points where the two really looked like.

_ "And I'm Entrapta, she's my favorite,"  _ he said, excitedly.

"I like Bow, I think I would be him," Hayley said without giving it much of a thought.

"No, you wouldn't be him," Neil frowned. “Bow is all joy, fun, flowers, teddy bears, toys and hearts jumping out of the eyes. You would be Mermista.”

_ "I agree," _ Aidan said, as seriously as he could muster, as if this were a super solemn and secret conspiracy.

Hayley just shrugged. "I like Mermista, so that's fine by me," she turned to face her father.

_ "And who would Neil be?" _

"He's a little slow and clueless sometimes, despite being a goofball, so I think he would be Adora," Hayley hummed.

Neil opened his mouth to protest, but then he saw Aidan and Hayley burst out laughing at the same time, and he gave up before he even started.

"At least I can turn into a powerful and giant superhero," he bragged then.

_ "We all have superpowers, Neenee," _ Aidan pouted.

Neil pulled back his chin. “What is  _ ‘Neenee’ _ ?”

_ "Your nickname. Renee is already called Nee, so it can't be the same, but Neil doesn't have many options.” _

"You can call him  _ peanut _ or just  _ nut _ ," Hayley suggested, shrugging.

"Why?" Neil raised an eyebrow at his daughter.

"It's what you have inside your head, so it seems fair."

Aidan laughed and Hayley joined him — that  _ charming, adorable, and childish _ laugh —, probably for the fifth time in the night, and Neil thought he might as well just die of fondness right now.

However, what he did was cross his arms and frown very hard.

“I don't like talking to six-year-olds, you guys are mean and too smart for my taste. Isn't six years the age when you don't know how to speak yet?”

Aidan was about to say something, but the noise from his side of the line — like a door being opened — caught all their attention.

_"Aidan, did you see my—_ _ah_ ," was Andrew's voice. It was slightly hoarse from sleep, as far as Neil could tell. He definitely didn't feel a chill in his stomach for that. _"Are you talking to Nicky?"_

There was the sound of footsteps approaching and then Andrew also appeared into the camera's view. He raised an eyebrow when he saw who it really was and Neil purposely smiled exaggeratedly. Lying where he was, next to Hayley, he didn't know if Andrew was seeing him well, but he wasn't in the mood to move, so it would be like that.

"Hello sleepyhead, how are you feeling?"

_ “I had a long shift at the company, don't ‘sleepyhead’ me. I can only see diagrams now,”  _ Andrew mumbled.

_ “Daddy works with games! His company is cool and super fun,”  _ Aidan boasted.

_ "It is not  _ **_my_ ** _ company but I like that you think so." _

Hayley smiled and tilted her head. "Andy's makeup is super cool."

Andrew spent about two seconds looking at the phone screen with a blank expression, trying to understand what she was talking about until he finally paid attention to his own image in the video call and his face opened in understanding.

_ “I know, right? I liked it a lot too,” _ he sat beside Aidan with his legs stretched out in front of him and spread them to make room for his son to sit in the middle. Aidan went happily and leaned against his father's chest, snuggling comfortably.  _ "What were you talking about?" _

_ "She-ra and the Princesses of Power," _ Aidan replied.

"No, actually you two were being mean to me," Neil protested, puffing out his cheeks.

Hayley pressed her hand over his face until she was clutching his cheek to the point that Neil had an expression that could only be defined as a fish face. "We weren't, pops," she said. "We just said that you are Adora."

"You know what you did, I don't have to repeat it."

Aidan and Hayley shrugged at the same time.

They talked again, this time with Andrew's participation, and Neil tried not to pay much attention to how the blond was quietly and gently stroking his son’s hair, who was sitting against his chest. It might seem like a natural gesture, but one could see in Andrew's eyes how extremely attentive he was to anything, literally anything, that might happen.

The only thing that happened was that Aidan slept. Simple as that, in one moment he was talking and in the next, he had his eyes closed and his mouth open while breathing slowly and unconsciously. When Neil signaled this to Andrew, the blond was quietly exasperated for a few seconds while his mind worked on, probably, some idea of how to move the child without waking him up.

He excused himself as he went to put Aidan to bed — which, frankly, came as a surprise to Neil, who thought he would just hang up.

"You should sleep too if you want my opinion," he said, to Hayley.

"But why?"

“Remember that you are going out with Cordelia tomorrow? Do you want to do this while tired?”

"I don't get tired."

“Yes, you do. Come on, time to go to bed.”

He took his phone with him while he picked Hayley up and carried her to bed, where she still insisted on talking a lot until finally giving up and lying on her side to sleep. Still, Neil sat next to her, stroking the little girl's hair while her breathing slowed for good and her eyes struggled to remain open until she gave up and shut them completely.

Neil left the room and closed the door carefully behind him. When he was going to his own bedroom, he looked at the screen of his phone and saw the image of Andrew patiently wearing glasses and looking somewhere other than the camera on his own phone — based on the reflection of his glasses, Neil would say it was a computer or some other electronic device. Honestly, it was lovely to see that he was still wearing the makeup Aidan had done.

The moment he was finally in his bed, getting under the covers, Neil said, "I didn't expect you to be waiting."

Andrew shifted his gaze back to the phone screen and appeared to put everything else aside — including his glasses, much to Neil's unhappiness.

_ "You would just call me back anyway, so whatever." _

"Yeah, good that you know," Neil smiled and rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "Andrew, I've been thinking and, like, have you ever thought about actually getting a lot of piercings?"

_ "Why should I bother?" _

“I mean, the last time I texted you about it you said that the ones you used at Eden’s, on Nicky's birthday, were fake, right? But it was really amazing and it looked completely wonderful on you, so I just thought it would be cool if you did it for real.”

_ "Do you spend your time thinking about different parts of my body getting pierced?"  _ Andrew raised an eyebrow.

All Neil could do was roll his eyes and blush. "I don't do that... It just occurred to me once."

_ "Uh-huh, I know..." _

“Really, Andrew. And you really should listen to me and consider the possibility.”

_ "Whatever you say." _

Neil rolled his eyes — again — and sank onto the mattress, lying on his side and taking the phone with him. He lost count of how long he stayed in contact with Andrew, and the last thing he remembers before falling asleep is the blond snorting and saying something like  _ “Turn off the fucking phone already, Josten, you're halfway through sleeping over the screen,” _ before disconnecting the call himself.

~

It was the middle of the afternoon and Andrew had every possible reason to wonder what the hell he was doing there.

Like, of course, he himself had come up with the idea and also chosen to take all the paths that put him in that position where he was now, but still, it didn't make it any easier.

So, yeah, Andrew was now inside his car and thinking several times about what to do and how completely unbearable it was that he even inserted himself into that situation.

Before allowing himself to wander stupidly any longer, Andrew scoffed, took one last look at the house across the street, and got out of the car.

As he walked to the front door he rationed that, despite knowing where the spare key was, it would be more appropriate to ring the bell rather than end up scaring whoever was at home — and he knew that someone was home because of the car parked in front of the garage door — so that's what he did.

Andrew shoved his hands deep in his pockets while waiting for someone to come and receive him.

_ This is ridiculous, Andrew, why the hell are you doing this? _

_ To be honest? I have a completely consistent reason, but is also one that still plagues me enough for it being unbelievable and completely offensive, _ he replied to himself.

As soon as he was about to enter into an intense debate with himself, the door lock clicked and Andrew watched as it opened to the sight of Neil's face with a curious expression before realizing who was on the other side and relaxing.

"Hi, Drew," he tilted his head.

Andrew's attention was diverted quickly and briefly.

_ Don't focus on the fact that he's wearing a crop top and gym shorts, don't focus on the fact that he's wearing a crop top and gym shorts, don't focus on the fact that he's wearing a crop top and gym shor— _

"Um, hey... There's a rat on your shoulder," he said, nonchalantly.

Neil furrowed his eyebrows and picked up the animal that was standing over his shoulder, close to the neck, just as Andrew had said.

"I hope you know that this is  _ not _ a rat," he said, carefully holding the non-rat. "Anyway, this is Miss Squeeze, she's Cordelia's ferret. Cordelia is our neighbor."

"Do you have someone there with you right now?" Andrew raised an eyebrow.

"No, no. Delia took Hayley to the exy’s practice and, therefore, she put me in charge of taking care of the ferret.”

"So she really is a brave person and overestimates you too much."

Neil rolled his eyes good-naturedly and gestured for Andrew to come in, which he did. He soon heard the song  [ _ I’m Still Standing _ ](https://youtu.be/ZHwVBirqD2s) , by Elton John, echoing around the house and snorted.

"Miss Squeeze is very polite, luckily for us, because ferrets can be quite chaotic sometimes," Neil said, as he led Andrew into the living room. "Sorry for the loud music, I was just finishing my workout."

As soon as he said that, he went over to the stereo and turned the volume down. And just as Andrew had only managed to ignore the fact that Neil was wearing gym shorts and a crop top, the image hit him again, but now plus the other man's muscles flexing and stretching as he mov—

_ Stop, Andrew. _

"Don't stop because of me," he said, finally.

"Actually I'm done, so it's fine," Neil shrugged. "Are you here for a specific reason?"

"I mean, you gave me your address... that's the specific reason."

"Fair enough," he laughed. "I didn't think you were really going to use it, though."

The ferret, which was already back on Neil's shoulder, moved and moved closer to the man's neck, getting as close to the skin as possible, and Andrew watched as Neil didn't even seem affected by it. The auburn-haired man noticed he was being watched, and hummed.

“We call her Miss Squeeze because of that. She likes to squeeze herself as much as possible against whoever is holding her.”

Andrew furrowed his brows. "This is a little ridiculous, but since it's an animal I think it's okay."

Neil laughed. "Don't be such a complainer," he nodded toward the kitchen, "May we get something to drink?"

Andrew shrugged and followed him. Neil's house was actually quite cozy, but he would never admit it out loud. While walking through the hall to go to the kitchen, Andrew saw drawings made directly on the wall — with crayons or markers —, drawings made on paper and glued in some strategic places to look well-positioned instead of scattered, pictures of Neil and Hayley or only Hayley, some pictures that even had Renee and Allison — which shouldn't be shocking, because, well, Neil had known them for a while, so it made sense, but still — and others with a woman who was both tall and thick, had tanned skin, short hair dyed white, some tattoos and some more piercings — Andrew thought she was pretty fucking awesome if he had to be honest.

"Do you want to drink something specific?" Neil asked the moment they stepped into the kitchen.

"I don't want anything that has alcohol."

"Okay. So I have chocolate milk, lemon juice, and water. ”

"I want chocolate milk, thank you very much."

Neil let out a small amused sound, "Of course you do."

He took a cardboard box out of the fridge, took two glasses, and poured chocolate for the two of them. Miss Squeeze jumped from Neil's shoulder to the counter, ran to the opposite end of the furniture, curled up in a mound, and slept. That's what Andrew focused on for a few minutes when they were in comfortable silence until Neil spoke first — of course he did.

“So, were you already missing me? I have to say it’s a bit shocking, but I imagine that’s how things are between great friends, right?”

Andrew grimaced and positioned himself to give the best critical look he could get at Neil, but he regretted it almost immediately because, as he looked him up and down, Andrew's eyes were caught by that strip of skin of Neil's belly that was uncovered thanks to the crop top, and he caught a glimpse of scars before quickly looking back at the other man's face — it was nothing he couldn’t imagine, after all, he had already seen Neil's arms and his face itself wasn't exactly scars-free.

"Who says we are great friends?"

“Aidan and Hayley. They reached that consensus at some point.”

"Um, it looks like I'm going to need to disappoint my son, then, but he needs to know that there’s no way I can be ‘great friends’ with an oaf.”

Neil laughed. "I'm _very content_ that you think of me like that, Drew."

"You’re welcome."

They were silent for as long as they allowed themselves, just sipping their chocolate drinks as calmly as possible. At some point, Andrew lifted the sleeves of the shirt he was wearing up to his elbows, and Neil's eyes were very attentive to the movement before catching on the tattoos now exposed. Andrew hated to admit that a part of him delighted in that.

"Can I ask you a question?" Neil looked up at his face again.

"Go ahead."

"Is there a reason why all of your tattoos are black?"

Andrew stared at him for a few seconds before answering anything.

"I mean, it matches my aesthetic, demeanor, and stuff," he shrugged.

Neil looked him up and down with his head tilted to the side and his eyes narrowed as if he were doing the most important analysis of his life.

"Yeah, that's true," he conceded at last. "Do you regret any of them?"

“No, I don’t. When I started getting tattoos, a part of me worried that it was going to make it harder to look for a job and stuff, but I was lucky, thank Satan,” Andrew shrugged. "You should follow my example, I think you would be pretty cool with some piercings and a few delicate tattoos."

Grinning, Neil said, "Uh, now you are the one thinking about the parts of my body getting pierced or tattooed?"

"You did this to me, now I'm just returning the favor."

"I appreciate that, but there are many reasons why I would never be able to do any of this..."

And it was then that Neil began to talk about how he was afraid of needles or sharp objects in general that he himself couldn’t control and how it would be impossible for him to submit to just that of his own free will. Andrew was partially listening to all of this, because his brain involuntarily wandered through much less pleasant things, like why he was there in the first place.

_ 'You haven't been a teenager in a long time, Andrew. We are adults, and this gives us the right to be much more objective in pursuing what attracts us.’ _

_That damn phrase that damn Renee said and he couldn't get out of his damn head._ Since Nicky's birthday, Andrew and Neil had exchanged messages frequently and made some calls as well. They had talked a lot, sometimes about everything that mattered and sometimes about everything that didn't matter. Sometimes Aidan joined them, sometimes Hayley and sometimes both children.

Andrew was, above all, angry with himself, because he was allowing himself to go soft for a fool.

_ You're the fool, Andrew, _ he said to himself.

The matter of the fact was that, for whatever ridiculous reason, Andrew trusted Neil, and that was something. And even more, Andrew wanted something from and with Neil, and it wasn't like he wanted a lot of things in his life. Before Aidan, he wanted practically nothing, really.

And that was why it was almost offensive, just because deep down he refused to really accept it.

But then, back to Renee's words... She wasn’t wrong. Andrew _was_ thirty-one years old now and had a life more stable than it had been before in virtually every way possible. He could afford new and different things, and he no longer had to shut himself off from everything or immediately deny everything that was out of his comfort zone. He didn't always have to be defensive or reclusive and it was okay to admit and assume that.

Andrew looked at Neil and unconsciously he knew the other man was chattering about something — still about piercings and tattoos and maybe something about hairstyle? — but he was unable to gather enough of his conscience to be _fully_ _aware_ of it. All he could register was Neil's seemingly soft lips moving as he spoke and the desire to reach and touch. Andrew's vision was blurred and he knew he had zoned out, but he just couldn't help it — although he wanted to.

His head all of sudden had turned into a storm, and then he thought again about what he knew was what had brought him there in the first place, this being Neil, basically. Neil, the way he just didn't seem to come out of Andrew's head and how much it was already pissing him off to the point where he finally came to the auburn-haired man's residence to try to sort it out in some way or another.

So with that in mind, Andrew asked, "Yes or no?"

Neil, who was in the middle of a long, exciting monologue, stopped and took a sip of chocolate while tilting his head. He had his hips against the countertop and, probably for the umpteenth time in a short period of time, Andrew cursed those goddamnit shorts for leaving Neil's toned legs exposed from the middle of the thighs and down.

"Yes or not what?" He asked, shaking Andrew from his reverie.

Putting his own glass of chocolate aside, Andrew walked over to Neil and stopped in front of him. After a few seconds of staring, Andrew looked down at the other man's lips, and that was when the realization hit him.

Neil swallowed, also put his glass aside, and whispered, "Yes."

After finding confirmation in his eyes and without waiting for another second, Andrew put an arm on either side of Neil's body, holding the countertop behind him for support, and cornered him. Honestly, after that, he didn't know who had run into who, but then they were kissing.

Neil's mouth  _ was  _ as soft as Andrew had imagined, and it was also sweet, warm, and insane — that's it, that's the word. For a moment their kiss was nothing more than gentle and careful until they pressed harder and Andrew's tongue dared to slide over Neil's lips before he opened his mouth and allowed the kiss to be deepened. They kept up a slow and pleasant pace, guided all the time by Andrew and he was comfortable with that.

Somehow, he registered with the back of his mind when Neil moved his hands towards him, and Andrew was quick to grab his wrists and hold them on his back. They didn't break the kiss, though, and Neil didn't say anything about the restraint, he just kept moving his mouth and tongue at the rhythm they had created.

It felt like an explosion and Andrew didn't feel it could be anything other than that. He chased Neil's lips and Neil chased his back. He felt shock after shock running down his spine. He was heavy and light at the same time, massively invested in the kiss.

However, something clicked inside Andrew's head and he was the one to step away first.

He looked at Neil through the space of mere inches between their faces and watched as he remained with his eyes closed and absorbing what was happening at that moment as if he were lost in a cloud of stillness.

Andrew has pulled away completely now and this time Neil's eyes opened wide.

_ Blue blue blue. _

_ And slightly puffy lips. _

_ And auburn hair matching the flushed cheeks. _

Andrew was taken aback, and although he still wasn't entirely sure, he had a pretty good guess as to why.

"I'm going to get Aidan from practice," he said, not waiting for an answer before turning around and leaving.

Neil was still a little lost and so it took him a long time to reason what he was saying, so Andrew was already halfway through the hall when he heard, “Wait, what— why?”

"Because I can't leave my son alone,"  _ half true, _ Andrew thought.

"But," Neil paused, finally accompanying him on the way to the door, "there is still some time before finishing practice."

As soon as Andrew opened the front door, a huge woman was standing outside — tall and thick, tanned skin, short hair dyed white, some tattoos, and a few more piercings than in the pictures he had seen her first. She looked at the ferret — which Neil had put back on his shoulder probably before leaving the kitchen, Andrew realized — and grinned, just before looking back and forth between the two men and her expression changing to confusion and then to smugness or something like that.

"Uh, hey Cordelia," Neil greeted.

“Hi, Neil. Sorry, am I interrupting something?” She was grinning and raising an eyebrow.

"No, you’re not. I'm leaving already,” Andrew explained and walked past her quickly — this woman was huge, he was completely intimidated.

Before taking less than four steps outside the residence, Neil called him, “Okay, bye then. But wait for a message. And don’t you fucking ignore me. Thank you.”

Andrew didn’t answer. For all intents and purposes, he kept walking, got in the car, and pulled it away almost as soon as the key turned in the ignition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it for now and see you again in the next chapter. thank you very much for reading.
> 
> don't forget that authors like kudos and comments. let me know what you think of everything so far?
> 
> (and you can always find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/) and you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/moon020310) if you want and help support me)


	9. You give me something to talk about

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neil and Andrew are chaotic as fuck in this chapter lol
> 
> Good reading y'all!!
> 
> (tw: really little mention of transphobia)

Neil was confused. He was very, very confused.

But what was confusing him, even more, was the fact that what really didn’t leave his mind wasn’t what he thought would leave him down in the end.

Chaotic, right? He was also lost in the line of knots that were his thoughts.

The point was, Neil could be very oblivious sometimes, but he didn’t think that was the case this time. Not about this. He _knew_ what had been hidden behind the heat in his stomach, the involuntary smiles, and the urgency to keep in touch with Andrew — and even though he discovered that not so long ago, at least he  _ did discover _ eventually. However, it’s true that he still hadn’t fully admitted _ that _ for himself but at least part of him was aware of what it meant.

And the main reason why Neil never recognized those feelings was that he thought it was completely impossible for Andrew to be able to reciprocate in any way, and he was very fond of both Aidan and Andrew for letting their relationship — which wasn't that bad, by the way — fall apart for something as silly as that. So, yeah, Neil ignored the whirlwind of thoughts and sensations in an obviously failed attempt to get this through.

Imagine his surprise when Andrew kissed him.

**_Andrew_ ** _ kissed  _ **_me_ ** _ , _ he daydreamed for the umpteenth time since what happened — two days ago.  _ Andrew  _ **_kissed_ ** _ me. _

Neil was now lying on the bed in his own room, stretched out like a starfish and staring at the ceiling. Deep down he knew he should be concerned that Hayley was alone — supposedly in her room, but she might as well be tearing down the house right now and he wouldn't know — and unsupervised, but he would handle it in a few minutes. For the time being, he thought he could allow himself to digress.  _ Just a little... _

_ If he kissed me it must be something, right? It can be literally anything but at least it’s something. _

_ You are stupid, Neil. _

_ Yeah, I know, but at least I'm stupid with a point. _

_ No, you’re not. _

_ Fuck off. _

He sighed and finally got up from the bed. After fixing his clothes and doing his hair in the least bad way possible, Neil left the room to find Hayley running around the house.

"What are you doing?" He asked, raising a curious eyebrow at her.

Hayley didn't bother to answer as she ran further. She was running very awkwardly and it was starting to worry Neil, who was afraid she would fall and hurt herself. When she finally stopped, Hayley stood in front of him and put her hands on her hips.

"I have... practice in a little while... I'm just heating up my blood," she said, breathless.

Neil's eyes widened. Sometimes he was just too surprised at how absurdly smart his daughter was.  _ She’s only six, oh my god. Is it possible for a child to get a PhD at age six? If so, she was completely able of doing that. _

"Who taught you that?" He asked.

“Coach Day. He always tells us to run around the court after stretching to 'warm up the blood' so I just thought I might as well do it at home.”

Neil hummed. “I bet Kevin will get you to run anyway. Also, did you stretch? There is a reason for y’all to do the stretches  _ before _ running the laps around the court, you know.”

“Oh. I didn't know,” she pouted.

"Do you like running, sweetheart?"

"Yes, although now that I'm playing as a goalkeeper I don't have many opportunities to run as much as I would like."

"And do you like being a goalkeeper?"

Hayley scowled her face in a thoughtful expression.

"Kevin said I have good reflexes and I'm quick, and I really like watching the game to try and guess where the ball is going to come from, so it's cool nonetheless," she shrugged.

Neil reached out to lift Hayley in his arms and she went willingly. When they were walking around the house while Neil held her, collected all the items the girl would need for practice, and put everything in a backpack, he repeated, _"Nonetheless?"_

“Being a goalkeeper means that everyone on the team expects me to do a great job, and a lot depends on my performance. This is difficult, I am afraid of making mistakes.”

She was clinging to Neil's neck as she spoke, and he felt nice because if that was a way to seek comfort he was very happy to know that she trusted him for that.

“Hayley, look... When someone plays exy, or any other team sport, it means that they are not going to do anything alone during any game. The offensive dealers do not win alone, the strikers do not win alone, nor do the backliners or defensive dealers. Just like the goalie. It's a team for a reason, everyone needs to play together to get somewhere, and that means that whatever the outcome is in the end, it's everyone's responsibility, not just one person's,” he told her, hoping he was using the right words. “You see, I've never _really_ played exy, but I do know this much. Never forget or allow anyone to forget that during a match y’all are a  _ team _ , and the only opponents are those of the rival one. I imagine the pressure must be huge, which is why you have to be prepared to stay strong even if they say anything to you. Help yourself not to get lost during games if no one else can do it. I know you are an excellent goalie so if I were your teammates I wouldn’t worry a bit.”

When he finished speaking, having gathered everything in a backpack and tossing the strap over his shoulder to go to the car, Hayley was looking at him with big eyes.

"It looks like you have more than only a nut inside your head, after all," she said, and Neil snorted in response. "Thank you, dad."

Hayley smiled and, of course, Neil was unable to not smile too. There it was, his whole world right there in his arms. He held her close and didn't intend to let go anytime soon — although that would be what he would have to do once they got to the car.

Neil took his things — phone, keys, wallet — and they finally left the house. He struggled to lock the door with only one hand available but managed to do it anyway.

As soon as they got in the car and they were both safe in their respective seats, Neil started talking again.

"So, back to the subject," he said, to get Hayley's attention. "If you like to run, we can do it together, you know, outside of exy practices."

"Seriously?" Neil didn't have to look to know that her eyes were shining.

"Yeah, sure. I also like to run, so we can go out together to do it a few times,” and then, knowing the daughter he has, he added, “Of course, as I am very fast, I will have to slow down my running speed to keep up with your slow pace, but that's not a problem.”

"Do you think you're faster than me?" She asked, in the same tone that one would say  _ 'Are you saying that the sun tastes like hot sauce?' _ — okay, maybe this comparison is a little bit specific and also unrealistic, but it's still understandable.

"Do I?" Neil asked, feigning innocence.

“Whatever you are trying to say, it’s a lie. I'm faster.”

"If you say so..."  The fact was, no matter how fast she is, Neil is also very fast and taller than Hayley, so, of course, he could beat her in a race.  "We can run in the afternoon, after you get home from school, on days when you don't have practice, is it good?"

“Yes, dad. Thanks."

"No need to thank. Now I won't be alone every time I go for a run.”

Hayley chuckled. They made the trip to school talking about sports and, once again, Neil found himself surprised at how smart his daughter was. She knew a good deal about it, far more than he thought she would.

It was only in the parking lot that Neil finally remembered of Andrew and the  _ Situation™ _ involving himself, the other man, and everything else.

Yes, Neil came to watch his daughter practicing, but he would be lying if he said that at least part of him had no hope of meeting Andrew there. It would be very lucky — or unlucky, perhaps — if he happened to meet the other man by chance, because, from the way he had been ignoring Neil for two days, one would imagine that he would avoid the gymnasium too, for the same reason he kept ignoring the auburn-haired man's messages.

But you never know, right?

And anyway the main reason he was coming was to accompany Hayley, so it was no big deal.

Neil got the little girl out of the car and placed her on the floor before going to pick up her red panda-shaped backpack — which is where he put her exy gear on — and joined Hayley to hold her hand. They walked into the gymnasium together and she just waited until Neil handed her the backpack before running away into the locker room. Neil sighed. He could tell her not to run, but would it work? No, so he just shrugged, shook his head, and turned his back to walk to the bleachers.

Maybe Neil walked more slowly to there, but he was just trying to think of what to expect and what to do in every situation that could happen while also scolding himself for creating any kind of hope.

His head really was a mess.

Neil buried his hands in his pockets and walked with his head down, frowning and keeping what should probably be a troubled expression as he walked.

_ I'm going to kill Andrew the next time I see him, I should really do that. He kissed me and now he's ignoring me and hasn't even given me any explanation? I mean, not that he has to explain anything, but it would be nice, right? Maybe if he just didn't completely ignore me... _

Neil sighed. The truth is Andrew owed him nothing, and he knew that much, but it was no less frustrating anyway.

_ Forget it and move on, Neil, when Andrew wants he will talk to you, _ Neil thought and gave himself two mental pats on the back to lift the mood.

When he finally looked up again, it was with great surprise and relief ( _ should he be relieved? _ ) that Neil saw Andrew just sitting on one of the bleacher’s first level, his body propped forward and his elbows propped up on his legs. He had a clenched jaw and stared exaggeratedly forward.

He was really nice looking today, and it took Neil's breath away momentarily. Andrew was wearing a loose-fitting gray tank top and sports shorts with black leggings underneath — which looked like a long sock — as well as a short orthosis on his right wrist and his glasses on his face. The tattoos were on display — save the part covered by the orthosis — and Neil thought he would never stop being attracted to those features.

That guy was a fucking sight and Neil thought that maybe he was melting with the whole image in front of him.

Neil grinned and bowed his head. "Hey, Andrew," he pointed to the orthosis on his wrist, "are you okay?"

Andrew didn’t deign to acknowledge the other man's presence there while he merely nodded without taking his gaze from where it was fixed. Neil didn't move or speak, expecting him to say something else, so they were both quiet.

Finally, Andrew sighed heavily and rolled his eyes.

"I was sparring," he explained, "but I had an injury to that hand some time ago so I almost always use the orthosis after sparring or working out, to help moving better."

Neil nodded. "I'm glad you're okay."

They fell silent again. This allowed Neil to realize that today they were not the only ones there. A few other people were seated along the bleachers, but they were all spread out enough so that they weren't exactly close to the two of them.

Neil hated the stillness in which they were in because it allowed him to contemplate how impeccable Andrew looked while wearing those glasses. Those clothes. And how the tattoos showing on his skin added perfectly to… _Him._ By simply existing, Andrew would always be impeccable, Neil was sure.

_ Fucking Jesus, Josten, get a grip on yourself you little shit. _

"Can I sit down?" Neil asked, indicating the space next to where Andrew was sitting.

The blond shrugged but moved aside and made room for Neil anyway — which wasn't exactly necessary since he had a lot of free space, but it sure made his heart skip a beat.

When they were both seated, they still didn't talk. Not yet. Neil swung his legs enthusiastically as he watched the children line up at the court. Through the plexiglass, he looked for Hayley until he found her, as always, with Aidan. The little boy looked back and found Neil too, and then he smiled and waved excitedly. Hayley followed his gaze to see the reason for the commotion and just nodded in greeting to her father. Neil waved back with the same animation as Aidan.

He lowered his hand and straightened his posture before clearing his throat once.

"You owe me no satisfaction, you know," Neil said, without looking at the man beside him. "I'm not asking this of you, just to make it clear."

"Satisfaction about what?" Andrew's voice was flat.

"For ignoring me for two days," he shrugged and Andrew snorted. "As I said, I don't need you to give me any satisfaction, really."

Now Andrew turned his face and looked at Neil, who was still watching the children moving around the court.

"I just made a mistake," the blond said.

"Right."

"I shouldn't have kissed you."

"Right."

Andrew narrowed his eyes — as Neil could see from the peripheral vision — and the whole image he presented at that very moment just...  _ Fuck. _

"Aren't you going to ask anything?" Andrew asked.

"Should I?" Neil raised an eyebrow but still didn't look at him.  _ I'm working hard to maintain my composure, _ Neil thought.

"I don’t know?"

Finally allowing himself to face Andrew, the auburn-haired man looked him up and down and smiled when his gaze fell on his hazel eyes.

“I will repeat it again. I don't want to make you talk about anything if that's not what you _want._ Just, whatever. Do what you want and we’re fine.”

That was not a lie. Yes, Neil had doubts and was pretty much freaking out because of everything, but he really wouldn't risk making Andrew uncomfortable by talking about something he didn't want to, and it wouldn't even be a productive conversation, anyway. Andrew had already said it was a mistake.

"I just don't have time for this bullshit," Andrew said, suddenly.

"What?"

“I shouldn't have done that, as I said. It was pretty hasty and sudden.”

"I think it was cool."

Andrew rolled his eyes and scoffed. He moved his fingers through his hair and the movement captured Neil's attention for a few moments. He could tell that the blond was debating with himself about talking about it or not — or whatever was the closest thing to 'talking about' that he considered.

Andrew narrowed his eyes again, openly studying Neil.

"What do you want to know, Josten?" He asked.

"What do you mean?"

“I mean I can see that you want to ask something, it's practically written on your face. Say what it is? I don’t care, just say it.”

Neil chewed on his lip as he thought, because he didn't know if Andrew really meant it, and he was afraid to look invasive.  _ Ugh, this is so difficult, how do people do it? _

It was then that Andrew said, “You know, this concerns you too. You are also involved so ask your damn question.”

Neil sighed and gave up for good. "You said 'you don't have time for this bullshit' but what exactly does that mean?"

"I hate the idea of spending time doing stupid things like flirting and going out on dates because I'm not a stupid teenager anymore."

"And yet  _ you _ kissed me..."

Andrew raised his eyebrows at him and crossed his arms. This didn't exactly help much because with the gesture his biceps created a little volume and suddenly Neil found himself staring unintentionally.

As if Neil hadn't even spoken anything, Andrew continued, "But I hate the idea of making things _immediately physical_ even more, that sounds awful to me. If I was to never see you again after we hook up, then I really wouldn't give a single shit. But that is not the case."

"Um, I see..."

Andrew looked away at the court again. "You have been a real pain in the ass lately, Josten."

Neil smiled and sat sideways in the bleachers to face Andrew completely.

“I didn’t think you wasted your time with me. You hate me, remember?”

Andrew stretched his neck and snorted. "Every inch of you," he said. "That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t suck you."

Neil's stomach did a flip and he accidentally opened his mouth, processing the information — but he was failing miserably at it.

Andrew was trying to kill him, it was obvious he was.  _ How can he just say it so naturally that way? _

_ What the fuck is that? Why am I so shaken now? _

Some people have flirted with Neil before, of course they have, but he has never been affected by at least minimally sexual flirtations — if he realized that was what was happening. In fact, he didn't like that kind of flirting at all.

At least he didn't think so.

But right now his mind was revolving around Andrew's words.

"So what?" Neil asked.

"What?"

"It's just that I didn't understand it very well."

“Neither do I, Josten, that's the point of the whole thing. I. Don’t. Fucking. Know.”

Neil was silent. He was still facing Andrew, who was now leaning forward and looking into the court.

"I'm sorry for being nosy," Neil sighed and put his face in his hands. "We don't need to talk about it, it's okay."

Andrew scoffed and rolled his eyes. He turned to look at Neil, who kinda froze or something. Golden eyes were looking at him, he didn't know how to deal.

"You suck at talking, Josten."

"I know."

"Tell me everything you're thinking, I don't care if you think you're intrusive or rash, just be honest."

Neil smiled, "To someone who didn't want to talk, you look very interested."

"Shut up and speak already," Andrew rolled his eyes.

That made Neil chuckle a little, before nodding and clearing his throat to speak.

“I don't really think I have much to say. It's just... I'm fine if you are too,” he shrugged, “which, in itself, is a lot. I never liked kisses before. Or remotely physical things in general. Not that I have many experiences, but the ones I have aren’t the best.”

Andrew looked at him and narrowed his eyes under his glasses, "I’m not going to kiss you again."

"I'm not asking for this."

And then there was a long silence. Because he was looking directly at Andrew, Neil noticed the frantic movement of his irises, as if he was analyzing or thinking hard and couldn't bear looking at just one thing. His jaw was also tight.

Neil didn't want to look directly when Andrew was clearly thinking about something — probably — important, so he looked away at the other man's tattoos.

He observed the dark lines that formed the design of the tattoos and looked amazing against Andrew's pale skin.

"What do you want then?" The blond asked.

"Honestly? Hayley and Aidan are great friends, as long as you don't want to kill me enough to end up affecting that, that's enough,” Neil shrugged. It was true. “How about you, Andrew? What do you want?"

The other man grunted. "I want nothing."

"Great."

A beat of silence.

"But anyway, I'm free on Friday," Andrew said, looking anywhere but the man in front of him.

It took Neil a few seconds — with a frown and all — to process the information. And then his first reaction was to laugh and look at those hazel eyes aimed directly at him.

“Wait, what? What does that mean?" He said, still grinning.

Andrew, of course, rolled his eyes.  "I don't think you're  _ that _ stupid, Josten."

"Oh, no, I understand the part of being free on Friday and why are you saying that," Neil said. "I just don't understand how it comes to terms with _wanting nothing."_

Once again, Andrew scoffed, and Neil was still grinning nonstop.

The court was noisy, as the practice was going on, so in the background, they could hear Kevin's voice, the children, and the sound of the whistle occasionally

"There are a lot of things that a lot of people don't understand in life, that's just how humanity works," Andrew grumbled.

Neil laughed and rolled his eyes good-naturedly. Apparently, Andrew made him smile a lot more than he would like. Neil didn't know how to handle this.

"I'm also free on Friday, but only after eight pm because I have to work before that," he said.

"Where do you work?"

“Um, on Friday? There is an electronics company planning to expand its business abroad, so, naturally, I will have to coordinate this operation. Draw up strategies, take surveys, you know, these basic things…”

"Doesn't all of that ruin the only neuron you have?"

"Fuck you, Drew," Neil flicked him off, but he was still grinning. "I have enough neurons to do this and still go to a great steakhouse that is close to where the meeting is going to be."

Andrew hummed. "How good is this steakhouse?"

"I don't know, why don't you go too and find out on your own?"

This earned Neil a heavy look in his direction, but it was not a rebuke at all. Andrew was just studying him and thinking silently.

"Send me the address of your meeting place later, I'll stop by to pick you up there."

“How fancy, will you pick me up at work? What a gentleman."

“Shut up, Josten. I completely regret that already,” Andrew sighed angrily.

“Oh, no, you have nothing to regret, I swear. The steakhouse has some great stuff, I've been there only a few times but I can guarantee that, for sure,” and then, smirking, Neil added, “And I'm a damn good company, dear.”

"I don't know, I have my doubts about that."

Neil's smile was clearly mocking, and it made Andrew wince.

"I'm sorry if I have a hard time believing this when you kissed me first," the auburn-haired man had a very wide shit-eating grin on his face.

"I will literally kill you, Josten."

“Nah, you're not going to do this. Do you wanna know why?"

"Mm?"

"Because you kissed me first."

Andrew actually grunted this time and rolled his eyes hard. It made Neil laugh.

"Maybe I should keep you waiting, alone, on Friday because you are too unbearable, I can't take it."

"You're not going to do that either—"

“Josten if you say again that I kissed you first, Aidan can cry as much as he wants, I won't get even twenty meters near you. Or I kidnap Hayley and she will have a great life with Aidan and me.”

All Neil did was laugh some more and frown — but in a fun way.

"I'm starting to worry about all of your kidnapping threats directed at my daughter," he said.

"Yeah, you probably should."

Neil snorted and rolled his eyes with no heat in the gesture. He then went on to talk with Andrew — maybe 'talk' is not exactly the word, since the blond was just listening and rarely punctuating something or other — about some of the best work-related stories he could think of. He stopped only for a few minutes when Hayley stopped some shots towards the goal and he, like an exemplary father, stood up to cheer for her.

At some point, after long monologues, when he was saying something about his early career — ie, working for the Moriyama's _family business_ —, Neil was interrupted by Andrew's voice saying, "Do you think Kevin recognizes you?"

A little dejected by the surprise, Neil froze in place and bowed his head.

"I don’t know?" He said. “But most likely no. As I said, Kevin and I met very few times before my escape. And I was a child. Things are  _ very different _ now. Like,  _ very much _ .”

Andrew frowned at all of Neil's emphases and gave him a hard look.  "What should that mean?"

And then Neil was completely silent. This was difficult. After many bad experiences, he was automatically nervous at all times.

He looked at Andrew for long moments, looking him up and down, looking him in the eye, and doing all possible risk analysis.

_ It shouldn't be that bad, right? _ Neil mused to himself.  _ Don't assume that, Neil. Usually, they always are that bad. _

And then Neil had an extensive mental conversation with himself about what to do, only to, in the end, conclude that telling the truth was the only possible alternative, and if there were any consequences, he would have to deal with them later.

_ Well, at least we're in a public place so he can't really do anything too bad, right? _

This didn't exactly comfort Neil.

"I'm transgender, Drew," he said at once. "I found out very little before adopting Hayley and started the transition shortly after the whole process."

Neil waited. He didn't know what else to do so he waited. Nothing came, though.

Andrew hummed. "And Jean?" He then asked.

It took a few seconds to process that ~~lack of~~ reaction and Neil didn't know how to act so he just blinked a few times.

"Uh, I— Ah— Uh," he sputtered and then cleared his throat to try to calm down. “I didn't get to know Jean. Maybe he heard about me, but that would have been before the transition too so I don't expect him to recognize me as well.”

Andrew nodded and they were silent for a while. Neil was now looking down at his own hands where he was twisting his fingers over and over again.

"Thanks for trusting me to say that," Andrew barely mumbled, eventually.

If possible, Neil was even more unresponsive. He was used to always expecting the worst reactions — after having received a lot of really terrible reactions throughout his life — so he never knew how to deal with the opposite.

“Uh, yeah, I would have to say that eventually. Rather sooner than later,” he said, shrugging.

But they were no longer able to say anything because immediately afterward a loud noise from the door being opened reached them and a fast body practically hit Neil like a bullet.

“ _ Neenee! _ Did you see how good Hayley is as a goalie?” Aidan said, practically climbing Neil to sit on his lap. When he saw Andrew looking at him alertly, the boy stepped back and looked down with his hands now behind his body. “I'm sorry, Neenee. Can I touch you?”

Neil just smiled in response and held out his arms open to him. "It's okay, Aidan, come here," he waited as the little boy climbed back on him and sat sideways on Neil's lap. “Mm, I  _ did _ see the goals that Hayley saved, I’m very proud. I always knew she was an excellent player.”

Aidan's face lit up. “Yes! And she's super cool playing, she looks like a lioness or a tigress.”

“I guess so. How do  _ you _ look when you're playing? ”

"Like a butterfly, I think."

"Why?"

Aidan shrugged. "Butterflies fly and have beautiful wings, I like them."

"Okay then, you’ll be a butterfly."

Hayley appeared next, struggling with two backpacks in her arms and her skin slightly darker thanks to the hot blood running through her veins after exercise.

SInce Neil was busy, Andrew got up to help her with the backpacks, but all Hayley did was make a face at him and grab what she was carrying even harder.

"I can do this by myself," she said, still making a face.

Andrew stepped back with his hands raised in surrender, "I don't doubt that."

Hayley struggled a few more steps and threw the bags on the floor. "You forgot your backpack, Aidanny," she pointed out.

"Oh, thanks Aylee."

"Yeah, you're welcome," she just made a brief hand movement. "What old people’s thing are y’all talking about in here?"

Andrew snorted. "If it's a matter of old people, little monster, you wouldn't want to know, right?"

"Of course I want."

"What a pity."

"Andrew, tell me."

"No."

"Pops, tell Andrew to tell me what it was," she demanded, crossing her arms in front of her and acting as if answering that was no less than their obligation.

"The day I get this man to do anything for me, something is wrong with him," Neil said, sighing dramatically.

Hayley rolled her eyes. "You guys are terrible."

"Don't worry, you are terrible too so we're all even," Andrew said, simply.

They talked for a bit and only decided to part ways when Hayley made a  _ sweet _ comment about Aidan stinking and he replied that she was not much better. Deciding that both children were right, Andrew and Neil merely nodded farewell to each other before getting up and starting to walk together outside the court.

However, Neil still said right before they walked away to their cars, "Is it a date, then?"

Andrew didn't even bother to look at him and he didn't turn around to answer Neil as well. He just kept walking to his car with his hand on Aidan’s.

Neil smirked and kept walking as well while air quoting, “ _ ‘If you look at me with disgust or something like that means a negative answer, and if you don't even bother to look at me then it's a positive answer’ _ . See you, dear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it for now and see you again in the next chapter. thank you very much for reading.
> 
> don't forget that authors love kudos and comments. let me know what you think of everything so far?
> 
> (come tell me hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/) and you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/moon020310) if you want and help support me)


	10. Behind blue eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: when i started writing this fic, the plan was to have a total of only ten chapters. oh just how fast the night changes.  
> anyway, enjoy the reading.
> 
> (trigger warnings for this chapter: recovery from a panic attack, non-vocality generated by a panic attack, child trauma, mention of neil's past, mention of aaron and andrew's past, mention of tilda and nathan's deaths. let me know if there's anything else)

Without it being news for anyone, Neil was completely exhausted thanks to that hellish meeting. And it wasn't even because of doing hard work or anything, but mostly because he had to spend the whole time with his mouth shut, despite the fact that none of the other people present was at least a little polite to him — or to each other, for that matter. And of course, Neil spoke when he had to in order to _do_ his job, but in that circumstance, he also had to force himself to remain quiet in order to _keep_ his job.

The stress about that was so much that, for a few moments, Neil even forgot about the date with Andrew, and he had spent the _whole day_ before that getting nervous as shit because of that, so it was pretty much obvious how much that meeting had pissed him off.

Ergo, for having managed to accomplish that unprecedented, incredible and impossible feat, Neil was now mentally patting himself on the back. That and also the fact that he was successful in doing his job once more, due to the negotiations of such a big project and it was going to be exceptional to be able to carry it out, and for his career in general, so Neil was rooting for it. There were enough reasons to get excited about it, so he sure damn was.

However, in the middle of the meeting, his phone vibrated in his pocket with a notification, which he ignored because he was obviously not available at the moment, due to being busy getting attacked with rude words for another hour. 

The moment he stepped out of that meeting room was almost divine and extremely invigorating, and Neil didn't want to waste time getting out of there as quickly as possible. The other employees said goodbye to him — to which he almost rolled his eyes because, seriously, they spent _hours_ being horrible with him for no reason — and he merely nodded in return, only because, _again,_ he needed to keep that fucking job.

When he was out of the company's building, he took his phone out of his pocket and finally decided to look at the notifications. There were some messages in Hayley's friends' moms chat group, but he had silenced that chat long ago so the notification wasn’t from there. Looking better, a single message was flashing in another chat.

 **_Cutie Pie:_ ** _Something unexpected happened and I can't leave, but you know my address._

Neil's chest tightened as he read the beginning of the message, but that soon eased when he read the rest and was replaced by a swirl in his stomach. _He's not dismissing me, at least,_ he thought.

 **_You:_ ** _It's okay if you can't today, we can just reschedule_

Neil walked to his car — he didn't know if with _'I'll stop by to pick you up there'_ Andrew really wanted to say that he would give him a ride, so to prevent himself, Neil went in his own car for the meeting — with the handle of his messenger bag over his shoulder and waiting for the reply to the message.

He opened the vehicle, jumped into the driver's seat, and placed the bag on the passenger side before closing the door. When he finally felt the vibration that indicated a message notification on his phone, he looked quickly at the screen and read the reply.

 **_Cutie Pie:_ ** _There's no need, I just can't leave the house but I'm still free._

Neil started to worry immediately to the point of feeling his blood cool.

 **_You:_ ** _Is everything okay?_

 **_Cutie Pie:_ ** _Kinda, I guess._

 **_Cutie Pie:_ ** _Nothing for you to worry about, though._

 **_You:_ ** _Are you sure there is no problem if I go there?_

 **_Cutie Pie:_ ** _Of course I am._

 **_You:_ ** _Alright then._

 **_Cutie Pie:_ ** _Use the spare key when you get here._

After reading the last message, Neil hung up the phone, put it in the bag, and turned the key to start the car and leave the spot where he was parked without blinking. He was worried, even though Andrew said he shouldn't, so he drove to the building where he remembered it was the other man's apartment on the automatic.

A few times along the way Neil contemplated the idea of stopping and buying something, but he didn't know exactly what. Food? _Andrew could have made or already bought something._ Drinks? _I’m not sure what the situation is or what is going on, so maybe it’s better not to resort to alcohol._ A plushie? _Andrew would probably kill me._ In the end, he chose not to buy anything.

Neil was holding the steering wheel tightly and squinted as he tried to reason out the possible scenarios that would cause Andrew to be unable to leave the house. He remembered the body lost on a mattress, unable to speak, move or at least take the minimum necessary care of himself. _I don't think it's another nightmare though,_ Neil thought, analyzing the details he had — little to nothing.

It was then that he realized that the feeling of nervousness that he had been managing to keep buried until now had come back to the surface of his skin, making him practically jump in the seat of his car. He was going to meet with Andrew. _Shit. Shit. Fuck. Hell._

_Will Aidan be there? Or will we be alone? Like, completely alone? Andrew and I the only ones in his apartment? In what is supposed to be a date? In a place with a bed? And flat surfaces? And only us there?_

_Oh my fucking god what the hell is this? Why am I thinking about this?_

_It’s the hormones, definitely hormones. I took a dose of testosterone today and it’s affecting me. That’s it. I'm more stupid than usual because of that._

Neil cleared his throat trying to silence his own mind and the thoughts that were racing at full speed, without much success, but at least he had _partially_ succeeded.

He started drumming a random rhythm on the steering wheel while driving and making some sound with his mouth in an attempt to lighten the weight of his own thoughts, but it didn't work completely as well. Because the fact is that Neil hated feeling that way, so nervous and so moved by something. And now, in a much worse fashion than the usual, he was having a hard time dealing with it, so the need for a distraction was pretty much urgent.

Accidentally, Neil ended up entering the wrong street twice and passed the building once before he finally managed to reach his destination _successfully_ , parking in front of the building. He took what he needed from his messenger bag, wallet and his cellphone basically, and took a single breath before turning off the car, removing the key from the ignition, and leaving.

His throat was dry and he had to clear it a few times to relieve it — and to answer some people who wished him a good evening when he passed them. Neil had to open the chat with Kevin to check Andrew's floor and apartment number again, and only then started up the stairs — where, by the way, he almost tripped a few times. He was _fine._

When he was facing the door, he hesitated a little. Neil didn't know what to expect from tonight, what _would_ happen or what _could_ happen, and he was suddenly ashamed to use the spare key instead of knocking on the door and being guided inside.

Neil opened the door slowly, being invaded by memories of the last time he was here, and looked around. This time, however, he was happily struck immediately by the sound of soft voices coming from somewhere. Or, rather, just one soft voice.

He carefully closed the door behind him — but making a little noise on purpose to somehow warn that he was there — left his shoes near the entrance and walked in his socks to where he remembered to be the living room.

He was adjusting the sleeves of the raisin purple shirt he was wearing when he passed the arch that led to the living room and stopped in place with what he saw.

The soft voice he heard as soon as he entered? It was Andrew. Who was he talking to? A cloth ball.

The blond was sitting on the sofa and leaning on the backrest, with his legs stretched out in front of him and holding a curled up ball or something. Neil raised an eyebrow and approached with slow steps. Andrew saw him and looked up over his glasses, which paralyzed the other man in place and left him momentarily breathless.

The hazel irises were so intense in that half-light environment that they seemed to burn Neil from the inside out and he felt a tingling trail down his spine and make him swallow hard. Andrew wearing glasses is simply—

_Damn hellish hormone doses._

Neil looked away to avoid humiliating himself or anything like that and it was then that he better identified what Andrew was holding. Or rather, who.

Totally wrapped in a zebra-print blanket was Aidan. He had his face buried in his father's shirt and — only then did Neil realize — was sobbing slightly. The sound and the image broke his heart in a thousand pieces, and he immediately exalted himself, worried.

He approached the couch with Andrew's gaze on him and asked for permission in a whisper before sitting down next to the blond. Neil crossed his legs on the couch and absorbed the scene before thinking about what to do.

Aidan was clinging to his father as if he needed it or he was going to die right away. Curled up as he was, he looked just like a big ball of sheets in the distance, as if he somehow wanted to merge with the other man's body and perhaps seek relief from it. Aidan was definitely an overly sensitive child.

Neil had no idea what could be happening and the concern was already reaching immense levels, far beyond what he would like. Looking at Andrew now he realized how the man was quietly worried too, holding the little boy with care and attention written in his eyes.

They were not talking now. The only sound was Aidan's occasional sobbing and heavy breathing.

Neil looked at Andrew for a silent authorization and received a nod in response.

"Baby?" He called then, using a low, calm and soft voice.

Aidan slowly raised his head to the sound of the new voice, sniffling and widening his eyes when he saw Neil sitting next to him. Gradually, the auburn-haired man raised his hand and left it hanging in the air over Aidan's head, without actually touching him until the little boy gave his permission. Without hesitation, the kid lifted himself a little and touched Neil's hand with his hair, and Neil then began to stroke the light brown strands.

 _"Aidan has a problem with abandonment,"_ he was taken aback by Andrew speaking in German. _"And there is this friend of his who is moving to another state, but he can't quite understand it right."_

 _"Does he think he's being abandoned?"_ Neil continued in German.

 _“I guess so. And if I went out and left him with someone else, in that state he would probably think I left him too,”_ Andrew shrugged. _"Besides, I would never leave my son's side if he wasn't, at the very least, in perfect condition."_

Neil continued to run his hand over Aidan's hair as he listened, and the boy leaned more and more in the direction of the touch, partly dividing himself between his own father and Neil. The latter moved his hands to gently wipe the tears from Aidan's face, running his thumbs under his eyes.

"Has he eaten anything yet?" Neil asked, in English again.

Andrew scoffed. "Do you always try to feed anyone who's not having a good day?"

“Yes, I guess? Eating is good.”

"No, we haven't had dinner yet."

"Do you want me to make something?"

"Something? Like setting my kitchen on fire? I don’t trust you in it."

"Look, last time I didn't set it on fire and we had an excellent meal," Neil grimaced but added playfully. "Stop being ungrateful."

"I started making sushi when I got some time, so I have to finish."

Neil's jaw dropped and he stared at Andrew.

"Do you know how to make sushi?" He asked, perplexed.

"Yes, nothing much,” Andrew shrugged. _Shrugged._ What the fuck.

"And you were going to let me take you to a steakhouse when you know _how to make sushi? "_

“First of all, _you_ weren't taking me anywhere. And again, sushi is no big deal.”

"Of course it is, sushi is very difficult to make," he shook his head as if Andrew had just said something insane and completely absurd, and then Neil looked at Aidan, still half lying and watching them out of the corner of his eye with a fallen expression, and whispered, "Hey, baby, will you let me hold you for a while, while your daddy is going to make food for us?"

Aidan immediately turned his face away and buried himself even more in his father's torso, tightening his grip on Andrew's shirt.

“Aidan, my boy, I will not leave your sight or reach, I _promise_ I will not. Have I ever broken a promise before?” The latter asked, and Aidan slowly shook his head. "I will be close to you, I will not go anywhere else."

Aidan didn’t give in for many minutes, his little hands turning white with the effort to hold the fabric of the shirt. When Neil was already considering suggesting that they order delivery food so that no one had to get off the couch, the little boy finally let go and looked at Neil. The auburn-haired man reached out and held it under Aidan's armpits to pick him up — still sitting on the couch.

Andrew's outfit was no less than soaked in the center and wrinkled, but he didn't seem to give a single one fuck to that, which was completely understandable.

Neil hugged Aidan to his chest and held him tight, offering physical contact for support and being gladly accepted. He hummed softly so that the vibrations reverberated through his torso in hope that, perhaps, somehow, they were comforting to the little boy.

Andrew struggled up from the sofa and stretched himself, especially his legs, as if he had been in the same position for a long time — which Neil didn’t doubt was the case. He was wearing a flat black T-shirt, jeans and bare feet — in addition to his glasses — and obviously, Neil found him absurdly attractive.

"Are you going to change?"

"No, I want to finish making that sushi before anything," Andrew replied.

Neil chuckled. "Okay then."

He adjusted Aidan in his arms and held him carefully as he got up from the couch. The three walked to the kitchen and, fulfilling his promise, Andrew positioned himself beside Neil, where Aidan could both reach out and see him if he needed to. They stopped only once for the blond to pick up something and were soon settling in the kitchen.

The auburn-haired man sat on one of the counter stools and placed Aidan sitting on his lap so he could see and follow as Andrew moved around the kitchen, picking up what he would need.

Only then did Neil notice what the other man had stopped to pick up — and now left on the counter. There was a blank paper and a box of colored pencils placed in front of him and Neil nodded to himself as soon as he saw it.

“Hey, Aidan, do you want to draw, baby? Look, there are colored pencils and paper here if you want, and I can help you,” he offered.

Aidan didn’t respond, however. He just moved his head to look at the paper and stared.

"He doesn't talk when he's feeling really bad," Andrew said, from where he was standing next to them, placing a sheet of seaweed on the bamboo sudare mat.

“Oh? You guys have more in common than it looks, after all.”

"It's not the same," Andrew rolls his eyes and dips his hands in a bowl of water before starting to handle the rice he had previously prepared. “When it's me, I don't speak because I don't want to, basically. It seems too difficult and an effort that I can't make, so I don't. It may be more complex than that, but that's the way I can explain it now,” he didn't even look up from where he was spreading the rice over the seaweed leaf as he spoke. “While Aidan doesn't do it because he can't. He would talk if he could, but he can't.”

Neil took a deep breath and his chest tightened. He looked at Aidan sitting quietly on his lap, watching his father cooking carefully and affectionately, and pulled the paper close to them on the counter.

“Alright then, I will help you, okay? And then we can show your dad how beautiful our drawing looks,” he said.

Aidan merely nodded and waited while Neil took all the pencils out of the box. The little boy started doodling with some colors and changed his attention completely to that. Neil watched over his shoulder and occasionally helped with something, but mostly Aidan did everything himself and efficiently. Neil was pleased that it was distracting him in some way, but he didn’t stop giving occasional kisses on the top of his head or rubbing small smooth circles on his belly.

"Where did you leave Hayley?" Andrew asked suddenly. Neil looked up at him and found him wrapping another roll of sushi, with _strong hands, tattooed arms and—_

"Uh, she's at a sleepover," he replied, shaking his head to situate himself in the present. "There must be a million photos in the moms' group chat, but I'm too lazy to look."

Andrew snorted. “You are in a group chat full of moms of your daughter's school? What are you, a Karen?”

 _"Fuck off, Andrew,"_ Neil cursed in German with a chuckle, returning to English shortly thereafter. "I accidentally joined the group and now I'm ashamed to leave."

"How could you have _accidentally_ joined?"

“One of the mothers asked for my number and I thought she was flirting with me, so I couldn't react and ended up telling her what it was because I was too embarrassed. Two days later, there I was in the moms' group chat. Moms and me, that is.”

“My god, how disastrous you are,” Andrew shook his head in denial, and changed to German again, _“Why are you a little shit only with me? I've never seen you at least minimally shy around me, you're always just an unbearable idiot.”_

Neil didn't change the idiom as well, he just kept it in English. "Women are just— I don't know, it's different, they intimidate me."

"Don’t I intimidate you?" Andrew raised an eyebrow at the other man.

And Neil's full-on laugh at that was completely painful for the blond's ego.

“Did you hear that, Aidan? Your father and his five feet tall think they are intimidating.”

Andrew fell into a very deep grimace again, but he was quickly disarmed with the small smile that pulled at the corner of his son's lips, and his expression softened like magic.

That was a good sign, really good. Thankfully Aidan was gradually improving.

"You are just hopeless, Josten."

"Thank you very much, sweetie."

Andrew continued to prepare the sushi efficiently, while Neil assisted Aidan with the drawing. The kitchen was in a small silence, save the low voice of one of the two men occasionally, to make a comment, ask something, or just say anything. And sometimes the noise of the pencils sliding on the paper.

Neil appreciated the calm and serenity, the way they didn't necessarily have to be obsessively interacting so that things were still good and the atmosphere was pleasant enough. It was something Neil definitely admired and appreciated because he was not particularly good with conversations sometimes and hated the way it seemed necessary for some people that everyone was talking and interacting _all the time_ to make things work.

Andrew was just… natural and easy.

"Aidan and I produced the most beautiful work of art ever seen," the auburn-haired man announced when they finished working together.

"Oh yeah? Let me see,” Andrew asked, washing his hands to get rid of any remnants of the sushi ingredients — which, by the way, he was almost done with — and wiping them on a dishtowel.

Neil lifted the paper to show him and hugged Aidan while whispering that they did a good job as a team. He looked to see if the little boy was all right and found that, fortunately, he didn't seem to show any resistance or any trace of disgruntled humor. _It is an advance,_ Neil thought.

"What is it?" Andrew asked.

“It’s a wonderful image of Aidan dancing perfectly. See these details, look at that. Your son is a genius.”

Neil got up from the stool with Aidan in his arms and started moving around the kitchen, rocking himself and the boy together while singing _'[when marimba rhythms start to play dance with me, make me sway'](https://youtu.be/jx0llzSntd8)_ _._ He turned slowly and went from side to side, taking care not to knock the child over or make him dizzy.

While they were doing this, Andrew was in a deep analysis of the drawing in his hands and occasionally took a colored pencil to do something on the paper, then looked at it with a thoughtful face.

If Neil nearly passed out when Aidan looked at him and placed both hands on the man's cheek while smiling a little, no one needed to know.

And so, he continued to dance and sing.

 _“ Other dancers may be on the floor, dear, but my eyes will see only you. Only you have that magic technique, when we sway I go weak,_ _”_ Neil followed the rhythm of the song.

"What the hell are you singing for my son, Josten?" Andrew asked, without looking up from the paper.

Neil laughed and inclined his head, “It's a song. A very good one and he is loving it.”

“I doubt it. Your voice is like a duck being shaken inside a trumpet.”

"How… specific," the auburn-haired man frowned, looking concerned. "But he really is loving it."

Andrew looked at them and saw Aidan kneading Neil's cheek in his hands and looking at his father with a little smile. He merely rolled his eyes good-naturedly, clicked his tongue, and looked away again.

Neil approached until he was facing Andrew at the counter, leaned over a bit and, jokingly, sang in his ear, “ _I can hear the sounds of violins long before it begins, make me thrill as only you know how. Sway me smooth, sway me now._ ”

Andrew’s throat bobbed and he looked at Neil over his glasses, sending chills down his skin. To distract himself from this, the latter looked away and directly at the paper Andrew was scribbling on. His jaw dropped immediately.

"My god," he exclaimed. "Aidan, your father doesn't know how to play at all, how boring."

The little boy turned his head and looked at where Neil was looking too. The item of attention in question was the drawing that both the auburn-haired man and Aidan had made, but that was no longer their design. In the time when they were dancing, Andrew added several details to it. He colored new things, made new lines and many things that Neil didn't even know was possible to increase, but there it was. The previously simple and childlike drawing now seemed much more understandable and definitely not amateurish.

It was still Aidan dancing but in trained and well-worked lines. It was incredible, really, and even more impressive that Andrew had done it out of adaptations to a pre-existing design.

Neil took the paper slowly and held it up so that both he and Aidan could see better, and the latter held out a hand waiting to receive something — which wasn’t the drawing, because he didn’t accept it when Neil tried to give to him.

After trying to hand him some objects, they finally found that what he wanted was a pencil, and the moment he received one, he moved the tip to the corner of the paper and traced something without any care.

"Is that a butterfly?" Neil asked.

"Yes," Andrew nodded. "He draws butterflies when he agrees or likes something," and then, turning to his son, "Thank you, sunflower."

Aidan smiled weakly and looked at the sushi rolls. Seeing his distraction, Andrew cleared his throat and took some plates from one of the cabinets, cutlery from a drawer, and two glasses of the type used for drinking wine from another cabinet. Neil smiled at the last two items.

"Any special occasion?" He asked.

Andrew just rolled his eyes and took a bottle of wine from the small cellar on the shelf above the refrigerator — he had to climb up on a chair, obviously, and still stand on tiptoe, and it amused Neil a lot.

They waited on the stool while Andrew finished cutting the sushi and put everything on one board, big enough to fit everything together. He chased them into the living room with the board in one hand and the plates in the other, but Neil and Aidan had to go around again because Andrew had to go back to the kitchen one more time to get the wine and the glasses, and they followed along not to break the promise to stay within reach of each other.

When they finally sat on the couch and Andrew started to distribute the food on the plates and pour the wine into the glasses, Neil was rambling about fish and something about his neighbor — Cordelia — having a sea phobia, so the woman had to invent a different excuse every time Hayley suggested they go to a beach hut, because the only time she tried to say she was afraid of the beach the little girl started crying out of pity for the fish because they didn't deserve the thought that someone was afraid of them, so they weren't exactly looking forward to repeat that experience.

Neil went on to talk about the beach, more specifically about how he had never taken Hayley to one and she was increasingly insistent about it — just as ridiculously persistent in the idea that they would build a pool in their backyard, even though Neil was already denying it in any way he thought possible.

"Why did you never take her to the beach?" Andrew asked, sitting on his side to face the other man and reaching out to grab Aidan and place him on the couch, between the two of them.

Neil sighed. He switched to German because of Aidan, _“When I was still with my mom, you know, on the run, we got involved in a shootout on the beach and she was shot. Even though she didn't die, and I don't know what I would have done if that were the case, honestly, it was still traumatic, scary and violent enough, and I wouldn't be able to walk on a beach alone, I guess... I mean, Hayley would be there too, but she wouldn't understand anything, you know? Nor would I ask for that, my God, she is only six years old.”_

Andrew nodded and handed a plate of sushi pieces to Neil, who thanked him, and then the blond took one for himself and a smaller one for his son. He alternated between eating a little and feeding Aidan, letting him eat slowly. It was unbearably cute, in Neil's opinion, because every time Aidan put a rice ball in his mouth, his cheeks filled up thanks to his small mouth and he looked like a puffy pufferfish. Neil chuckled with his own comparison and it caught the eye of the other two, so he stuck a sushi in his mouth to cover it up.

“It’s delicious, Drew. Apparently, you are more gifted than it looks,” he said, after chewing and swallowing everything. It wasn't a lie, it _was_ really good.

Andrew threw him a deadpanned look and Neil flushed while trying to smile back at it. They went on alternating between this routine of eating a little, saying something random to add to a conversation, and waiting while Aidan ate. Until at some point the little boy refused when Andrew tried to offer him another sushi, and just crawled to reposition himself on the couch, this time lying with his head on his father's lap and his legs on Neil's lap. They were both about to try to figure out what it was about, but Aidan yawned and then they knew immediately.

Andrew slowly put his hand on his son's cheek and began to massage in gentle circles without even blinking. Neil shifted just to better accommodate Aidan's position, and he propped his elbow on the backrest of the sofa and his head in his hand, watching Andrew as he nursed the child until he fell asleep.

That man was... too much sometimes. In any possible sense. Physically he had that defined jaw, eyes shiny like gold, hair of a unique blond and every single detail of it was well done and could not fit anyone but him. While personally, he was definitely a caring, affectionate person — even if he never admitted it — and trustworthy. Of course, he wasn't like that with everyone, and so Neil thought that whoever was able to witness that was definitely lucky.

Andrew had a sensitive side, and he rarely let it show up — Neil hadn't seen it with anyone other than his son, but he also didn't have that much time with the man so it should be fair — but sometimes, when it happened, it was just _charming_. Enchanting.

Neil didn't know how, but that line of reasoning made him think of Andrew's brother. He had seen the man only once — _Aaron,_ he recalled — but it was chaotic enough for him to deduce that their relationship was probably not the best. He had never asked anything about it, and now, thinking about it, he was curious despite knowing that he shouldn't, because he had nothing to do with that subject.

Even so—

"Staring," Andrew said.

Only then did Neil realize that _he was_ constantly staring at the other man's face, and blinked a few times before turning away.

"Sorry," he said. He moved to pick up the two glasses on the coffee table and held one out to Andrew, who accepted it and brought it to his lips after putting his plate down. "I was just thinking."

A moment of silence and no movement beyond the dark liquids swaying in the glasses.

"Mm, ask already," Andrew said, watching him over the lens of his glasses — he did that a lot that night, Neil was almost losing his senses thanks to that.

"Ask what?"

"You are very expressive, one can almost always perceive anything through your eyes or facial expression, and now I know you want to ask a question."

Neil sighed. "You will deny it if it's very invasive, won't you?"

"Of course."

"Okay then. I was just remembering your twin,” he said, and Andrew raised an eyebrow and kinda pulled his chin back. "I mean, don't get me wrong, it's just because I know very little about him and your relationship, so that thought occurred to me."

"What the hell got you into that?"

 _Haha, I was kind of waxing poetic about you, funny isn't it?_ He obviously didn't answer that.

"I don't know either, I just thought about it randomly."

Andrew hummed. "What do you want to know?"

"Why are you resentful of him?"

"I am not resentful—"

"Are you sure?" Neil raised an eyebrow, but Andrew didn’t give in and remained silent. “Okay then, let me ask you a different question. How often do he and Aidan talk to each other?”

The blond scoffed. "They would talk more if Aaron hadn’t left at the first opportunity he got."

Neil smiled without humor. "And you said you weren't resentful," Andrew rolled his eyes at that and took another sip of the wine. "Is that why your relationship is… difficult?"

"No, it was already like that before," he shrugged.

"Why?"

Once again, the language of their conversation was changed, _"He thinks I killed his mother."_

Neil inclined his head. He just had so many questions, about several different things.

 _"Did you?"_ That was all he asked.

Andrew's gaze zeroed in on Neil's blue eyes and he saw everything that _wasn't_ there. No disappointment, judgment or fear, he was just purely interested, with nothing behind. That softened the blond's expression.

 _"I warned her that if she hit Aaron again I would make her stop,"_ he just shrugged again. That was probably one of the biggest indications of how that conversation affected him. _“But she died in a car accident… It just so happened that I was in the same car as her. And that she thought I was Aaron.”_

Neil nodded and finished drinking the wine from his glass, setting it aside and looking at Andrew again. He took only a few seconds to appreciate Andrew's accent speaking in German — since their dialogue was still in that language.

 _“I watched it when my father was killed. Ichirou had just taken control of the Moriyama family business and made sure I watched that,”_ he took a deep breath, looking away for somewhere behind Andrew. _“It wasn’t the worst thing that ever happened to me, I guess. I would still prefer that he went to prison and fucking rot there for everything he did, but I think things are just as they are and we’re not always in control of what happens to justify mistakes. That makes sense?"_

_"Not much. The wine must already be affecting your brain.”_

Neil laughed and rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

They kept the conversation slow and quiet, just saying anything or nothing at any time that was convenient. Andrew reluctantly told about the dental appliance he used all his teenage years and that he once smashed the iron by biting a lollipop, and in return Neil told about the time he tried to cut a mullet on his own and even the most serious security chiefs from yakuza laughed at him for weeks.

"No, seriously though. I was kinda inspired by David Bowie, you know? But I think I looked more like an egg or something, it was traumatic. After that, I never again tried to cut my hair myself.”

"Probably one of the few really smart decisions you've ever made in your life, and you had to make a terrible mistake before you finally reached that conclusion," Andrew collected the last drops of wine from his lips before saying, "Besides, who the hell inspires in David Bowie to get a haircut? Like, do we really know the same guy?”

 _"Oh my god_ _,_ Bowie was an icon don't you dare talk about him like that," Neil punched his shoulder slowly and lightly, just for fun. "So who were your famous platonic interests when you were younger?"

“Oliver Sykes and Frank Iero. I was pining for them all my teenage years,” he testified with a sigh.

The auburn-haired man frowned. "Who the hell are these?"

Andrew looked at him as if he were crazy or had just proposed that they set the apartment on fire while they were still inside. He took his own phone out of his pocket and navigated the screen a little before turning it over and showing Neil two pictures, identifying who each of the two people was.

"Not bad," was all he answered for the images.

"Only the best, I believe you meant," Andrew raised both eyebrows. “Who were _your_ celebrities? Besides Bowie.”

"Leonardo DiCaprio, Beyoncé, and Angelina Jolie."

"Seriously?"

“Yeah, like, have you seen all these people in the nineties and onwards? And besides, these were popular people when I was a teenager, and at the time, it's not like I had time to find out everything about the celebrity world, considering that I was, you know, _running away all the time . ”_

Andrew tsked. "At least all my people are around my age."

"No the fuck they don’t," he hurried to take the phone from the other man, who tried very hard to avoid it — without much success, as they couldn’t move much since Aidan was still sleeping. “This Frank guy is thirty-eight years old! How old are you?"

"Fifty-six years old."

"Fuck off, Andrew, speak up."

"I’m thirty-one."

“Oh, really? We are almost the same age?”

"I will be thirty-two in November."

"Um, I'll be thirty-one in January next year," he paused. "But that is not the quest—"

"There is no question, accept your defeat."

"Darling—"

"No."

Neil crossed his arms and made a face, but soon it fell apart in favor of giving way to a laugh.

They then proceeded to see the photos Hayley's friend’s mom was sending from their sleepover, but unfortunately, they didn’t last much longer, and about fifteen minutes later Andrew was carefully picking up Aidan to take Neil over to the door. It was already a little late and they had let too much time pass without even realizing it.

“Have a good night, sweetie. The _date_ was completely pleasant, you are quite a romantic man,” Neil smiled a shit-eating grin. "We should reschedule the trip to the steakhouse though."

"Josten, there is only so much of you that someone can put up with for a period of time, and now I need to rest for a few days before anything like this again."

"Is it a no, then?"

Andrew was deeply silent. "...No, it isn't."

Neil winked at him and smirked. “Okay, you have my number. Bye, dear. And tell Aidan that I said goodbye to him too.”

The blond merely grunted and held the door open while Neil left and disappeared down the stairs, smiling more than he really wanted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it for now and see you again in the next chapter (updates happen every ten days). thank you very much for reading.
> 
> don't forget that authors love kudos and comments. please let me know what you think of everything so far?
> 
> (come tell me hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/) and you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/moon020310) if you want and help support me)


	11. I mean, in a friendly way, you know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all: i know this chapter may seem a little confusing, but that’s just because it’s from Andrew’s point of view, and Andrew is still sorting out what he thinks and feels about the whole situation, so he’s confused and this is what i am trying to pass on through the narration to you, the readers.
> 
> second: the next update of Growing With You will be posted on January 5th, 2021. i decided to give myself a little break because as we're so close to the end of the year and holidays, things are starting to get busy for me. however, i'll use this time to advance several other projects/works in the best way i can, and i intend to continue posting smaller one-shots eventually. happy holidays and happy new year to everyone in advance. see you again soon ❤
> 
> good reading!!

Andrew was sitting on the couch while working on updates and fixes for the company's software, as it was due from time to time if he wanted the technology to continue at its best. He was comparing the old version of the software and analyzing how it worked to have a broader view of what he could and should do, what he needed or not to change. He was long lost in code writing when Aidan appeared in the room.

"Daddy, can you help me look for pictures of dicks?" The little boy asked.

Needless to say, Andrew choked on his own spit and immediately froze in place. He turned his head slowly towards Aidan — more dramatically than necessary, too — and looked at him attentively.

_ "What?" _

"I need to print a picture of a nice dick."

Andrew was puzzled, completely immobile.

"Why?"

"For my homework," Aidan shrugged, not in the least aware of all the alarms going off in his father's mind.

Again, "Why?"

Aidan sighed, turned on his heels, and walked away until he disappeared down the hall. Andrew just stared at the place where his son had been before, in awe. He can't even begin to describe all the possibilities that crossed his mind, but none of them made sense. He couldn't think of any possible possibility that would reconcile this with a school activity. Nothing made sense.

_ Aidan is six fucking years old, for fuck’s sake, what are they teaching kids today? Why? What. The. Fuck. _

Andrew was on his way to the third breakdown when Aidan reappeared with one of his school notebooks in hand. He tossed the notebook on the couch and began to leaf carefully, merely scanning the pages, until he found one that was of interest to him and showed it to Andrew, pointing to a specific line.

_ 'Question Number 03. Look for images or draw to illustrate the following words with the letter D: a) Dawn b) Deck c) Diary d) Door e) Dusk' _

Andrew had to blink to make sure he was seeing it right. He sighed relieved and dropped the notebook on his lap.

"Aidan, which one of those words do you think is the word you said?" Andrew asked. The little boy pointed to the 'deck' one and looked up at his father. "Ok. But look, this is an ‘E’ not an ‘I’, so the word is  _ deck. _ ”

Aidan's mouth was shaped like an  _ o. _ "Deck," he repeated.

“Very well,” Andrew nodded, and then patted the place next to him on the couch, “Come here, sit here to finish doing the homework. You can ask me if you have any questions or doubts and I'll help you to draw those things.”

"Thanks, daddy."

Aidan climbed the sofa and sat next to Andrew, stretching his short legs and placing the notebook on top of them with the pencil in one hand. They did their respective works in relative silence, save for the times when Aidan stopped to ask something.

Andrew had his moments. He wouldn't always be very clingy or the most affectionate person in the world, but some days he was something close to that, with Aidan. Categorically he knew that his son deserved all the affection possible,  _ every day, _ but he was still Andrew, and that wasn’t yet possible for him. However, fortunately, he had discovered a long time ago that being a good parent or not doesn't depend on it. Even when he wasn't feeling too touchy or soft, he didn't love Aidan any less or care less about him. And, obviously, he respected his own son. That was enough.

Plus, Aidan trusted him. That in itself was a huge thing that Andrew cared about and was particularly fond of.  _ I am  _ **_not_ ** _ them. I am  _ **_not_ ** _ my past. _

And one more plus, since adopting Aidan, Andrew has been constantly healing himself as much as possible and maturing. 

Oh, if he doesn't know how much he has changed in those early years.

He shook his head out of the spiral of thoughts he had entered and tried to focus on the software again. Beside him, Aidan was mouthing a piece of the shirt he was wearing as he slowly traced the words written on the paper with the tip of his pencil. He looked up when Andrew started typing and stared at the screen and sometimes at his father's hands moving over the laptop's keyboard. He certainly didn't understand a single thing, but he was still watching with static eyes and a slightly open mouth.

"Hey, do you remember that we're going to Renee's in a little while?" Andrew has not yet caught his eye.

"Yes," was a plain answer.

"Have you already chosen what you’re going to wear?"

Now his eyes immediately snapped out of the fixation. "I can't decide between the blue sweater, the green coat or the bee onesie."

"Why?" Andrew asked, half focused on this conversation and half on what he was doing.

“The blue sweater looks cute with the white shorts and I really like wearing this outfit, but I haven't worn the green coat with the white chameleon shirt that uncle Jean gave me in a long time, and I also really like that outfit. And the bee onesie is cute, it has wings and antennae. I can fly around and throw pollen, which is the magic dust of bees, on aunt Alli's belly so that the little bean is happy.”

Andrew hummed. "How are you going to decide?"

"I don't know. Choose for me.”

"You sure?"

"Yes," Aidan nodded.

"The bee onesie."

"Why?"

"For the little bean to be happy."

"But what if uncle Jean gets sad because I didn't wear the clothes he gave me?"

"He won’t. He won't even know. And you can use it on another day.”

"That's true," Aidan made a thoughtful expression with his right hand under his chin and all. "Okay, so it's going to be the bee onesie."

"Perfect."

"Daddy, did you know that bees go to college just like us?"

"What?" Andrew looked at him with brows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

“I saw this in that movie. Barry graduates and then has a picnic with the big woman. I wish I could have a picnic with a bee,” Aidan was gesturing with his hands as he spoke.

"What movie is this?"

"Bee Movie."

_ Ah. The animated movie. (This one is quite strange, by the way. Why’s there a fucking bee falling in love with a human being?) _

"Where did you watch this movie?" Andrew kept the conversation going.

“At school, the teacher set a day for us to watch. Tessan kept complaining that bees were stupid and stuff.”

"Awful, how boring," Tessan was a little girl that Aidan and Andrew constantly  ~~ gossiped ~~ talked about. Unfortunately for the poor child, her entire family was a bunch of super conservative people, and consequently she wasn't the nicest person in Aidan's class. Andrew hoped from the bottom of his heart that she would rebel during adolescence and not follow that family path. "What did you do when she said that?"

"I didn't do anything, but Marlee said she was going to paint Tessan's face yellow and black if she didn't stop talking."

Marlee was a classical ballet dancer and one of Aidan's greatest admirations. The little girl was even nice most of the time, but when she got stressed, she kinda looked like a pinscher. Not that Andrew had seen it many times, but Aidan often talks about it. She was a friend of Aidan's, and their relationship was ok.

"And did it work?" He asked.

"Yes. And I think that in the end, Tessan ended up liking the movie too.”

"I suppose you liked it too?"

"Yes, I did."

Aidan then went on to list all the animal facts he knew — not exactly _facts,_ they were more like _things he saw in movies and welcomed as truths_ — while Andrew listened to everything and sometimes asked questions. When he finally turned off his laptop and scooped Aidan up to help him get dressed, the little boy was still talking tirelessly, and Andrew was obviously still listening.

He took the bee onesie from the wardrobe and handed it to his son before going to the suite to get dressed himself. 

Andrew had this shirt, which was probably one of the oldest ones he had but he didn't have the courage — nor the will, honestly — to get rid of it, so he just kept it saved for when he wanted to wear it. Like now.

It was a black T-shirt with  _ My Chemical Romance’s _ name logo at the top, a piece of art from the album  _ The Black Parade _ in the middle, and the quote  _ ‘a light to burn all the empires, so bright the sun is afraid to rise and be’ _ under the art. A fucking masterpiece, in his opinion.

Anyway, now it was a little tight in his arms and chest — since he had bought it some years ago — but that was just a mere detail. He could still use it, so use it he would.

Andrew left the bedroom to find Aidan standing in front of the full-length mirror in the bathroom, with a hairbrush in his hands and running it meticulously through his hair. He was squinting and biting his own tongue — which was slightly stuck out of his mouth — while taking care to part his hair in half. It took him a while to realize, but as soon as he saw Andrew at the door, he waved the man over.

"Dad, help me with the tlips?" Aidan asked.

"With what?"

"The tlips," he waved a small bag full of hair clips in front of Andrew's face.

“It’s _clips,_ baby. Repeat with me,  _ clips. _ ”

"Clips," he repeated, looked intently into his father's eyes for approval, and smiled when Andrew nodded. "Ok. Dad, help me with the clips?”

"Sure," he walked over and waited while Aidan took out two silver clips with white stars on them. Andrew took them both and carefully managed to pin the front strands of his son's hair with one on either side of his head. Aidan's hair was growing long enough that it would probably start to fall into his eyes in a little while, but he seemed rather satisfied with it. "There, there you go."

They went out together, locked the apartment, and walked to the car almost acting on the automatic. Along the way, Aidan talked excitedly about why they should paint the Maserati red — which was  _ awful _ but Andrew didn't say anything about it — and put stickers on it to make it look like Lightning McQueen.

It was inevitable to remember the day Neil went to their home, more specifically how great it was that Aidan had recovered from that and returned to be much more vocal and expressive. Andrew always wanted his son to be like that.

He parked the car on the curb in front of Renee's house and turned off the vehicle, noting that she was already waiting for them on the front balcony. When he went to unfasten Aidan's seat belt, it was only to realize that he had already done it himself and practically jumped out of the car the moment the door was opened.

"Hey, Aidan, don't run," Andrew warned, and the little boy stopped abruptly in place and kept slowly walking as if it required the greatest effort in the world.

As usual, Renee sat on the balcony steps and waited with open arms as they approached. Aidan took the last steps and jumped into her embrace, being immediately returned with a tight squeeze.

"Good afternoon, Aidan. I love your outfit and your hair looks so beautiful."

“Good afternoon, Nee! Thank you very much. How's the little bean?” He asked, his voice muffled since he had his cheek pressed to her shoulder.

“The baby is doing very well, little angel. Alli and I chose the name, it's going to be Conan,” she looked up at Andrew a little, and he nodded back at her. Conan was always his and Renee's choice, so it was great — but not that his opinion mattered in any way.

“That name is beautiful. It suits Allison and Renee,” Aidan grinned. "Can I still call them a little bean when they are born?"

"Well, if you want, I don’t think there is a problem," she shrugged. "The baby's kicking a lot lately, want to see if you can feel any kicks?"

Instead of answering, the boy just shot like an arrow into the house and made Andrew sigh heavily.

"I don't know what’s the appeal he sees at running so much."

"He has to put all that energy somewhere," Renee smiled and stood up from where she was sitting. "How are you?"

“Good, I guess. I have quite a few things to talk to you though.”

“We'd better get in then. Should I make hot chocolate?”

Andrew would have smiled if he was a person in the habit of smiling so easily. Renee had started doing this many years ago, back when they were still in college. At some point, Andrew probably commented that drinking hot chocolate while talking to Bee was already a big part of his routine, and Renee only needed that to decide that she would start making that drink every time they went to have a conversation. It made Andrew feel grounded and somewhat familiar, so he didn't complain.

"I mean, you know that I never reject good hot chocolate."

Renee smiled and went through the door to enter the house and wait for him to follow her. The two went through the living room as they were going to the kitchen and found Allison lying on the couch explaining something to Aidan, who had both hands cautiously spread across her big belly. At some point, he opened his eyes so wide that Andrew was afraid they would just jump out of the boy's head, and he screamed-whispered with as much excitement as he managed to handle, "The little bean is trying to kick my hand."

Once in the kitchen, Renee wasted no time in starting to gather the necessary ingredients and pour everything into a blender. It would be creamy hot chocolate, Andrew concluded when he saw the heavy cream being poured into a container. He waited patiently while she mixed everything — a good amount, in case anyone else wanted — and poured it into a pot with a cinnamon stick.

He knew she wasn't going to press or at least ask him to start talking, the choice of when or whether to say something was totally up to Andrew. He sighed and sat on the counter stool, facing where Renee was stirring the chocolate in a pan.

"I hate you," Andrew said, resting his chin on one hand.

"Aw, how nice."

"Very much," he nodded. "But, anyway, your voice in my head made me do some shit."

"Mm, tell me more about this."

“It's totally ridiculous, like,” he grunted and rolled his eyes, “ _ You haven't been a teenager in a long time, Andrew. We are adults, and this gives us the right to be much more objective in pursuing what attracts us. _ You said that. Everything bullshit.”

Suddenly, Renee's eyes widened in realization, concern, and something like entertainment or who knows what.

"Something happened?" She asked, always so careful.

"The fuck that something happened," Andrew mumbled. "I kissed the idiot."

Besides nodding very slowly and pursing her lips in a straight line, Renee showed no reaction.

"Was it good?" She asked.

Andrew had to really think about it. He remembered the puffy and gentle lips, how they were so curious and confident. Blue eyes staring back at him so close.

His stomach did a strange twirl and he cleared his throat.

"More than it should, if I am to be honest," he then replied.

“What's the matter, then? You've had hookups before, haven't you?”

“Yeah, and they worked out perfectly, didn't they? And they certainly knew my son, didn't they?” Andrew was probably ruder than he intended, but Renee didn't even look the least bit affected.

"I see... Yeah, that part can be difficult."

"A lot," he accepted when Renee slid a mug of hot chocolate toward him and started blowing it carefully to ease the drink's temperature. "A few days ago we also did some shit."

“Mm? What kind?"

"We agreed to go to a steakhouse, but something unexpected happened and I invited him to the apartment instead."

"Do you mean like on a date?"

"What the fuck, no."

"Oh," Renee chuckled.

"Seriously, Walker."

"I'm not saying anything."

Andrew rolled his eyes and took a sip of the chocolate. It was still hot, but he would probably be able to handle it — his tongue would be hell afterward, but this is just the hazard of the profession.

"It was ok, in case you're wondering."

"I'm not, you know," Renee shrugged, leaning across the counter.

Andrew pointedly ignored her, “I made sushi and we talked for a few hours. I didn't try to kill him. In all cases, it was good, right?”

"I think we call it  _ bonding." _

“No, that’s not it. I think I just feel very sorry for him for being so… You know… Whatever he is.”

Renee laughed now. "Mm, yeah, I see," she nodded and dramatically took a sip of her own hot chocolate, "The reason you don't want to get closer to him like this is that he knows Aidan?"

"Why do you think I would want to get closer to him in the first place?"

"I was just wondering since you kissed him and are still hanging out with him."

"What does this have to do?"

“You don't kiss the people you hang out with and you don't hang out with the people you kiss. Am I wrong?"

No, she wasn’t. _ Damn, Renee Walker. _

“I will not comment on that. But, yeah, I think I could say that the fact that he knows Aidan influences many things.”

"Understand. But I don't think you should give up right away for that reason. The chances of going wrong and going right are the same, there's no reason to trust one more than the other. Just try and wait to see what happens," she gave him a small encouraging smile, "Obviously, I'm not telling you to jump in, but at least don't give up right away, ok?"

"I hate your positivist speech, you know?"

“It’s not a positivist speech. It‘s the truth."

“No, it’s not. There are at least a dozen reasons why this could all go wrong, which I was able to think of, and each of them deserves attention.”

Renee sighed. "At least you do admit that you think about it."

"Yeah, better than allowing you to tell me what to do."

“This is not what I am doing. We are talking, that's all. You say things and I say things in response, dialogues work like that.”

"I don't want to talk about Neil," Andrew frowned and turned his face to look somewhere other than directly at Renee.

"Okay, but don't forget that you came up with the subject in the first place. If it’s really bothering you, of course you can talk to me."

"Whatever," he dismissed her with a flick of his hand. With the back of his mind, the only thing he could register from the living room was Allison talking carefully about something he couldn't understand, but Andrew knew that was the tone of voice that she always used with Aidan when she was being all soft, so he wasn't particularly concerned. "Change the subject. Talk about you."

Renee snorted. “Really? The only thing that has been happening lately is the usual stress that came with the approaching date of the baby delivery.”

"How are you guys about that, by the way?" Andrew asked, a little nonchalant.

It was obvious that she knew him well enough to know that this was more of an evident attempt to change the subject than really worry — but it doesn’t mean that he didn't care, of course; he was even seriously considering the whole godfather thing and such.

“Allison spends the day whining because her body is so swollen that her clothes don't fit her, just her baggy clothes. And she scared me at least five times by saying she was feeling the contractions, but twice she had just eaten too much and the other three were kicks," Renee laughed to herself, "It's all great, really. I'm very anxious. We both are.”

“I see. When do you want to do christening?”

“Actually, I don't think we're going to do that anymore. Not yet, at least.”

"Why not?"

"Alli and I talked about it and decided that it is better for the child to be able to make their own choice when they are old enough rather than being inserted into a religion before they even have the power to choose."

"This is new," Andrew raised an eyebrow.

"Not really," Renee laughed. “I grew up without religion myself, and I think that was what most strengthened my connection with Christianity. Because I was able to make the choice to adhere to that faith. And at the time, that was a big safe point for me, when Mom adopted me. It still is. I think we just want the same for Conan, so we came to that conclusion.”

"Ok, got it," he already knew that part of Renee’s story, actually. They had known each other for some time, after all. "I'm pretty sure Aidan founded a religion and he would certainly be honored to use the powers granted to him by the fairies to bless your child."

"He's a sweetie," she smiled, a bright and warm smile. “We would still like you to be the second one in charge, though. For when Allison and I are unable.”

“Gee, Walker, the child hasn't even been born yet and you're already trying to pass them on? Not good on your part,” he was obviously joking.

Renee was laughing when they heard the sudden noise of the front door opening and it startled the two of them. They waited for any sign of what it would be since it wasn’t possible to see the front door from the kitchen, just a little from the living room.

"Hey, babes," Allison's voice was carried over to the two of them as she greeted whoever it was.

“Hey, I hope your dear fiancée is ready to save my life— Oh, hi, Aidan. What a wonderful onesie.”

The strength with which Andrew rolled his eyes should enter the Guinness Book. If it didn't already exist, they should create a category for it.  _ Andrew Minyard, the man who rolled his eyes the hardest in all the world for all the years since they started recording things for the Guinness Book. _

He immediately clenched his fists and scowled, cursing mentally as much as he could when his stomach did a stupid turn and his heart raced stupidly against his will.

He fucking knew that fucking voice.

“Hi, Neenee,” Aidan greeted just as loud as Allison, “Aylee! Do you want to feel Allison's little bean?”

And then the voices in the room intermingled in a small conversation that gave Renee and Andrew enough time to have a conversation through their interlocked eyes.

_'Are you coming?'_ She asked, with a raised eyebrow.

_'The fuck I am. I refuse,'_ he replied, with an expression akin to disgust.

_‘Alright then,’_ with a short nod.

Or at least Andrew thought it was something like that. Probably yes. They were usually good at this.

Anyway, when Renee went into the living room with the mug of hot chocolate in hand, he followed after sighing much more deeply than was really necessary. When he entered the room, he saw exactly who he was waiting for.

Neil was standing by the door, wearing a loose-fitting tank top, leggings too tight for Andrew's health, his face completely flushed and holding a paper bag. Hayley was beside him, also in athletic wear and with a slightly darker skin tone on her face, ear tips and neck.

Andrew raised the mug of chocolate to his lips just to do something and continued to watch Neil over the rim of the glass.

"If every time I come here I end up meeting Andrew accidentally, I think I'm gonna have to start coming here more often," Neil said while grinning.

The blond snorted and rolled his eyes. Renee was looking at them with way more smugness in her eyes than should be allowed, and Andrew wasn't even a religious man, but he thanked the heavens when Hayley was the first to speak again.

"Hey, Andrew," she called. "I like the band on your shirt."

And even though Andrew knew what shirt he was wearing, he looked just out of habit.

“You do? It's really good, isn't it?”

“Yes! My favorite song is  [ _ The Sharpest Lives _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73Y_x30uKQg) _.” _

Andrew nodded, pleased and amused because the music quote on his shirt was exactly from that song.

“That one is really great. I think my favorite is  [ _ You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us in Prison _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShQdOf2zAzc) _...” _

"This is all the title of  _ one _ song?" Neil whispered at the same time, kinda bemused.

"...and  [ _ The Kids From Yesterday _ ](https://youtu.be/YXiLHIYqb_Y) _,_ I guess."

Andrew happily used this as an excuse to avoid Neil when the girl approached him and they engaged in a conversation about bands and some of their favorite songs. He found it very funny that she didn't know the name of many of the songs, so she just started singing what she knew about the lyrics — which wasn't so much either, but at least he could go with the rhythm —, and Hayley was also very excited and happy for getting some new music recommendations.

But it didn't last long because eventually Aidan approached the two of them and joined the conversation, but it was noticeable that he was trying to get Hayley's attention so Andrew just gave in. This was bad for him because there was only the alternative of joining the adult conversation — which included Neil — but it was good for Aidan so he could probably make that sacrifice.

When he approached the other three people, Allison was lying on the couch with Renee now sitting next to her and Neil standing with his arms crossed in front of his chest, facing the two of them. Andrew still had the damn mug of hot chocolate in his hands and it was just good that he had it, because he had to cling to something at the sight of Neil's biceps highlighted by the position he was in.

"...was running with Hayley and I called Allison for help with something and she asked me to come over because Renee could help," Andrew heard mid-sentence. Neil lifted the paper bag in his hand and continued, "Allison also said she was craving for beetroot candy, so I bought it."

"What do you need help with?" Renee was frowning in concern.

“Nothing too serious but it's kind of a little… There will be this play, if I'm not mistaken, that Hayley is a part of, and I'm struggling to find an outfit for her. Most things don't fit, so I thought it would be easier to make adjustments to some of her clothes than to buy something already made.”

"And Alli told you that I can sew?"

"Exactly."

“It will be good for you, Renee. To be a little distracted until the date of delivery,” Allison pondered.

"Not that looking after you isn't distracting me enough," Renee laughed.

"Yeah, other than that," she rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “Speaking of which, Neil, Seth will be coming over the city next week to help Renee take care of me during the postpartum period and to meet Conan. Is it okay if he stays at your house? ”

Andrew frowned hard and made a face that he disguised by putting his mug in his mouth to take a long sip of the sweet drink. He and Seth were... complicated. They didn’t have an exactly pleasant relationship in their college years and, as much as Andrew knows that eventually Seth got clean, sober, and started taking therapy very seriously, they just already had a relationship that was too damaged for either of them to care about solving it. So they just stayed around each other until Seth's graduation, which came first, and they never spoke after that. They were basically indifferent to each other. At least Andrew was.

But Neil apparently had a completely different relationship with him, if the excitement with which he answered indicated something.

"Yes, absolutely," he smiled. "How long is he going to stay here?"

"I think a week, maybe no more than that," Allison replied with a shrug. "I'm going to ask him to text you."

"I didn't know you knew Seth," Andrew said, surprising even himself.

Neil grinned a shit-eating grin and raised an eyebrow, “Don't be jealous, sweetheart, I only have eyes for you. Plus, Seth is aromantic and strict asexual. He doesn't do relationships and, the last time I checked, he also didn't get involved with people in general, anyway.”

"Good for him, I don't care though. And I'm not fucking jealous what the fuck."

"Don't be so grumpy, baby."

“I'm not,” Andrew rolled his eyes, “And stop calling me that, Josten.”

"Yes, sir," Neil laughed but went dead silent when Allison's eyes widened and she smirked. “I mean, in a friendly way, you know? Not really ‘Sir’, you know? Just, something between friends without any second inten—”

"Just shut up, for fuck’s sake, Josten."

"Yeah, I probably should."

Renee was all chuckling but otherwise saying nothing. "Back to the subject of the play and the costume. Yes, I can help you, Neil," she said.

"Ah, thank you very much," he did something like a small bow in thanks. "Will Aidan be part of this, too, Andrew?"

"Yes. I already worked things out with his costume though.”

"Will Bee be doing it?" Renee looked up at him.

Andrew just responded by nodding, and after that, he barely said anything or added to the conversation, just stayed there until he got tired and turned to go to the kitchen to wash the mug now just soiled with hot chocolate.

When he was in front of the sink trying to leave his mind empty, something very strange happened. He needs to admit it was the worst-case scenario, but it still happened. Andrew really wondered, for five seconds, if Neil wasn't going to follow after him. He even  _ wanted _ Neil to follow after him. _Wasn't that the worst thing that could happen?_

Andrew could honestly fight himself for it right now. He should. It was too ridiculous to take it.

But, anyway, he relented. Andrew leaned back on the counter and stayed in place while staring at Neil openly. From the position he was in, Allison and Renee couldn't see Andrew — since the two women were sitting on the couch and that put their backs to him — but Neil would have a clear view of him. Hayley and Aidan could also see him, but not that Andrew thought they were going to look, since they were much more busy playing around together.

The moment Neil took sight of him, he tracked Andrew up and down with questioning eyes and, as Andrew didn't look away from him for even a second, he  _ kindly offered _ to wash the mug of hot chocolate that Renee was finishing. She looked at him with something like confusion in her eyes but handed the mug after all and Neil promptly made his way to the kitchen.

"Hey, stranger," he grinned playfully. "You know you can just talk to me instead of creeping me out from another room, right?"

"But where's the fun in that?"

"Oh, are we playing any games that I don't know?"

"Always."

"This is not fair, I want to be a good teaser— I mean, _player_ as much as you are," something in Neil's tone indicated that his mistake was nothing but purposeful.

“Do your best, then. I will wait patiently.”

Neil snorted. "You are hopeless."

"Not more than you, at least," Andrew shrugged. After that, they fell silent because despite having hoped for him to get closer, Andrew didn't know what to do now that this had really happened.

Fortunately enough, Neil was apparently great at talking nonsense, so he soon started talking about various random subjects and at some point asked Andrew what his favorite scientific theories were — it got Andrew talking a lot about Big Rip, Big Crunch, Big Freeze and Big Slurp, always stressing the importance of remembering that these were theories.

They talked a lot, and if Andrew decided he should probably go home but Aidan denied saying he didn't want to leave yet and Andrew used it as an excuse to stay a little longer and talk to Neil more, nobody needed to know.

Nobody  _ would _ know. He was feeling at the very least absurd and stupid with only himself knowing, it would definitely be worse if more people joined the account.

All in all, when Andrew finally left Renee's house — after dinner; they actually ended up prolonging the visit quite a bit — he could say he was at least satisfied, which was just as good and disturbing. That's how he concluded that he would have to resort to something a little more drastic.

So he texted Bee almost immediately the moment he entered the apartment. He was holding a sleeping Aidan with only one arm and typing with his free hand.

**_You:_ ** _ Are you free for me to show up at your place next week? _

By the time of night, Andrew knew Bee was at home, but he still didn't expect her to respond so quickly.

**_Bee:_ ** _ Yes, Wednesday afternoon. Did something happen? _

**_You:_ ** _ Aidan is not in danger, nor am I, so that's okay. _

**_Bee:_ ** _ Um. Okay, I guess. _

**_Bee:_ ** _ But, you know, you stopped being my patient a long time ago. I will answer and talk if you decide to call at any time if I'm not with a patient at that moment. It doesn't have to look like we're making an appointment every time you want to talk about something. Just feel free. _

**_You:_ ** _ I know. But that can wait, so see ya Wednesday afternoon. _

Bee just saw the last message. He knew she wouldn’t insist. She wouldn't do that after he said he would speak at the right time. Bee knew him better.

Exactly for that reason, he would speak to her. Exactly for that reason, he knew that it would work to talk to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it for now and see you again in the next chapter. thank you very much for reading.
> 
> don't forget that authors love kudos and comments. please let me know what you think of everything so far?
> 
> (come tell me hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/) and you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/moon020310) if you want and help support me)


	12. You give me something to think about that's not the shit in my head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, i'm back! first of all: happy new year to everyone. i hope you're well and have had great holidays (for those who celebrate them)  
> i'm not gonna lie, i was very eager to post a new chapter of this fic already because we're just getting to the good part of everything, but!! taking this break helped me to rest a bit and get a lot of inspiration for the next chapters and advance the writing of some of my other wips, so it was for the best that i took a break. but, anyway, here we are back again and now we'll continue. good reading, everybody. xx

Aidan was asleep when they arrived at Bee's house. He even had his mouth open and his neck tilted at an angle that would certainly hurt later, so Andrew needed to get him out of his car safety seat right away. When he did this, the little boy didn't even shift as he was being held in his father's arms and had his head slowly being pressed against the man's shoulder.

It was even reasonable that he was so tired after spending the morning running around the apartment asking Andrew to chase after him — Aidan was running while Andrew  _ dramatically walked _ after him and said encouraging phrases like 'Oh my god why are you so fast ?' or 'I will never get you if you continue to be so good at playing tag'; Aidan laughed until his belly hurt and that was good because Andrew loved his son's adorable laugh.

He walked to the front porch holding the boy carefully, and when he stopped to wait for Bee to open the door, he swayed slowly from side to side so as not to wake Aidan by standing still in place. Andrew's chest tightened when he realized that holding Aidan on his arms was no longer quite as easy as before because he was starting to grow some more and Andrew wasn't one of the biggest people in the world either — but he refused to acknowledge any of those things.

Bee opened the door and smiled, extending the gap a little further and moving aside for Andrew to get in with Aidan.

"Do you want me to make hot chocolate?" She kept her voice low so as not to wake the kid.

“As surprising as it may be, not today. Aidan and I already ate a lot of cake before we came here and at the moment I'm still working on digesting it.”

Bee chuckled and nodded. She closed the door and followed Andrew into the living room. He sat on the couch as soon as he arrived to better accommodate Aidan and started stroking his back to keep his son comfortable while he slept. Andrew could tell he was being watched by Bee, so he looked at her, took a single breath, and prepared to speak.

"I may be attracted to someone."

Her head tilted ever so slightly to the side, a clear sign that she was paying attention, and she said, “Oh? Are they a good person?”

"I guess so?" When Bee seemed intrigued by his response, he added, "I know him, but it's not like I'm a judge of people's nature or anything."

"You’re right, you are not."

Andrew nodded and looked at his son lying on top of him, his cheek pressed against the bone in Andrew's shoulder and his mouth slightly open because of it. He knew it wouldn't be long before that area of his shirt was covered with Aidan's drool, but he couldn't find it in himself to care about it.

"Aidan likes him," Andrew said.

Bee hummed and nodded slowly. “You never really talked about this type of subject with me. Is it really bothering you now?”

"I wouldn’t say  _ bothering, _ but, yeah, a little."

"Do you wanna say why?"

"Not really, but that's why I came, after all," he sighed and rolled his eyes. “I just don't want to trust him and then find out I was wrong and I shouldn't have done that. Not when Aidan is included in the scenario.”

"You are scared, then?"

"What?" Andrew frowned.

“You know, it's okay if you are. People are unpredictable and so are relationships, so that’s a valid concern.”

Andrew was silent for a few moments, just running his hand in constant movements on his son's back.

"As I said, the only thing is that Aidan is involved this time, otherwise I couldn't care less about what happens or doesn't," Andrew sighs and, with his free hand, massages the bridge of his nose — he wasn't wearing his glasses today. “But now, if I try to avoid him so that he eventually gets away and it all gets over soon, it will be bad for Aidan in many ways. And if I give the damn chance to whatever it is, it can also go wrong.”

Bee was staring at him and keeping her hands crossed on her lap. If Andrew knew her well — and he did — he would say she was thinking of the best way to say what was on her mind. They could be quite similar sometimes.  


"The risk would exist even if Aidan didn’t know him until the moment you were in a serious enough relationship because still, as I said, things are unpredictable and you could still break up at any moment," she waved her hands slowly while talking

“See? So what's the point in trying?”

“To begin with, because you came _all the way here_ and are _really talking_ about it, so perhaps you’re not as detached about this as you think. I know you don't believe in regret but you would probably be very upset if you never tried anything about this. And it's not that relationships are really necessary for your survival, but they're not always bad, either.”

Andrew scowled and rolled his eyes.

"You and Renee must have agreed to speak the same guff," he said.

Bee laughed softly and shook her head. "I hope you're gonna listen to at least one of us then, but I don't know if I have much hope for that... You are probably just as headstrong now as you were at twenty."

Andrew rolled his eyes again.

"And what the hell could I do about all of this?" He blatantly ignored Bee's comment.

“I think that communication is the most important thing possible in this situation. You can talk about what you expect or not, what you want or not, what you can and cannot do, and maybe you could even choose to keep the relationship a secret in the beginning, if it comes to that. It helps a lot to understand the other person’s feelings, concerns, and interests as well if only to know whether it aligns with yours,” she shrugged in that elegant way only Bee knew how to do, “And also if you’re honest and responsible with each other, you can even be on good terms if there is ever a breakup.”

"So I have to talk to him?" Andrew was clearly hating that and it was obvious given his scowl.

"I know it's not your favorite thing in the world, but it would be nice."

He was silent for several moments, thinking about all that and how to proceed. Virtually he knew Bee was right, and maybe that was the worst for him.

_ No, the worst thing is definitely that I'm interested, seriously considering it and taking risks for that. _

_ The worst thing is Neil. _

_ Ugh, I hate being an adult who needs to chase things instead of waiting for them to fall out of the sky ready to use. Holy shit how things are different now than they used to be a few years ago when I was not yet the idiot to submit to this type of situation. _

"Thanks anyway, Bee," he says.

“No need to thank, dear. You are one of my boys, you can talk to me whenever you want,” she was smiling and inclining her head affectionately at him. “Oh, and about Aidan's costume for the school play, I think I'm almost done. I've probably done enough for him to dress it now so we can have a sense of how it is fitting and if it needs any other adjustments.”

"Okay, I have to wake him up anyway, otherwise he will be impossibly awake at night, so we can solve that," Andrew turned his face slightly to look at Aidan and nudged him slowly with the hand that was formerly caressing his back. “Hey, boy, how about waking up now? Bee wants to talk to you.”

Aidan just grunted, snored super fast, and switched positions to keep sleeping. Betsy chuckled and her eyes were almost shining with such affection as she looked at both Andrew and Aidan.

“Hey, wake up,” he continued poking his son on the back, “do you want to see how your outfit for the play is doing? She said she's almost done with it, you know?”

Now Aidan shot his eyes open and raised his hands to his face to rub his eyes before moving until Andrew released him and he managed to run out to where Bee was sitting. Andrew grunted because Aidan seemed too happy and excited for someone who had literally just woken up.  _ How was that even possible? _

Bee immediately picked him up and squeezed him in an impossible tight embrace, while he laughed and attempted to put her away as she started tickling him.

Andrew stretched out where he was sitting and leaned back, getting comfortable and putting his thoughts about Neil aside for now, since at that moment he preferred to focus only on his family who were right there in front of him.

~

"Seth, I finished making your cool superhero cape!"

That was the first thing Neil heard the moment he entered the house, which shouldn't be anything alarming if it weren't for Hayley screaming. And Seth. Together. And alone in the house.

Said house which, by the way, had a lower than normal thermostat temperature and smelled of a very strong perfume fragrance.

Neil sighed heavily and gave himself a two-minute rest at the front door before deciding to face whatever those two had done in the place while he was out, working  


He left the messenger bag on the table by the door and risked going on. As he followed inside the house more and more, he began to see furniture shifted, toys scattered in too specific ways that made Neil think they were probably positioned this way on purpose, and heard more noise — voices, even though he couldn't make out what was being said.

He stopped just to readjust the temperature of the thermostat and kept walking. The moment he arrived at Hayley's bedroom door, he saw what probably was the eye of the hurricane. Almost everything was out of place and sheets were scattered everywhere. It was definitely supposed to be a fort, Neil knew it was. He stood looking at everything and waiting, until Seth was the first to appear in his field of vision, tying a sheet around his neck.

"Um, hello?" Neil raised an eyebrow at him.

Seth practically flew with the scared jump he took as soon as he saw Neil standing at the door. He recovered quickly though and smiled immediately.

"Hello, dear passerby. I am lord Gordon from the lands of  _ Aikruiston, _ would you like to discuss the price of tea and jams?" Seth said, assuming an upright and friendly posture as he spoke with his nose up and imitating a Scottish accent — how he knew how to do that was beyond Neil.

"What the..."

"If you prefer to speak directly to our queen, I'm sure she would be more than happy to receive you, though I must warn you that the captain of the royal guard is quite severe," he put his hand in front of his mouth and whispered as if was telling a secret.

Neil blinked a few times, in awe. He could complain. He could ask why the hell the house was turned inside out. He could just ask them to lessen the mess and go and make some tea. However...

"What are the available roles?" Neil asked.

Seth smiled from side to side. "I have no idea. Jester, probably. Soldier. Maybe a merperson?”

"I don't match a merperson."

“I don't know, I think you do. Sweet Neil swimming through the vast ocean on a great dangerous adventure until he accidentally ends up on human land and doesn't know what happened, until he finds out that he has to fight against evil people and in the end, he becomes the king of the place. Sounds good to me."

"If it's Hayley creating the story, at some point I would also find the love of my life," Neil jokes.

Seth laughs so hard he throws his head back and then shakes it like Neil is unbelievable.

"You are not wrong," the former concedes.

Neil just nods as he opens the top buttons of the shirt he was wearing. He bends down and takes off his shoes too — but keeps his socks on — and moves to enter his own bedroom.

"Give me a few minutes, I'll be right back," he says to Seth, who murmurs something in agreement.

Neil goes inside the room to change clothes and does it efficiently, replacing the work clothes with baggy clothes. When he leaves again, Seth is still standing in the same place, apparently waiting.

"I must take you to the queen, so it is better to wear something nicer," he said, looking Neil up and down.

“Oh, no, I will not give up my comfortable clothes. I definitely will not.”

"Okay then... But accept the consequences."

"No problem."

Seth nodded, pushed through Neil to head down the hall to the guest room — where, by the way, he was sleeping during those days of stay — and stopped in front of the door assuming a noble pose once again, with one hand behind the back and the other on the doorknob.

“Mr. Josten, as the official lord and caretaker of the surroundings of the palace, I, Bryan Seth Gordon, request that you maintain respectable discipline and etiquette towards the queen who governs us. If you do not comply with these orders, I will not hesitate to call the royal guard and send you to the dungeon with the hellish creature,” Seth recited.

"What hellish creature?"

"Miss Squeeze from the depths of the decorated cage."

"Oh my god," Neil huffed between laughs. He was rubbing his hands over his eyes when he finally got a good look at the cape Seth was wearing. He asked, a little frantic, “Is that one of my sheets? Covered in paint?”

_ “Oops? _ When I saw Hayley she had already painted it so I couldn't do anything.”

“I specifically said that she can't be alone for more than three minutes when I'm out of the house because she is very, very stubborn and energetic.”

"Yeah..."

Neil sighed and stretched his hand to reach for the sheet. It used to be light gray, now it was covered with handprints of different colors and some quite incomprehensible drawings. He really expected those paints to be water-based or anything else that came out with a few washes, because that sheet was really good and was part of a bedding set with two other pieces, so he had no way of getting all changed that way.

They finally entered the guest room, and inside there was another intense mess, with objects spread in a methodical way, cloths spread all over the place, and, somehow, the lighting of the place was blue.

Neil was about to start asking questions and commenting on the mess, but everyone was so engaged in role-playing that he thought it was better to remain silent.

It shouldn't have been as surprising as it really was to see Cordelia there in the room, too — even though she wasn’t in charge of looking after Hayley today and hadn’t been in the house when Neil left —, after all, Seth had mentioned Miss Squeeze being there too — as the dungeon monster or something — so it was just fitting that the ferret owner had accompanied her.

However, Neil's biggest surprise was probably because Cordelia was sitting on something that was supposed to be a representation of a throne, and he was kinda hoping that Hayley would be the person in that position.

_ If Cordelia was the queen, then— _

Neil was barred in place by a long wooden spoon being pressed to his belly.

"Stand still right now, delinquent. Don't take another step," Hayley's voice sounded almost enraged as she waved the utensil at him and kept an angry face on.

"Delinquent? But why do I—”

“People wearing ordinary clothes from outside civilization are not considered friendly. We don't know your intention with our queen so you must be careful with your movements or I, Linnaea, captain and chief general of the  _ Aikruiston _ army, will have to end your life.”

"Holy Mother," Neil was just a little gaping. He looked from Seth to Cordelia, but the two just shrugged. "Uh, hello Captain Linnaea... I am... Prince Aleksander III and I'm here to offer my services to your court."

"What kind of services?" Hayley raised both eyebrows — because she didn't know how to raise just one.

"Anything that is of interest to you, according to the positions available at the court."

She looked him up and down, very thoughtful and leaving Neil almost intimidated by the obvious assessment.

"I don't think you're capable enough," she said at last.

Neil had no idea how his face didn't jump out of his head with the shock that was when he heard that phrase leave Hayley's mouth. Cordelia and Seth were clearly trying to contain their laughter — without much success, as Neil could hear small snorts.

"Oh? So I challenge you to a duel,” he said, raising his chin to look intimidating.  


"Are you really brave enough, Amenatiscander?"

"That is not my name."

"I know," she was very smug. Too presumptuous.  _ Who was teaching her that? _

For a little while — really little; it shouldn’t even be considered existing at all so little it was — Neil's mind did that thing where he just gets stupid and thinks about what he shouldn't. Then, as if it were sacred, he thinks of Andrew. Again, it’s really very little. The memory only came a little to the surface of his subconscious and then it was gone again, but it was enough.

He thought, specifically, of Andrew purposely getting his name wrong and acting all cocky whenever he was teasing Neil. He had to make sure not to grin or giggle in front of everyone there because of that thought.

"Well, I know I'm going to win, so the right question is whether _you_ are brave enough to take a chance," he finally said something.

“In your dreams you’re gonna win, delinquent. Challenge accepted."

Now Neil allowed himself to smile very broadly.  _ Damn, that little pest. She was definitely his daughter. Unmistakably. _

Regarding the duel, though, she didn't think she should hand Neil any 'weapon' or form of defense, and all she did was go after Neil with the wooden spoon, brandishing the item as if it were really a sword.

"Hey! This is not fair,” he complained.

"You said you were better than me, so I want to see if it's true," Hayley had a way too challenging expression on her face.

"I did  _ not _ say that. I just said I could win.”

"It's the same thing."

"It really isn’t."

"We should see what the queen decides, then," Seth spoke over them.

They both looked at Cordelia at the same time and she immediately raised her eyebrows, a little surprised to have the decision passed on to her. Anyway, Neil knew, immediately, that this discussion would be a losing battle for him.

“I think Linnaea is right. You must be able to do this on your own, considering all the advantages you carry.”

_ What advantages? _ Neil wanted to ask. But he already knew. He was bigger, faster, and physically stronger than Hayley. That still wasn't enough and he was sure Hayley was more than capable of beating him in a fight despite all of this.

But he had no choice, so when she stepped forward again to simulate a fight, he decided to play dirty. Neil leaned down, scooped Hayley up, and threw her over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes.

The sound of her little squeak went directly into his ear — since she was so close — and she started struggling to get out, but Neil didn't take any rest and started tickling immediately wherever he could reach. Now she was struggling and squirming for a whole different reason, and eventually dropped the wooden spoon on the floor thanks to the laugh that was weakening her muscles.

"Dad! Dad! It’s— tickling!” She almost screamed. “My tummy— it hurts! Ok, ok. You— _hah_ —won.”

Neil smiled contentedly and then carefully placed Hayley back on the floor. He smiled victoriously at her, who just grimaced while trying to breathe properly, pouted, and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Cheater," Hayley grunted.

"Well, we did tell him that he should find a way to win... I think he did that," Cordelia said, shrugging.

Seth was snickering, which obviously didn't make Hayley happy at all, and that meant Neil had to step in before she started to throw a tantrum.

"As much as I loved playing with you, now it's time to call it to an end because we have a house to put together and Hayley has to shower before we start making dinner," he said as he wiggled his fingers and signaled around, "Are you going to stay for dinner with us, Delia?”

Neil saw through the peripheral vision when Seth looked at her with puppy eyes and pouting, silently asking for something from her.

Cordelia sighed and said, "I will."

“Great, so you and Seth can start cleaning up the mess you helped make. As soon as I get back from the bathroom with Hayley, she will join you.”

There was a long, heavy collective sigh, but Neil just shrugged at their displeasure and held out his hand to Hayley. She, in turn, ignored him and stomped out alone with her arms still crossed in front of her body. Neil blinked twice before recovering and went after her. He stopped by Hayley's disorganized room to get a towel and clothes, and then headed for the bathroom again, where she was already waiting.

She was looking mad, yes, but Neil knew better than trying to apologize to relieve that. She was only momentarily annoyed and that would be over soon, then she would be fine again.

They entered the bathroom and Hayley quickly undressed while Neil turned on the bathtub tap, after which the girl practically jumped into the bathtub that wasn’t even full yet and splashed water in several directions. Neil gave her a scolding look and at least she looked a little sorry. Even if only a little.

She played with the water — more carefully now — and wet Neil's hair to play with the auburn strands. Neil allowed her because at least that way he got her to be distracted and let him soap her up properly.  Hayley was mumbling some music and patting Neil on the top of the head to simulate a drum.  _ Oh, the perks of being a father. _

As soon as he finished rinsing her off, he pulled on the towel and helped Hayley out of the bath to wipe her torso, then indicated how she should finish doing that on the rest of her body. He dressed her in a short red jumpsuit and arranged Hayley's hair with a tiara.

_ Goog, good. Good job, Neil. _

They went down to the living room — because, on the way, Neil noticed that the bedrooms upstairs were already considerably organized — and both Seth and Cordelia were there, setting up a pile of dirty sheets in the corner of the place, and Miss Squeeze was in the other corner, in her decorated transportation cage. He put Hayley on the ground immediately and told her to go help, which she didn't do with the greatest happiness in the world but did anyway.

"Neil, man, I had the best idea in the world, do you want to hear it?" Seth said too excitedly the moment he saw the other man.

"I feel like I may regret it bitterly, but you can say what it is."

The smile on Seth's face told he was right.

“What if we organize a meeting dinner for the old Foxes? Incredible, right? We can invite them over here and do something really cool, I don't know.”

Neil had been taken aback for some time, without answering, just looking at Seth.

“Why, so much audacity. Are  _ you _ offering to throw a party at  _ my _ house? And on top of that, for your old college team, which I wasn't even a part of?” He said, then.

"It's not a party... Just... A social event," Seth shrugged.  


"I'm super sad, Gordon," Cordelia interjected, wrinkling her face in a fake grimace of irritation. “You promised me that you would give me lots of attention when you came back to the city but now you're looking for ways to get rid of me? Don't talk to me, I'm sad.”

“No, no, Delia. You are invited too. It's obvious that the dinner won't be the same without you,” Seth reached out to reach for the woman’s arm and rubbed it gently, pouting.

Cordelia rolled her eyes without any heat in the gesture. “Cut it, Seth. You won't get away with it that easily,” the smile that threatened to appear on her lips was visible even though she was trying to hide it.

"Are you adults just going to talk or help me out here?" Hayley suddenly asked, looking at them with hands on her hips and a judgmental pose.

Both Seth and Cordelia made apologetic gestures and went back to organizing things. Neil just leaned against the wall near the door.

"But seriously, Neil, think about my suggestion, okay?" Seth spoke again, this time without stopping what he was doing. "I'm sure everyone would accept it," he paused and wrinkled his nose. "Well... Everyone but the twins, I guess... Aaron would be a pain in the ass but maybe I can convince him through Katelyn, I just need to let them know in advance for them to come because I heard they’ve moved out to another city, right?" He wasn't asking anyone in particular, more like ranting to himself. “But Andrew… He's going to be a lot more complicated than I would even like to admit. Perhaps even impossible, I dare say.”

"Aidan's father?" Hayley asked, joining the conversation. "He's Daddy's best friend."

Neil thinks that never before have two people looked so fast and in such a synchronized movement at him. Totally against his will, Neil started to blush.

"Oh?" Seth had a shit-eating grin on his face. "I really heard that you and the punk Minyard had met each other and you two had quite a dynamic going on... But I didn't know it was that deep."

“I wouldn't say that we are best—,” Neil started but was interrupted.

"Wait, who is this person?" Cordelia asked, looking between Neil, Seth, and even Hayley.

“He's a bit like a goblin, I think. Very short, blond, mostly annoyed with everything and maybe homicidal, punk or emo...” Seth counted on his fingers as he spoke.

“Isn't that the guy who was leaving your house that day? We ran into each other at the door when I was arriving.”

Now they were both looking at Neil again and he was sure he was blushing some more.

_“Can we speak in Spanish? I don't want Hayley to listen, preferably,”_ Neil asked, already switching to the language in question. Seth and Cordelia were also fluent — Cordelia because her family was from Argentina and Seth because he worked as an interpreter/translator — so they were understanding.

_“Mm. What’s with the sudden interest in keeping things hidden from her? There is definitely something between you and Minyard, isn't there? What is it?"_ Seth was speaking in Spanish as requested and being a twit as usual.

_"On second thought, the day I saw him leaving this house you two looked a bit messed up... And it wasn't even just physically,"_ Cordelia nodded.

_ “Excuse me, what?! Oh my god? Delia, sweetie, why don't you tell me the gossip before?” _

_ "I didn't think it was relevant." _

_ "You mean you saw a goblin leaving Neil's house in that state? And that’s not relevant?” _

_“Stop calling him that. He has a name, you know,”_ Neil sighed. _“Guys, it's not like we have anything, it's a bit of a complicated situation, I think. And Hayley is his son's best friend, so I just want to keep things from getting really weird.”_

_"What do you mean?"_ Cordelia asked, concern already filling her voice. She was always the mom friend — sometimes Neil thought that she and Matt would get along very well if they had the proper opportunity to hang out for more than ten minutes — so it was obvious that she cared even about the smallest things.

_“It's like… I don't know if something is going on between us, but I also wouldn't say it isn’t. We talk, we go out together, we flirt sometimes... It's really good and,”_ he paused, pressing his lips together in pure nervousness, _“I like him. For real, I would say.”_

Seth and Cordelia had the same silly, stupid expression on their faces, and that made Neil roll his eyes.

_"Aw, this is so cute,"_ the woman said first. _“Well, if you guys flirt it must be something, right? I know you would have cut that out already if he didn't show interest back or deny it.”_

_ "Yes, of course." _

_“Let me know if Minyard does something to you, Neil. I don't guarantee myself in a fight with him but I know great curses in some languages and I'll just piss him off to hell,”_ Seth made a point of warning, raising his eyebrows.

_ "But, well, I **do** hope Andrew does something with me, so..." _

_ "Oh Dios mío," _ the other two exasperated at the same time, their faces covered with shock.

_ “What? No, guys, I'm talking about—” _

_ "We know what you're talking about, Josten... We’re no naive kids." _

Neil blushed and rolled his eyes again, going back to speaking in English. "Focus on tidying things up, I want to go make dinner already."

They grunted but went back to their task. Neil, on the other hand, was stuck with the thought of actually having that dinner and what the pros and cons would be. Cons, the mess his house would be at the end of it all and probably the discomfort of not really being part of the team but still being there. Pros, Seth wouldn't piss him off about it, Hayley loved social events and, well, Andrew, because he wouldn't miss the chance to have Andrew in his company.

Plus, he had just had a really nice idea.

"Hey, Seth, go back a little bit on what you said... Can you convince Aaron to come?" Neil asked, and Seth all but grinned at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: neil's story as a merperson in this chapter—
>
>> “I don't know, I think you do. Sweet Neil swimming through the vast ocean on a great dangerous adventure until he accidentally ends up on human land and doesn't know what happened, until he finds out that he has to fight against evil people and in the end, he becomes the king of the place. Sounds good to me."
>> 
>> "If it's Hayley creating the story, at some point I would also find the love of my life," Neil jokes
> 
> —is actually the plot of [one of my fics](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25252876) lol
> 
> that's it for now and see you again in the next chapter (updates happen every ten days). thank you very much for reading.
> 
> don't forget that authors love kudos and comments. please let me know what you think of everything so far?
> 
> (come tell me hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/) and you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/moon020310) if you want and help support me)


	13. Slowly falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (some content warnings for this chapter: mention of transphobic comment and gender dysphoria, accidentally triggering a child's past trauma, behavior triggered by trauma. let me know if there's more)

Andrew had woken up very late — he could tell by the bright sunlight coming in through the window — and very sore that day. He winced and frowned with his eyes still closed, processing all that pain in his back, shoulders, neck and hips. When he finally opened his eyes, all it took was a look around to see that he wasn’t in his bedroom, but in Aidan's. Not only that, but he was also lying on the faux fur rug on the floor.

_ What the fuck? _ Was Andrew's first instantaneous thought, still frowning hard and moving slowly to ease his muscles. He stretched a little and barely escaped hitting a chair near the bed had it not been for his short stature. The previous night came back in fragments to Andrew's mind.

He remembered spending hours teaching Aidan to play a mime game, but being unsuccessful in the end. He also remembered they talked until well past bedtime and Aidan insisted Andrew slept over there — he assessed the pros and cons and, after deciding he was having an all ok day, Andrew laid down beside Aidan on the little boy’s bed and they slept together. Aidan knew the rules for sleeping together with Andrew, so he curled up on his corner of the bed and watched his father until tiredness eventually overtook him first.  


That didn't exactly explain why he was on the floor right now, but then he remembered that Aidan wasn’t a calm and quiet sleeper, so maybe Andrew was accidentally kicked out of bed and was too lost in his own tiredness to notice it at the time, so he just kept sleeping on the floor.

He rolled over and tried to get up slowly so as not to wake Aidan up. It was Saturday, he knew that, so there were little worries since they had no class nor work, and Aidan would be able to get a little more sleep.

The moment Andrew took his phone from the bedside table on the other side of Aidan’s bed, the first notification that flashed on the screen was from a message sent almost half an hour ago. He unlocked the screen and opened that chat.

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ Do you, as the seemingly great judge of clothes and style that you are, think that this suit is a good choice to watch the children's play at school? _

Along with the message, there was a picture of Neil in front of a mirror wearing a black suit with a dark gray button-down shirt buttoned to the last button and tailored pants which shaped Neil's legs very fucking well.

Andrew grunted and started to leave the room so he could swear without risking his son hearing it. His phone was firmly in a grip on his hand and that didn't change until he reached the kitchen and almost threw the phone on the counter before continuing to stare at the photo.

_ This man is a fucking menace, _ Andrew mused before answering.

**_You:_ ** _ Why the hell are you already trying to decide what to wear? The play is only in a few days. _

He lowered his head on the counter and covered it with his hands as he waited for Neil's next message. It came faster than he expected.

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ I was wearing the suit here at home and Seth said that it was stylish, so I should wear it for the event. _

Neil had already mentioned several times through messages that Seth was in town and staying at his house — not to mention that Andrew was present when Allison and Renee had let Neil know that would happen —, so it was no surprise to Andrew to see Neil mentioning him yet again.

**_You:_ ** _ Why the hell were you wearing a suit at home in the middle of the morning? _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ I went to buy breakfast earlier and a lady said I looked like a lesbian and I would be prettier if I stopped trying to dress like a boy _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ Naturally, my dysphoria went through the roof _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ I don't even know how long it's been since someone misgendered me. Not since I started the hormone therapy, at least _

**_You:_ ** _ Did you punch the lady? _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ No _

**_You:_ ** _ But why _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ If the cops were called, I don't think it would be me the one they would trust and help  
_

And, oh, if Andrew didn't understand that very well.

**_You:_ ** _ Are you ok now? _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ A bit, yeah. Wearing the suit helped me, suits are cool _

**_You:_ ** _ If you say so. _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ Cordelia helped me, too _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ Anyway, now changing the subject _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ Since we’re talking I have an amazing proposal to make for you _

Andrew immediately raised his eyebrows and cursed the stupid feeling on the pit of his stomach. It was very, very unlikely that whatever it was Neil had to say would be a good thing. And Andrew had been gay for over thirty years now, for fuck’s sake, it was complete nonsense for him to start overreacting just now because of someone.

**_You:_ ** _ What is it? _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ Seth has been really pissing me off to let him invite the old Foxes to dinner here _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ I ended up giving in, so there's going to be a dinner here tonight _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ And I know you hate the Foxes or something like that _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ But you don't hate me, so this has to be something positive, right? _

For real, Andrew almost laughed at that. A loud laugh, purely out of desperation probably but still.  _ How dare he? _

**_You:_ ** _ You are wrong. I do hate you. _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ But that doesn't mean you wouldn't suck me off. _

Andrew rolled his eyes so hard that he was even tempted to send an eye-rolling emoji to Neil, just so the other man was aware of how annoyed he was.

**_You:_ ** _ Stop repeating everything I say like a parrot. _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ No if it means that I can prove myself right and you wrong _

**_You:_ ** _ Fuck off. _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ Noted _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ Dinner starts at seven pm _

**_You:_ ** _ Too early. _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ I told that to Seth, but he said he wants the kids to participate too so he needed to choose an affordable time _

**_You:_ ** _ I don't care. _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ Does that mean you're coming? _

At the end of the message Neil put on multiple smiling face emojis with sunglasses, and Andrew found himself biting the inside of his mouth throughout the conversation — which, for him, was the equivalent of smiling stupidly.  _ Fucking. Ridiculous. _

**_You:_ ** _ I really don't know if I would like to know exactly what you saw in my messages that gave you this idea. _

**_You:_ ** _ I gotta go now, Aidan is waking up. _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ Okay. Bye, cupcake. I hope to see you later _

Andrew left him unanswered. Aidan wasn’t waking up, he just wanted to think, preferably in peace rather than tormented by Neil's messages.

He went to the living room, threw himself on the couch, and sat staring at a blank space. Having to fry his brain thinking about Neil Josten was definitely Andrew's least favorite activity at the time, and he was hating every minute of it. But he needed to do this for the sake of his sanity since the entire conversation with Betsy kept coming back to him and it definitely didn't help to ignore the subject.

Weighing the alternatives, Andrew  _ did want _ to go to the dinner at Neil's house, after all, he would have to meet the other man again at some point if they really wanted to get anywhere in that  _ something _ of theirs. But, on the other hand, he preferred to do so in privacy or at least somewhere where his former exy team and family weren’t present as well. In the worst case, though, Andrew could always take Neil elsewhere. But in an even worse case, Neil would definitely be annoying about Andrew wanting to be with him. But—

_ Fuck, it’s too hard. It’s easier to give up. _

All he knew was that he wanted to get this matter over with in one way or another, which, considering that the main situation involved not only him but someone else, it meant that he couldn't make decisions about it all by himself — Bee taught him that — and  _ that _ was the problem.

Admitting to himself that he wanted something, and, even worse, that he wanted something from, and with, Neil had already been a downhill battle in itself, now the fact of having to say it to the man in question was a complete nightmare. At that moment, Andrew just wanted people to be able to guess what he wanted them to guess without him having to speak it out loud. This was impossible, apparently, so he needed to rule out that alternative, unfortunately.

He was trying to be a better adult, and somehow heal himself despite all the heavy baggage he carried — physically, emotionally, psychologically; the entire package. The process for that was slow and hard as fuck, but he was still determined, if only because he was encouraged by Aidan. He couldn't remain the same man with toxic behavior that he had been at the age of twenty, so he had to work hard to overcome those traits he somewhat still carried with him, even if he sometimes didn't want to.

Andrew leaned back on the sofa and put an ankle over his knee, still staring at nothing and thinking. Was it a little ridiculous that he was overthinking so much over a dinner? Perhaps. But then, something about Neil made him automatically overdo things — which was probably not a good thing, but anyway.

He sighed and started tapping his finger on the sofa cushion, imagining that maybe the movement and rhythm would settle him a little.

And he did settle. So much that Andrew fell asleep with his head thrown against the backrest of the sofa.

~

_ "‘ndwew, _ will you let me choose your outfit?” Aidan asked, his mouth around the spout of his sippy cup. The little boy had started to complain about hunger before they had a chance to even leave the house for the dinner, so Andrew had allowed him to drink some strawberry-orange juice in hopes of helping. Two cups of it later he thought it was having the desired effect.

"Do you wanna choose?" Andrew asked, looking at his son beside him, where Andrew was fiddling with the child's wardrobe to help him find what to wear.

"Yes, since you're also choosing my outfit,” the answer came as Aidan stopped drinking the juice, but still held his cup tightly.

"Because you _asked_ me to and said you couldn't decide for yourself," Andrew arched an eyebrow, not stopping to regard the clothes and think about the best combination of them for his son.

"Maybe. But it still seems fair that I choose your outfit.”

"Does it?" Andrew looked down at Aidan fondly.

"Yes, dada," Aidan smiled cheekily at him.

"Mm..." Andrew pretended he was seriously thinking about the proposition, with his hand on his chin and all, and Aidan started pulling on the hem of his shirt, insisting with a pout.  _ This boy knows what he does, _ he thought, sighing, before saying, "Alright, you can choose my outfit."

“Yay! Thanks,” he started waving his arms violently in celebration, and Andrew's absurdly quick reflexes instantly activated, immediately moving to pick Aidan up, carry him away and prevent him from spilling the juice he still had in the sippy cup all over the clothes. It worked, and the only things that were affected by the liquid that Aidan spilled were the floor, some parts of Andrew's skin, and his shirt. He put the little boy on the floor and Aidan immediately opened his eyes wide and then contorted his face in a crying expression, "I'm so sorry, father, I didn't want to do that, I'm sorry."

“Hey, Aidan, it's okay. I was going to change clothes anyway. No problem, sunflower.”

"But I— I'm sorry," Aidan’s lips were trembling, his eyes were filled with water, and Andrew would have none of that.

"Come here," Andrew knelt down and stretched out his arms towards his son, who went fearfully towards him and settled himself against the touch of Andrew's hands on his arms. “I'm _not_ mad or angry, Aidan. It's okay, I swear. You have nothing to apologize for.”

"I made a mess..."

"That happens. We’re going to clean it up and everything will be fine, right?”

Aidan ducked his head and nodded, obviously still feeling guilty despite what Andrew said. He took it hard, sometimes, on the self-blaming thing, and it was always painful to watch, but it was also noticeable that he was already on his way to overcome that, little by little.

With one last affectionate squeeze in the little boy's arms, Andrew got up from the floor and went out to get a clean cloth and towel. He went back to the bedroom, reached out and offered the cloth to Aidan.

"Do you want to clean the floor or should I do it, sunflower?" Andrew asked. He knew that whenever Aidan felt he had done something wrong, the best way to get him to redeem himself was to let him correct what he thought was wrong — if possible.

“I’ll do that, father. Thank you."

He raised his little hand to pick up the cloth and bent down to scrub the floor slowly wherever he saw drops of juice.

Andrew didn’t fail to notice the way Aidan had called him. Back in the time when they were beginning to live together after adoption, whenever Aidan had those moments — when he played with the food without realizing it, when he dropped the food or some furniture in the house, when he got his own clothes dirty, et cetera — he started calling Andrew ‘Mr. Minyard’. Andrew _hated_ it because he was just a little over two years old and every time he babbled 'Mr. Minyard' instead of any version of 'dad' it was like a punch directly into Andrew's rib cage. And, again, he was _just a little over two years old,_ he shouldn't be so scared so soon. It took a lot of effort for Aidan to stop doing that, and that was only possible when Aidan blurted out that he was afraid Andrew would return him to the foster care service because he was misbehaving and a messy child. _Two. Fucking. Years. Old._

Those were some very...  _ painful  _ couple of weeks. For both, that’s sure. Andrew had to repeatedly assert that he wouldn’t do that, that he was going to give Aidan a home and a life for as long as he wanted to stay.

They came to terms with it, at least, but Aidan was still very hard on himself if he committed anything he considered to be a slip, even if impossibly minimal.

Andrew squeezed the towel he had taken and tried to dry himself off as much as possible, but he would definitely need to take another shower.

When Aidan finished what he was doing, he stood up, kept his head down, and handed Andrew the cloth. He had his shoulders hunched. Andrew had to think quickly about something to do, something good enough to distract the little boy. He was usually a little taken aback when Aidan was in that mood, initially not knowing how to cope — even after all the time they've had together. But most of the time he was also usually quick to come up with something.

When that wasn’t the case though, he just kept his son close and that was enough.

“Hey, do you want to wait in the bathroom while I shower? After that, I’ll let you choose what I’m going to wear, ok?”

Aidan shrugged but held out his arms anyway for Andrew to pick him up. The man did this only after spreading the towel over his own torso to avoid soiling Aidan with his already juice-soiled shirt. They headed to the master suite bathroom and Andrew placed his son on top of the closed lid of the toilet, fished the phone out of his pocket, and handed the device over to Aidan, who immediately followed his muscle memory and opened the TikTok app. His small hands held the phone as he pulled back until he leaned against the backrest of the toilet, stretching his legs out in front of him now that he had more space.

"Wait here for now, ok, sunflower?" Andrew asked, but Aidan was far away distracted by the videos playing over the phone screen, so he just nodded slowly.

Andrew walked into the shower box, closed its door behind him, and only then began to undress, throwing everything over the glass partition and remaining only in his underwear.

In the background, he was hearing the sounds of the videos Aidan was watching, even when he turned on the water spray. If Andrew had spent hours searching for children's content to tweak that app's algorithm and mostly show kids videos when Aidan was using it, no one needed to know.

Andrew did a quick job of soaping up and rinsing everything, trying to clean the skin that was starting to get sticky and remove the smell of juice that was settling on his torso where the shirt had once been.

The moment of almost full silence, unfortunately, allowed him to have enough space in his mind to once again think about Neil and what he was underlying by accepting to go to his house for a dinner that, in another situation, he would hardly have accepted to go.

Andrew was really trying to get over the whole 'I hate not hating him' thing and accepting that it was okay to maybe want more than just a one-time physical thing with Neil, but it still wasn't a simple thing that he could just do overnight. He was constantly complaining about it, he was annoyed as fuck... And everything is part of the process. He knew that. He still hated it, though.

Andrew completely immersed himself in the shower spray this time, closing his eyes while letting the water cover all of his hair and trace paths down his body.

He turned off his thoughts as soon as he turned off the shower too and reached out of the shower box to search for the towel that hung on the hanger attached to the wall. Andrew wrapped the towel around his hip, still wearing his boxers, and went out, kicking the clothes he was wearing before to the corner next to the laundry basket.

"Hey, Aidan, you can go ahead and start looking through my clothes, I'll be out in a couple of minutes, okay?" Andrew spoke softly, trying not to make it sound like a dismissal.

Aidan did nothing more than nod and jump out of the toilet without taking his eyes off the video he was watching on the phone. He took small, quick steps in the direction of the bedroom and Andrew kept the door narrowly closed for some privacy while removing the boxer he was currently wearing and putting on another pair that was kept in the drawer under the sink instead.

He came out of the bathroom with the towel wrapped around his hips again and wearing dry underwear now. Aidan was parting his attention between the clothes in the wardrobe and the phone screen — ie, he was running his hands loosely over the clothes and focusing only on the content he was watching.

"Have you chosen anything yet?" Andrew asked.

The little boy raised his head quickly and pretended that he had been looking at the clothes this whole time, moving from side to side and making an exaggeratedly thoughtful expression. Andrew snorted and crossed his arms, waiting.

"Andrew, can we wear something matching?" Aidan asked. He wasn't calling a nickname or any variation of the word dad, but rather Andrew's name itself, which meant that at least some part of him was still a little shaken by what happened.

"It's a good idea, but how, possibly, could we both find clothes in common?"

“I got it,” Aidan proudly puffed out his chest and patted it a few times.

Andrew hummed and sat on the bed to wait. It was all he could do, after all. Aidan fiddled and fiddled with his clothes, sometimes pulling on something or looking intently at some pieces.

After many minutes, he kept his eyes fixed on just one specific piece and then suddenly ran out of the room. Andrew raised an eyebrow at that.

"Aidan, are you okay?" He asked, already getting up to follow.

"Yes, I’m okay, I'm just going to check one thing," came the reply. He stopped for a few minutes to consider whether or not to go after his son. When he finally decided that, yes, he should go, he barely took a step before Aidan came running through the bedroom door again. He shoved something in Andrew's arms and almost accidentally punched the man's belly in the process. “Oops, sorry. You have a denim jacket, so do I. You have a white shirt, so do I. You have pants, and so do I. This is our matching outfit!”

Andrew considered the situation and looked at what Aidan had pushed over him. It was Aidan's own clothes. Black pants, a denim jacket, and a white t-shirt with a watermelon print.

“What if we wear sweatshirts instead of t-shirts? So you can wear that black sweatshirt of yours that has a frog in the front, how about it?”

"That’s good too!"

Andrew nodded and quickly helped Aidan get dressed before going to get dressed himself. Incredibly, the clothes really looked like matching outfits, and they weren't bad. Aidan was visibly satisfied with that, and lighter too — perhaps that had been distracting enough for him.

When they were ready to leave, Andrew made sure to pick up his son and hold him close while whispering, “Hey, sunny boy, you know that you're very special, don't you? And that you're my son, and I care about you. I will always care. We are real family. Do you remember what that movie you like says about family?”

"Which one?" Aidan asked, his voice small and burying his face in his father's cheek. Andrew knew he was doing it to avoid eye contact, which sometimes made him nervous in conversations, so he just let him.

"Lilo & Stitch."

“Oh. It's… Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.”

“Yeah. And that’s true, okay? We are family, that's how things work.”

Aidan nodded against Andrew's cheek, and it made his hair tickle the man's face a little, but it was no big deal.

They left the apartment in silence, locked the door and went to the car. After much insistence from the boy, Andrew handed his phone to Aidan again, and the boy went on to play a game while they were on the way to Neil's house.  


They let the sound of the car radio fill the interior of the vehicle as they remained in comfortable silence. 

When they got there, it would’ve been impossible to doubt which house was the right one even without Andrew's perfect memory, thanks to all the cars parked in front of it. He looked for a spot for his Maserati and when he turned off the car he took a last breath. From there on, there was definitely no going back.

He thought it was important to remember every five minutes how much he was hating each part of this process of _feeling_ and accepting that he _feels something_ for a person in whom he had no need to feel _anything._ He was being stupid and it was completely his brain's fault, one hundred percent.

Andrew got out and helped Aidan out of the car by picking him up again. The walk to the entrance of the house was a little tense. For Andrew, that is.

The one who opened the door after they rang the bell was Seth, with a huge grin on his face.

"Hey, man, how are you?" He nodded, holding the door open but not enough for them to go inside.

"In need of alcohol already," Andrew replied — which he already thought was  _ very kind  _ of him.

"Good luck, we don't have anything alcoholic here today."

“Great, so my night is already awful."

Seth rolled his eyes good-naturedly and finally pulled back a little for them to enter. Only then did he raise his hand to wave at Aidan too, even though he was in Andrew's arms the entire time.

“Hello, kiddo. You must be Aidan, right? Hayley talks about you a lot," he smiled, "Well, not as much as Neil talks about a  _ certain _ blond with aggressive tendencies, but still..."

Andrew's stomach twirled, he scoffed and then all but stomped into the house, finally. He didn't miss Seth's laugh in the meantime.

“Hello! Yes, I am Aidan, nice to meet you,” Aidan replied with a smile over Andrew's shoulder.

Seth closed the door and soon followed them, towards the dining room, from where Andrew could hear some voices. When they entered the room, Aidan wiggled to go to the floor and ran the moment he was free of his father's arms. He went over to Allison first and hugged her carefully before pecking her big bump. He greeted everyone — even Matt and Dan, who he didn't even know very well despite knowing their son, thanks to Hayley who had introduced them both — while Andrew discreetly scanned the place.

Or not as discreetly as he thought, because after just one look at him, Renee asked no one in particular, "Does anyone think Aaron and Neil need help getting the tableware?"

Andrew's thoughts destabilized a bit after listening to her words and it was only then that he saw Katelyn also sitting at the table with the others, just as Aidan went to talk to her. They didn't see each other very often, but Aidan obviously knew that she was Aaron's wife, so he put more effort and excitement into her greeting because 'she was family' — just as he had done with Nicky.

Andrew inevitably raised an eyebrow but didn't question it, because after just a few seconds he thought it actually made more sense than the other way around.

Neil  _ had _ said it was a dinner for the old Foxes, after all. And that also meant Aaron. Someone must have pushed enough until he agreed to come.

As if on cue, Neil and Aaron appeared through the door that divides the kitchen and the dining room, both with annoyed expressions on their faces and carrying various items in their hands. Neil's gaze zeroed in on Andrew the moment he left all the plates he was carrying on the table, and his face changed entirely and immediately. He was wearing a gray button-down shirt and a wine tie — Andrew had no idea why the tie, but he was already beyond the point where he questioned anything Neil did —, and he tilted his head to the side and gave a small smile of contentment.

But he noticed when Aaron looked between them and rolled his eyes.

"Fix your brother, he's pissing me off to no end today," Neil grumbled to Andrew, starting to spread the plates around the table.

Aaron also mumbled — too low for anyone to understand — and started spreading the glasses in his hands around the table as well. When those were over he turned to the kitchen and walked there until he disappeared through the door. Before thinking about it too much, Andrew went after him.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, cornering Aaron in the kitchen.

"I'm sure you also received the invitation and you know that this is a dinner with the aim of bringing together the old Foxes."

"It still doesn't explain  _ why _ you came."

"Katelyn convinced me," Aaron sighed and rolled his eyes.

"But she couldn't convince you to come to Nicky's birthday?"

"Excuse me?" He smiled without any humor.

"It was just for one day, jerk, you wouldn't die for making that effort," Andrew crossed his arms.

Their argument was keeping to a kind of shouted whisper. They knew that people outside the kitchen weren't listening, but among them, it was as if they were speaking much louder than that.

“Wow, how the table turns. Who knew that one day  _ you _ would be asking  _ me _ to have the least amount of sensitivity for someone. Does a child change things that much?” Aaron was wrinkling his nose.

"Stop being an asshole."

"You are as much an asshole as I am."

"Yeah, you both are," Neil’s lull voice spoke over them. The twins turned at the same time to look at him and Neil did nothing more than acknowledging them in silence. “You two could have really productive and functional conversations if you just  _ stopped _ being overly defensive all the fucking the time. Andrew, Aaron is not trying to attack you. Aaron, Andrew is not trying to attack you. Geez, just chill you two. There are so many things that you should talk about but, instead, you keep fighting each other off. That's not worth it,” Neil picked up several napkins that were on the counter and clicked his tongue before saying, “Seriously though, take a fucking grip over yourselves and have a fucking conversation.”

He left without sparing another look at them.

After a beat of silence, Aaron said, "He looks like a more aggressive version of Betsy, doesn't he?"

"Fuck, no."

"You really don’t think they look alike or you don't want me to say that because you two are banging and it wouldn't be appropriate to compare him to the woman who practically raised you since the beginning of your adulthood?"

"Why are you like this?" Andrew frowned, letting his arms fall to his sides. “We aren't fucking. Nor anything.”

"He does seem to have an interest though."

"Weren't you squirming in disgust the last time you saw him?"

“We had a little chat today. I still don't like him, but I think I can postpone the moment of needing to hide his corpse a little bit.”

"Get in the line," Andrew shrugged, and for a second he swore he heard Aaron's snort. He didn’t mean to, but he ended up asking, “Why did you go to Albany?”

Usually, Andrew didn't care. Or at least he was _better_ at pretending he didn't care. He honestly didn't give a shit about where Aaron was as long as he was safe which, apparently at least, he _had_ been.

Maybe it was Neil's voice insisting in his head that Andrew resented it, or Bee's voice during the many years in which she tried her best to reconcile the two twins, or the awkward moment that always happened when Aidan asked about why he couldn't see his Uncle Aaron… Or maybe age was just driving Andrew more and more out of his mind, making him think of things like emotional responsibility and healthy conflicts resolution.

_ I urgently need to stop aging if that means I'm going to have to put up with this kind of shit, _ Andrew thought.

Aaron sighed heavily beside him and stretched his neck.

“Do you really wanna hear it? Or are you going to try to stab me the moment I open my mouth?” He asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Andrew mimicked his pose out of habit. "I probably won't try to stab you."

"If you try I’ll tell your boyfriend."

"Aaron?"

"What?"

"Fuck off."

Aaron just nodded and lowered his head. “I went to live in Albany because I needed space, Andrew. And I told you this was bound to happen. More than once, by the way.”

"So you're saying this was my fault?"

“Well, I'm not saying that  _ right now, _ but deep down we both know it kinda is. College was so…  _ exhausting. _ You were always on my tail, controlling me even if indirectly and acting in your possessive manner,” Aaron held up his fingers to massage the bridge of his nose as if that conversation was demanding absolutely everything from him. “I thought that just living under a roof different from yours would be enough, and it took me a while to realize that what I really needed was a new place. Like, completely new.”

Andrew was annoyed as fuck, but for once he didn't try to counter Aaron.

"If hating me is what is helping you to have your peace of mind, what can I do about that, right?" He said, instead.

“What the fuck?  _ Hating you? _ Are you really  _ that _ fool?” When Andrew just looked back at him flatly, Aaron continued, “I don’t fucking hate you, Andrew. Being around you all the time was what was destroying the already shitty relationship that we have, so I went away because maybe we’ll never have the  _ ideal _ or  _ incredible _ relationship that is expected of two siblings, but I also didn't want our relationship to be  _ completely destroyed. _ I don't want to despise you. That's why I left," he shrugged, "And it's not like I'm out of reach, Andrew. I'm not. I just need a bit of space.”

Aaron leaned against one of the benches as if talking had taken a lot out of him and now he was completely tired. They just stood there in silence until Andrew finally had an excuse to divert his attention. His phone vibrated inside his pocket and he fished the device with his fingers.

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ Hey, cupcake, when you two end up your conversation and decide to come back here, can you bring the juice jars that are in the fridge? Thank you _

Andrew rolled his eyes and shook his head before answering.

**_You:_ ** _ Don’t fucking call me cupcake, what the fuck. _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ But cupcake is so cute, I like it _

**_You:_ ** _ I don't. _

**_You:_ ** _ Taking your juice jars... _

**_The hottest guy in town:_ ** _ Thanks, darling _

He put the phone back in his pocket and cleared his throat, just because the silence between him and Aaron was too heavy and uncomfortable.

The juices were in the fridge like Neil had said and Andrew took them both while Aaron helped him out of the kitchen without accidentally stumbling over anything.

Before they reached the dining room, Andrew turned his head just enough to whisper in German,  _ “I don't hate you, either. Nor even despise you. Most of the time, at least.” _

_ "Fuck off," _ Aaron replied, but Andrew heard the little snort that escaped him.

Once the juice jars were on the table and they were both sitting, Andrew allowed himself to look around to look for Aidan and saw him sitting at a smaller table with Hayley and Dan and Matt's son, talking fiercely about something. Only then did he allow himself to relax, after making sure his son was ok.

Conversations were going on around him, but as long as nothing was directed at him, Andrew didn't really care. He was at the end of the table with, now he realized, Kevin on one side and Neil's neighbor, Cordelia, on the other. She was smiling at something someone had said and, honestly, she looked quite nice, but she still intimidated Andrew a lot. Not negatively, that is. She intimidated him in a good way, if that makes sense. In the same way that Betsy intimidated him.

People talked, laughed, and listened to Nicky speak much louder than was tolerable, and eventually they ate whatever Seth had prepared, and it wasn't entirely bad at all.

Neil stole glances in Andrew's direction every once in a while, and he was sitting on the other side of Cordelia so he wasn't exactly far away and, consequently, the weight of his blue eyes wasn’t something Andrew didn't perceive.  


Seth may have made some comments about it occasionally, accompanied by Cordelia, but apart from Renee's occasional giggles, no one else touched on the subject or even prolonged the few comments about it.

All in all, the dinner was less bad than Andrew expected, but he barely had time to talk to Neil because, whenever they got a space for it, someone would immediately show up to interrupt. At the end of the night, Andrew just gave up and sat in the living room to watch some Disney movie with the kids and wait until it was time to go. He thought he was feeling a little overwhelmed since he spoke to Aaron, especially about the things he felt he had to say but didn't want to.

_ I hope this whole thing of being twins helps me with this now and he can understand without me having to speak, _ Andrew thought.

Without alcohol, the night went much more slowly than usual, and when Aidan finally started showing signs of tiredness after playing  _ complete the lyrics _ with everyone present — which, by the way, Aidan didn't even know the lyrics he was singing but he was judging who got it right or not anyway —, Andrew was already exhausted.

He was crossing the front yard to go to the Maserati when he stopped in place after hearing Neil calling him. Aidan was holding his hand so, consequently, he stopped walking too. They turned to find Neil fidgeting with his fingers a few feet away from them.

"I'm sorry for not being so present tonight," he said, not only sounding but also looking apologetic.

"You were as present as anyone else. And besides, I don’t care, so you literally have nothing to apologize for," Andrew replied.

"I know. But I called you to this dinner for a reason that has nothing to do with the Foxes meeting, so I just wish I had more time with you tonight."

Andrew's chest ached doing that ridiculous thing of being gay as fuck and he had to remember that his son was just beside him before he let anything out of his mouth.

"Call me later when you have time, no matter if it's late or whatever," he said, at last, before even deciding whether that was ok or just immensely stupid.

Neil's face broke into a shiny grin immediately and he nodded. "I'll do that, thanks. Good night, darling."

Andrew gave a small salute with two fingers and rolled his eyes.

"Cheerio, Neenee! Have a good night," Aidan vigorously waved the hand that wasn't holding Andrew's, and Neil tried to return the hand wave at least a little bit on the same level of excitement.

Then they turned to definitely leave, and suddenly Andrew's tiredness had been swept away from his body, leaving only the incessant vibration under every inch of his skin. Wanting, wishing, expecting. Slowly falling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it for now and see you again in the next chapter (updates happen every ten days). thank you very much for reading.
> 
> don't forget that authors love kudos and comments. please let me know what you think of everything so far?
> 
> (come tell me hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/) and you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/moon020310) if you want and help support me)


	14. Let's get physical

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fucking finally. i've been waiting to post this chapter for so long
> 
> (small content warnings: a conversation about neil's gender and a little sleep deprivation at the beginning. let me know if there's more)

Neil had been running on probably three hours of sleep per night for longer than he could count.

Allison's water broke on the 12th of July and that was just a few days before Hayley's school play, so he was naturally busy as fuck when he was hit by a child being born and a completely miserable — as she was describing herself — postpartum Allison. He had to do an insane juggle between making sure that everything Hayley needed was already guaranteed, visiting Allison, Renee and Conan, preventing Seth from destroying his house, and working.

Neil was two steps and a cup of coffee away from going insane. And he couldn’t even try to avoid it.

He was able to talk to Andrew probably twice in between all of this. Andrew said Neil should ask for help if he was in need of it, but he didn't think he was in need of help, he was fine even if tired, so things would stay as they were.

Allison had spent two days in the hospital before recovering well enough to go home and keep resting there. Conan was also fine. He was a healthy little boy with 19.7 inches and 7.5 pounds, and the delivery itself had happened without complications. On the first day that Neil went to their house, Allison was still a little weak and crying while breastfeeding her son. Renee explained that she was having some baby blues because of the intense hormonal changes and that made her experience things like mood swings, crying spells, anxiety and difficulty sleeping, but they were working on it together and keeping in touch with a doctor to make sure that it was okay.

At the third time he visited, he could tell that they were still very fucking tired, but even so, now it was possible to see the sparkle of pure love in their eyes when they looked at their child. Neil thought he could understand that feeling deeply.

Hayley was utterly in love with Conan as well. She seemed to want to throw a tantrum whenever the right to hold the newborn was refused to her, but at some point she understood that holding him was hard and something she wouldn't be able to do, and gave up, contenting herself with just watching him from a distance, caressing his little head and making faces at the little baby.

When Allison wasn’t feeling so down and felt up to talking more than a few words, she kept complaining about the pain and many of the postpartum symptoms that were killing her, which, honestly, Neil thought was quite fair, so he listened quietly and let her vent.

One day, he had been responsible for taking care of Conan for a while as Renee provided emotional support for her fiancée. They were locked in their room for hours, and when they left, Allison seemed a little bit more composed at least. Neil was really happy that they had each other, he could see how much they sought protection and comfort from each other like a boat looking for a lighthouse.

Conan was a calmer child than Hayley used to be when she was a baby, so Neil had an easy time taking care of him when Allison and Renee needed it. Plus, Seth was there to help him — even if Neil was the one more used to take care of a child, so Seth felt safer going over whatever tasks were designated to him and helping with minor things whenever he could, while Neil kept the baby in his arms. It already helped a lot.

On another day, Neil was free from visiting them because Renee said that Andrew would come by to help them that day. And, well, to Neil that was actually an incentive for him to  _ go there. _ It had been a while since he and Andrew had seen each other or talked properly, so he would face a newborn's cry without complaints if that meant he could see the blond even for a little bit.

Unfortunately, that wouldn’t happen.

He had other things to do. He needed to get Hayley's costume accessories from the store where he had ordered them — luckily Renee had finished the adjustments she was going to make for it before Conan's birth, and now Neil just needed to get the rest, which he would —, and he also needed to buy the makeup products that Cordelia indicated before six pm when he would have to go to work.

Sitting in the driver's seat, Neil gripped the steering wheel tightly, sighed, and then took a deep breath. He was getting overwhelmed with the notion of having a lot to do, and he hated it. Trying to lighten the mood, Neil fished his phone out of his pocket and typed a message.

**_You:_ ** _ For the first time, we could’ve finally met on purpose at Allison and Renee's house instead of by chance, and of course,  _ **_of course,_ ** _ there had to be **something** that kept me from going. I hate it here. _

It wasn’t a hundred percent his intention to send that to Andrew. Looking again after he had already pressed the send button, it looked stupid to his eyes, and he regretted it a little. But then the moment he received an answer and inevitably smiled, he knew it had worked as a relief and a distraction, at least.

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ Watch out, you can end up letting me know how really needy for my company you are. _

**_You:_ ** _ Hey, shouldn't you be paying attention to Conan? _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ He's sleeping. I'm swaying his crib so I would say I'm paying attention. _

**_You:_ ** _ How are you typing at the same time? _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ I have two hands, sucker. _

**_You:_ ** _ Oh, damn, can you type with just one hand? I can barely do this with both, let alone only one _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ That's because you're a jerk. _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ But I work with code and programming, so I'm just used to writing a lot. My fingers are fast. _

**_You:_ ** _ ...Alright... _

Off the screen, Neil swallowed hard and cleared his throat, although he was oblivious to why exactly.

**_You:_ ** _ But that's not bad, is it? _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ What? _

**_You:_ ** _ End up letting you know how really needy for your company I am _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ Your communication skills are horrible, Josten. You just changed the subject out of the blue and without any warning, how should I guess what you were referring to? _

**_You:_ ** _ It happens to the best people. Now you know what it was about, so yes or no? _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ Yes or no what now? _

**_You:_ ** _ If this is something bad, Andrew _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ Yes. It's abhorrent, appalling, atrocious, awful, disastrous, disturbing, dreadful, ghastly, gruesome, harrowing, hideous, horrendous, horrid... _

**_You:_ ** _ Why, thank you very much, I feel grateful for all your affection _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ You're welcome. _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ Go do your stuff and leave me alone, Josten. _

**_You:_ ** _ Alright, alright. Bye, pumpkin _

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ Fuck you and those gross pet names. _

Neil smiled to himself, opened his phone camera, took a selfie, placed two heart emojis covering his eyes, and sent it to Andrew as an answer.

After that, he put the device away and finally started the car.  _ I have a lot to do, _ he remembered himself again.

He made a mental list and then proceeded to follow its order.

First, he went to a store across town to get a pair of children's gloves and a silver tiara. Hayley was going to dress up as a witch or something like that, so those two were required. She already had a button-down shirt, pants and black sneakers, which would be complemented with a kind of cloak that looked like a wide blazer stretched over her shoulders, and all had the colors of the deep seas — Andrew had said the whole thing was a little bit like Howl Pendragon’s outfit. Neil had ordered those items some time ago so when he entered the store the purchases were already separate and he just had to pay for them. Before leaving, however, he asked the attendant where the nearest place to buy makeup was.

On the way to the indicated store — which, in fact, was very close so he went walking — he met a co-worker who wasn’t one of his favorites, but he had to be polite anyway, so he missed some good ten minutes making small talk, which he was terrible at, before he could walk away.

The makeup purchase took much longer since he had to send a picture of everything to Cordelia and wait for her to answer which were the right products and which were the best brands. And, worst of all, the place was full of people so at some point he started to feel claustrophobic.

Neil left that store exhausted, as if he had just walked for two hours straight, and startled by how expensive makeup could cost. 

He hated shopping. 

The walk back to the car was tiring despite not being long, and he fell into the driver's seat with a relieved sigh.

A glance at the car's dashboard let him know it was earlier than he expected, at least. Then, luckily, he could get some rest before he had to go to work.  _ Luckily. _

He started the car and started to maneuver out of the spot he was in. The vehicle's radio turned on automatically and music began to fill the entire space. That was a good thing because the music filled the silence that he didn't want to hover over him.

Halfway there he used the car's bluetooth to call Seth and let him know he was going home and needed to take a nap for a while, so he better move any mess Neil just knew he had made with Hayley to the spare room instead of the whole house.

"Are you really tired, Eil?" Hayley asked the moment Neil crossed the threshold of the front door.

He was. He was so fucking much. But he gathered a few drops of energy, enough to pick her up.

“Yes, cinnamon, I am. I just wanted to be able to sleep for the next two full days,” Neil replied as he walked through the house.

"But I want to play with you," she pouted.

“Do you want to play ‘take a nap’? Then we can play together right now.”

"I don't want to sleep, but I can ask for Seth's switch and play the little game he showed me in the meantime."

“Mmhm, looks good for me. I'll wait for you in my bedroom, okay?” He asked, and Hayley nodded and wiggled her way to the ground.

When he finally had enough time, after changing his clothes in the bathroom for something more comfortable, Neil picked up his phone again and immediately saw the notification of a message that made his entire interior burn pleasantly, and his face quickly became covered by a blush.

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ I have the distinct memory of saying once that you should never cover your eyes again. _

Neil stared and stared at that message for many minutes, going back and forth from the message to the photo he had sent with the heart emojis covering his eyes until he remembered that he needed to answer, but then he didn't know how to.

**_You:_ ** _ My memory is short, I need you to keep reminding me of this _

He turned off the phone shortly after sending it and left it over the bathroom sink before running to lie on the bed, but it was only until he remembered that he would need the phone’s alarm clock, so he went back to get it and put it on the bedside table.

Hayley came in shortly after carrying a large plushie. She put it on the end of the bed and climbed up until she was in the middle of the mattress. She promptly lay directly on top of Neil, snuggled on his torso, and laid over his belly while holding a switch in her hands and starting some very colorful game.

Neil initially struggled to breathe, but whenever Hayley lay in the same space as him she liked to cover as much of his body as she could with hers, so that was already common and he was already used to it enough for him to become comfortable soon after. He slept easily with the sounds of the game and his daughter's breathing, just laying there to have his company even though he was going to be unconscious the entire time.

~

Neil felt like he was dying. 

He woke up from a sleep of about thirteen hours and he couldn't tell whether it was a good thing since he managed to get some rest after all, or a bad thing because he needed to sleep more, but Hayley's school play day  _ definitely  _ wasn’t the best day for that.

After he almost passed out — three days earlier, when he returned from work on the same day he had bought the latest materials for his daughter's costume —, Seth said he would have to rest whether he wanted to or not. The thing is, he didn't have time for that, and he avoided it until Cordelia literally forced him to have some tea and lie down. He blacked out immediately.

Now he was waking up at one pm and feeling all the muscles in his body heavy and aching. 

Neil really didn’t like to sleep sometimes.

Seeing the clock helped him to wake up way faster though, because he had a number of things planned for that day, and waking up so late had already made him delay several items on the list, which would probably make him late too at the end of the day, and he couldn’t let that happen.

Neil jumped out of bed and pulled a sweatshirt over his tank top faster than he thought possible. He almost ran over the door while he was going out to look for someone, but he opened it in time to just hit his arm against the wood instead of the entire body.

He jumped two steps at a time on the stairs and started hearing voices coming from the kitchen, so he went there first.

“Why didn't anyone wake me up? You know that— Oh, there's an unknown child in my kitchen. Hello, child,” Neil's voice softened a lot from the beginning to the end of what he had said, and he finished with a wave of his hand.

"Hello," the child, who was sitting on Cordelia’s lap, replied, both vocally and through a hand gesture.  _ Oh, he is using ASL. _

"Oh, I'm a little rusty with that, but I think I can still use it well," Neil also signaled this time.

“Eil! Do you know ASL?” Hayley almost screamed from where she sat on the breakfast balcony, a surprised expression on her face.

"A little bit. I haven't used it in a while though,” he continued, still signaling with his hands. He turned to the child and asked, "What’s your name?"

Neil watched as the child tensed and hesitated for a few moments, and he actually froze in fear of having accidentally signaled something inappropriate — sometimes different signs could be very similar, so any slight movement in the wrong direction could be crucial — until Cordelia pulled the child close to her. Something about her gesture seemed reassuring and supportive.

“This is Mae. He's the little boy that I babysit sometimes, remember?” She said, raising an eyebrow at Neil and giving him a meaningful look. He didn't quite understand what that was at first.

“Um… Alright. Hello again, Mae,” Neil greeted.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Josten," the little boy signed and spoke simultaneously, smiling. "I hope I'm not bothering to be here."

“Oh, no, of course not,” Neil smiled softly at the boy from where he still stood by the threshold of the kitchen. “You can call me Neil, by the way.”

"Delia brought him here because she was helping Seth to put away the groceries he bought and couldn't leave Mae alone," Hayley started to speak, gesturing expansively with her hands towards everyone, "He's cool. He lives down the street and likes frogs."

Neil didn't have time to answer as Seth, standing close to Hayley, immediately started to say, “Yeah, about that, I know you had a few things to do, but I already worked it out for you. I ran to the grocery store to buy that list of foods that we were out of, checked if Hayley's costume was all ok for her to use later, and even took your car to wash. So you can sit there and know that everything is fine,” he gestured to one of the stools near the kitchen island. "Delia and I ordered food for lunch, it should be here in a few moments."

Neil looked back and forth between the other two adults in the room and sighed heavily. He didn't sit on the stool, though. His muscles were still hurting a little and he preferred to stretch for now so he remained standing.

"Thanks, I guess," he said softly and smiled tiredly at them.

"You're welcome," Cordelia replied, smiling as well. She pulled Mae closer onto her lap, where she was sitting on the island stool, tickled the side of his body and the boy giggled, dodging her fingers. “Hey, little guy, why don't you tell Neil a little bit about yourself? I'm sure he'll love to get to know you better.”

Neil raised an eyebrow at her but received no answer.

"I don’t know what to say. Can I talk about frogs?” Mae asked out loud and signaling as well.

"Yes, of course you can."

“Alright. Frogs have two poison glands on their skin, one behind each eye, which is activated only when they’re squeezed. This is their defense mechanism and it’s important to be careful with the poison because it can cause blindness or death. Despite this, it’s not cool to kill frogs.  _ Especially  _ not by throwing salt on them, as this is a very painful death from  _ as-phyx-i-a-tion,” _ he struggled to say the whole word, “because they breathe through their skin. It's called  _ pucantenous _ breathing—”

"It's  _ cutaneous _ breathing," Cordelia corrected him.

“Yes.  _ Cutaneous _ breathing,” he corrected himself vocally, despite having correctly signaled with his hands. "In addition to being mean, another reason for not killing frogs is because they are natural controllers of many pests, as they can eat up to one hundred insects a day."

He placed his hands flat on the counter when he finished speaking and looked at everyone else present.

"This is really cool. You're a very smart boy, aren't you?” Neil smiled, encouraging him.

“He definitely is. Good job, buddy,” Seth raised his fist and exchanged little punches with Mae.

"Thanks, Mom doesn't tell me that very much," the little boy said, gesturing hurriedly.

"What? Doesn't she say how smart you are?” Neil frowned.

“No, not that. She doesn't call me a boy. Or Mae,” he shrugged as if that was just another everyday fact.

Neil had approximately four seconds of absolute doubt and then he realized. The too loose clothes, the beanie hiding all his hair, the hesitation before answering his name...

He looked at Cordelia with doubt in his eyes and she nodded. Neil sighed, somewhat painful or resentful, and tried to direct the most reassuring expression he could get at the little boy.

“Does that make you happy? When someone calls you a boy or Mae?” He asked.

“Yes. Makes me happy,” he just signed this time, didn't speak. Hayley looked at him doubtfully for that but said nothing.

"Then that's it. Whatever you say will be, alright?”

"Thank you."

"No need to thank me, this is just the least we should do for you."

A silence hung over them all after that. It wasn't bad, negative or heavy, so Neil thought it was okay.

“Okay, gentlemen, we need to get organized to start getting Hayley ready right after lunch. She needs to wash her hair, but we can't do her hair while it’s wet because it's not ideal to tie wet hair, so let's wash it early to let it dry naturally,” Cordelia spoke up first. And she kept talking for long minutes about skincare before putting on makeup and thousands of other little things.

Neil found out that Mae was going to spend the day with them — his mother had traveled at the last minute to some small town very close by — and that turned out to be a positive thing because Hayley got someone else to return all the great amount of lively conversation she was depositing in anyone willing to listen.

So they proceeded to do what Cordelia had told them to, but then she asked Neil to wash Hayley’s hair on her own, telling Neil to go feed Miss Squeeze at her house, which he did, trusting the woman with his daughter without blinking an eye. When he came back though, Hayley had blue hair and he almost lost his eyes since they almost jumped out of his face, but the woman guaranteed that it was a temporary dye and it was specifically for dark hair without having to bleach it. So, after they finished washing her hair, and left her wrapped in a towel on the bed, Cordelia pulled Neil aside and told him in a torrent of Spanish that Mae had had an infection while still a baby and he lost hearing in one ear. And although he still had fifty percent of his hearing, many doctors warned that it was possible that he would gradually lose this throughout his life, so his family taught him ASL just in case.

They didn’t talk about the fact that Mae preferred to be called a boy, because that wasn’t a matter for them, but rather the fact about the unsupportiveness from the little boy's family. Neil could only hope that one day he would get the support he needed at home.

_ That _ was what made the difference in this situation.

~

Neil had left Hayley in the room with the other students, where the entire kid cast of the play was gathering to get ready before they started, and he probably took more pictures than necessary. Hers, hers with colleagues, and then hers again. They still had at least an hour and a half until the scheduled start time for the show — and that time was probably for organizing the students before entering and the guests in the theater seats — so it's not like he was really disturbing someone.

Each child participating in the play was entitled to five guests, and the front rows were reserved exclusively for these said guests. Knowing this and that both Seth and Cordelia were already inside — along with Matt and Dan, completing Hayley's five guests, and Mae, who ended up having to come along with Cordelia since his mother wasn’t yet in town, so they bought him an extra ticket at the entrance —, Neil really didn't want to get into the crowd right now. They would guard his place if things came to that.

So he stayed in one of the school hallways even after leaving Hayley in the room with the other students and some teachers.

He was sitting on a wooden bench under a large window, mostly thinking to himself and having a few moments of silence to prepare for when he eventually had to enter the theater with all the people who were there, a lot more people than he thought was at least tolerable. Neil was also keeping an eye on the clock so as not to be late. And it was in the middle of that that he heard some footsteps in the hall and looked up to see who it was.

"Did you know that the money from the tickets they are selling will be donated to a nature conservation NGO?" Andrew's voice reached him at the same time that the sight of the blond with his narrowed eyes did too. "And here I was thinking that all of this was just an excuse to occupy the kids with something other than being little pests with the teachers."

Neil chuckled and stood instinctively, his chest filling with warmth at seeing Andrew after weeks of only messages.

“Hi, darling. Did you get lost in the school hallways?” He asked with a grin on his face.

“Honestly, I was looking for a way out. I need to smoke if I'm gonna have to stay in the same space as hundreds of boring adults. Now I can't do that because, apparently, the exit isn't this way and I've already been caught by the stupid father of my son's friend.”

Neil's smile got wider. “This stupid father of your son's friend did a good thing, then. You should stop smoking for good, not just quit it sometimes.”

“See what I said? Boring adults. It's full of you here today,” Andrew rolled his eyes.

"If you didn't want to be caught, you shouldn't start randomly talking to the man you see sitting in silence."

“Um, yeah. We make some mistakes in life,” Andrew shrugged. He put his hands in his pockets and only then did Neil notice him completely. He was wearing a turtleneck, leather jacket that unfortunately covered his tattoos, trousers, and his glasses. It was Andrew's voice speaking again that brought Neil out of the trance he was in while staring at the other man's clothes. "What are _you_ doing here, Josten?"

“Running from the crowd. Crowded spaces make me claustrophobic sometimes,” he answered with a grimace, trying to get over the fact that Andrew looked  _ good . _

"You looked ok at the club on Nicky's birthday," Andrew inclined his head with curiosity.

“Yeah, but at the club I could move around, I didn't have to sit in the middle of everyone. I can't really elaborate it, but it's different,” Neil shrugged.

"Alright, if you say so," Andrew moved to walk over to the bench where Neil had been sitting before, and then sat down himself, taking his hands out of his pocket and letting them hang on his lap. "Let's avoid people, then."

The auburn-haired man smiled and sat down again, next to Andrew but putting some distance between them.

"Do you wanna hear me talk to stimulate your dopamine production instead of using nicotine for that?" Neil joked, laughing openly at the grimace Andrew made in response.

"A headache is what you're going to stimulate my brain to produce."

"I can even talk about my childhood and adolescence... Are you sure you don't wanna hear that?" He raised an eyebrow, smugness all over his face. Now it got Andrew's attention. He sighed heavily as if he already regretted it bitterly and gestured for Neil to proceed. “Hayley made a new friend today, he is from our neighborhood and Cordelia babysits him sometimes. He's a very sweet boy, to be honest... And he made me think about my past a lot. Before working for the Moriyama family and even before running away with my mother.”

Andrew made no intervention. He was just silently listening while staring at the wall in front of them as if giving Neil space to say what he wanted to.

Neil continued, then, “I remember feeling sad and wanting people to stop talking whenever they made any reference to me in the gender that was assigned to me at birth. It made me uncomfortable and hurt my feelings. But I was a child, so I couldn't pinpoint the origin or the reason behind it like I do now. So, before I ran away with my mother, I genuinely thought the discomfort was because I disliked the people from my father's inner circle. I really hated those people and I wanted them as far away from me as possible. I thought that was the reason,” he bit his lip and swallowed. “I hated it when my father said things like that too, but then I hated him just as much or even more than the people in his inner circle, so it made sense that the discomfort was for the same reason. My mother didn't use to call me anything other than my deadname, which I also didn't like, and I thought it was because it was my father who chose that name. I ran away at age ten and spent six years struggling with my gender identity without knowing that this was what was going on. I still didn't understand things even a few years after I stopped running. I had a  _ very complicated _ path until I understood this, accepted it, and started the transition, especially if you consider that I was both running or, afterward, working for a criminal family.”

After Neil finished speaking, they kept quiet for a while, the sound of the children and their parents far away in another hall of the school. The silence was comfortable, though, and they both kept staring at the wall in front of them.

"Have you ever stabbed a transphobic mafia dude?" Andrew asked, out of the blue.

Neil hummed.

"Stabbed? No. Thrown a chair? Yes."

"Your fighting style is very rustic."

"Stuart, my uncle, told me not to spend the blade of my knives on people who weren't worth it," Neil shrugged.

"He looks like a wise guy, this uncle of yours."

Neil chuckled and shook his head with a grin on his face.

"Sorry to dump all that on you," he said, and turned to look directly at Andrew. "Almost all of my childhood and adolescence are blurs thanks to all the trauma, I guess, and sometimes a few triggers remind me a bit of so many things that I have forgotten."

Andrew rolled his shoulder and straightened up. He returned Neil's gaze. "Your life is a melodrama, Josten."

"Yeah? I'm gonna write a book. Would you read it?”

"This is a difficult question, I need to think about it."

“Is it? Really that difficult?” Neil tilted his head, eyes blue and bright scanning every part of Andrew's face. Andrew didn't seem to have an answer as he only shrugged and returned his gaze peacefully. After a long silence Neil spoke again, something that had been coagulating and burning on his chest every time he had seen Andrew since that day in his kitchen, “Andrew, I— I want to get  _ somewhere _ with you. I know you said you weren't going to kiss me again, and that's not what I'm asking of you if you don't want to, but I want to do something other than just _playing around_ the real intention.”

Andrew’s gaze was leveled and he scoffed at what Neil said.

"What are you waiting for, coordinates?"

“I want to know where the lines are before I cross them. Or in which direction to cross them,” he breathed slowly, trying to calm his heart down.  _ Why was it beating so fast? _

"Why are we talking about lines?" Andrew had a frown on his face.

"I'm still waiting for an answer."

Andrew waited for a beat, the frown on his face deepening, before replying.

"I'm still waiting for a yes or no that I can trust."

“Drew,” Neil frowned as well and replied softly, “you can trust me. I wouldn't lie—”

"It's not _you_ I don't trust," Andrew grunted and rolled his eyes. He finally looked away and left Neil staring at his profile. Whatever was the obstacle between them, Neil could now say that it was coming from Andrew and some difficulty he was having with himself.

"Ask me, then."

"What."

"Look at me and ask me."

It took a few seconds but eventually Andrew's honey brown eyes fixed on Neil once again and he studied the auburn-haired man's face for long and interminable moments.

They were alone and the silence was nothing at all in the whirlwind of messy thoughts inside Neil's head. He swallowed a few times, bit the inside of his mouth and clenched his jaw, his nervousness being almost palpable.

"I want to kiss you, Neil," Andrew said. No emotion flowed into his voice or facial expression, he was as neutral as he possibly could be, and Neil honestly envied that. "Yes or no?"

"Do you really want to?" Neil's eyes were a little wide, he could distantly perceive that. “Yes. I want to kiss you too.”

They were less eager this time than the first time they did this. Andrew approached him slowly, assessing each of his reactions, and Neil didn't know what he was seeing, but he hoped it was genuine and enough for him to realize that it really was what Neil wanted, and how he  _ really _ wanted it.

Andrew's hands settled on the surface of the bench behind Neil, and that shortened the distance between them exceedingly. Neil didn't know what to do with his own hands, so he left them fisted on his lap. Andrew's mouth was already close enough to scrape against his and that was enthralling enough to make Neil part his lips and close his eyes. He didn’t go forward. He waited.

After an eternity, hours, minutes, he's not really sure, Andrew found his mouth with his own and their lips slid together at the same time. Neil had to squeeze his hands tighter, and his nails were certainly leaving half-moon marks on his palms, but he couldn't care less about that.

Andrew was so close, breathing him, tasting him, allowing him. The kiss was light, soft and calm. They weren’t desperate or caught by surprise now, so they had no reason to take it any other way if not as delicately as they could muster.

Neil pulled away just enough to say, "If that's ok with you, you can touch me," in an understandable way.

Andrew hummed. "You can touch above my shoulders," he said, and tapped two fingers on Neil's wrists to emphasize what he had said.

He didn't have to ask twice. Immediately the auburn-haired man unclenched his hands and slid his slender fingers between the blond hair shining under the dim lighting in the hall, thanks to the moonshine that came in through the window under which they were.

Andrew's hands on Neil's waist also held him tight and as close as possible thanks to their positions sitting on the bench. Facing the whole situation, Neil couldn't help letting a small giggle escape his lips.

"Are we really about to make out in the hallway of our children's school?" He asked, still giggling a little.

"Unless you have any complaints..."

"I don't have any, do you?"

"Many. Everything about you is a bad idea. But, what can I do, right?” Andrew’s nose caressed Neil’s so softly that Neil almost couldn’t feel it. Almost. 

"You can say no," Neil tilted his head back a bit and let his eyes roam over Andrew's face, affectionately and understanding. It would be ok if it was a no, really.

“Mm. Out of the question,” Andrew replied, with a quick wrinkle of his nose, and breathing against Neil's mouth. They were  _ that _ close.

The blond once again took the initiative to cover Neil's lips with his own. This time it was something more, however, for both of them. They were holding each other and it helped to deepen every feeling. Andrew's grip was as firm on Neil's waist as it was Neil's on his hair.

Andrew's tongue first appeared on the other man's lower lip, asking for its silent permission, which was obviously granted, and soon it was swirling inside Neil's mouth. This made the auburn-haired man gasp and sigh, but he reciprocated in the same intensity immediately after that. The slick sound of their kiss was something else in very large proportions and for the first time, Neil felt like he liked that sound.

Neil slowly slid one hand down to Andrew's jaw, and held it there with the other one still entwined in his hair, moving smoothly through the strands and using the support to prop his face even closer to Andrew's.

Neil sucked on Andrew's bottom lip when they parted, and it produced a small sucking noise that turned his stomach upside down in a positive way. He was unable to open his eyes for a few moments after that, putting himself together again while holding Andrew just as close as he was being held.

Slowly they untangled themselves from each other, between quick but silent breaths, and when Neil finally opened his eyes, it was to see Andrew slowly lifting his own hand and running his thumb over his lips, glistening with saliva and reddened by the kiss. Given that, Neil might as well just close his eyes again and die. 

_ He was fucking beautiful, damn, that man had no right to be  _ **_all that._ **

Neil propped himself on his hands as he leaned back a little and watched Andrew.

"Did you, uh, come with any companions?" The auburn-haired man asked, after clearing his throat a few times.

"No," Andrew's expression was blank even if he was slightly flushed and his hair looked messier because of Neil’s wandering hands.

"Mmhm..." Neil paused, considering a little. "I think there may be a place for you near my seat."

"What makes you think I would want that?" Andrew’s eyebrow was arched.

Neil stood, moved a hand to open the one button on the blazer he was wearing and started walking as if it didn't cost every bit of sanity he thought he still had to keep himself so composed that way.

"You can always refuse, of course," he finally replied, after he was a few steps ahead.

It wasn't long before he heard Andrew's footsteps behind him, and Neil bit his lip to hide his smile. He started to run his fingers through his hair, just in case, and saw when Andrew instinctively did the same. Once again Neil had to bite back a smile.

They walked to the interior of the theater and Neil checked the chat with Seth to know where they were all sitting before walking straight there, orienting himself by the signs scattered throughout the place. Andrew was following behind him, he could feel the blond's heavy gaze all over him, but he was _ totally _ fine with that.

When they walked to the free seats next to the rest of the people who were accompanying Neil, obviously some of them were watching their every step with curious eyes. Except for Seth and Cordelia, since they had something else on their faces that Neil didn’t bother analyzing further.

In silence they all were as Neil and Andrew sat and in silence they stayed until the beginning of the play, only Dan and Matt commenting something here or there between themselves.

The play's theme was to encourage the preservation of nature through a fantasy story apparently created by the students. Hayley was a witch who cursed everyone who disrespected the oceans and rivers. She was part of a group with three more sorcerers, and each protected different elements of the environment.

Although it wasn't really surprising, one thing Neil had to admit: Hayley was good at that. She acted very well for a six-year-old, honestly.

Aidan, on the other hand, was a rabbit who was the leader of a rebellion against industries and large companies that weren’t nature-friendly. Whenever he appeared on stage, he was jumping from side to side in the adorable white onesie with a little bunny tail attached to the back, and something that must be a tiara with two bunny ears on his head. It was fucking cute. He was also a good actor — although he sometimes said something like 'humans have no mercy on us so why should we have mercy on them?' with a  _ ginormous grin _ on his face — and, moreover, he acted naturally and fluidly on the stage.

It was nice that things didn't get awkward between them. Neil and Andrew, that is. It wasn't what Neil expected to happen, honestly, but he had heard enough stories about friendly relationships that got embarrassing after a kiss.

Or maybe their relationship wasn’t only friendly since the beginning and that was where the difference was.

That thought made Neil giggle and receive some strange looks from his friends. Not Andrew though. Andrew seemed to know exactly what it was about. And the fact that he didn't make a face or glare at Neil was really something.

_ So this is the direction in which I have to cross the line, _ he mused briefly before turning his attention completely to the stage where the children were still performing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, Mae is a transgender kid. yes, i'll protect him at all costs. that's it for now and see you again in the next chapter (updates happen every ten days). thank you very much for reading.
> 
> don't forget that authors love kudos and comments. please let me know what you think of everything so far?
> 
> (come tell me hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/) and you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/moon020310) if you want and help support me)


	15. Don't be afraid, stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i missed kerejean lol

Andrew was fucking stressed and he needed a nap really fucking badly. A cup of coffee, alcohol, or sparring would be just as good. All at the same time might be even better though. However, he didn’t have access to any of these things at the moment, so he just took a deep breath. 

He honestly was fed up, and right now playing dress-up games with Aidan while they sat at the kitchen counter was the only thing he could do to ease it.

At the moment they were trying on the clothes on a pastel green-haired character and choosing what they would buy for her, just so that, after spending all the game's money, they had to work in the game's small cafeteria to earn more money and buy more clothes.  _ Oh, capitalism... So absurd and innovative in its ways of spreading. _

Aidan was apparently finding it very alluring and distracting, and at some point, Andrew took the hint that, in fact, Aidan wouldn’t accept any of the outfit ideas he gave, no matter how much he insisted.

That was ok, though. They weren’t alone anyway.

Kevin was sitting on the stool across the counter, with Jeremy standing between his legs and Jean eventually stopping beside them when he wasn't moving around the kitchen to continue whatever he was cooking. They were at Andrew's apartment and Andrew hated other people fiddling with his stuff, but he was also running out of patience to prepare a meal himself, plus he supposed that if that invasion and meddling were limited only to the kitchen, he could grant that once-in-a-lifetime pass to Jean. For now.

Andrew was too busy mentally cursing all the people he worked with — except, perhaps, Kenton; Kenton used to buy sweets for Andrew in some flirtation attempt that Andrew had always turned a blind eye on, and he intended to continue doing so for as long as it would give him free desserts — for being a bunch of shitbags and assholes.

Working as a software engineer, it was part of Andrew's job to determine the software needs of the platform in question for which he had been hired, and to recommend software upgrades for existing systems or applications according to what he judged to be appropriate, you know, considering that _this was his area of study and work,_ for which he had spent _years_ of his life devoting himself to — and still does nowadays, by the way. But, well, he couldn’t do his fucking job if his superiors were a bunch of dicks that wouldn't fucking listen to him and just continue to be their usual jerk selves. 

_ Bunch of nincompoops, _ Andrew thought, mentally rolling his eyes,  _ don't listen to me, then, but when your system sucks, I'm not the one you're going to blame. _

He took a deep breath and swallowed hard to focus on maintaining his expression as neutral as possible. 

_ Like it or not, this is the job that helps me stay stable and comfortable enough with my son, so if this is the kind of crap I need to put up with, it will have to be. _

He was still angry though.

"Why is Moreau's food smelling like wine?" Andrew asked — or maybe he growled, but he wasn't going to confirm that.

"Because it's beef tenderloin medallions with madeira wine sauce," Jean replied, not much sparing a glance at Andrew or diverting his attention from the stove where he was preparing the food in question.

"And that's good?"

"It's very good, especially when it's Jean who cooks it," Jeremy replied, with his never-ending-smile.

"And can Kevin eat this?" Andrew raised an eyebrow.

Kevin sighed. "Judging by how long I have been with the two of them as partners and how long my sobriety is going on, I hoped you already knew the answer to that question."

"No, I don't know."

“The wine’s alcohol cooks off during heating and therefore it will not have a chemical effect on me when I eat. Of course, alcohol doesn't always cook off completely, because the alcohol retention in food depends on the method in which it's cooked and the type and amount of alcohol used, which is why Jean always makes his wood sauce with less wine than the recipe asks, just in case.”

"Besides," Jean said this time, "I'm cooking for a child too," he gestured in Aidan's general direction, who was sitting on Andrew's lap, "so it's obvious that I'm being careful."

“I know the physics and chemical properties of alcohol, but what if the wine is a trigger for Kevin? Like, the taste or, I don't know, the _idea_ of consuming it,” Andrew was still not entirely convinced.

“I'm not gonna lie, at first it really could've been something that would've affected me, but four years into sobriety later, I made my peace with it. Now I'm completely ok, really. You can trust me,” Kevin made his best ‘I'm being honest’ expression.

Andrew shrugged. If he said so, then that’s it.

"Hey, little guy," Jeremy called for Aidan. "Do you have anything new for us?"

"Yes. I would like to know when the three of you are getting married,” the little boy asked.

Honestly, Jean and Jeremy did a great job of remaining calm. They didn't change their facial expressions or poses for even a millisecond.

Kevin, on the other hand...

_ "What? _ Why marriage? Why do you want us to get married?” He asked, blinking fast and exaggerated and tightening his arms around Jeremy.

“Because I want to dress like a princess at your wedding. And I want you to have a wedding in the forest, full of flowers, magical decorations, and a giant castle right in the middle, where a fairy godmother will celebrate everything.”

"But why do _we_ have to be the ones to get married?" Kevin seemed no less startled by the idea. In the background, Jean was trying to hide his laughter from him.

"Who else would it be, if not you?" Aidan pushed away Andrew's phone he was using to play, which meant he was about to be more dedicated to paying attention to the conversation and, furthermore, that he was really dedicated to marrying some people if it meant he could participate in a  _ magical ceremony. _

"How about Andrew?"

Andrew hoped, from the bottom of his stone heart, that the look he was giving Kevin right now could miraculously set the other man on fire and burn him into ashes. 

Now, not only Jean but Jeremy was also biting back his laughter.

"Well, we're already working on it, but it probably will take a lot of time..." Aidan said as if it was no big deal and nodding conspiratorially.

Why,  _ that _ caught Andrew's attention.

He looked quickly at his son before cautiously choosing a question,  _ "We?" _

"I can't say anything, it's a secret," Aidan gestured as if he zipped his mouth shut and threw the key away.

"But it's about me."

"It remains a secret."

Andrew sighed. He wasn't going to get any information from Aidan, so the best thing was to put it aside and hope it was nothing.  _ Not that was likely true, anyway. _

"Well Aidan, if we ever think about the idea of a wedding, you'll be the first to know," Jeremy grinned and used a very sweet tone as he spoke.

“Thank you ‘eremy!”

It went unspoken that polyamorous relationships were not legally recognized and, therefore, the three of them were currently impossible to have a marriage within and recognized by law, which, consequently, made it difficult for them to have a marriage at all.

"Uh, the food should be ready in no time, so I recommend you to start setting the table," Jean warned, approaching behind Kevin, who still looked a little shaken, and ruffling his hair.

As the others moved to organize things, Andrew stayed where he was and watched Aidan start playing on his phone again.

"Why are you guys here anyway?" Andrew asked.

From the dining room where he was setting the table with Jeremy, Kevin replied, “Because you always have expensive and fancy foods. Different types of cheese, salami, mushrooms, coffee beans, meats, and et cetera. And you also have great sets of cookware and cooking utensils in general.”

"Well, yeah, one would think this is for  _ my  _ use, you know, at  _ my _ place, for  _ me  _ and  _ my child _ ."

_ “No, _ we didn't come for  _ that,” _ they both came into the kitchen again when Jeremy was speaking and glaring at Kevin, “We came because we're gonna be taking Aidan to the movies,  _ which you already know, _ so we thought we might as well come a little early and spend some time here.”

And yeah, Andrew knew. They had suggested a few times that the three of them should take Aidan out sometime, but Andrew had been blatantly ignoring them until Aidan came himself to ask Andrew to accept it, and then he had no way to deny it when his son was the one asking.

At least, hopefully, he could take a nap and sleep away from his stress when they went out.

“Anyway, let me know next time. I don't like receiving guests without my prior knowledge,” Andrew directed a cold alert look at them.

There were a few moments of silence when he thought the three of them were absorbing his words and then the lock on the front door made a noise. It didn't seem like a noise to indicate break-in, or that someone was picking at the lock. It was just the easy sliding of the key, then the lock clicking, and, finally, the door opening.

“Andrew! We are here!" Hayley's voice, unmistakable at this point, was carried into the kitchen and immediately caught Aidan’s attention, who nearly threw the phone across the room.

"Hi, Aylee!" He shouted back.

Andrew sighed, already annoyed. Not at the girl nor his son, obviously. Hayley certainly didn't come to his apartment, found the spare key, and opened the door all alone, and that left only an  _ extremely small _ variety of alternatives that Andrew didn't like at all to how that happened.

As soon as a few seconds passed and both Hayley and Neil appeared at the kitchen door, he hated to be right. 

_ Oh, well, I hate it here. _

_"Be honest with me, you waited until I said that to make a dramatic entrance, didn't you?"_ Andrew asked Neil in German.

"I believe I do not know what you are talking about," and he really looked confused as he answered. And oh, he also seemed to be possessed by some very, oh so British spirit, according to the strong accent he was wearing at that very moment.  _ What the fuck, _ Andrew thought. “Anyway. Hello, mates, how are you keeping?”

“Hi, Neenee, we’re fine. We’re waiting for Jeje to finish making lunch,” Aidan replied, smiling and wiggling his way out of his father's lap. Once on the floor, he ran over to Hayley, took her hand and pulled as he said, "Come on, let me introduce you to my house!"

With that, they disappeared down the hall without saying another word.

"Uh, alright then..." Neil looked puzzled, or embarrassed. Maybe both. He stood under the threshold of the door as if he didn't know what to do now, unabashedly not looking at Andrew.

"Oh, Neil, I know we don't have that much contact, but I didn't realize before that you’re British,"  _ forever-the-savior _ Jeremy tried to start a conversation. He was now almost sitting on Kevin's lap, who was hiding his face at the back of his partner's neck, and with an arm entwined with Jean's, who had appeared next to them at the counter. Andrew almost threw up.

“I'm not British, but my mum and her family are. I think spending almost my entire life with her and then having contact only with the maternal side of my family ended up providing me an accent and some habits as a consequence. But this is not something that happens often, in fact. It’s mostly when I’m tired or very stressed or excited,” Neil approached slowly as he spoke, stopping awkwardly while standing on the vacant side of the counter.  _ Well, thank god that's not a frequent thing, because fuck me if I'm going to be this thirsty over an accent, _ Andrew complained mentally. 

"You  _ do _ look like you haven't slept in days," was what he said, however, after assessing Neil quickly.

"I'm bloody knackered, indeed," he nodded. "Uh, I don't want to bother you all, so I can go—"

"You're not bothering anyone,"  _ Jean _ interrupted him mid-sentence to reply, even if that house was, well,  _ Andrew’s. _ "Even though Minyard didn't tell us about your coming, I always make too much food, so it's better that you're here because there'll be less leftover."

"Honestly, I didn't know he was coming, either," Andrew shrugged.

They were silent, and it was very easy to recognize the expectant look on Kevin's face, but Andrew ignored it just as easily. He honestly didn't think he deserved whatever that expression in Kevin’s face was doing right now.

But, of course, and eventually, Kevin blurted out, “So what then? Aren't you going to complain about him too?” And he signaled in Neil's direction.

“Look, in my self-defense he said some time ago that I could use the spare key if I wanted to, just as he knows he can use the one in my house. And I texted earlier asking if he would be busy today, which he answered with a no,” Neil raised his hands in the air as if it were a sign of surrender.

"I suppose I did," Andrew replied flatly.

"But he changed the spare key’s place," Kevin frowned.

“Indeed, but he told me where the new place is,” Neil shrugged.

Silence again. Andrew didn't like one bit of the look on Kevin's face, and he challenged him with his own eyes to say anything about it. Apparently, he took the hint, if his silence said anything.

"If we're all done, the food is ready," Jean announced, from the stove.

Jeremy pulled away from Kevin's embrace, kissed both of his boyfriends, and headed off toward where the kids had gone. "I'm gonna call the little ones and I'll be right back," he said.

It took some time for them all to settle in the dining room, especially with two children complaining that they wanted to play, not eat, but eventually they did just as the adults told. Andrew and Neil were still awkward around each other, but they ended up sitting side by side at the table, with Hayley and Aidan at each end and the three musketeers cramped across from them. 

They hadn't dealt or talked about how to act in front of their kids or other people, even if they had been sneaking kisses here and there when they could ever since the school play, and that was showing up now. _ Damn, that felt awkward. _

Also, Andrew was finding it increasingly difficult to deal with British Neil™ rationally, which he honestly found ridiculous. He never thought he had a voice kink or anything, but here he was. With his body having reactions  _ no one asked for _ at  _ really inappropriate  _ moments. Fuck his life. 

And even more, if the last few weeks had taught him something, it was that Neil Josten was a threat to Andrew Minyard. A complete and inexplicable _ threat _ . 

"Um, Neil, the three of us are going to take Aidan to the movies, maybe we could take Hayley too?" Jeremy grinned politely as he chewed his food and looked at Neil. "We had so much fun with her last time."

"Yes, Eil, I want to go!" Hayley bounced in her seat.

“Alright. I'll go along, so the work is not all up to you,” Neil hid a yawn at the end of the sentence.

Against all odds, Andrew said, in German, _"No, you won’t."_

"I beg your pardon?" he frowned a little and tilted his head. The others at the table didn’t understand what Andrew had said and were certainly curious about Neil's reaction, who didn’t bother to change the language.

_ "You said yourself that you’re tired, so use this opportunity to rest for a few hours." _

_ “I don't want to give anyone extra work. And I'm fine,”  now _ he chose to use German as well.

_ "Yeah, or you could wait here until the three  totally spies come back with the kids, and have the whole afternoon to fucking get your head together." _

_ "Why do you care about that?" _

Andrew was silent for a few beats, cutting the meat on Aidan's plate into even smaller pieces. _“I understand that life is usually stressful shit, and sometimes it seems easier or faster to do everything at once instead of taking it easy. Well, regardless of how you decide to proceed with your tasks, you’ll probably achieve the goal anyway. But,”_ Andrew took a minute of silence and narrowly choked himself right there because he was really about to repeat the same words Neil once said to him, _“But until then, you are still a human being with basic needs. And you should take that into account."_

And, of course, after needing a few minutes to probably make sure he heard it right, Neil grinned.

“Alright. Hayley may go with you if that’s fine, and I will wait for her here,” he said, back in English.

Jean nodded, "I'm sure it‘ll be okay, she is a very lovely kid."

The rest of the lunch passed with Neil praising the food and talking to Jeremy and Jean while Kevin made occasional appearances in their conversation, with Aidan and Hayley starting to sing the opening of some cartoon — prompted by god knows what —, and with Andrew just listening to everything.

"Guys, did you know that it's almost my birthday?" Hayley said, pretending like someone who has no interest  _ at all  _ in what she just said — which children do a lot when they  _ definitely want something. _

“Is it? What is the date?" Jean put the best genuine look on his face and turned to her as he spoke.

"August twenty-seventh," she proudly replied as she swallowed the food piled on her fork.

“It's in just over a month, isn't it? Do you already know what you’re going to do on the date?” Jean asked after swallowing his food and dabbing the napkin on his lips.

"I still have no idea, but I know Eil is going to think of something good."

"Oh?" Neil looked up from his food. "Am I?"

"You better be."

"Well, then I suppose I am," he pursed his lips in a tight line and frowned.

"How old will you become, Hayley?" Jeremy asked, obviously smiling.

“She will be seven years old! Like me, because we’re fraternal twins. Kevin taught me what it means,” Aidan announced excitedly.

"Are you now?" Jeremy seemed surprised but  _ oh so very pleased. _ Andrew narrowed his eyes at that. That look never led to anything good.

"Yes, I’m also seven this year," he held up seven fingers to show.

"How nice of you two."

Obviously, no one said that they couldn't, possibly or impossibly, be fraternal twins, because they didn't even have their birthdays in the same  _ month, _ let alone the same day. Besides  _ everything else  _ that would be deemed necessary to have a twin. Like having the same biological parents for one.

But, well, those were just details, weren't they?

_ Kids,  _ Andrew rolled his eyes mentally.

"By the way, how was the play that you two performed?" Kevin asked as he cut his food.

“Weren't you there watching?” Neil asked after he finished chewing and swallowing.

"No."

"Ah, sorry mate, I thought all the school staff had attended."

“I mean, I could have gone. But it was only really mandatory for those who were participating in the organization, and as that wasn’t the case for me, I didn't go,” Kevin shrugged.

That was an excuse enough for both children to start talking nonstop about their roles in the play and the full story as a whole. Aidan said that he liked his outfit so much that he started trying to use it to do anything else in his life — not a lie, Andrew could confirm. He also said that most of the story had been written by Hayley — which Neil apparently didn’t know if his surprised face said anything — and in response, the girl blushed and started to say that it was no big deal and that everyone had helped. Aidan didn’t let that be hold truth though, and profusely enforced her role as the leader of the play. After that, Hayley only smiled proudly at her food and then changed the subject.

Hayley chatted excitedly about her neighbor, Cordelia, who had dyed the little girl's hair blue for the play and said that she now knew a hair dye that worked without needing to bleach. And of  _ fucking _ course, that caught Aidan's attention. Andrew prepared himself mentally for his son’s pestering through the next few weeks for lavender, or maybe baby blue dye.

Having Neil there was easier than Andrew thought, which in itself was a terrible thing. Neil had an almost easy small talk with other people, rather than the strange silence that Andrew always provoked or the annoying questions just for the sake of saying something, anything.

And, even more to Andrew's horror, he admitted — at least to himself, and no one else;  _ ever _ — that he could easily get used to it. It was ok, as far as he could tell.

Anyway, when everyone finished eating, Neil was cleaning the table while Andrew was going to close the door after Kevin, Jean and Jeremy left with Aidan and Hayley — well, actually not exactly in that order; between that Andrew and Neil gave the throuple a long lecture on how to take care of children and all that parental shit, and they only stopped when they thought the three men had understood.

Andrew returned to the dining room only to find that Neil had already cleared everything off the table and was doing some dishes in the sink. So, being the great and polite host he was, Andrew fetched a cloth and began to dry and store everything as Neil finished washing.

They did the task pretty much quietly and effectively.

"What aroused you to come here today?" The blonde asked, eventually, when Neil was done.

The latter smirked and came closer to say, “Don’t you know already?”

"No, I think you're gonna have to clarify for me," Andrew leaned his hip on the balcony beside the sink, where Neil was drying his hands.

"Well, there is this bloke I know who is a wanker, but also so bloody _ravishing_ , so it’s very worth it to be around him sometimes. That is what _aroused_ _me_ to come," he came a little more closer as he spoke, and Andrew had to hold himself steady in place. 

That  _ fucking  _ accent was doing  _ things  _ to him.

"Mmhm," he walked away to put in place the cutlery he had in his hand. “There's a bottle of wine already open in the refrigerator, take it and wait for me in the living room. I’ll take the glasses.”

"Yes, sir," Neil chuckled and did as requested.

Andrew rolled his eyes and took his sweet time before going after him. He was way too self-aware that they were alone and, also, that the other man was  _ tired. _ He preferred to focus on the last part rather than the first. It was for the sake of his sanity, after all.

When Andrew came into the room, Neil was sitting on the couch, looking at his phone with one leg crossed over the other.

“What happened that made you tired to the point of acquiring a British accent, but not of thinking about maybe  _ getting some sleep?" _ Andrew asked as he poured two glasses of wine and handed one to Neil.

"You really are pampering me with all this wine, aren't you, dear?" Neil giggled, and sighed before continuing, “Well, I am working on a project now and my boss is a cunt. In fact, the entire team is a bunch of arseholes,” he replied as he carefully held his glass and brought it closer to his chest. "So it may be the chaos theory’s fault."

"How the hell is the chaos theory to blame?"

"Do you know what that is?"

"Of course I know," Andrew wrinkled his nose. "Do  _ you _ know what that is?"

Neil made a dismissive gesture with his free hand, as if that were an idiotic question, “Chaos theory deals with complex and dynamic systems that are strictly deterministic, but which present a fundamental phenomenon of instability called sensitivity to initial conditions that, modulating a property recurrence, makes them unpredictable in practice in the long run. Or, in simpler words, this theory says that  _ insignificant _ changes at the beginning of a given event can generate  _ profound changes _ in the future, which would make the system chaotic and impossible to predict. This theory is related, for example, to changes in the financial market, climate change, and population growth.”

“Mm,”  _ fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck— _ Andrew could see the appeal in hearing someone  you don't  _ completely _ hate saying difficult words or explaining something interesting in a  _ British accent  _ “I see...”

"Yeah. I like mathematics and knowing about random things, so I master this subject,” Neil took a sip of the wine, distractedly looking at somewhere beyond Andrew's shoulder. “Although I must admit that I first found out about chaos theory because Allison forced me to see that movie,  _ The Butterfly Effect.  _ She was obsessed with Ashton Kutcher at the time and wanted to see every single thing that involved him. Anyway, the name of the film is self-explanatory. It talks about the butterfly eff—”

"Neil," Andrew called, staring at the other man, because  _ fuck. How could he not? _

"Yes?" Finally, Neil focused on Andrew's face again, blinking and totally oblivious to what all that  _ ramble _ was doing to Andrew. Fucking aggravating, really.

Andrew took a deep breath.

"Come here," he asked and took the two glasses to set them on the coffee table as Neil approached. He rearranged their positions for Andrew to sit cross-legged in the space between Neil's now outstretched and spread legs, and then the blonde looked deep into his blue eyes and saw when realization dawned on them, along with a smirk.

"Is there something bothering you, darling?" His face was full of mirth.

"Many things. Yes or no?"

"Yes," Neil smiled. "Can I touch your face?"

"Yes."

Andrew held Neil's hips on either side and leaned forward to kiss him on the mouth. He tasted the red wine they were drinking on the other man's lips and reveled in Neil's little gasp when Andrew ran his tongue to chase the flavor. The auburn-haired man cupped Andrew's face and held it carefully while he moved a little to allow the kiss to deepen.

They kissed carefully and slowly, slowly introducing their tongues until they were swirling softly, deliciously, inside each other's mouths. Andrew briefly thought he could kiss Neil's British accent out of his mouth, but then he rethought,  _ do I  _ **_really_ ** _ want to do this? _ And when the answer was negative, he just pressed his hands tighter against Neil's skin and kissed him harder.

Andrew cornered Neil against the backrest of the sofa and slid his own hands to his waist. The response was immediate and Neil instinctively bit Andrew's lip.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he assessed the blonde's face for signs of irritation, but Andrew knew he wouldn't find any.

"For?"

Neil hummed and smiled when he kissed Andrew once again. The mouths of both of them were fierce enough to hurt their lips if they weren't careful, but that wasn't a concern in Andrew's mind. Not when all his guts were turning upside down.

Neil's slender fingers made their way slowly up to Andrew's hair, grabbed the strands, and tugged just enough to snap their mouths apart and lift Andrew's head. Neil spread kisses around the corner of his mouth, his chin, his jaw, and his throat, being careful and taking a little longer in each one. When Andrew shivered, Neil smiled and looked up at him.

"You good, darling?" He asked.

“Ugh, those goddamn pet names. What's your problem with my name?” Andrew looked down to meet the blue eyes.

Neil sighed and rested his head on Andrew's shoulder, facing his neck. "I think your name holds too much weight, and it scares me."

"What?" He frowned, definitely curious, and squinted. 

That was  _ not  _ what he had been expecting.

"Oh, well," Neil's face was starting to blush, "I’m afraid that if I call you by your name, you will realize how much bloody affection I really impose on that name and so, on you. And then you will know how much I really like you.”

Andrew thought he might as well be blushing too, but that was a too ridiculous thought to conceive. He was fucking taken aback and unresponsive, but that was just as ridiculous. In the end, he opted for being just startled and as considerate as possible.

"Weren't you  _ knackered, _ Josten?" He asked, clearing his throat.

"I guess," Neil shifted on Andrew's shoulder, getting more comfortable. "Can I just sleep here on your shoulder?"

"I don't have support for my back, and I don't want it to be hurting afterward."

"Oi, Andrew, we just have to change positions,” his voice was gradually more subdued.

Andrew grunted and pulled away abruptly, causing Neil's head to lose support, and consequently, he almost fell. However, he sat beside the auburn-haired man and turned on the TV, not saying a word to stop when Neil merely laid his head on his shoulder again.

“Thank you. I'm going to take a kip, but I'm saving all your kisses for later,” he said and straightened up just a little to kiss Andrew on the cheek. "Keep only this for now."

Andrew barely refrained from coughing desperately in surprise. Barely. "Fucking sleep already, Josten."

"Mmhm."

And he took that as an order. The next thing Andrew saw Neil was sound asleep in no time at all.

He pretended to be watching the damn TV but he was, actually, way too careful not to drop Neil whenever he shifted slightly.

_ Oh, Lord, is this the rock bottom? _ He lamented, before leaning his head on the back of the sofa and taking a deep breath dramatically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it for now and see you again in the next chapter (updates happen every ten days). thank you very much for reading.
> 
> don't forget that authors love kudos and comments. please let me know what you think of everything so far?
> 
> (come tell me hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/) and you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/moon020310) if you want and help support me)


	16. Save me from the monsters in my head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (small cw: neil doubting his abilities as a parent/insecurity. let me know if there is more)

For the month that followed after the day Neil accidentally slept in Andrew's arms and was surprised to wake up and still be lying on him with his head on a pillow on his lap instead of his shoulder, they fell into a come and go loop.

They would meet quickly when picking up or dropping off their children at school. They would arrange to meet during each other's lunch hours — they even _changed_ their lunch hours to match, if the two had been working at the same time on the same day. They would call each other at night after they put the children to sleep… Usually common things like that.

In general, the two worked it out as it was easier. They never had that much time to see each other but it was better than nothing, and the phone calls usually covered the rest.

One day Andrew traveled over the weekend to a nearby town to attend a company event, and he took Aidan with him because he didn't want to leave his son alone if it was possible to take him along. The same day he called Neil and desperately — as much as possible for Andrew, at least — asked him to help Aidan choose an outfit. Neil had to restrain himself from laughing, but a small giggle still escaped him in the face of Andrew's inability to deal with anything that wasn't completely black and-slash-or gray.

On another day, Neil was the one who called Andrew to rant about why he thought he should have gone to work as a lion feeder at an animal sanctuary in Africa instead of working with foreign commerce because surely lions would be less violent than humans. Andrew listened to him in silence — except for the occasional snorts Neil could hear — and in the end, of course, suggested violence. And to be completely honest, this time Neil was a little tempted to accept that.

Better yet, Hayley once stole Neil's phone and video called Andrew while running around the house so her dad wouldn't take the phone from her. She was in the garden when the blond answered.

"Andrew!" Hayley greeted, and although she was running she didn’t even seem tired. "Look at the frog I caught!"

She moved her other hand to the front of the phone screen and showed the little frog that was caught between her cautiously closed fist. At that moment, she also crossed the house fence and found Mae standing outside waiting for her. She stopped running then.

_ "Um, this is a nice frog you have there," _ Andrew replied, narrowing his eyes on the other end of the call.

"Hayley, be careful or you're going to squeeze the baby," Mae pouted.

“Oop, sorry. The little frog is fine,” she smiled apologetically. “Andrew, this is Mae, he’s my friend and neighbor. Mae, this is Andrew. I don't know what, but he's Eil’s... _something.”_

"They aren’t friends?"

"It's complicated, we'll talk about it later," Hayley shrugged as if she was talking about two kids misbehaving instead of two adults — Andrew and Neil, that is.

_ "Do you mind including me in the conversation, perhaps?" _ Andrew frowned.

Hayley was just shaking her head when Neil appeared on the sidewalk and looked at her with his eyebrows reaching his hairline.

"Hayley, oh my god, what was that?" He asked, looking exasperated and watching his daughter with wide eyes.

"I told you that I’m faster than you, and I proved it by escaping without getting caught," she bragged.

"Duh, I was just getting out of the shower when you ran, it wasn't like I was going to immediately start a chase," he snorted and thought about how he had actually participated in some chasings in far worse situations. "What did you want my phone for, anyway?"

Neil reached out to take the device from her and, to his surprise, Hayley gave it without any resistance.

"I just wanted to show Andrew the frog," she smiled mischievously, looking at her father and then at Mae.

This put Neil into motion and he quickly turned his attention to his phone, seeing that, indeed, Andrew was looking back at him through the screen with his usual serious expression and just a little sparkle of amusement in his eyes.

_ “Good morning, Josten. Have you seen your daughter's frog?” _ He asked.

Neil rolled his eyes without any heat and sighed. “Alright. Let's go inside the house, shall we? Without running, escaping or anything like that. I’ll let you show me the frog and tell me anything you want about it as soon as we are safe inside a closed residence.”

And Andrew didn't hang up the phone even when he had to just be silent listening to Hayley and Mae speak for quite a long time. Eventually, the little girl asked where Aidan was, and the blond replied that he was sleeping because he had attended a classical ballet class with Jeremy and had come home tired beyond himself.

So, yeah, most of their days had been like that ever since.

Even though they didn't exactly name what was that between them — _'There's no us,'_ Andrew had said at some point, although he was promptly silenced by Neil humming low and kissing his neck slowly —, Neil liked to enjoy and appreciate every moment of minimal intimacy between them.

It felt good and made Neil feel comfortable and bubbling up in a positive way. He couldn't help but think that they were building something in calm, careful steps. He liked that.

So, the day he invited Aidan to Hayley's birthday, he also sent Andrew a _‘You should come along, too.’_

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ Missing me already? _

**_You:_ ** _ Honestly? Yes. _

The message was seen immediately, but the answer didn’t arrive until late that night, many hours later.

**_Cutie Pie:_ ** _ 145% _

Neil smiled at the phone screen and felt his chest heat up with too many things at the same time. For two minutes he even managed to forget that he was voluntarily allowing multiple children to be under his responsibility for a birthday party without many adults to look after them besides Neil and any other charitable soul who wanted to help him.

For a few minutes, he just laid on his bed like a starfish and hugged his phone to his chest, grinning and almost listening to his mental voice calling him a sappy idiot — which, he must admit, is not entirely wrong.

It took hours and a lot of shifting in bed until he finally fell asleep for good. When he woke up, he couldn’t remember well, but Neil thought he may have dreamed of warm skin, touches, hair of an almost ethereal blond that could also be golden in the right light, and whispered affirmations from side to side.

~

"Seth, I'm not gonna talk to you for two days," Hayley said, decidedly, sitting in her seat in the back of the car.

Neil was driving to the place he had rented specifically for his daughter's birthday, because not even over his dead body he was going to put multiple messy kids inside his house so he would end up with broken furniture or an impossible mess to solve. Cordelia was in the backseat with Hayley, listening to the entire call going through the car's speaker.

_ “But, little one, why? I'm still your buddy,” _ Seth's voice spread through the speakers inside the vehicle.

“Today is my birthday, Seth, and you’re not here. This is not a buddy thing to do,” she replied, sounding a little cold, which Neil knew indicated that she was genuinely hurt by this but didn't want to let it show.

_ "I know, I know. And I'm so sorry for that, Hayley. All I wanted the most was to be with you now, but I need to work too. How am I going to buy your gift if I don't work?” _

"I don't want a gift though, I wish you were here."

_ "I know," _ Seth sighed, sounding disappointed probably with himself.

"But I'm not mad,  _ issokay." _

Neil looked through the rearview mirror and Hayley had her head down, playing with the seat belt straps on her seat. His chest tightened, but he knew there was nothing that could be done, really. Seth extended his stay as long as possible, but he needed to go back to work eventually, as he had said.

_ "I'm sorry again, anklebiter," _ Seth whispered.

"Hayley, if your dad allows it, I'll take you to Seth's town the next time I get a break from work, how about it?" Cordelia suggested, trying to sound encouraging.

_ “This is a great idea, Delia! You are an angel, and you should definitely do that,” _ Seth's excitement increased by at least three decibels.  _ “Here where I live there is such a nice water park, and also a square where people can feed pigeons and other animals that are walking around. You would love everything.” _

“I'm sure that would be a lot of fun, but it's also complicated. I think we need to discuss this idea better before reaching any conclusions, yes?” Neil replied.

Cordelia, Seth and Hayley all growled at the same time and in unison. They quickly filled the rest of the way with small talk, and a little later Hayley was laughing out loud at something Seth had said.

Neil knew that, deep down, she would probably still be a little shaken by his absence from the party, and so he would try his best to make up for it with some distraction.

The place Neil had rented was a small country house on the outskirts of the city but not too far away. It had two swimming pools, a barbecue area, and a spacious lawn. He thought it should be enough to entertain the kids — he was hoping for it.

Naturally, they were the first to arrive, as they still had to check that everything was in place and organized for the party, and Hayley barely finished getting out of the car before running towards the lawn and lying down with all limbs stretched out and eyes closed.

“Hayley! You’re gonna fill your hair with animal shit and fuck up the hairstyle I did!” Cordelia ran after her.

"Hey, no bad words," Neil warned, just before sighing and coming face to face with the mess he would have to unload from the car trunk. "Delia, let Hayley lie on the grass and help me with these things here."

"But her hair—"

"It will be great anyway, come already."

Cordelia muttered all her way back to the car and continued to do so while she grabbed some boxes to take to the table where they were going to put the balloons and lay out the sweets. They discussed how to organize the decorations for that table, mainly how it would be better and more aesthetically pleasing, only to, in the end, decide how to do it with heads and tails.

Hayley remained fully and steadily in the same position lying on the grass, eventually starting to scream the words to some song she knew while Neil and Cordelia ran around making sure everything was ready for the party.

They were about to finish the process of placing the few balloons around when a car approached the driveway and as it stopped, Dan got out of it with the cake and a huge smile on her face.

"Hello, babies," she greeted. “Here, I fetched the cake as you asked, Neil. And, wow, I hope it tastes as good as it looks.”

Neil nodded and asked Cordelia to take the cake from Dan and put it on the table because he didn't trust his luck and motor skills.

“You are so lucky to have me, Josten. I honestly don't know what you would be without my illustrious person,” she said, squinting at him.

"I know, Delia, and you're completely right," Neil nodded and looked at Matt, who had just finished parking the car and was walking to them, and Dan. "Are you two gonna stay?"

“Of course, little guy. If I don’t stay, who else will take care of the barbecue?” Matt opened his sincere, toothy smile.

"Or who's gonna take care of _you_ when you have the first breakdown because of the kids," Dan snorted. "Children's parties are hell—  _ Mikael Wilds you better not fall into this pool because I guarantee our house is way too far to get you dry clothes." _

Everyone turned their heads in time to see the boy sneak away from the pool and walk to the lawn where Hayley was laid down.

"I, um, will take the cover to put over the bigger pool and leave only the smallest one uncovered," Neil said hastily.

“I'm going with you to start preparing the barbecue. Come over there later, Boyd,” Cordelia raised her eyebrows at the man in question, and he nodded.

She turned her back to leave and Matt sighed when she was far enough, "Man, that woman scares me."

Neil frowned and gave a short, nasal laugh.

"Does she?" He asked.

"She looks like she could beat my ass," Matt opened his eyes wide.

"She doesn't scare me, but she makes me double-check if I'm seeing a real person or a robot designed to look perfect," Dan stood with her arms crossed, watching Cordelia as she walked with her back to them.

Neil blinked a few times and smiled because maybe he could see the appeal the couple was seeing, but even so, Cordelia was still just the sweet, angelic friend who helped him through much of his acceptance and beginning of his transition — yes, they had known each other for that long; it was no accident that they were neighbors, by the way —, since she was one of the first trans people he met and and, also, she had an extended hand to help him.

"I think she would be more than available if you need a third one," Neil had a shit-eating grin on his face, but he wasn't exactly kidding.

"This is something to think about," Dan nodded. "But not now, now you should be concerned with the crowd of children that you’ll have to deal with."

“It’s not a  _ crowd. _ Only seven or eight children plus Hayley.”

"And that's more than enough," she patted his shoulder.

While Dan and Matt went after Cordelia, Neil sighed, took a deep breath and went on to get the pool cover. He had to finish organizing everything before thinking about children, otherwise, he would panic very soon and for something that couldn’t be avoided. Not now anyways. It was too late for that.

He covered the pool, setted the table with snacks, separated tables for children and adults who decided to attend — ie, the ones Neil had dearly asked to attend in order not to let him die early and alone —, checked if there was enough food, and only calmed down when he was gently forced to by Renee, who had arrived at some point and said that the best way to keep an eye on the children was if he would sit down too instead of walking around like a dizzy cockroach. Neil accepted, but only because Renee was never wrong, and everybody knew that.

He arrived at the table to see Allison sitting holding Conan in her lap and talking enthusiastically to everyone. Neil focused on that instead of the sound of children screaming while playing who knows what — at least all the kids were gathered together and playing together in the same place, rather than scattered everywhere. He allowed himself to sit for exactly five minutes just to listen to Allison and Renee talking about how well they were getting used to the tiresome routine of looking after a six-week-old child. Dan asked questions and played with Conan in the silly way that Neil has only ever seen her using with children.

Neil took a quick peek and watched from the peripheral vision as the children scattered across the lawn, Hayley shooting like an arrow and being followed immediately by Mae. He bit the inside of his mouth imagining horrible scenarios where one of those kids would fall on the floor and scratch their knee or any other part of their body, and he would get a lecture from some angry mother. Or else, the kids could start fighting for any stupid reason to why children fight and he wouldn't know what to do to stop it.

_ I will definitely never host a birthday party again, _ Neil thought, sighing mentally. They were doing so well for all those years when they celebrated at home without many children included, besides Mikael and Hayley herself. It was astronomically easier than that. Or maybe Neil was overreacting, but it was still stressful nonetheless.

"Hey, hello, are you there?" A person snapping his fingers in front of his face captured Neil's attention.

He immediately looked at the table and did a quick check for any excuse to cover up his zoning out.

"Ah, I was just wondering if any of you want more juice, because there are a lot of empty glasses here," he tried to smile but is almost sure that the resulting image was bizarre.

And Neil didn’t give anyone time to say anything, he just got up from the table murmuring that he was going to get a jar of juice and then come back, and walked to the kitchen inside the country house — which he was keeping locked up to prevent the children breaking something inside the residence and the fear of that creating another headache for him.

He stood still for a few minutes near the kitchen bench, breathing and trying to calm his nerves because panicking now wouldn’t help and it would only get in the way. At times like this, he thought about why he overreacted so much with children, and then he blamed his parents for it. They made him fear that any step he was taking would be wrong and he would only hurt people, and especially children, who are mostly helpless. He hated it but he just couldn't help those types of thoughts invading his brain.

The only thing that got Neil out of this trance was because he saw, through the small kitchen window, a girl trying to reach the outside sink to wash her hands and failing. He swallowed hard to compose himself and walked quickly, locking the door behind him after leaving the house.

"Hey, let me help you with this," Neil said, as soon as he approached her, and turned on the tap.

"Thank you, Mr. Josten," she thanked him.

"You can call me Neil," he smiled a little, paying close attention to her washing her hands methodically. When the girl was done, she ran immediately, waving her hands and splashing water everywhere, "Don't run, or else you may fall."

It was in vain, though. She didn't hear him, and kept running as if there was no tomorrow. Neil sighed and turned off the tap, then immediately clinging to the sink and once again seeking some support that would calm down his body shaking with anxiety.

He breathed once, twice, three times, and clasped his hands around the marble under his fingers.  _ Get a grip, Josten, _ he repeated to himself, with his eyes closed,  _ you haven't ruined your daughter's birthday yet, but that's totally possible if you don't stop with this shit right now. _

"I thought they were kidding when they said you were having a breakdown around here," Neil heard someone say.

He startled a bit and turned just enough to see who it was, being surprised at the image of Andrew behind him, standing in place with both hands in his pockets and sunglasses pushed into his hair. He was looking at Neil intensely, looking not exactly waiting for an answer to what he had said but definitely ready to welcome if any of it came.

"Who said that?" Neil chose to ask.

"Your neighbor, Cordelia," Andrew shrugged.

"I see," he felt his cheeks flush, because Cordelia knew more than she probably should, and definitely more than the rest of the people at that table. "She is always so attentive and concerned for people, definitely a great friend."

"Are you trying to get away from it?"

"I don't know, is it working?"

"Not quite," Andrew's eyes held a serious expression. “Was she right, then? Are you here freaking the shit out of yourself?”

"Something like that, I guess."

Neil's arms twitched just a tiny bit but Andrew naturally saw that. The blond approached slowly and held out a hand towards the other man, asking, "May I?"

"Yes," Neil replied as he bit the inside of his mouth.

He braced himself for the touch of hands always warm on his skin and was pleased when one of Andrew's hands found the back of his neck and pressed forward a little. The weight was comforting in a way and managed to lull Neil enough for him to at least stop fidgeting. Andrew held him in place, close, but not much besides his hand currently touching Neil's skin.

"Do you need to take a deep breath?" The blond asked.

“Yes, I guess. I think I can do it myself though.”

Andrew only nodded and waited, still with his hand in the same place. Neil counted to four as he inhaled, held for two seconds, and then exhaled slowly. He repeated it again, again and again, feeling the hand tighten around his neck and quietly assure his mind.

Neil nodded when he thought he had already managed to stabilize his breathing and some of his thoughts.

"What's on your mind?" Andrew asked, still holding Neil's neck.

"I'm overthinking this whole birthday thing," he sighed.

"What's in here for you to overthink?"

"The fear of failing," Neil started chewing on his own lip, and Andrew reached the thumb of his free hand to free the flesh from the hard teeth. “What if Hayley doesn't like this? What if I accidentally, for example, ruin her birthday? She deserves the best, I know, but right now it seems so difficult. I'm just very self-aware of every little thing that can go wrong here and it's killing me.”

He had to take a deep breath after saying it all at once. Andrew was staring as if he was analyzing what to say, or measuring his words before they left his mouth.

“Josten, listen. Making mistakes doesn’t mean failing and being a good father doesn’t mean never making mistakes.  _ Everyone _ makes mistakes, and they don't necessarily mean the end of the world or the worst thing that could happen,” Andrew shrugged. “Even if—and that's just a possibility—even if something bad happens, Hayley can still have an excellent birthday party regardless of that, and you can still be a great father regardless of that. These shits happen,” he snorted. "Now stop making me give you advice because it sucks."

Neil couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his lips, and he held up a hand slowly enough for Andrew to stop him if he wanted to. When he didn't, Neil put that hand over Andrew's on his neck, intertwined their fingers together, and pulled both hands together into the space between their bodies.

"Thanks," Neil said. "I can still pass out at any time, I think, but thinking about what you said kinda helps."

“Mmhm. If you're gonna pass out, don't do it in front of my son.”

"Sure," he laughed. "Speaking of which, where is he?"

“He ran to meet that new friend of your daughter, Mae, as soon as we arrived. Aidan said that she talks a lot about him and he seems to be really cool.”

"Mae is an incredible boy. Probably one of the few Hayley's friends that I really like.”

Andrew snorted. "Are you out there hating children, Josten?"

"I don't  _ hate _ children," Neil rolled his eyes. “But some of her friends aren't cool, and I feel like they can be really mean to Hayley sometimes. I have that feeling.”

"Have you told her about it yet?"

"I mean, you don't tell a child that you think her friends are horrible people and she should probably abandon them all," he wrinkled his nose. “You probably don't say that to anyone, actually. But what I  _ can _ do is teach her what is right and what isn’t, and how people deserve to be treated. Maybe if she knows enough to identify toxic behavior on her own, it will be easier.”

"Is it working?"

"I can only hope so."

They both looked at Mae, Aidan, and Hayley talking together and remained silent for a long time. Their hands were still together and Neil's heart did a heavy  _ thump _ in his  _ stomach _ when he realized it. Andrew's fingers were loose and they didn't even hold Neil's back, but he wasn't pulling away either, and, well, that said a lot.

"I should go back to the table," the auburn-haired man said.

Andrew nodded and finally parted their hands in favor of dropping his sunglasses down to his face instead of on the top of his head. He was obviously  _ very handsome _ and Neil thanked all the deities he could remember when Andrew started walking in front of him and gave Neil the opportunity to watch him longer without him seeing —  _ nah, he probably knew that Neil was watching him, the truth being said. _

At the table, the conversation continued to be just as lively as before, and everyone clearly made some effort to remain indifferent to Neil and Andrew's arrival. Neil admired this even though it was totally noticeable what they were doing.

"Are you feeling better?" Cordelia asked as soon as he sat down next to her, checking him quickly from head to toe.

"I'm f—  _ great," _ he corrected himself when she directed a hard expression at him. For some reason, Cordelia hates when he says ‘I’m fine’. Neil wonders why. "Feeling totally refreshed and ready to live life."

"I thought you went out to fetch us juice," Allison waved her glass, holding Conan with the other arm.

"I did,” Neil nodded dumbly.  _ Shit. _

"And where's the juice?"

"I have no idea."

"Great customer service, little guy," she said wryly and laughed.

Andrew was sitting next to Renee — placing him directly in front of Neil at the table — and finally took his sunglasses completely off his face when the woman greeted him and they exchanged a small conversation through whispers.

When everyone returned to the conversation, Neil found that they had been talking — or rather,  _ instructing Allison and Renee _ — about children and travel. The best ways to entertain young children on long trips, what to do on trips that the child cannot go along when it was the best age to travel by plane, and the likes.

Neil listened and made occasional comments, laughing just like the others when Dan said that the difficulty when their family was going to fly was Matt rather than Mikael. Cordelia made a comment about not having to worry about it because she had no children besides Miss Squeeze, and Neil pretended to be offended when he asked her what Hayley was for her, then.

"She's the little girl that I love and can return to her father at any time," Cordelia smiled.

“Oh? I'll let her know of your  _ very kind _ opinion about her,” Neil raised his eyebrows and put his hand on his chest.

"Hayley knows that I love her," the woman bragged. "I promised her several tattoos when she was older, so she sure loves me more than she loves you."

Neil gasped. “If she starts to annoy me endlessly because of those tattoos, I'm gonna teach your ferret to only ever poop on your head. Save my words.”

Everyone at the table laughed, except Andrew, who was busy almost tearing every piece of Neil apart with his heavy gaze, and Cordelia rolled her eyes.

After that, Conan somehow ended up on Cordelia's lap and Allison was beside the two of them helping to hold the little boy. Everyone else was talking stupidly in that silly voice that’s only used with infants and toddlers. Near where Hayley and her friends were playing, some child screamed and it immediately startled Conan — and Neil who looked quickly only to find it was just a joke instead of something serious. The baby started to cry and made Renee laugh at Cordelia’s desperation while holding the crying child.

Everyone at the table was on a mission to calm the baby down when Neil felt something slip over his leg. He was  _ very quiet _ for the exact fifteen seconds it took him to reason that this was someone's foot, and then another five seconds to realize that the gesture was purposeful, and the last ten seconds to realize that it was  _ Andrew's _ foot.

Neil used each cell of his body not to look sharply at the blond across from him, but eventually he peeked,  _ discreetly. _ Andrew wasn't even looking at him, he was completely casually sitting in his chair, quiet as ever as he watched the chaos develop between the people at the table and the baby.

And Neil was full-on losing his mind because of a fucking foot sliding over his leg. He should be ashamed to be so worked up about it, but he couldn't. Because, well, he was busy  _ being so worked up about it. _

He sat still like an idiot looking at Andrew in a completely lost and helpless way, until Andrew looked back at him and he completely lose his shit because he’s pretty sure he saw the corners of Andrew’s mouths tug at a smirk and, most definitely, he felt his foot rise a little higher on Neil’s leg, up to his thigh and stop there.

Neil didn't like one bit of the consuming feeling in the pit of his stomach. At least not at  _ that _ moment.

He resolutely sat staring at nothing and concentrated on organizing his thoughts in any other direction in which he didn't feel like a teenager in the middle of puberty — considering the hormone blockers and testosterone doses that were routinely inserted into his system, he had no doubts that the situation, indeed, was something very close to puberty.

He just sat in silence and stayed like that, trying to seduce his decency back into him.

~

During the moment of singing “happy birthday to you”, he managed to endure Andrew  _ accidentally _ brushing his arm against Neil's in a way that made pure electricity run through his veins.

During the moment of eating, he managed to endure Andrew sitting next to him this time, and casually whispering very close to Neil's ear about the food being served, in a way that made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end.

But during the moment when almost all the kids and couples were gone and Neil was in the kitchen organizing as much of the general mess as he could along the country house grounds, he  _ couldn't _ endure Andrew so close and so nonchalantly leaning against the kitchen counter, looking at Neil as if he hasn’t been doing _ things  _ to Neil’s sanity  _ all day long _ .

"Alright, you've been fucking me with your eyes for hours now, and there's only so much a person can take, Andrew," Neil crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Yeah, so?"

"So, if you're not going to do anything about it, don't tease me."

Andrew smirked and Neil immediately knew that he had fucked things up for himself.

"I'm sorry, am I teasing you?" The blond tilted his head ever so slightly.

“Fuck, yes. You’re hot, you know that much, right?” Neil frowned and stopped himself from pouting. “And you know I have all the hots for you, so don't act like you don't know that. You are smart, Minyard, I know you know what you’re doing.”

Andrew's eyes had an amused glow when he approached, sighing and leaning close to Neil now.

"You're right, I do know what I'm doing," he whispered in the small space between them, looked at Neil's mouth, and back at his blue eyes. "The real question is whether it is working."

And the auburn-haired man had to snort for that. “Of course it is. Now, will you fucking kiss me already?”

"Mmm," Andrew parted his lips and didn't move for so long that Neil had to swallow to disguise his own eagerness. "And the kids? Hayley, Aidan, and Mae are outside with Cordelia.”

With a lot of effort, he slowly walked away from Andrew, over to the door that led to the kitchen, and locked it.

"We have only a few minutes before someone comes looking for us,"  _ And Cordelia already knows about it, anyway, so she'll get the memo, _ Neil added mentally, but didn't say out loud.

"Yes or no?" Andrew asked, approaching him and making Neil keep his back flat on the wooden door.

"Yes," Neil licked his bottom lip.

Andrew held Neil's two wrists in one hand and lifted them over the auburn-haired man's head, effectively pinning him against the door. Their lips immediately took on a furious and hurtful rhythm, licking their way into each other's mouths. Andrew brought his free hand to Neil's waist and, using the leverage it gave him, made an especially slow movement with his mouth that made them both suck in a breath and Neil gasp.

The children's laughter and Cordelia's voice was carried to them by the wind coming in through the kitchen window, and it reminded Neil of the noises that Andrew always allowed him to make when they were alone, but that he couldn't do now.

He tried to fill every part of his mouth with more and more of Andrew and hoped that was enough to shut himself up. They crashed into each other and kissed each other messily. Neil licked, bit, sucked and whined when Andrew was the first to part.

They were both panting but the blond still managed to have enough grip on himself to say, "You said  _ only a few minutes." _

And Neil knew he could only be _ fucking kidding _ because he had that fucking amused gleam in his eyes when he released Neil's wrists, opened the door and left with just a look over his shoulder.

"You little shit," he whispered, once he was alone in the kitchen.

He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath to locate himself in the present. When he did so, he did the only thing he could and went back to organizing things while listening to Andrew's voice outside, talking to Hayley about her gift that was allegedly kept in his car, about how amazing her party had been, and things like that.

Five minutes later, Cordelia entered the kitchen.

"So you two didn’t miss the opportunity to be alone and went ahead to make out, huh?" She said, raising both eyebrows at Neil after she closed the door behind her and crossed her arms against her chest as she leaned on the wood.

"What? I don't know anything about it.”

"Oh, shut up, I know a person who was just making out when I see one," Cordelia rolled her eyes. “Do you want me to stay with the children for a while? I think I can get you two some time?”

And Neil really considered that for a few seconds. Because, well, Andrew had spent the afternoon teasing him endlessly just for, when they finally got to something, tease him a little more and walk out in the middle of the kiss like the great asshole that he is. 

Neil almost smiled fondly at his thoughts. Almost.

"No," he replied, then, shaking his head with a calculating gleam in his eyes. "I’ll make my own plans for him, very carefully.”

"Oh shit," Cordelia laughed. "Are you finally coming out of your teens and playing like adults, then?"

"I learned from the best, you know. That would be you."

She laughed again and patted him on the shoulder. "Go get your man, tigger."

Cordelia stayed after that to help him finish packing and they talked superficially about the best places to host a date — in Spanish, in case someone approached without them noticing — until everything was ok and they could finally go home.

Aidan said goodbye to Hayley and Mae with an enthusiastic hug and Neil said goodbye to Andrew with a series of whispered words in German that made Andrew swear after him when Neil was walking towards his car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it for now and see you again in the next chapter (updates happen every ten days). thank you very much for reading.
> 
> don't forget that authors love kudos and comments. please let me know what you think of everything so far?
> 
> (come tell me hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/) and you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/moon020310) if you want and help support me)


	17. Into me you see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _disclaimer so you don't get confused: Andrew changed Neil's contact name on his phone, so "Brobdingnagian Menace" = Neil Josten (and brobdingnagian means something gigantic)_
> 
> (cw for this chapter: really small spoiler of the books the infernal devices, discussion of Neil's past and his gender identity, discussion of trauma + small mentions of Nathan and the Moriyama family)

**_Brobdingnagian Menace:_ ** _ U free tomorrow night? _

**_You:_ ** _ It depends. Maybe yes maybe no. _

**_Brobdingnagian Menace:_ ** _ Are you trying to play hard to get or something? _

**_You:_ ** _ No, I'm just trying to decide whether that will interest me or not. _

**_Brobdingnagian Menace:_ ** _ Playing hard, then _

**_You:_ ** _ No, I'm not. _

**_Brobdingnagian Menace:_ ** _ Okay, whatever _

**_Brobdingnagian Menace:_ ** _ I just wanna know if you wanna hang out _

**_Brobdingnagian Menace:_ ** _ The steakhouse near my workplace is still on the list of pending places for us to go _

**_You:_ ** _ Will you ever give up going to this place? _

**_Brobdingnagian Menace:_ ** _ Yes, after we go there at least once _

**_You:_ ** _ Awful, Josten. _

**_Brobdingnagian Menace:_ ** _ So, yay or nay? _

**_You:_ ** _ You still haven't convinced me enough, you better keep trying. _

**_Brobdingnagian Menace:_ ** _ Food _

**_Brobdingnagian Menace:_ ** _ Me _

**_Brobdingnagian Menace:_ ** _ Me wearing a really nice outfit _

**_Brobdingnagian Menace:_ ** _ Chatting with me for hours without interruption _

**_You:_ ** _ Are you trying to convince me  _ **_not_ ** _ to go? _

**_Brobdingnagian Menace:_ ** _ Fuck off, idiot _

**_Brobdingnagian Menace:_ ** _ How about this, then _

**_Brobdingnagian Menace:_ ** _ You can dress up all fancy and elegant and go around sporting your Maserati. Sounds better? _

**_You:_ ** _ Much better. _

**_You:_ ** _ I’ll stop by to pick you up at seven-thirty pm, is this a good time? _

**_Brobdingnagian Menace:_ ** _ Perfect _

**_Brobdingnagian Menace:_ ** _ See you tomorrow then _

Andrew's metaphorical nightmare started somewhat like this. It had a face, name, surname, and Andrew's number saved on his phone. 

_ Could it get any worse? _

Yes, it could. And it did. Because Andrew was just as afraid as he was curious about anything regarding Neil, and that… That was definitely a dangerous sign. It even made all the alarms in his head scream and everything. And the worst of it was that he needed to start admitting to himself that Neil was starting to sound  _ new alarms _ in his mind, ones that he didn't even know existed. So, yeah, it got worse.

And, yes, of course, he was beyond that point by now — after bitching about Neil for at least three different people — but it was still a valid point. Andrew still had his free pass to be  ~~ dramatic ~~ analytic and reasonable if he wanted to.

At the very least, they were both taking things at a pace calm enough to make it work. Andrew's nature was still the same as always and he would probably try to push Neil away more often than he would try to bring him closer, but taking one step forward and two steps back was better than taking no steps at all, if that even made sense. Still, that was probably the best way he could rationalize what he was feeling and how he was handling it. One step forward and then two steps back. And Bee said that was a good thing, and that not everyone processes information or situations in the same way, making every form of personal growth valid, so Andrew had nothing to worry about. Really. Nothing.

Eventually, though, he would probably stop doing such a turmoil or despairing every time he so much as thought about this situation with Neil and just let things be, however it was how they should be.  _ Probably. _

However, at the moment he was satisfied with how things were currently going, and he thought he could go on like that for now, period. And that resumed his thoughts on the topic. Therefore, he would do no more overthinking for now, and that was it. 

Andrew nodded to himself in the mirror. _Yeah, that was it._ And with that conclusion, he left his room while adjusting his watch to be firmly fastened on his wrist, and then covered it with the sleeve of the overcoat he was wearing. 

Before venturing out into the living room — where he could hear Nicky and Aidan's noise together doing who knows what — Andrew did a quick mental check. He was fully dressed, his boots were on his feet, wallet in one pocket and phone in the other. He was wearing his glasses plus the other accessories he had chosen, and the Maserati key was in the key hanger near the main door of the apartment. Everything was ok.

Only then did he walked again, going straight to the living room.

“Hey, daddy! You look great,” Aidan smiled and ran with open arms to be lifted by his father, promptly abandoning Nicky and whatever the two of them were doing before.

“Thank you, boy. I'm glad you liked it,” Andrew murmured back as soon as he was holding his son tightly in his arms. "Are you okay with me going out for a few hours?"

“Of course! I hope you have fun," Aidan was smiling brightly at Andrew, with his arms around Andrew’s neck.

"Ah, we'll see about that," he frowned a little at the boy on his hip.

"I don't think you commented on where you're going?" Nicky raised an eyebrow from where he was sitting on the couch. Andrew purposely didn’t acknowledge Nicky’s dig for information and instead fished his phone out of his own pocket and scrolled through it for a few minutes while Aidan pointed something or other at him on the screen as if no one had even said anything. Nicky sighed when he realized he wasn’t going to get anything out of Andrew and shrugged. "Aaron said you guys talked on that Foxes' dinner when Seth was in town?"

It wasn't a better change of subject, but Andrew should have expected that.

"Yeah, so?" He asked, completely handing Aidan his phone and looking up at his cousin.

"Are you guys ok?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"I've been thinking about doing some  _ amazing _ family stuff with you guys, like a dinner, for example, so I need to know where we're all at before that," Nicky smiled, crossing his legs.

“A single conversation doesn't mean much, you know. I talk to many people, many times...”

"No, you don’t," Nicky whispered, still smiling.

"...and Aaron and I always exchange at least a few words when we’re in each other's presence," Andrew made a face obviously disapproving that his cousin was talking over him. "Not that I owe you any explanation, anyway."

“You're right, but I just want to know if it's safe to put you two under the same roof. Would that work?”

“Do I look like Aaron to you? I can't answer that for him, so you're asking the wrong person.”

“You both are  _ two _ people, Andrew. So I _am_ asking the right person. One of them, at least ,” Nicky raised his eyebrows.

Andrew took a deep breath and held Aidan more firmly, thanking that he was distracted enough with the phone to don’t pay much attention to the conversation — not that Andrew was going to be naive enough to believe he wasn't hearing anything; it would be almost a miracle if Aidan didn't ask at least one thing about it later.

“I honestly don't care and you know it. You can do whatever you want because you’re an independent, adult man, ”Andrew tried to be as clear as possible.

"Dinner at my place, then?"

“Do it if that's what you want, and send me a message with the details and an invitation if that's what you want too. I'll show up if that's what  _ I _ want,” he gestured expansively while holding Aidan with only one arm. "That's the point of the whole thing."

"Got it," Nicky nodded and smiled. "I'm glad you guys talked—"

Andrew didn't finish listening and walked out towards the kitchen, asking, "Did you drink enough water today, Aidan?"

The little boy responded by asking to be placed on the floor and then walking to the fridge to take his little bottle of water and show it to his father. It had some bees painted around and a background sky, where the bees were flying. Aidan then proceeded to start dancing the macarena.

"What are you doing?" Andrew asked, trying to appear as genuinely curious as possible.

"Did you know that bees communicate by dancing?" He smiled, still performing the choreography.

"Really?"

“Yes, isn't that cool? So now I’m communicating with you too.”

"And what are you trying to say?" Andrew tilted his head slightly.

Aidan patiently opened his water bottle, drank a few sips as he narrowed his eyes and stared at Andrew seriously, and as soon as he finished doing that and was sure he wasn’t going to spill water anywhere, Aidan went back to dancing. 

Who knows what goes on in children’s minds, so Andrew waited.

"I'm trying to tell you to be careful and have fun tonight, whatever you're going to do," the boy grinned, moving his hips.

“Mmm, I see. Ok, I get it."

"Great, so don't forget,” Aidan put his hands up to the air in a circular motion, jumping slightly off the ground to a beat only he knew.

"I wouldn't dare," Andrew nodded at him seriously.

Aidan stopped dancing, switched to a small mischievous smile, and pouted. "How about not forgetting to bring me a lollipop and an ice cream too?"

"Yeah, I don't know about that one, so I can't promise you anything," he paused, before adding conspiratorially, "Be careful not to let Nicky put the apartment down, yes? You are in charge here today.”

"Look, I heard that and, in my self-defense, you're completely right and Aidan should be in charge of taking care of the place because he's so much more responsible than I am," Nicky interjected, from where he was still in the living room.

Andrew nodded to his son as if to say 'See? I told you' and Aidan chuckled. The blond man looked at his watch and sighed heavily. He would have to leave in a few minutes, so he used the rest of the time he still had to make sure there was food ready so the other two could make a meal without Nicky having to go near a stove or any kitchen utensil he could use to potentially endanger them or the apartment. He also let Aidan playfully take pictures of him or of the two of them together before the boy finally returned Andrew's phone to him so he could leave.

They said goodbye at the door while Nicky held Aidan in his arms and Andrew gave a quick warning in German,  _ "You know you better take good care of him, so I don't think I need to warn you again, do I?" _

_ “Jesus Christ, Andrew. I'm the fun guncle, remember? He's in good hands,” _ Nicky waved his hand to send his cousin out the door.  _ “Have fun or whatever you’re going to do, I’m not sure what emos do with their free time, and be careful. Don't die, don't use drugs and use protection.” _

_ "I'm going to stab you out of this apartment right now and cancel everything if you don’t shut up, and that's not a warning, it's a promise." _

_ "Again, Jesus Christ." _

“Bye, dad! Have a good night!" Aidan waved excitedly.

"Bye, Aidan," Andrew replied with a nod as he walked away slowly.

"Bye!" The boy nodded more fiercely.

"See you later."

"Bye bye!" He now shouted to the empty hall.

“I think he already understood, Aidan. Now should we go in and let your dad follow his way?” Nicky suggested, sweetly.

“Sure. Nicky, can you teach me another choreography for me to communicate like bees?”

That was the last thing Andrew heard, distantly, before the door closed and he decided to move on to the elevator. After he made all the way to the parking lot and then to the car, he decided that if he didn't put so much importance on it, then he would probably be able to hold on until the end of the night without too much trouble. It shouldn't be that hard and Andrew had a lot of experience in masking emotions, so it was even easier.

And, plus, maybe it was even better that the two of them — Andrew and Neil, that is — were investing more in meeting and getting to know each other better because that way it made it more efficient and quick to accept or discard any chance that something could possibly exist between them.

For now, Andrew didn't want to think about it too much, though, so he figured that if he focused on the more superficial details instead, it should be easier and more bearable to go through this night.

The car in front of his was a gray Toyota RAV4 Hybrid, to his left a red Honda Fit, and to his right a gray Chevy Malibu. He would need to turn left at the next intersection, but at the moment the traffic light was red and some pedestrians were crossing the crosswalk.

The rings on his fingers were pressed against the steering wheel and sinking into his skin, but not enough to hurt. Andrew pulled his hair back once when the traffic light went green and he moved forward with the Maserati.

All in all, he did a great job of shifting his attention all the way to Neil's house and did an even better job of not losing his shit when he parked in front of the residence, for no particular reason besides the fact he would have to be alone with Neil for the next few hours. That was reason enough to drive anyone insane, but he somehow remained strong. Focusing on the superficial.

Andrew got out of the car and walked to the house door with practiced naturality and indifference, and he was pleased with himself for that. He heard the distinct sound of bare feet running around the house before the door was opened to reveal the figure of a woman on the other side.  _ Cordelia, _ Andrew remembered.

"Oh, hello," she smiled and greeted while he just remained silent. Unfortunately, she was pretty tall, so Andrew needed to tilt his head back a little bit to look directly at her face. “Do you mind coming in a little? Neil is just finishing something before he leaves, so you can wait inside. It really won’t take long.”

He mumbled, "Whatever," and entered when she opened the door a bit more.

Andrew immediately started walking into the house until he heard the sound of a voice and smelled food, and then he started walking in that direction. At the kitchen door, he could hear enough to make out the words being said.

"Lilo, listen to me— listen," Neil was talking, deadly serious, on the phone. “I  _ cannot _ pass on this type of document to you—listen to me, I‘m still speaking, do  _ not _ interrupt me—you are not taking into account the new Brazilian custom policies of importation that vetoes the entry of this product in the country without very specific documents for it, which were  _ not _ sent to me,” he went silent, probably listening to something on the other end of the line, which wasn’t within Andrew's hearing range. The blond took advantage of that moment when Neil still hadn't noticed him there to do a quick check. Neil was well-dressed and standing in front of a counter with his back to Andrew, and with the phone stuck between his ear and shoulder while he used his hands to smash something in a bowl with a fork. That should be the image of proficiency or something like that, because he was able to balance the two tasks at the same time without losing focus on one or the other. “Lilo,  _ I literally can't, _ do you understand that? I  _ can't _ and won’t give you my signature on this until you give me the right documents, period. I will not risk a fallout on the company because you couldn’t do your job and follow the policymaking with one of our—” his voice was as rigid as his posture, severe enough to be intimidating. “Why are you talking about China's trade war now? The  _ only thing _ you need to do is to get me documents that  _ are _ in accordance with the current Brazilian export and import policies sanctioned by the World Trade Organization. That's it. Get it and you’ll have my signature. Great. That’s correct. Great. Have a good night,” Neil pressed a button on his phone and immediately tossed the device across the counter — not hard, just far.  _ “Vete al carajo, puto cabrón” _

Andrew knew he was staring, but he still stood there watching with some level of appreciation as Neil's arms continued to work on whatever he was doing, and the blond didn't even have the strength to argue when Cordelia stopped beside him and whispered, “How's it going that competence kink of yours?”

The woman had a smug expression on her face before she turned to Neil and said something in Spanish that caught his eye, and when he turned his face he was still very serious but gradually softened when he saw Andrew. Neil was wearing black fitting trousers, black dress shirt with the top buttons open exposing his chest and his hair wet and spread in curls on top of his head.

_ Superficial details focus on superficial details. _

They both exchanged glances and Neil said, “Delia, shouldn't you be taking care of Hayley? I'm sure I agreed to cook as long as you don't lose sight of her.”

"She's fine, she's watching cartoons on her bedroom TV," Cordelia shrugged. “You, on the other hand, should put _that_ aside and get ready to leave, since your carriage is already here. I can finish making the food, Josten. For the love of the goddess, I’m not incompetent.”

“I didn't say you were incompetent, chill. I'm just warning you not to underestimate how much a little pest Hayley can be.”

The woman sighed and rolled her eyes. Andrew merely leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms, paying attention without intruding.

“Right, sure. I'll check on your daughter just to prove to you that she and I have a relationship of mutual understanding and she wouldn't even dream of being chaotic on my watch. But when I get back, Neil Abram Josten, you better be done with this and out of the house once and for all, got it?” She raised an eyebrow. Neil looked at her flatly and clearly annoyed but nodded. “Alright then, have a great night, guys.  _ Hayley, say goodbye to your dad because he'll be leaving soon.” _

_ "Bye, Eil," _ Hayley shouted further into the house.

_ “Bye, sweetheart. See you later, yes?” _ He replied shouting just as much.

_ "Sure." _

Cordelia left with one last steady look at them both until she disappeared down the hall. Only then did Andrew walk away from the wall and over to Neil, eyeing what he was doing while standing next to him.

"What is it?" The blond asked.

"Guacamole. I'm trying to get Hayley to eat something other than unhealthy crap,” he sighed. “She won’t eat an avocado, tomato or onion individually, but she eats all those things if they’re mixed in the guacamole. Or bell pepper, if I decide to add that too.”

Andrew hummed. "Didn't you used to get the spices wrong when making Mexican food?"

“Yeah, but so many mistakes can only make you get it right at some point. Can you pass me that pepper over there?”

"Hayley eats spicy things?" He asked, already passing the seasoning in question to the auburn-haired man.

“This is more like a  _ tasty _ pepper, it isn’t really  _ hot. _ And I don't put in much, either.”

"Looks good. Have you already added salt?”

Neil snapped his fingers and pressed his mouth in a straight line. "Oh, right, I knew I was forgetting something."

He reached for the salt bottle and Andrew was appeased by just standing by his side to watch him — more closely this time. Neil was quick to finish it and covered everything with wrapping paper before storing it in the fridge and washing his hands. The sleeves of his shirt were not exactly long and only reached up to his elbows, in addition to being loose enough to give the right prominence to his arms.

“Okay, I'm really sorry for making you wait. Shall we go now?” Neil offered, waking Andrew out of his trance of watching how fucking well the other man looked in that shirt.

Andrew's only response was to turn and walk away. Fortunately, Neil followed after him without having to be told to. He was careful to close the door after leaving and kept the same quiet while they went into the Maserati. Even inside the vehicle he was still maintaining the same silent posture and politeness — except when he had to explain the address of the steakhouse.

Two blocks after Neil's house, Andrew was ready to throw stones. Silence meant that he had room to think, and that was something he really didn't want to do now. Not with Neil sitting next to him, looking out the car window while wearing those fucking clothes too beautiful for his own good, with those auburn curls bulging on top of his head, messed up in just the right way to get in harmony with everything, and leaving Andrew with the perfect view of an impeccable man—  _ fuck. _

_ That _ was precisely the problem.

Impulsively, Andrew turned on the car radio at the first red light at which he stopped. The sound that echoed inside the vehicle was just another generic music station but it was definitely better than silence.

He focused solely and completely on the road ahead of him. He pretended not to see Neil staring at him at one time or another as the city's blinding lights flashed past them. He pretended not to notice Neil tapping his fingers rhythmically when the car radio started playing some R&B music. He pretended not to want to reach out and find out how Neil's thigh would feel under his hand, and the seemingly soft fabric of the pants Neil was wearing.

They were generally silent all the way to the restaurant, and the first word said by any of them was when they were already inside the establishment and Neil told the receptionist that they had reservations.

The establishment itself was all worked in wood and marble, elegant and rustic in the same measure, and their table was on the second floor, under low lights and definitely quieter than the first floor. The smell of meat and spices was prevalent all around and it made Andrew's appetite awake immediately.

When they sat down at the table though, it was as if the previous silence had never existed and there was enough to talk about for days. Neil even turned off his phone claiming that his attention that night would be solely directed to Andrew — which,  _ ugh. _

“This may be an excuse, however. I just don't want to or have the patience to deal with things at work when I'm clearly out of hours,” he explained.

"Are you talking about the Brazil thing?"

"It's definitely bigger than just that, but of course, you can sum it up like that."

Andrew hummed. “Aaron's wife is Brazilian. That's all I have to add to that subject.”

Neil put a thoughtful expression on his face. "She's that black woman with ginger hair, right?"

"Yes."

He smirked. “Oh, I see. Is it related to your twin bond that you both feel attracted to gingers?”

"I  _ will _ throttle you right in the middle of this restaurant."

Neil smiled innocently and folded his hands on the table when a waiter approached them. They calmly placed the order and entered into an agreement not to consume alcoholic beverages that night, so they asked for water instead. When the waiter left again, he left behind a basket with some small pieces of toast and some sauce that Andrew couldn't help but secretly find delicious.

The blond had taken off his overcoat at the restaurant entrance, and now he was wearing only his slim fit v-neck shirt with standard collar and short sleeves, and his skinny jeans. His tattoos were completely exposed and not failing in their mission to capture Neil's attention with any simple movement Andrew did. He couldn't say he wasn't enjoying it at least a little bit.  _ (It was revenge for that outfit Neil was wearing. Fucking god.) _

“Come on, what do you do in your free time? I want to know who Andrew Minyard really is,” the auburn-haired man asked, taking a sip of his water with mirth and curiosity on his eyes.

"Don't treat me like I'm a son you abandoned when you ran away from home and now you want to get closer because you're dying of cancer."

“My god, that’s… that’s way too specific.”

Andrew shrugged. "The point is that if you want to know something, just ask it in a simple way."

“Got it. What do you usually do in your free time?” Neil raised an eyebrow. "That's better?"

He ignored the last part as he replied, "I have a son, I don't have any free time."

"Cut the drama, of course you do."

“When I'm not working, I'm with Aidan, and when I'm not working or with Aidan, I'm thinking about something related to either of these two things. And I'm not complaining about it, of course. Aidan is obviously great and I'm happy to be able to balance things in my life.”

Neil snorted. "Now it looks like you're the one talking to me like I'm a social worker checking your current situation to determine whether we should continue with your adoption process or not."

"Oh, no, I don't have the best memories with those people."

"Same here," they toasted with mockery. "Okay so let me ask about things more objectively, may I?"

"Go ahead, that's what we're here for after all."

“Yes, you’re right. What was the last book you read that isn’t related to work or studies?”

"The Infernal Devices trilogy."

“Huh, this is actually quite surprising to me... I didn’t think you would be interested in books of this genre,” Neil’s eyebrow rose.

"Fantasy? What did you imagine me enjoying, then? Romance?" Andrew frowned.

"Psychological terror, suspense, horror... These things," Neil shrugged.

"I thought you would judge me better than that, Josten.”

“Nah, I'm not trying too hard to judge you. Waiting for you to deliver the truths you want is much more fun than trying to guess them.”

"If you say so," Andrew snorted, quirking one brow. "What was the last thing  _ you’ve _ read?"

“The fairy tales book I bought for Hayley and she didn't like it. It was quite good if I have to be honest. She completely underestimated the story of the fairy Pearl and the ten sunflowers, it’s a true work of literary art,” he said while nodding conspiratorially. “Okay, let's go with flash questions then. Do you like or know any martial arts?”

“I used to go sparring with Renee, but she's too busy with Conan now. And I started learning a little muay thai, but I could only bear it for about four months. How many countries have you visited?”

“It depends on your definition of  _ visiting. _ I never really went to any other country for _fun,_ only because I was running away or working for Master Ichirou or my uncle Stuart. But, in any case, eight countries. What is your favorite character from those last books you said you read?”

Andrew frowned because that was a kinda useless question for Neil to ask, but he definitely didn't argue. “Tessa Gray, Charlotte Branwell and Henry Branwell. They’re great, all three. What—"

"Wait, what about Jem Carstairs?" Neil raised his eyebrows suddenly, just before frowning genuinely curious.

"What. Do you know these books?"

“Yeah, yeah, I was a part of a book club once and I happened to read the whole thing about those shadowhunters people and all that shit. Now, isn't Jem your favorite?”

Andrew shook his head. "Why would he be?"

“Uh, excuse me? He's  _ perfect, _ let's start there. You can't tell me that Jem Carstairs has ever made a mistake in his life, because he didn't. He does everything perfectly and is a very dignified man who deserves the whole world to be delivered to him on a tray. Plus, he’s very powerful, both physically and mentally speaking. And he has an immortal cat.”

"The cat belongs to the Institute."

“But who was it that won the cat's trust and took him to the institute? Exactly, Jem Carstairs,” Neil waved his hand dismissively and gave Andrew a flat look. "I will not accept different opinions on this one, so don't even try to argue."

And Andrew could tell that his words were nothing more than a good-natured joke, so he just rolled his eyes without heat in the gesture.

“Fine. Whatever,” he shrugged. "What kind of music do you listen to more often?"

"Hayley masters any music device in the house more often than not, so whatever she is listening to."

"Good music, then."

Neil snorted. “I guess. What's the best joke you've heard?”

"You," Andrew replied without even thinking or blinking. "I like your shirt."

The other man took a few seconds to process it completely and just looked back at Andrew while biting the inside of his mouth.

"Ah, thank you," he looked away from the table and smiled small. “I like that you have your tattoos on display and your glasses on. This is a top ten package to get my complete attention and admiration.”

"You have some pretty strange compliments, don't you?"

Neil laughed. "Fuck off."

"Yeah, sure," Andrew nodded and lifted his glass of water in a mock toast before taking a sip.

They kept the flash questions for a long time, asking important things or silly things as they could think of them. Neil used to move his hands a lot when he was trying to look very expressive — which was almost every time he was babbling about anything — and before the end of the night, Andrew already had the shape of his slender fingers and how they moved smoothly etched in his mind.

Another thing he noticed and memorized about Neil without wanting to was that he used to humm low and nod to himself every time he ate some food for the first time. Andrew hated to realize this because a) it meant admitting that he was paying a lot of attention and b) that gesture was really charming and captivating, but he didn't want to admit that either.

Also, Andrew needed to give some credits to the restaurant, because the food was really good, and he even found himself thinking about how he could prepare the prime rib with whiskey sauce that he had ordered there. Neil even made Andrew try some of his half portion of chopped sirloin accompanied by half portion of rigatoni sausage and peppers, and laughed when the blond complained about the amount of pepper in the food but admitted it was pretty good.

When they were about to order the desserts, Neil remembered Andrew that he didn't like sweets that much and would just skip his dessert, to which Andrew promptly replied, “What's the use of a date if it's not to give me extra dessert? Order yours already and don't worry about eating it.”

And obviously, he did as he said and ate two slices of pie instead of just one.

Their legs brushed against each other under the table every once in a while, or their fingers when they were reaching for their respective glasses of water, and Andrew reportedly hated the electricity it created in his body but unfortunately he couldn’t do anything about it, much to his chagrin. Meanwhile, Neil was smiling more than he was entitled to and trying to kill Andrew much more than would be acceptable. Like, when someone puts their tongue flat against the glass to chase some stray drops — and unfortunately manages to do it sensually but without seeming to be purposeful — or splay their own finger against their throat elegantly while staring at you, one can only think that they’re trying to execute a murder. Or to drown or suffocate or explode Andrew with his own gayness.

The only thing that managed to get him out of this trance, facing Neil endlessly, was when they came up with a subject that wasn't exactly Andrew's favorite.

"So, how are things with Aaron, by the way?" Neil asked, chewing on a piece of pecan pie that he was obliged to at least try.

Andrew grumbled and swallowed the small bite he had in his mouth before answering.

"Why is everyone suddenly so interested in what we both do?"

"Are you trying to change the subject?" Neil squinted at him.

"Kinda, yes."

"I see," he nodded and bit the inside of his mouth. “Well, when I met Seth, we were going to one of those support groups for LGBTQIA+ people, you know? This was the same place where I met Cordelia just a few years earlier,” he started playing with his fingers and faced this movement of his hands as he spoke. “In the beginning, I thought it was quite ridiculous to even consider going to such a thing, because I was almost eighteen and attending this type of space that should be for insecure teenagers who are trapped in the whirlwind of things, and influences, that adolescence can be. So I felt out of place in a place that was supposed to do the complete opposite for me. That could also be a reflection of my trauma, a little whisper from my father, who was already dead by then, saying in my ear that everything that mattered to me was bullshit and just proved how weak I was by seeking support from strangers,” Neil laughed humorlessly. “The thing is, when you have  _ nobody  _ or _ local mafia criminals, _ strangers seem like a damn good option to lean on. And I know I already mentioned how shitty things were for me when I finally started to understand myself, when I finally had enough space and time to  _ live _ once and for all, but I don't know if I could ever explain enough, to be honest."

“Do you mean about your gender identity? Discovering yourself as a trans man and all that it encompasses?”

"Yes, but not only that," Neil shrugged. “Things like not really desiring to have sex because no one seems interesting enough for that until—,” he lifted his head and cleared his throat when he looked directly at Andrew, “until someone interesting enough shows up and suddenly things change a little bit was also something that busied my mind at that time. Or, properly speaking, discovering I’m demisexual. But that isn’t the point here. The point of it all is that thank god I kept going to those meetings instead of letting my past get the best of me. I met Cordelia first, and she was an angel as much as she could be. She helped me buy my first binder, helped me get through the dysphoric crises in the least damaging way possible, convinced me that if I wanted to start hormone treatment I would have to visit some doctors eventually, and et cetera, et cetera... That was good, although it wasn’t as easy as it probably looks, I guess. But I needed that. I needed someone who understood what I was feeling and experiencing."

Andrew was absolutely silent, just listening carefully and continuing to eat his last slice of pie. As long as Neil seemed willing to speak, he would listen as carefully as he could.

“Anyway, after a while Cordelia and I got to know Seth too. He was unbearable when he started going to the meetings, and he used to say that he was only there because Allison said he should, which is funny because I met him randomly instead of through Allison even though we had been dating for a while, but this is a story for another time,” Neil spoke again, moving his gaze and hands at the same time, lost in his own memories and words. “He was already in the process of getting clean when we first met, so I think it eased a lot of the shitty personality he should have had when you two first met, but I still thought I couldn't keep him around. I mean, the guy was just a jerk. Obviously Cordelia, always the saint, decided to welcome him anyway because the three of us were the only people who were around the same age in that place, so she thought we should just show support for him. Surprisingly, despite being annoying as hell, Seth was kinda respectful to other people. Of course, he was still very ignorant about many things, including he himself being asexual and aromantic, which he still didn't know by then, and that was why he sometimes made more mistakes than successes, but he improved on that. Therapy, friends, getting away from drugs, a mixture of all that... Whatever it was, it worked for him. And that’s the point I wanted to get to. People mature and more often than not grow out of the cage that their traumas create for them,” Neil took a deep breath and took a sip of water, pausing almost dramatically before continuing. “Eventually he and I ended up getting along, of course. I even admire Seth sometimes, how far he has come and how important it was that he knew how to ask for and accept help.”

He stopped talking then and rested his hands on the table in a relaxed and contented posture, just before raising them and propping his chin on the back of his hands.

"Are you trying to teach me a moral lesson from Gordon's biography?" Andrew asked, clearing his throat.

"No, I'm not. I'm telling you about my life and opening up to you,” he shrugged. “But for a long time my life wasn’t exactly _centered on me._ I always tended to support myself, mirroring or clinging to other people and putting them at the center of everything that happened to me. I would base my life on others, so most of the stories I can remember don't have me as the main character. Not exactly,” he snorted, looking at Andrew's arms. "But they’re important to me nonetheless."

"Mmhm, I see."

They were both silent and Neil's gaze was lost long enough for Andrew to start wondering if he was daydreaming. His blue eyes looked almost glassy but at the same time soft, and just for that reason the blond wasn’t alarmed that the other man might be panicking. He just sat back and gave Neil the space he could need, all while also keeping an eye out for him to be able to ask for their table bill in case any waiter approached.

Without much confusion, they split the amount in half and paid in silence for dinner. Andrew couldn't say he was disappointed as they walked out of the restaurant. Not because of the night, at least. It was likable and even surprising when he recognized how much time had passed without him even noticing. Andrew didn't usually get carried away to the point of losing track of time like that, so that was quite a thing.

"Hey, Drew, if it's okay, can I take you somewhere?" Neil's velvety voice sounded unsure beside him, looking at Andrew with his head tilted to the side.

"Am I going to regret this?"

"I don’t know? Hope not."

Andrew studied Neil's face and sighed. "I probably will, but let’s go."

The place in question that Neil wanted to show was close enough that they didn't need the car to go. They walked side by side and accidentally bumped each other a few times, but didn’t touch each other besides that. It was calm and complacent that way. Andrew had his hands in his jacket pockets so they wouldn't reach Neil, and the latter was just walking over the edge of the curb and acting like he was making a big effort to balance himself there.

Their destination was a large building with brick wallpaper and an appearance that should’ve looked cozy, but it was just somewhat unsettling for Andrew. The sign said it was a rest home and that was even more unsettling and confusing because he had no idea why they were there. That's why he looked at Neil with a curious look on his face.

“Back at that time, Cordelia and I used to volunteer at this place. It was cool, but we decreased the frequency of our visits when Hayley showed up in our lives until eventually we just stopped for lack of time. We still came back a few times through months or years, but not much,” Neil shrugged — something he was doing a lot that night — and put his own hands in his pockets. "This wasn't the goal for this date when I first came up with the idea and invited you, but I think it just happened and I don't exactly regret it."

_ "What _ wasn’t the goal?" Andrew asked, approaching him.

"Show you my fragilities," he smiled. “If things had gone according to my plan, you would be dying right now to press me against a wall and kiss or undress me. Instead, we’re in front of a rest home. I'm a guy full of romance and seduction, don't you think?” Neil giggled and covered his mouth with one hand, looking around as if someone could hear him. He whispered, "It’s a bit late so we obviously can't get in, but there's still a place we can go."

Neil nodded to Andrew to follow him and started walking around the large residence to its back. There was a square that was completely open and surrounded by different trees and plants, as well as benches, tables, and stone statues. In the middle of everything, there was a small bush maze with high walls, and that was exactly where Neil walked to.

They made the short walk to the center together, guided by Neil who apparently already knew every right turn he needed to make in the maze to proceed smoothly. There was nothing there but a bench, a flowered arch, and high walls when they reached the center.

Neil stood under the arch, twisting his own fingers nervously, and Andrew was watching him intently through narrowed eyes and silver moonbeams. He wanted to reach out and touch, possess, and not let go because right now Neil looked like a pipe dream.

"Why a rest home?" Andrew asked instead, his voice sounded thick and low as it cut the air around them.

“Delia wanted to show me that survivors can also _live_ instead of continuing to survive forever. I met retired parents, old ladies who took care of all the cats that appeared in front of the rest home and I also met former war soldiers, people who lost their lovers, people whose very existence was a heinous crime back in their time... But everyone seemed equally happy independent of how their pasts had been like. It was nice, and really helped me after all,” Neil smiled. “At the end of every day, Delia would bring me here and teach me how to dance because the ladies at the rest home would always ask to dance with me but I never knew how.”

He smiled sheepishly and looked at Andrew with his blue eyes, and apparently the blond was stupid enough to be moved by just that to do something stupid.

Andrew took a step forward, looked around non-committedly, and muttered, "I can waltz."

Neil's eyes lit up even more when he said, amusedly, "Do you?"

"Don't act like this is funny, it's no big deal."

"It’s actually something very sweet for you to know how to do."

“Mmhm. But I'm amazing at it so it's actually fucking badass,” Andrew looked at Neil from over his glasses.

"Who's your usual dance partner?"

"Aidan, of course."

"Of course," Neil laughed. "Is it possible that I can try as well?"

"Sure, if only so that I can humiliate you with my skill and talent."

The auburn-haired man pulled his phone out of his pocket and tapped it a few times to put on some music and then leave the device on the stone stool while  [ the sound began to play through the speaker. ](https://youtu.be/6Dc8Eu5Rq2Q)

They settled at a reasonable distance as the music started, Andrew with one hand on Neil's back and Neil with one hand on Andrew's shoulder, and their free hands joined at their sides, with their arms outstretched.

"Let me guide alone if you're going to be stepping on my foot," Andrew warned.

“I’m not. I practiced with lots of old people, for your information.”

Andrew stepped forward, to the right and closed his left foot to his right, and Neil stepped back, to the left and closed his right foot to his left. They fell at a steady pace, spinning around the space they had and looking deep into each other's eyes, moving as if they floated and never invading each other's space but still staying too close. It was all calm and matched the slow music.

Andrew stepped back with his right foot, to the left with his left foot and closed his right foot to his left. Neil stepped forward with his left foot, to the right with his right foot and closed his left foot to right. It was synchronized as if they had been doing that for their whole lives instead of only a few minutes. Their touch was light as a feather and tickled even over their layers of clothing. They never pushed or pulled or supported each other, but rather kept things flowing naturally. As if they had been doing that for more than a lifetime.

They tried to make a turn and it worked. Neil's auburn curls messed up on the top of his head from the movement, but he didn't seem to mind it as he was carefully spinned around by Andrew.

That moment seemed delicate and full of fragments of a past Neil that Andrew still didn't fully know, smiling back at him youthful and broken but healing. They did a spin together and it narrowed the distance between them, still with locked eyes. He tightened his grip on Neil's hand and kept him close.

The rest of the dance was at an easy and repetitive pace that ended with the two of them taking a deep breath and their noses touching. It was a fucking hard job for Andrew to keep his shit together right there and then. He hated Neil for that.

"I hate you," he said. "150%."

Neil chuckled. "Am I that bad?"

"You still need a lot of practice."

They were whispering because neither of them made an effort to get away, and they were close enough.

“I think I'm going to have to look for a dance partner, then. Is Aidan available?” Neil tilted his head to the side and scanned Andrew's face.

"Something tells me he’s going to love it because now he’s out there dancing and saying that he’s communicating like a bee," he nodded. "Let me know if you ever need someone clearly less experienced than him though."

"I sure will."

They went silent then. Still close. Still touching.

Andrew had thoughts running through his head and he wasn't exactly a big fan of them, but he knew he should have expected that to happen, if only because he had been pretty dumb lately, all thanks to Neil. He didn't know if Neil could say what he was thinking about, but his eyes were very intense in Andrew's direction.

"Is something bothering you?" Neil asked.

"Something is always bothering me."

"Oh, right," he snorted, blue eyes amused.

"Right now I'm just thinking about... Nicky wants to have dinner or something with me and Aaron."

"That’s cool."

"Not quite but whatever," Andrew shrugged. "Do you want to come?"

Neil opened his eyes wide and raised his eyebrows. “Wait what. Shouldn't that be a family thing? ”

“Don't make things difficult, Josten. Just yes or no.”

"Yes, of course, but won't it be weird if I go?"

"It's going to be weird anyway, don't give yourself that much credit," Andrew rolled his eyes.

"Rude," Neil put his hand on his own chest, pretending to be offended. “Okay, I’ll be there. You have my number so just text me the details.”

The blond nodded and slid his hand on Neil’s back away from him as they finally put some space between them.

“Should we go now? I had a great night, if you ask me,” the auburn-haired man grinned, bumping Andrew on the shoulder before walking away to fetch his phone that was on the bench.

"I _didn’t_ ask you."

"Boring."

Andrew could almost hear his eyes roll as they started walking to get out of there and go home. He couldn't quite shake the feeling that he was digging his own grave there, but that should be ok when it was built block by block by someone with a face, name, surname, and Andrew's number saved on his phone. 

Could it get any worse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it for now and see you again in the next chapter (updates happen every ten days). thank you very much for reading.
> 
> don't forget that authors love kudos and comments. please let me know what you think of everything so far?
> 
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